From: Adrian Tymes (wingcat@pacbell.net) Subject: [PW!] A word from our sponsor Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2000/05/22 Almost as if of its own will, not particularly prompted by anything outside of itself, another television commercial hit the airwaves. Its script hit various repositories, few of which would ever be looked at, but all necessary for the beauracracy of the media. --- (SCENE: A random forest path, with a depressed-looking SQUIRTLE and a CHARMANDER walking along. All dialog in English - dubbed, if necessary - for the sake of the audience.) CHARMANDER: What's wrong? SQUIRTLE: Oh, it's my humans again. CHARMANDER: Are they still fighting each other? SQUIRTLE: No. It's just that I got a breeding pair, but when I try to breed them, they won't do it. (CHARMANDER looks then reaches off screen, and returns with a single long-stemmed rose, presumably just picked.) CHARMANDER: Try having the male give this to the female. That might help. SQUIRTLE: You think so? CHARMANDER: That's what my humedex said to do for my humans, and it worked. (SQUIRTLE takes the rose.) SQUIRTLE: Cool. You know, I've been meaning to ask: where'd you get that humedex, anyway? I want one! (CHARMANDER brandishes HUMEDEX. Note to props: if one isn't available, just paint a pokedex flesh-tone pink; that should be close enough.) CHARMANDER: It's been under development for a while. But you're in luck; they're about to start selling. I don't know how I'd manage my humans without it. SQUIRTLE: At first, I thought you were joking when you told me about it. I mean, humans and pokemon grow in different ways. CHARMANDER: But ultimately not that different, at least not in potential. (CHARMANDER flips open the humedex. Props: Screenshot doesn't matter, so long as there's a few different numbers visible, along with two or more long lists of text. First shot is of a female.) CHARMANDER: It keeps track of my humans' experience in a number of areas. See, here's one of my human's pokemon-equivalent rating levels, and here's her type. (CHARMANDER pushes a button. Humedex displays to a gi-clad male.) CHARMANDER: And here's another one. HUMEDEX: (SFX: bing) Arnold. Type: blackbelt. Fighting level: 42. Psychic level: 9. Moves known: Hi Jump Kick, Low Kick, Comet Punch, Skull Bash, Karate Chop, Agility, Double Team... (CHARMANDER pushes another button, stopping the voice.) CHARMANDER: You can customize it in many ways. I've got mine set up to go to the main stats first, but if you buy one, I think you might want to flip to the Breeding Tips setup first. SQUIRTLE: Cool! How much? CHARMANDER: Only twenty nine ninety five, plus tax. It'd be a good investment at ten times the price. (Insert voiceover, product shot, and text for reseller.) --- Some people laughed at what they knew could only be a parody. Others sputtered for a few seconds, then put the very idea out of their minds. Shipping clerks at Silph Co. eagerly looked forwards to selling the humedexs through their channels, even if their supplier was unknown, their only contact being with through delivery people and contract negotiators. And engineers in the Pokemon Resistance struggled mightily to ship product on time... TBC? [OOC: Whether they'll suceed is, of course, to be determined by authors other than myself.]