From: RobfromVoid <RobfromVoid@prodigy.net> Subject: [PW!] League Support is Fund-amental Date: Saturday, January 15, 2000 4:45 PM Ding dong. .. . . Ding dong. Robert pushes the doorbell of his pink house a second time, and he hears footsteps coming from behind the wooden door. He shoves his hands in the pockets of his dark blue ski jacket not because its cold in Lavender Town, his current location, but because he's afraid that his mother might yank them off in the celebration that is likely to ensue when she sees that he is back home. The door swings open, and the curly haired woman wearing a purple robe that is Robert's mom leaps through the doorway to hug Robert! Robert tries to pry himself away while she kisses him, "Okay, mommy, that's enough. I'm glad to see you too, but I have some important business to take care of in my room..." Robert breaks free and dashes through the open door into his house! Before his mother can say a word, Robert runs into his room and locks the door behind him. Kathy, the small gray-blotched Persian who is sitting on the white couch in the Living Room, looks up at the door, shrugs, and rests her head against the soft fluffy couch again. Robert's mom runs into the house and bangs on the door to Robert's room with her fist, "And just what kind of business do you have to take care of that's more important than saying hello to me, huh?!" "First I need to go to the bathroom, but that's not the *important* business..." Inside Robert's room, Robert pulls off his jacket and hurls it onto the floor while turning on his computer so that it warms up as he cools down. He kicks off his sneakers and stumbles into his small bathroom. After a few minutes, Robert steps out, looking very relieved. He sits down at the white chair in front of his computer and is about to start typing when he hears his mother shout his name again. "WHAT?!" The muffled voice of his mother is heard on the other side of Robert's door, "Don't use that tone with me!" Robert sighs, then explains in a lower voice, "I have to yell. If I don't talk loudly, you can't hear me." "WHAT?!" Robert's mother shouts, obviously unable to hear her son, "Open this door right now! We need to talk!" "Later, mommy! I already told you that I have important stuff to do!" Robert mumbles something incoherent while he clicks on the 'Prodigy Internet' icon on his computer. He enters his user name and password, then hits enter. The modem's screeching noises don't block out his mother's frustrated yelling, so Robert stands up and heads to the door. Without opening it, he asks through the door, "What is it that you want?! I'm sure that whatever it is can wait..." "Open this door so I can tell you!" Robert's mom cries out from behind the door. Robert rolls his eyes and says, "Just tell me! I don't feel like opening the door." The voice from behind the door says, "I just want to talk with you about your adventure. You've been gone for a long time, and I haven't even gotten calls from you..." Robert simply says, "It was fine. Anything else?" Robert's mother adds, "Well, you got a few Christmas presents from myself, your grandma, and Santa Claus." The door bursts open and Robert looks around the Living Room frantically, "What?! Where?!" "Wow!" Robert's mother exclaims upon seeing her son's black shirt, "You have all eight of those Badges you wanted to get..." Robert looks down at his Eight Badges, looks back up, and nods, "Yeah, I know. Now where are the Christmas presents?" "I'll go get them..." Robert's mom walks away towards her room while saying, "And don't lock yourself back inside your room while I do!" Once she disappears into the hallway leading to her room, Robert runs back into his room and locks the door. Robert sits down in front of his computer, grabs the mouse that's colored like a Pikachu, and gets ready to surf the Internet. "I need to get in contact with the Pokemon League to see if they will fund my Unofficial Diversity Gym here in Lavender Town, but where do I begin? I know! Maybe there's a newsgroup forum run by the League..." Robert clicks on the Newsgroups icon and enters the Search menu. He types the word "pokemon" and a list of names of Pokemon newsgroups appear! "Alt.games.nintendo.pokemon? Nintendo makes a Pokemon game?" Robert chuckles at the concept, "People who would buy a game about Pokemon really need to get a life, go outside, and catch real Pokemon." He keeps reading the names of the numerous Pokemon newsgroups, "Free.pokemon? That must be run by those insane anarchists who think that Pokeballs are evil. All of my Pokemon seem to like their Pokeballs... Well, except for Tauros." Robert continues down the list of Pokemon newsgroups, until he finds alt.pokemon.league, "Yes! I found the League's newsgroup!" He clicks on the name. Robert waits while the messages load, then skims through them until he finds what he's looking for, "Subject: league phone #?!!!1" He clicks on the subject and the post loads: "n e 1 no? thx ;)" Robert scratches his head and asks, "Is that some sort of secret code?" He clicks on the first reply to the message, and it tells him the number. He writes it down on a piece of paper. He then clicks the second reply that reads, "u lamer htat queston is fer alt.pokemon.league.phone.numbers. go there or ill report joo. and spell write, dammit." Curious, Robert clicks on the reply to that reply, which reads "for a good time go to alt.binaries.pokemon.erotica.pics" After reading that, Robert shudders and shuts down his computer just in time to hear his mom knocking on the door to his room. He pockets the paper with the League phone number on it and opens the door. "Merry Christmas!" Robert's mom exclaims shoving a few presents into Robert's arms, "I hope you'll be spending the next one at home with your family. Those presents I just gave you are from Santa and your grandma..." "Thank you! Thank you!" Robert tears open the presents to find miscellaneous Pokemon items and brand new blue jeans and long sleeved black shirts. "There sure are a lot of clothes. What did you get me? I hope it's not underwear like last year..." Robert's mom grabs Robert's hand and guides him to the Family Room behind the Living Room. The backyard is visible through large windows and in that violet-fog-covered backyard stands a two-seater blue bicycle with gold and silver streaks on it. Robert's mother hugs Robert and says, "Merry Christmas! I bought this brand new bike for you and that nice Rilli girl you brought home last time you came... Speaking of which, I haven't seen her. She's still your girlfriend, right?" "Mommy!" Robert blushes. Though Rilli is his girlfriend, he hasn't gotten used to hearing his mother use the term, "She's just at her house with her family. Did you actually think she was going to live with us now that I'm staying in Lavender Town?" "You're staying at Lavender Town?!" Robert's mother's eyes go wide and watery, "You didn't tell me that! So now you're back home for good? That's wonderful news! What are you going to do now that you've finished your Pokemon Journey?" Robert starts to walk back to his room while explaining, his mother following him, "I'm going to try to found an Unofficial Gym here in Lavender Town with Rilli called the Diversity Gym. Right now I need to see if the League will support the construction, which is the important business I was talking about. Could you start making dinner? I'm so hungry... Thanks!" Before Robert's mom can answer, Robert locks himself inside his room again, leaving his mom outside of his life once again. Robert picks up the transparent phone in his room and dials the number he found online. The phone rings twice, then an automated program speaks in a digitized voice: "Hello and welcome to the Pokemon League help line, brought to you by Silph Co., the Celadon City Times, and the 2BA Mastercard. If you know the name of the Elite Trainer you'd like to speak with, press one. To choose from a list of current Elite Trainers..." Robert pushes the number "1" on his phone. "Using your touchtone keypad, please enter the first three letters of the Elite Trainer's name. If the Elite Trainer's name's first three letters contain a Q or Z..." Robert interrupts the automated message by pushing "5", "2", then "6." The automated message continues, "You have selected: Lance, the Dragon Trainer. For Lance's Tips on Pokemon Training, press one. If you'd like to laugh at Lance for losing to a Nidoran, press two. If you'd like Lance to fund an Unofficial Pokemon Gym, press three. If you're a member of Team Rocket, please stay on the line so we can trace your call." Robert presses "3" on his phone. "If you want Lance to fund a Normal Type Gym, press one. If you want Lance to fund a Fire Type Gym, press two. If you want Lance to fund a Water Type Gym, press three..." Robert sits through the various types of Gyms, then presses "16" for 'Other'. The automated voice says, "Lance is currently unavailable. Please leave your name, number, and a brief description of your Gym after the tone. Lance will reply as soon as possible. Thank you for using the Pokemon League help line." A loud beep comes from the phone and Robert takes a deep breath, "Hi, Lance, my name is Robert and I'm from Lavender Town. My number is 555-3344. I'd like to start a Diversity Gym here in Lavender Town that has a Variety of Types, not just one. Winning trainers will get Oasis Badges. The Gym will also be a Breeding Center where people can bring their Pokemon to get them married and mated. Please fund..." A second beep comes from the phone, announcing that the time limit has been reached. Robert hangs up the phone and leaves his room, headed for the kitchen, "Finally, a home cooked meal!" -Robert