Subject: [PW!] The Brat and the Battle
Date: Friday, February 11, 2000 5:45 PM
"What should we do today?" Simeon asked his pokémon. He was seated on a
garbage can in a back alley with his Machoke, Haunter, and his his baby
Vulpix. The Machoke was currently trying to teach Vulpix how to play
Kick the Can. However, all the baby pokémon wanted to do was pounce on
the can, then jump back and stare at it until it moved again. Machoke
eventually gave up and went to do one-handed pushups next to the garbage
can Simeon was sitting on. Haunter was some ways away, pretending to be
a garbage can and scaring the spit out of any alley cat that came to
"The Pokémon Leaugue games are over, so everyone's leaving to Viridian
City." Simeon reflected on this for a while.
"Nah, it's just gonna be like last year. They never do anything
exciting." Machoke rolled his eyes at hs trainer. Simeon's constant
depression sometimes got to him. Meanwhile, Haunter had changed himself
into a can and Vulpix was chasing him up and down the alley. She soon
bored of this though and climb up onto Machoke's knees, who was doing
sit ups. Haunter floated up to him.
"Haunter. Haw haw haunter haunter."
"I know you're bored," replied Simeon, "but all our cash has run out
and...Hey!" A rock had pelted Simeon in the side of the head.
"Hey, loser! Tell your stupid pokémon to give me back my lunch, or I'll
make him disappear permanently!" Simeon glanced at Haunter, who was
twiddling his ethereal thumbs, a bit more fell-fed than a few minutes
ago. As for the kid, Simeon just ignored him. He didn't feel the rock
anyway, and he hardly ever bled. The 10-year-old brat stomped up to him.
It was obvious he was in a rich family by the expensive nature of his
"Yo Slim Jim, I'm talking to you! What the...?" Simeon looked down and
saw that Vulpix was sniffing boy's shoe, apparently intrigued by the
"Beat it you little pest!" He launched a kick that sent Vulpix hurtling
toward the other side of the alley. But beforeVulpix could hit the
ground, Haunter had caught her and Simeon was at the kid's throat.
"You self-centered, stuck-up, contemptible, little brat." His teeth were
clenched together so hard that his voice came out as a low snarl.
"Hey step back buddy, you're soiling my threads. And tell that little
pain in the [censored] to get lost before I shove it up a drain pipe."
Simeon clenched his teeth harder and brought back his fist for a punch,
but a muscular hand stopped him.
"Choke ma ma choke machoke."
Simeon sighed. Machoke was right. A pokémon battle was the proper way to
settle this. Besides, the runt would beat Simeon up anyway. He turned to
"I've got an idea. Let's settle this in a pokémon battle."
The boy laughed at him. "Alright, let's do it! Right here, right now!"
Simeon shrugged. "Okay, it's your funeral."
"Your the one who's going down, you loser! Cleo! I choose you!" A
Dratini materialized in front of the boy.
Simeon whistled. This kid really is in the money, he thought. "Okay,
who's going first? Haunter, go get him!"
"Haw haw haunter,"
"Too bad," said Simeon, "You ate his lunch, you have to fight him."
"Hawwwww," he said dejectedly, but floated onto the field ready to
"Alright Cleo, use your...what the heck?" The cause of the kids surprise
was probably the fact that Haunter wasn't attacking, but was making
faces at the other pokémon. Cleo was as perplexed as his trainer, and
was just watching his opponent put on the show in front of him.
"What a loser," said the boy, "he isn't even having his pokémon attack.
Cleo! Use your...huh?" Again he wasn't even able to get off a command,
because his Dratini was sound asleep on the ground. Simeon smiled.
"How's that for a Hypnosis attack? Good job Haunter. Now, Dream eater."
Haunter floated over to the unconscious Dratini. He put mouth around its
head and bit down hard. The boy shrieked violently and ran over to his
pokémon, but he stopped when Haunter pulled away and he saw that his
pokémon's head was still intact. In fact, Haunter was slurping a strand
of spaghetti from behind the Dratini's ear-fin. Simeon shook his head at
"Cut out the special effects and just finish the move." Haunter stopped
slurping and put his hands on the Dratini's head. The Dratini writhed
violently under the ghost pokémon's grip and then lay still."
"KO!" Simeon shouted.
"No! That's not fair!" the kid complained, recallng his pokémon, "My
uncle must have gotten me a weak one!"
"Tough, kid. You know the rules. Half your money." He extended his hand
and someone in the shop next door opened the drawer of a cash register.
"In your dreams, loser!" he laughed and turned to run out of the alley,
but he ran into Simeon's Machoke, who was standing behind him. Before
the kid could react, Machoke grabbed the his briefs and gave him a
wedgie that went over his head. The kid's eyes welled up in tears and he
ran, succesfully this time, out of the alley crying, "Waaahhhhh! Uncle
Haunter was laughing hysterically with his hands clasped over the area
where his stomach would have been. Vulpix hadn't paid any attention to
the battle and was playing in an empty garbage can. Simeon was laughing
just as hard as Haunter.
"That was great, Machoke. But that little brat still owes me money."
Machoke grinned broadly and with a flourish produced the boy's wallet
that he had taken during the wedgie. Simeon grinned even broader than
"Great job, Machoke! Man, there's over Ł5000 in here! What are we gonna
do with it all?"
"Machoke ma choke choke."
"Sounds good, but where should we go?" Machoke held up a finger
indicating to wait a second and fished something out of the garbage can
nearby. It turned out to be a pamphlet and he gave it to Simeon.
"'Celadon,'" Simeon read, "'the City of Lights. Shop at our
one-of-a-kind department store or spend many nights in one of our many
luxurious hotels. Afterwards, spend sometime in our world reknowned Game
Corner, the best gambling in the world!' Well, we could use a vacation.
Come on, Vulpix," he said, picking the pokémon up out of the trash can,
"We're going to Celadon!" He sniffed the air. "And once we get there,"
he added, "you're all taking a bath."
All three of his pokémon sweatdropped.
-Marco262, Aspiring Regular
15 Y2Tech Points
1 Mewtwo? Been Done Point
Points freely given
Be nice to your enemies, it drives them nuts.
"Recent evidence suggests that a barrel of monkey is not half as fun as
previously claimed, and is in fact, rather horrifying." -R2D2METWO
"He's a legend in his own mind. Anywhere else he'd be arrested." -My
"I'm sorry, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for three days and
doesn't die." -Mr. Garrison on PMS
Words of Wisdom:
"It's not the pace of life I mind, it's the abrupt stop at the end."
"If we didn't laugh, we couldn't react to a lot of life." -Hobbes
"The only reason that people use profanity or insults is that they can't
come up with even a half-decent arguement otherwise." -Me
"A bird in the frying pan is worth two in the fire." -Me (Don't ask.)
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