Subject: [PW!] Luthor Meets Luthor?
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000 4:20 PM
"...and that's when he said 'Take me to your leader', so I brought him
here." A Scientist finishes the story he's been telling his boss - the
President of Silph Co. The Scientist is holding up an angry Slowpoke who
is wearing a small black backpack.
The fat balding leader of Silph Co. leans forward on his huge desk,
squints at the Slowpoke, turns to his secretary for a moment just to
roll his beady eyes, then faces the Scientist, "Let me get this
straight. You found a talking Slowpoke swimming in the pool on the First
floor, took him to the Ninth floor upon his request to heal him and two
Pokemon he owns, then you once again bow to the Slowpoke's whim and come
to the Eleventh floor to bother me just because he asked you to 'take
him to your leader'?"
"Y-y-yes, sir..." The Scientist lowers his head, feeling that he's being
scolded for what he's done, "...I wouldn't have bothered you if he
wasn't a talking Pokemon, but considering the rareness of Slowpoke who
can actually sort of think, I thought..."
"Silence!" The command is issued not by the President of Silph, but by
the Slowpoke being held up by the Scientist. The Slowpoke addresses the
old man behind the desk, "The imbecile that is holding me captive is
nothing more than a goody-two-shoes no good do-gooder. Dispose of him as
you wish. You have my blessing, Mr. Luthor. For you see, the poor idiot
doesn't even know that your name is Lex Luthor, which is why I resorted
to sounding like an alien life form when asking him to take me to you. I
assure you that I am an Earthling. Now order this idiot to unhand me -
your greatest fan."
The President of Silph looks impressed by the Slowpoke's ability to
speak. He leans back in his large black corporate throne. Though a
little confused, he is curious about the Slowpoke's motives, "Put the
Slowpoke on my desk, Scientist." The Scientist does as he is ordered to.
The President looks deep into the Slowpoke's wide eyes, "Why do you wish
to see Lex Luthor?"
"Ah, finally - another intelligent being who speaks in the third
person." The Slowpoke grins up at the President of Silph, who doesn't
return the grin and only awaits an answer. The Slowpoke continues, "I am
familiar with your work, Mr. Luthor. In fact, I named myself Luthor in
honor of you, since you are the embodiment of cleverness. I need two
favors from Lexcorp. One, a mecha battle suit to aid me in my quest to
destroy all. Two, an all expenses paid trip to Safari City to destroy
"*You* wish to destroy *Silph*?" The fat old man laughs at the absurdity
of a Slowpoke overthrowing his monopoly on all technology in the Pokemon
World, "And you want *me* to help you? You seem to be confused,
Slowpoke. My name is not 'Mr. Luthor', I do not head 'Lexcorp', and my
company does not make battle suits - just Pokeballs and technical
"Quit playing dumb, Mr. Luthor. I've read the Superman Comic Books and I
know all about you." Luthor the Slowpoke wonders how he can convince the
balding man who is laughing at him to at least send him to Safari City.
Luthor's eyes grow wider in revelation and he whispers, "If I praise
him, he will surely do as I command." The Slowpoke clears his throat and
shouts, "You, sir, are the most conniving, most under-handed, purely
*evil* capitalist villain I've ever seen!"
The President's laughter stops. He hears murmuring behind the doors to
his office. His clients must have heard Luthor's 'praise'. The President
leans back in his throne and steeples his fingers, staring at a worried
Scientist before finally speaking to the man, "This Slowpoke, being a
Psychic Pokemon, obviously escaped from the Saffron City Gym and somehow
found his way into this building to take a swim. Return him to Sabrina
in a crate - an unmarked crate devoid of air holes."
"Y-y-yes, sir..." The Scientist quickly pulls Luthor the Slowpoke off
the President's desk and runs out of the office before the President of
Silph decides to fire him. Once in the elevator, the Scientist scolds
Luthor, "I healed you and your Pokemon and did as you said and this is
the thanks I get? First you tell him to dispose of me, then you insult
him? What's wrong with you?! Don't you know who that is? That's the
President of Silph Co. He *is* Silph! My job was on the line!"
Luthor takes a few seconds to process this information, his mind
whirring slower than the moving elevator he is in, "He is Silph? That's
the man that Bane wants to destroy! I should have known he wasn't Lex
Luthor. It was so obvious that that wasn't the real Mr. Luthor - his
Secretary didn't look anything like Mercy. Take me back to that
impostor, now, or face my wrath!"
The Scientist shakes his head, wrapping his arms more tightly around
Luthor until it hurts the Slowpoke, "Nuh uh. I'm going to put you in a
crate and send you right back to Sabrina, just like the President said!"
The elevator doors open on the Seventh floor, where the Scientist's Lab
is located. He rushes inside with Luthor still ordering to be taken back
to the President. He finds a crate and stuffs Luthor inside. "Now I'm
taking you to the Saffron Gym. You're just lucky that the President was
nice enough to give me that order... if it were up to me, I would have
dissected you up real nice for what you did."
"Very well, since you do not wish to cooperate, do-gooder, I shall use
my incredible psychic abilities." Luthor closes his eyes and
concentrates. Right after the Scientist slams the crate shut, the
Slowpoke Teleports away. Expecting to lift the fat Slowpoke's weight,
the Scientist crouches down and gets ready to heave the crate up into
his arms. He lifts the empty crate with so much force that he smashes it
against his face, breaking his glasses, "Ugh, I don't know my own
* Somewhere Else In Saffron City *
"Prepare to meet your doom, impostor of Lex Luthor!" Luthor appears in a
room which he figures is the office of the President of Silph, "Bane, I
summon you to destroy Silph, the cause of your pain!" He immediately
tries to telekinetically send Bane out of the Masterball hidden inside
his backpack, but the Teleportation has drained all of his psychic
ability, to the point that he couldn't even untie a shoelace if he
wanted to. It takes a few seconds for Luthor to realize that he
Teleported to the wrong location. He is not standing on the Eleventh
Floor of the Silph Co. Building, but rather on a pile of Pokemon dolls.
"Prepare to meet your doom, impostor of Lex Luthor!" A cute little girl
with pigtails leaps in front of Luthor, temporarily frightening the
powerless Slowpoke. The little girl giggles at the shocked expression on
When Luthor realizes that the person threatening him is just a little
girl, he snarls, "You shouldn't pretend that you're stronger than you
really are, foolish female human child. If you do that, then you're a
hypocrite, and I simply abhor hypocrites."
"I simply abhor hypocrites." The little girl repeats, not entirely sure
what the words 'abhor' and 'hypocrite' mean.
Luthor stares at the girl for a moment, then smiles, "Then we have
something in common. Are you a villain?"
"Are you a villain?" The cute girl asks her new playmate, the Slowpoke
who mysteriously appeared on her table of toys.
The Slowpoke nods slowly, and the little girl mimics the sluggish nod
almost perfectly. Luthor takes her nod as an affirmative response to
what he has just asked her, so he grins wickedly, "Excellent. What is
your villain name? My name is Luthor."
"My name is Luthor." The cheerful little girl giggles and starts playing
with her pigtails.
After ten seconds of processing, Luthor boggles at the child's
revelation, "Amazing... In the comic book world, Luthor is a corrupt
corporate giant who uses his power and money for evil. In this world,
Luthor is a little girl who collects dolls. It seems that I am getting
much better at controlling my ability to Teleport. Yes! I concentrated
on Teleporting to Luthor, and here I am - in front of this world's
Luthor." Luthor looks at the cute little girl, "Mr. Luthor, will you
help me conquer the multiverse?"
Copycat smiles, and repeats the only word that she really understood
from Luthor's last rambling session, "Yes!"
The Slowpoke grins sinisterly and says, "Excellent." Copycat smiles
cutely, unable to look sinister, and agrees, "Excellent."