Subject: Re: [PW!] Anyone got any Pepto-Bismol? (ATTN: RobfromVoid)
Date: Tuesday, February 29, 2000 8:00 PM
> Pardus motioned toward a brightly covered caravan parked at the side of
> the road. Not caring whether it was a hotel or a bed of spikes, Darian
> staggered over to what he saw as a wavering mosaic of colors. As long as
> he had a place to lie down.
> Trying to keep his bodily functions in check, Darian knocked on the
The middle-aged man that answers Darian's knocking by opening the caravan's
door is wearing an Ash Ketchum costume that's way too tight for him,
complete with a backwards Indigo League hat on his head. He squints at the
visitor, trying to place a name with a face, but only comes up with only an
age, "Well, look who's here! It's the 1,5000 year old man! I never asked you
this last time we met, but I thought about it after we parted ways in
Cerulean City - are you in any way related to Mel Brooks?" Marvin laughs but
Darian only makes heaving noises. The magician coughs, "Well, *I* thought it
Pardus, Darian's Persian, steps into the caravan without receiving any
indication of invitation. He sniffs the air once and the faint aroma of
Ditto fills his feline nostrils, reminding him that this colorful caravan is
indeed the one he rode on about a year ago.
Xerox, the purple Ditto in the corner, looks up from the novel she's reading
and immediately recognizes the Persian that is standing before her. She
steps up to him and without doubt in her tone says, "Welcome back, Pardus.
Where is Darian McCain, your master?" The Persian responds by raising one
paw to the entrance where Marvin is still standing at. Xerox nods and heads
towards the door, to see a sickly Darian passed out on the ground just
outside the caravan, "Mr. McCain must have returned for more of Famifax's
'sweet loving', but by the look on his countenance, it seems that he has
come to terms with how horribly disgusting it is to be romantically involved
with a different species. It is about time *someone* shared my view."
"Oh yeah!" Marvin exclaims, extending his fingers out to make the Victory
sign in true Ash Ketchum style, "Now I remember Darian! He was my assistant
during the Pewter City performance and Famifax fell in love with him when he
sat on her while she was pretending to be a chair. I'm sure Famifax would
love to help cure her old boyfriend!" Marvin runs into the clothing racks to
inform the Britney Spearow look-a-like hiding there that, "Your true love
has returned and needs your help!"
Famifax, who is holding a Richie outfit on a hanger in her hand, looks a
little muddled at Marvin's words, "My wha-sa-wha? I don't haves no twue luv,
nuh-uh! Now tries on this costume an ya'll look juss like a Pokemon Master!"
She hands the Richie costume to Marvin and continues to sort through the
costumes she has, trying to find more outfits for Marvin, who has recently
decided that he wants to become a Pokemon Master, "Isso hard ta decide!
They're all sonice! Fersure!"
"Does the name Darian McCain ring a bell?" Marvin asks, tossing the Richie
costume to the side for the time being.
Famifax pauses and stares at a white dress in the costume racks - the same
white dress she wore when she first met the person that Marvin is talking
about. After a moment of thoughtful silence, her eyes go wide, and she
exclaims, "Daree-man! Thas was tha hunkalicious guy! He needs my helps, huh?
Then I'm gonna help him up weeeal nice!" Famifax nods and runs out of the
clothing racks. She sees Pardus using his teeth to drag in his fainted human
companion. Famifax shrieks, "Hey, you mean ol' kitty cat, you leaves
Daree-man alone! I'm gonna be the one ta totally cure his sicko-ness!
Remembering the way that Famifax would fawn over his trainer, Pardus rolls
his eyes and murmurs something in Persianese. He steps away from Darian and
sits down next to the only bed in the caravan, his front legs crossed and
his head resting on them.
Famifax shrinks back down to the pink Ditto form that she rarely holds for
too long and oozes up to Darian, who is sprawled on the floor, slowly
regaining consciousness. She steps onto his chest and looks down at his
woozy face with her black dot eyes, "Ohh, poor Daree-man! Ya looks weally
bad an sick an stuff! Iss there anythin I can do ta make ya feel betta,
Darian opens his eyes, which are strained from airsickness, and wheezes out,
"Anyone got any Pepto-Bismol?"
Famifax shakes her whole pink body in a negative response, thinks for a
moment, then giggles, "Don't worry, Daree-man. I may no haves that kinda
pink goo, but I gotsa much much betta kinda pink goo fer ya - iss called
Famifax, an thass me!"
Xerox, who is standing next to where Darian is lying down, rolls her eyes,
"If this continues, I am the one who is going to be sick."
The pink Ditto on Darian's chest sticks out her tongue at her sister, "Yer
juss totally jealous cuz I gets all tha guys an you gets zero. So stop bein
a crazee sis an mind yer own Beedrillswax!" Famifax looks down at Darian's
queasy face again and gets an idea, "Who betta ta help ya than a nice healin
lady?" Famifax closes her black eyes and Transforms. When she opens her blue
eyes, she is a pale-skinned nurse that resembles one of the many Nurse Joys
of the world, "An now, I needs ta gives ya a massage so that ya feels
better!" Nurse Famifax, who is sitting on top of Darian's chest with her
legs spread, turns Darian McCain around so that she's on his back, and
starts to rub his shoulders in order to relax the stressed out individual.
Famifax's massage continues and the pretend nurse branches out to different
parts of Darian's anatomy. When Marvin comes out of the costume racks
wearing a blue tuxedo and golden bow tie, he shouts, "FAMIFAX! Stop groping
Xerox looks up at Marvin with a sarcastic expression on her face, "She spent
a minute on his shoulders, a minute on his back, and she's been rubbing his
buttocks for three minutes straight now. I am horribly disgusted, and yet I
watch, strangely amused."
Marvin scratches his head, which is missing his top hat revealing his
thinning brown and silver hair, "Why didn't Darian's Persian stop her?" He
looks over at Pardus, who just lazily shrugs in response to Marvin's
inquiry. After the Nurse-Joy look-a-like that is Famifax steps away from
Darian's rear end, Marvin helps the seemingly young man stand up. Marvin
looks into his eyes and says, "It looks like you're feeling better. Do you
remember me, Darian? Do you know what my name is?"
Darian squints at Marvin and nods, scratching the back of his own head,
"Uhh, that magician guy... Mavin the Magnificent?"
"Actually, it's *Marvin*. JUST Marvin." Marvin motions to his lack of a top
hat, "I'm not going to be Magnificent for a while." He leads Darian over to
his green bean bag chair and lets his airsick visitor sink down into it
while he explains his situation, "I realized that being a magician hasn't
brought me the fame that I hoped it would and that the real road to fame
involves becoming a Pokemon Master! I mean, I've never performed on TV, but
just look at how they broadcast the League Games. Once I've become famous as
a Pokemon Master, I can go back to performing magic shows - but for a TV
audience instead. Then I can live in fear of exposition shows called 'The
Secrets of the Weird Caravan Guy: Finally Revealed'! Now *that's* fame!"
"Uh... huh?" Darian tries to soak in all that Marvin's telling him while
simultaneously trying to hold back his lunch, "How?"
Marvin smiles and conjures up a cloth map from thin air. He points to a
large archipelago of islands at the lower end of the map, "These are the
Orange Islands... I've seen commercials on TV for the Orange League that
takes place here. Since the Indigo League Tournament is almost over, and
since a show called 'Who Wants To Be... a Pokemon Master?' doesn't exist, I
believe that this is my best chance to be the very best, like no one ever
was. In fact, right now I'm going to head over to Pallet Port to buy a
steamboat so I can sail at least one out of seven seas! Would you like to
tag along? It's not too far from here..."
Darian's decision isn't too difficult to make, since he can't exactly walk
straight as of right now, "Sure. For old time's sake!"
"It'll be fun having you as a passenger again for a while! Hey, Xerox..."
Marvin starts, searching the caravan for his Ditto.
Xerox is already heading towards the exit, "Do not worry, master, I
anticipated your desire for me to be the one who Transforms into a Rapidash
and pulls the caravan southward. I am certain that you figure that Famifax
needs to spend 'quality time' with her 'true love', right? It would be a
crime to separate them now. After all, they have yet to exchange bodily
fluids." Xerox almost gags when she says that last part, as she heads out of
the open door of the caravan, slamming it shut.
Marvin reaches behind his back and sweatdrops at Darian who is still in his
bean bag chair, "Oh, that Xerox - what a kidder!"