From: lordlocke@my-deja.com <lordlocke@my-deja.com> Subject: Re: [PW!] Look Out! It's Coming! Run For Your Sanity! It's... Date: Saturday, February 26, 2000 (OOC: For some blinding reason, there's been a sudden rash of interest in the SS Anne in the PW!. Nothin' personal to the autors who ARE using it, but... we'll, I'll just let Captain Hole say how I feel about this. ^_^) At the Cinnibar Pokecenter... 'Now this is more like it' Venus couldn't help buy smile to herself. 'I have this one wrapped around my finger.' "Oh, what I wouldn't give for such a BIG, STRONG man like yourself to assist me with my work..." The Big, Strong Man smiled stupidly as Venus continued to rub herself up and down his body. The Lil' Strong Man was responding quite well to her actions as well. "And what work would that be?" Venus took a 'cute little innocent' pose. "Why, I'm the head of security on The Barely Floating Piece of Crap..." Suddenly, the Big, Strong Man was snapped out of his daze as the mention of the ship stuck a primal cord of fear in the man. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but the messages of 'uh, follow her, it's obvious she wants something only YOU can give, if you get my drift...' changed to 'RUN, FOOL, RUN! RUN IF YOU VALUE YOUR SOUL!' The Big, Strong Man did exactly that, and took off fleeing. Venus pulled a the walkie-talkie off her belt. "Matey, we got a runner!" The speakers of the walkie-talkie blared up. "I'm on it!" Outside the Pokecenter, Matey motioned to the three other crewmen. "Spread out an' herd him to the docks! We'll get him on the ship even if he doesn't wanna go!" "Aye Matey!" The three crewmen moved into the most likely directions of escape. A moment later, the Big, Strong Man shot out from the Pokecenter, turned towards Matey, then ran off towards the docks before Matey could land the clubbin' stick on his head. As he did, the Big, Strong Man, predictably ran into the first crewman. "If I gotta go back on the ship, YOU are coming with me!" The Big, Strong man became the Big, Strong, Unconscious Man as the stick came down. *WHAM!* "I got 'em!" The other crewment wasted no time in getting the Big, Strong man into a gunny sack and tying it up with some rope. Matey and Venus ran towards the trio. "Good work! Now, let's get 'em to the ship before the law gets involved!" "Aye, Matey!" And the five begain the walk to the docks, when... "HELLO? IS THIS THING ON! *TAP TAP*" This was followed by a wave of feedback, dropping several people, as well as most Pokemon with decent hearing. Matey's face fell. "He wouldn't... He couldn't..." "THIS IS CAPTAIN HOLE SPEAKING, BRINGING YOU AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE, IN SONG NO LESS!" "He is." Venus clutched her head. "Let's get back to the ship before he makes an even BIGGER fool out of himself... On the deck of TBFPOC... Captain Alexander Samuel Steven Hole was, predictiably, living up to his name. In one hand rested a half-empty bottle of mead. In the other hand... ... was the Biggest Damn Megaphone(TM) you'd ever see. Captain Hole took a moment to adjust the voice settings on the top, then continued in a high-pitched, whiney, prepubescent voice sounding vaguely familiar. "WEELLLL..." Captain Hole took a DEEP breath... "...THE S.S. ANNE SUCKS, IT REALLY SUCKS, IT SUCKS THE MOST IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! IF ANYTHING SUCKS THEN IT REALLY SUCKS, IT SUCKS AND SCARES THE LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS!" At the base of the gangplank, Matey started cursing. "Damn it, we're too late!" Venus sat down. "Well, it's no use trying to stop him now. Best thing to do is to sit down and watch the show." Venus clutched the gunny sack preciously. "Besides, I can wait a little longer to open my gift." "You have a one-track mind." Matey shook his head. "How good of you to notice. You know, he probably won't last ALL night..." "Forget it, Venus. I'm one of the few you've spared, and I'd like to keep it that way." "You're no fun!" Venus went into full-pout. "I wonder, why does the captain do this to the S. S. Anne at every port, anyways?" "Well, for starters, the Captain of the S. S. Anne and our 'beloved' Captain Hole HATE each other. It's because the S. S. Anne's captain was the former captain of our own ship, and... well, GAVE it to Captain Hole when he tried to rob him." "NO WAY! Talk about a step up. From hell to heaven." "... ON MONDAYS IT SUCKS AND ON TUESDAYS IT SUCKS, AND ON WENDSDAY THROUGH SATURDAY IT OFTEN SUCKS AND THEN ON SUNDAY, JUST TO BE DIFFERENT, IT SUPER-REALLY-KING-SIZE-MEGA SUCKS!" Matey started laughing. "Ya know, Captain Hole really goes all-out with these things." Venus couldn't reply. She was too busy shaking with mirth (Some parts shaking more than others.) "... HAVE YOU EVER MET THE CREW OF THE S. S. ANNE, WELL, THEY SUCK THE MOST IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! THEY'RE A MEAN OL' CREW AND THEY WEAR STUPID UNIFORMS, THEY SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK, THEY REALLY SUCK, THE S. S. ANNE SUCKS, AND IT SMELLS BAD TOO! THE S. S. ANNE... REEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLYYYY... SUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKSSSS... ah!" Captain Hole, satisfied he got his message across, beat it into the ground, and rubbed his heel on it, lowered the Megaphone. Suddenly, he felt a slight tap in the back of the leg, and turned around to face... empty air. "Down here." Said a voice eerily-similar to the one that Captain Hole had used on the Megaphone. Captain Hole looked down... to see a VERY fat, very short 8-year old wearing a police outfit and mirror shades weilding a nightstick. It looked a lot like a small Snorelax "Uh... yes, officer?" "Do you have a licence to steal muh material?" "Huh?" Captain Hole looked genuinely confused. "I said, DO YOU HAVE A LICENCE TO STEAL MY MATERIAL?" "Um... no?" "Well then, RESPECT MY AUTHORI-TAH!" With that, the "officer" began nightsticking Captain Hole in the shins. Captain Hole began to fall over as his shins began to take huge levels of abuse. "OW! Quit it... DAMN IT, that HURT! Stop it, you little FAT ASS!" The officer saw red at that. "I *WHAM* AM *SLAM* NOT *BLAM* FAT *CRACK!*" A moment later, he added. "I'm jus' festively plump..." "Yeah, right, fat ass porker!" *WHAM!* "RESPECT MY AUTHORI-TAH!" Captain Hole didn't respond this time. Maybe it was because he was out cold, but that rarely stopped him before. At the base of the gangplank, Matey and Venus, as well as the three other crewmen, were too busy laughing their asses off to help their captain. Even if they could get up to help, they wouldn't. After all, he WAS their Captain, as well as the captain of... The Barely Floating Piece of Crap. TBC? (OOC: I SWEAR, I'll finish R6 of the League Games tomorrow... I just HAD to do this one...) From your friendly, demented, neighborhood LORDLOCKE