From: Bandraptor (bandraptor@aol.com) Subject: [PW!] Beaten by a Magikarp? Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2000-08-22 06:32:56 PST The streets of Celadon are bustling. Although it is only about 10:00 in the morning, there's already a line snaked around the side of Brock's Diner; of people not waiting to eat, but waiting to get into the attached gift shop, so they can buy overpriced T-shirts bearing the words "Brock's Diner--Celadon" emblazoned over the silhouette of a Boulder Badge. Outside the Nidoqueen's Theatre, someone is hawking tickets for the matinee showing of "How to Succeed in Pokémon Training Without Really Trying;" and not too far away, seedy vendors are selling bootleg videos of first run films, such as "Me, Myself, and Ivysaur," "The Nutty ESPer II: The Kadabras," and "Digital Rancher Monster Farm 02 the Movie 2000." Nori is wandering about said streets as she slowly makes her way to the Celadon Gym, where she left her Bulbasaur, Fushigidane, several months ago. She's dressed somewhat differently than normal--her hair is down, and partially covered by a white baseball cap with a red and black Space Ghost logo on the front. She's wearing a black undershirt, light gray pants, dark gray boots, and a standard issue Pokébelt--in fact, her outfit looks exactly like a male Team Rocket uniform, minus the distinctive jacket. It's a disguise born out of necessity--necessity in this case being that Nori is sick of wearing dirty clothes, and is now donning the only other outfit she owns, while she waits for her laundry to dry. Her hair is down, because it's recently been washed, and she hasn't had a chance to rebraid it; and the hat is there because, as anyone who's kept dreadlocks will tell you, hair resists change, and invariably looks like crap the day after they've been taken out. Still, fact that it's inadvertent aside...Nori figures that it couldn't *hurt* to be disguised during her trip in Celadon, since she got into trouble the last time she came here...and since no one ever seems to be able to recognize Team Rocket members when they're dressed in drag, she's certain that she can slip through town unnoticed by any-- "Hey! I know you!" Nori turns around, to see a redheaded teenage boy approaching. She sizes him up momentarily, then shrugs, "That makes one of us." The boy snaps his fingers, "Sure, I remember you. We met back in Cerulean. You're the one who didn't like my Venusaur. Don't tell me you've forgotten who I am." "Hmm..." Nori thinks this over, "I have a feeling that I *might've* remembered who you were if we'd met more than once within a reasonable amount of time..." The boy seems hurt, "You really don't remember me?" Nori waves a hand at him in dismissal, "No, no, I remember you. You're that Venusaur trainer from Cerulean." The boy scowls, "All right, I'll spare you the embarrassment of admitting you don't know who I am. My name is Andrew Benjamin, and you're supposed to despise me. If your Writer's Guide had been updated within the last year, that would be on record. Now pretend that you hate me, it'll make the battle at the end of this story more dramatic." Nori glares at him, "Now I really do remember you. You're that *asshole* Venusaur trainer from Cerulean." "Perfect! Now ask me what I've been up to..." "Still pawning Gym Badges?" "Why, yes, yes I am!" Andrew smiles coyly. "In fact, I've made sooo much money, that I had to stop off at the Celadon Bank to deposit some of it. Now, what are you doing in Celadon? Wait don't tell me. You're probably going to the Celadon Gym, to train up your girlie Grass Pokémon!" "Actually, I..." "Sure you are! That Bulbasaur you said you weren't going to evolve. Hey, I have an idea. Before you go to fight the Gym Leader, why don't you let it level up a bit against my Magikarp?" Nori eyes him cautiously. "Somehow, you don't strike me as the sort of person who would raise a Magikarp." "Well, I did get him in a trade..." Andrew shrugs, "C'mon, whaddaya say?" "No way! You're probably gonna send out a Charizard or something!" Andrew looks indignant, "What, do you think I'd give a Charizard an embarrassing nickname like 'Magikarp,' just to confuse my opponents? That'd be like naming every single member of my team 'PKMN'! ...Oh, and if that's not enough, let me remind you: There's no running from a trainer battle! If you refuse to fight me, it'll be considered a forfeit, and you'll automatically owe me half your money." Nori grits her teeth, "Fine. Fine. I'll fight you. Just shut up. Go, Magmar!" Andrew pulls a Pokéball from his belt. "Go, Magikarp!" A bright red Charizard pops out. Nori wails, "You were saying?!?" "I said *I'd* never name my Charizard 'Magikarp'." Andrew grins, "I didn't say anything about the guy I got him from. By the way, should you ever meet PKMN, PKMN, PKMN, PKMN, and PKMN, let them know that their old team mate is in good hands. All right, Magikarp, let's get this match started. Splash!" Now, Andrew's Charizard doesn't actually know the move "Splash", but he does know a move called SLASH. He charges towards Nori's Magmar with his claws outstretched, and rakes it across the chest. He hears Andrew cheering him on in the background, and is so pleased with himself for guessing the move correctly, that he Slashes again, doubling the damage, and causing a critical hit! "All right, Magikarp...now use your Tackle attack!" Magikarp doesn't actually know the move Tackle, but he Flies up into the air, and in his best approximation of a tackling attack, dive-bombs the Magmar, fainting it before it can get a single hit in. "Good job, Magikarp," Andrew smirks, "Keep it up, and maybe you'll evolve into a Gyarados." Magikarp laughs in response. Of course, he knows he'll never evolve into a Gyarados-- and he's thankful for that, because he knows that Water-types are horribly weak. After all, even the Master's Venusaur can defeat them, and he can take down the Master's Venusaur with ease! "Hmmm..." Nori recalls Magmar, "What do I have that's strong against Fire? ...Oh, yeah! Giseisha, go! Dig attack!" As effortlessly as a dolphin leaping through the waves, Giseisha dives headfirst into the ground, only to erupt from the earth a few feet away, in an explosion of dirt and rocks. Magikarp simply Flies into the air, avoiding the attack entirely. The Arbok lands heavily, but it quickly recovers, and raises its hood in an attempt to look fierce! Magikarp takes little notice, and with one lightning-fast movement, he reaches in, and grabs Giseisha by the tail. Before Giseisha has a chance to react, Magikarp begins twirling its body around, as if he is a member of the Charizards' Rhythmic Gymnastics team, and the Arbok is his ribbon. Because the image presented is so bizarre, a small crowd begins to gather around the dueling Pokémon; and Magikarp plays to the audience, becoming increasingly ostentatious. Finally, he grows bored of the game, and lashes the cobra's body like a whip, smashing its head into the ground. "Giseisha, Return!" Nori recalls Giseisha into its Pokéball, before Magikarp has a chance to harm it further. "Akuni, you're my last hope! Get in there and lick him!" Akuni has some reservations about licking members of the same sex, but he's not about to disobey Nori, so he does it anyway. Magikarp responds with a Flamethrower attack that scorches Akuni's tongue. The Lickitung runs around in pain, inadvertently performing a Swords Dance, then Slams into Magikarp's stomach, knocking the wind out of him! Magikarp sputters for a second, then glowers at Akuni, furious that one of Nori's Pokémon actually managed to scratch him. He picks the Lickitung up by the head, looks him straight in the eye, and growls menacingly, demanding an apology. "Tuu...Licki licki?" Akuni suggests hopefully. "Zaard." Magikarp smiles, and nods in approval. Then he repeatedly piledrivers Akuni into the ground, and kicks his unconscious body out of the ring. "Akuni, return!" Nori addresses Andrew, "There. You've beat the crap out of all of my Pokémon. Are you happy now?" "Not really," Andrew responds with mock sadness in his voice, "All of that, and Magikarp didn't even go up in level." He checks his Pokédex, "Yup, needs another 1000 points yet. Oh well, send out your remaining Pokémon, let's see if they're enough to push him over the edge." "...Er...'remaining Pokémon'?" "Yes." Andrew says impatiently, "You have five Pokéballs on your belt. You've sent out three Pokémon. Now you have two left. 'Remaining Pokémon'." "Those last two don't fight!" "And that sets them apart from the other three...how?" Andrew snickers, "Come now. I went through all the trouble of sending out my Charizard. You could at least give him a decent workout." Nori hangs her head, trying to think of a graceful way to escape the battle, but failing to come up with one, she pulls her Porygon's Pokéball from her belt, and throws it into the ring. "Go, Nemesis! Quick, Hyper Beam before he--" Nemesis is so accustomed to being used only as a means of transportation, that it inflates to full size as soon as it's out of its Pokéball--thus making itself a larger target for Magikarp's Fire Blast attack! The Porygon flies about the ring in flames, as it desperately tries to remember which command sets up its firewall. Andrew just laughs, "Porygon used Conversion! It Converted to Fire-type! It'll convert to ash-type, if you don't do something soon." "Nemesis, return!" Nori recalls the Porygon, into its Pokéball, which immediately bursts into flame, as well. She drops it to the ground, and kicks sand over the top of it, until the flames have been smothered. Andrew cracks his knuckles. "And then there was one." Nori really doesn't want to send Rubix into battle, so she says, "If you know what's good for you, you'll back down now. I've saved my strongest Pokémon for last, and he's a Water-type to boot! He's got more than a few Legendaries under his belt, and his stats are far beyond the range of any normal Pokémon. Also, he knows karate. I don't know if you planned on battling that Charizard for very much longer, but if you don't pull him out of this match now, it'll surely be his last!" "Interesting." Andrew puts his Pokédex away. "That Porygon gave Magikarp all the experience points he needed to level up, so I *was* going to call off the match...but you've piqued my curiosity. Just what is this mystery Pokémon of yours? Send it out." Nori curses under her breath, but decides to keep up the act, "Gooo, Rubix! Use your Super-Ultra-Mambo-Tango-Foxtrot Martial Arts!" Rubix blinks, "What, you mean Capoeira?" Nori scolds him, "Shh. We're not supposed to talk about that yet!" "About what?" "Kapoerar." Rubix smirks, "Just as well...I don't know any Capoeira! Now...who's this that you wanted me to fight? Not that I'm gonna, but..." He turns around, to see the enormous Charizard and its trainer staring down at him, impatiently awaiting his supposed show of power. "Ummmm.............." He stands motionless, as though frozen in place by the Charizard's glare. Andrew narrows his eyes, "Your Wartortle have Amnesia?" "I wouldn't know!" Nori waits another few seconds, before deciding to go through the entire list of all the moves Rubix might possibly know, in hopes of prompting him to action: "Lovely Kiss! Dig! Thrash! Confuse Ray! Bubble! Cut! Rage! Super Fang! String Shot! Screech! Rock Throw! Rock Slide! Sing! Smoke Screen! Double Slap! Mirror Move! Aurora Beam! Strength! Counter! Flamethrower! Sharpen! Double Team! Gust! Harden! Disable! Razor Wind! Bide! Bite! Thunder! Thunder Punch! Karate Chop! Clamp! Goddamnit, do *something*!" Rubix does something. He Withdraws into his shell, and faints. "Uhhh..." Nori grins nervously, "Consider yourself lucky--I'll call this match a draw! Bye now!" She grabs the fainted Wartortle by the carapace of his shell, and pushes her way through the crowd before anyone can think of stopping her. Magikarp spreads his massive wings and prepares to give chase, but Andrew waves him off...after all, if they leave now, they won't be able to greet their fans! Magikarp nods, strikes a pose, and does his best Magikarp impression: "Caar, caar, caar." TBC... -Beth, of the ever changing sig.