Subject: [PW!] [REPOST] A Wrench in the Gears
Date: Tuesday, February 29, 2000 1:43 PM
Yes, it's true! I'm still here! Deja all but ate this post the first
time I put it up...so this time I'm putting it up on a slightly more
reliable NG-access service.
--A WRENCH IN THE GEARS--
"Gworrrph? Grr, grarrr...grrrwaaaaar! <>" Inferno the
Charizard daintily picked up one of the nearby baby Scyther and dangled
it just above his open mouth.
For a while Inferno simply held the Scyther there. Then all of a
sudden he grimaced and put the hatchling back down.
"Dit to? <>" Proteus the Ditto queried.
"Grrroar? <>" Inferno asked. "Rrroarrr!
Grrr, arrr! <> Inferno clutched his chest at the thought that human DNA
had nearly ended up in his digestive system. His white face turned a
pale shade of green. "Grorrr...rrrarrrgh! <>"
"Dit, to to dit? <>" Proteus
"Grrrargh, grrroooarrr, <>" Inferno
sadly replied, motioning to a hallway lined with large glass tubes.
"Grrrooo. Gworrr... <>" The Charizard started to pace back and forth.
"Grrr, grarrr...grarrr, gworrrph...grrrooo, grrroooarrr! <>"
Suddenly a familiar clanking sound was heard coming closer and
closer to the two Pokémon. A large shadowy figure, followed by the
floating Starmie known as Regulus, entered Vorge's former subterranean
stronghold. "I have returned from K-Mart...I trussst that the two of
you did not foul anything up."
Inferno's face brightened. "Grrraaar! <>" Inferno
announced happily. He rushed up and hugged the cyber-
velociraptor. "Grrraaarrrgh! <>"
"Dit to dit dit? <>"
Proteus said slyly. Inferno quickly tailwhipped the black Ditto.
"Come, a new dessstiny awaitsss usss," Panopticon commanded.
"I...am an actor." He emphasized the last syllable slightly.
Inferno sweatdropped. "Grrror, grrrooolll... <>"
Panopticon held three Ultra Balls he had boosted from K-Mart, and
he used them to easily catch Inferno, Proteus, and Regulus. Then he
grabbed the two full Pokéballs and attached them to the electromagnet
on his back. After that, he scooped up the three baby Scyther. The
hatchlings looked decidedly famished.
Panopticon contemplated what to feed the aqua-colored creatures.
Finally he thought of something. The cyber-saur released Proteus
again, and allowed the hatchlings to nibble on the gelatinous Ditto.
Proteus just shrugged his pseudopods as he sat within Panopticon's
claws. Then Panopticon, carrying Proteus, three baby Scyther, three
Ultra Balls, a chaingun, a grenade launcher, and a giant barrel full of
ammunition, headed back for Vermilion City.
Meanwhile, on the northern outskirts of Cerulean City, Espio the
flame-jet-propelled Charizard made a flawless landing in the middle of
the dirt road leading to Bill's lighthouse laboratory. Kyle and
Jessica dismounted from the ivory dragon. Cathode the Pikachu was
clinging to Kyle's head like a fur cap. "Now, why is it that you sent
out Rampage - that overgrown pile of gravel - in round five instead of
me?" Espio immediately asked Kyle.
"Like you could have taken out an Onix and a Kingler," Kyle snorted.
"Do you have any idea how crappy the Special ratings of Onix and
Kingler are?" Espio protested. "Given my experience level, there's a
good chance I could've slagged them with one Fire Blast each!"
Kyle countered, "I think the real question is, 'do I have any idea
what the hell a Special rating is?'"
The team headed up the path to the lighthouse, and Kyle knocked on
the lighthouse's imposingly-sized door. About thirty seconds later,
Bill could be heard inside the lighthouse, shouting, "Who is it?"
"It's me! Jessica!" came the response from the light blue
Scyther. "Open up!"
Moments later, the door swung open, and Bill stood in the
doorway. "I don't see..." he started, before realizing the identity of
the mantis Pokémon he saw before him. "Oh, my Goddish...!"
"Bill...I can't change back," Jessica said, giving Bill the short
form of the story.
"Well, let's see what we can do," Bill nervously responded. He led
the team into his laboratory.
Inside the laboratory, the first thing Jessica noticed was that
there were two Telepods. "After that green-haired Rocket blew up my
first set of Telepods, I spent pretty much every waking hour rebuilding
them from memory," Bill explained. "But so many things keep going
wrong! I can't explain it!"
"Rebuilding them 'from memory?' Don't you have the blueprints?"
"Somewhere on my computer," came the reply. "But I made the
blueprints so top-secret that even *I* can't find them!" Bill
"Do these new Telepods work even in the least?" Jessica hoped. By
this time she had uneasily pulled her clothes out of Kyle's backpack
and were trying to put them on. She felt awful walking around naked,
but she felt even worse doing so among friends.
"As far as I can tell, if we put you in there, you might come out
in human form...or you might come out as a great green glob of greasy
grime and Scyther guts," Bill answered. "Every time I'm about to test
the pods out, something else goes wrong. It's like I'm the victim of
sabotage..." Suddenly sparks shot from one of the Telepods. "See?"
_Okay, Telepods are down,_ Kyle mentally noted. _Plan A is down
the tubes. On to Plan B..._ Shortly after Kyle said this, Cathode
jumped off of Kyle's head and then scurried with some trepidation
behind the left Telepod. The tiny Pikachu smelled something. Kyle
took no notice.
"Listen, Bill, the reason Jess got stuck like this is that she used
whatever that thing was you gave her...some kind
of 'synthesizer'...and it got blown up in battle," Kyle pointed out.
"Do you have another one of those synthesizer thingies?"
"It wouldn't be that simple, I'm afraid," Bill responded. "I'd
need to isolate her human DNA and synthesize a batch of it before I
could build an adrenal synthesizer that could change her back. Tell
me, Jessica, how far did you turn up the synthesizer before it got
"To ninety-something percent," Jessica remembered. "Ninety-four?
Ninety-five? Something like that."
"That leaves you with, at most, ten percent of your human DNA,"
Bill noted, running his fingers through his hair. "And with my current
technology, ten percent is just not enough for me to work with."
_There goes Plan B,_ Kyle mentally sighed. _I hoped it wouldn't
come to this..._
Bill paced back and forth a bit, then sighed, "I'm afraid that all
I can do for you until I get the Telepods working is make you into a
different Pokémon. You know, maybe one that's a little
more...dexterous? It's going to be hell trying to toss out a Pokéball
with Scyther blades."
Jessica pondered this deeply. Her first choice - Charizard - came
to her quickly. She had had a long-running fascination with dragons,
and she was intrigued by the concept of flight at an altitude much
higher than Scyther could reach. She also felt Espio could use someone
of his own species to cheer him up...and, as she suddenly realized,
therein lied the problem. She wanted to help out Espio's emotional
status, but she did not want to risk any more unwanted pregnancies. Her
second choice - Nidoqueen - was defeated for the same reason.
Jessica turned away. "No...if I'm going to be stuck as a Pokémon
for the rest of my life, I might as well be the one I'm most familiar
with..." Kyle noticed Jessica trying to hold back tears. Kyle, being
the opportunist he was, went immediately to try and comfort her.
However, Kyle was not even able to get a word out before Espio
said, "I hate to cut in...but there's something that's bothering me.
Bill, what is the deal with this lab assistant of yours?"
Bill raised one eyebrow. "I...don't have a lab assistant."
"Well then, who's the weird dude in the bear suit?" Espio asked as
he pointed toward the left Telepod. Sure enough, a lanky man in a bear
suit was there, and he was being attacked by Cathode. The man held a
large wrench in his hands.
--A WRENCH IN THE GEARS--
"Damn it, get off me, you little blue turd!" the lanky man
growled, trying to hit the swift Cathode with the wrench. "You're
ruining everything!" Cathode straddled the man's face like an alien
facehugger and then unleashed a Thunderbolt. Thoroughly burnt, the man
keeled over and hit the floor with a muted THUD.
Kyle started, "Where the hell..."
Jessica finished, "...did that guy come from?"
Bill responded redundantly, "I've never seen him before in my life."
The mystery man pried Cathode loose from his face by using the
wrench as a crowbar. The man stood up and dusted himself off as best
he could. "Greetings to all of you," he said coldly. "My name...is
"What, you mean you don't know what your name is?" Kyle said,
"I said...my name...is Imakuni?."
"Stop asking me that!" Kyle snapped.
"I'm not asking you anything, dumbass! My name is Imakuni?! With
a question mark!!!"
Kyle sweatdropped. "...Oh..."
The man calmed himself down. "The writer's a busy guy," Imakuni?
started to explain. "He can't handle all the lame, ridiculous plot
complications all at once. So he's enlisted my help."
"So you're the one who's been messing with the Telepods!" Bill
declared, seeing Imakuni?'s wrench.
"Damn straight," Imakuni? said proudly. "You see, normally I'm
just a guy in a bear suit who dances around singing the Pokérap and
contributing to really crappy promo cards." He briefly went off on
another tangent to add, "By the way, if for some reason you ever want
to Confuse your Active Pokémon, just give me a call..." He went back
on the subject. "However, here in the PokéWars world, the only writer
idiotic enough to use me in his stories - perhaps you've met him
already - is a notorious power-gamer. So I can go around causing
drastic plot complications without ever being seen. Sure, you'd think
someone like me would stick out like a sore thumb...but in the hands of
a power-gamer, I'm nigh-invisible! Ha ha ha ha!!!" Imakuni? doubled
over with laughter. "The guy's such a choade! He uses Spirit of the
Night, Teeka's Dragon, and Crimson Hellkite in his Magic decks even
though he almost never lives long enough to summon them!"
Kyle grunted, "I'm not buying this."
"Anyway, I was sent here to make sure Bill's Telepods stay
inoperative," Imakuni? went on. "And I would've gotten away with it,
too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your darn electric rat."
"Jessica could be back to normal now if it weren't for you!" Kyle
snarled. "Espio, make a rug out of bear-boy here!" Espio got between
Kyle and Imakuni? and took a fighting stance.
"Not so fast. Even I, Imakuni?, have Pokémon!" Imakuni? reached
into a pocket on his suit, then pulled out a Pokéball. "Doduo, I
choose you!" From Imakuni?'s Pokéball came a two-headed ostrich-like
Suddenly Bill jumped in between the two Pokémon. "Could you take
this outside, please?"
Both trainers grudgingly put their match on hold to relocate it to
just outside the lighthouse laboratory. The Pokémon battle quickly got
underway. Jessica just stood in the doorway and tried to hide her
"Doduo, Drill Peck!" Imakuni? quickly commanded. The twin bird
let out a triumphant squawk and dashed madly toward Espio. Before
Espio could move his large frame out of Doduo's path, he felt Doduo's
beaks pounding him like twin jackhammers. When the assault ceased,
Espio's scaly body was covered in scrapes and cuts, but there were no
"Flamethrower!" Kyle shouted. Espio pointed both index fingers at
Doduo and lambasted each of the ostrich's heads with a blue, low- power
fireball. Doduo ran around madly before finally rolling on the ground
and putting the flames out. The feathers were completely burned off of
"Now, Slash!" Kyle added. Espio went for a double claw swipe, but
he missed as Doduo deftly jumped back. "Keep on Slashing!"
"Counter with Agility!" Imakuni? ordered. Both of Doduo's heads
screeched loudly as the whole bird started glowing green. As Espio
tried again and again to Slash Doduo to no avail, Doduo leapt back and
forth so fast that he appeared to be in three places at once.
Espio stopped trying to spaghettify the ostrich. "To hell with
it," the white dragon snorted. He stood in one place and took a deep
breath as Doduo frenetically jumped around.
"Uh...Fly attack!" Imakuni? commanded.
But it was too late. The cliff rumbled as Espio opened his gaping
jaws and unleashed a breathtakingly large Fire Blast. Doduo was able
to dodge the stick-figure-shaped flame, but he was not so lucky dodging
the blinding blue explosion that resulted from it. Both Espio and
Doduo disappeared into a giant dome of sky-blue fire.
When the flames cleared and both trainers were once again able to
see, Espio was standing comfortably within the smoke...and Doduo was
staggering back and forth. As the smoke subsided, Espio casually
walked over to the teetering Doduo and pushed it over with one talon.
Doduo's eyes were spinning around inside its heads.
"Grrr..." Imakuni? growled. "Looks like I underestimated just how
much of a power-gamer the writer really is." He beamed Doduo back into
its Pokéball. "But I won't make that mistake a second time!" He
started to run away. "You haven't seen the last of me!!!"
"You're not getting away!" Kyle exclaimed. "Espio, grab 'im!"
"Uh-uh. I'm not touching that thing," Espio responded, turning up
Kyle tossed his backpack on the ground and took out the first
Pokéball his hand touched. _I *think* this is Leviathan's
Pokéball..._ Kyle told himself. He tossed the Pokéball after the
fleeing Imakuni?. From the Pokéball came a flying Pokémon all right,
but it was not Leviathan. It was Atropos.
The light red Scyther shook her head dizzily. "Where...where are
we?" she weakly queried. By the time Atropos shook off the
disorientation of being released after having been stuck in a Pokéball
for months, Imakuni? slipped out of sight.
"Crap," Kyle remarked.
Atropos looked at herself. Kyle's denim jacket was still duct-
taped around her thorax, where she had been stabbed by David Bradley.
Atropos sliced away the duct tape, and underneath the makeshift bandage
was a fairly large scar. The scar reminded her of the fight against
David Bradley...and that in turn reminded her of Torrasque. She took a
quick look around, then asked the inevitable: "Where's Torrasque?"
Kyle sighed as he knew he had to finally fill Atropos in. But
Espio waved Kyle off. "I'll handle it this time," Espio told Kyle.
"I'm a living, breathing outlet of bad news..."
Kyle went over to Jessica. "Jess, you gonna be all right?"
"I'll be fine," Jessica feebly replied. "This can't be as bad as
it seems...I'll find some way to get used to it and go on living..."
And almost instantly, she broke down. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'm
doomed to die alone...I can barely even hug you for fear of cutting
your arms off or something, and I bet the male Scyther out there
wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole...!"
"No...it won't be like that," Kyle swore. "It won't end like
_All right, it's time for Plan C._ Kyle went to subtly converse
with Bill. As Kyle had hoped, Jessica was paying no attention as he
Seconds after Kyle explained Plan C to Bill, Bill turned aside and
said, "I can't condone such a thing. It's just too risky."
"Just...do this," Kyle pleaded. "For her."
Bill let out a long sigh. "Come on, we'll see what I can do..." he
grudgingly commanded. He led Kyle into a small room in the back of the
By that time, Espio had finished his explanation of Torrasque's
fate to Atropos. Atropos's whole world seemed to be crumbling by that
point. She had not even been given the chance to say goodbye...
The crimson Scyther's emotions got the best of her. Very suddenly
she fell into Espio's arms and started sobbing. "There, there...just
let it all out...just - OW! That stings!" Espio cried, as Atropos's
teardrops touched his skin. Trying to maintain her dignity, Atropos
apologized and then stood up once again, wiping away tears with the
backs of her scythes.
Kyle and Bill came out of the back room. Kyle picked up Cathode,
then went to talk to Jessica. "I guess we're done here," he said.
"Back to Cinnabar. No more detours this time, I promise."
Jessica did not even look up as she said, "Yeah...all right."
Kyle, figuring Atropos could use a little more fresh air, left the
red Scyther outside of her Pokéball. Then Kyle, Cathode, and Jessica
got on Espio's back. "To Cinnabar," Kyle commanded. Espio saluted and
then took off vertically before flattening himself out and starting his
flame-jet-boosted flight to Cinnabar Island. Atropos flew in Espio's
"So...did we actually accomplish anything on that trip?" Jessica
sadly asked as the team was out of Cerulean City limits.
"I'd say so," Kyle responded.
Just then Jessica felt arms wrapping gently around her body. She
was startled until she realized Kyle was simply hugging her. But then
she was startled again when she realized that she was not being hugged
by human arms. "Oh, Goddish...you didn't..." she gasped.
Kyle grinned smugly. "You said you wished there were some way to
close the species gap between us," he pointed out. "And I did just
that." As he said these words, four large insectoid wings sprouted
from his back. His skin started turning scaly and green.
"You...you could get stuck as a bug forever...!" Jessica said.
"So we'll be stuck that way together!" Kyle told her.
Tears welled up in Jessica's eyes, but this time for a different
reason. "Kyle...I..." She cut herself off when she realized her words
would not have done her emotions justice. The two humans-turned-
Scyther embraced tightly and shared a kiss on the lips that seemed to
last for several minutes. Cathode was nearly squashed inside Jessica's
"Could you guys please not sit up?" Espio pleaded. "This wind
resistance is killing me...!"
The time has come, folks. That was my last PokéWars story until G/S
comes along. See y'all later! ^_^
--K * A * R * N * I * V * A * X--
"You don't know what it's like, Marge. You're not
the one out there every day putting his ass on the
line. And I'm not out of order! *You're* out of
order! The whole freakin' system's out of order!
You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't
handle the truth!!! 'Cause when you reach over and
put your hand into a pile o' goo that used to be your
best friend's face, *you'll* know what to do!!!
Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!!!" --Homer Simpson
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