From: Karnivax (karnivax@my-deja.com) Subject: [PW!] Break On Through Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2000/08/05 (OOC: Oy...I'm becoming steadily more disillusioned with the whole Pokémorph community. Take a look at some of the characters other people have come up with: *A Haunter with Teleport. *A Charizard/Mewtwo hybrid. *A Clefairy/Jolteon/Raichu hybrid with Transform. Now, the argument could be made that I shouldn't be bitching about omnipotent characters - *cough* - but I only like omni bad guys! These are all omni good guys! And where's the fun in that? ^^;;; The defense their creators offered was largely amusing, with this line being the best of all: "If you have a pikachu with a high-level teleport the cooler, if you have a pikachu with a normal-elvel [sic] thundershock it's okay." In a way, that quote is a sad comment on how shallow people can be in their prerequisites for a "cool" character...in another way, it's just funny!) The mind-controlled Jessica Sullivan mechanically strode into the lavishly decorated living room. Her new fiancé, Vincenzo Larufa, was sitting in a loveseat and talking on a cellular phone in a stereotypical snobbish voice. "All right then. I'll tell the caterers to expect the entire Sullivan family! Ta-ta." With that, Vincenzo deactivated his cellular phone and took a deep breath. "Goddish..." he blasphemed in his true voice. "I can't wait for th' day when th' Sullivans are outta our life an' I can drop th' 'refined gentleman' crap." He looked over at Jessica. "Yer dad was absolutely thrilled to hear that th' two o' us are finally tyin' th' knot next week. So thrilled, in fact, that he's puttin' ya back in his will. Now ain't that nice o' him?" "Yes," Jessica replied. "Nice." "I'm sorry that Morpha has to stand in for ya at th' weddin', my love," Enzo apologized shortly before he took Jessica's left hand and kissed it. "If by some crazy freak accident, Spellbinder's spell were to wear off in th' middle o' th' ceremony, neither o' us would be very happy 'bout it." He smirked. "But, hey, don't worry. I'm gonna give ya one hell o' a honeymoon to make up for it!" "I look forward to it," Jessica remarked. Enzo leaned back in his seat and stared off into space. "Some guys hafta fight for years an' years just to win over a broad they'll probably end up divorcin' anyway," he commented. "And yet, I got Jess - Jess, who's powerless to disobey my every whim; Jess, who's on th' good side o' anatomical impossibility - without even liftin' a finger. All marriages should be this easy!" He thought deeply for a second. Then he stood up and approached Jessica. He gently ran his fingers through her reddish-brown hair. An idea had come to him. "Jess, ya mind takin' a shower?" Recognizing even indirect orders, the hypnotized Jessica slowly headed toward the nearest shower the second Enzo let her go. As he followed Jessica into a nearby bathroom, Enzo chuckled, "I thought not." Elsewhere in Cerulean City, Grendel the Aerodactyl made a shaky landing less than a block away from the Cerulean City Gym. Kyle, still clad in his Bolt Crank outfit from Manganicon 2000, leapt from Grendel's back, then beamed the prehistoric beast back into his Pokéball. He dashed to the gym to see if he could find a phone book. After passing through the gym's brand new automatic doors, Kyle saw Lily of the Four Sisters of Cerulean manning the front desk. She looked up at the visitor. "Hi!" Lily said sweetly. "Hmmm, you remind me of someone somehow..." "I've been told I cause déja vu," Kyle responded in an attempt to prevent any idle chit-chat. "Do you have a phone book? I need to find an address." "Sure." Lily reached underneath the desk and pulled out a massive phone book for the Cerulean City area. Kyle leafed through the yellow pages until he found the only entry for Larufa in the book. "1200 Cyan Boulevard," he said softly to himself. "Go that way on Prussian Avenue until you reach a store called 'Jamaican Me Crazy,'" Lily directed, pointing vaguely northward. "Then turn right and walk four blocks. That should get you to the 1000 block of Cyan Boulevard." Kyle left just as quickly as he had entered. "Thanks," he called out. So Kyle hoofed it to the distinctly-colored 'Jamaican Me Crazy' store, Cerulean's one-stop Rastafarian shop. Then he turned right and walked past a few stop lights before catching sight of a street sign that read "Cyan Blvd." Instinctually, Kyle turned right again. From there, it was only a few mere strides to the Larufa residence. Enzo's house was a gigantic, vaguely gothic-looking mansion with a massive front yard surrounded by a tall wrought-iron fence. Kyle stood before the main gate and briefly glanced through the bars to marvel at the impressive Pokémon topiaries that lined the brick path to the front door of the mansion. Kyle then heard an garbled voice nearby: "State your business!" He turned and realized it was coming from the intercom. Peeking at Kyle from one of the topiaries was a security camera. Kyle quickly came up with a lie as he pressed a button on the intercom. "My name's Kyle Richter, sir. I'm a friend of Vincenzo's." The voice responded, "Master Vincenzo did not inform me of any guests." Kyle replied, "Well...with all the excitement over his upcoming wedding, he probably forgot." There was a long pause. "Very well then, come in..." The gate slowly swung open. _I totally guessed on that wedding thing,_ Kyle thought as he started on the path to the front door. _And if it's still 'upcoming,' then I'm not too late!_ He stopped briefly to admire an Articuno topiary before continuing on. Kyle was less than halfway along the path when the gate slammed shut behind him. And mere seconds later, he heard a vicious canine bark. A team of five attack Growlithe was coming his way at full speed. Two Growlithe were several feet ahead of the other three. _I've been set up!_ Kyle mentally shouted. He started to take a few of the Pokéballs off of his belt. "Aerodactyl, Marowak, I choose you!" Kyle threw the two Pokéballs at the two Growlithe closest to him. Both missed. As Grendel and Clavicle materialized, a pair of Growlithe struck Kyle hard in the chest with a twin Take Down attack. Kyle landed on his rear and kicked one of the snarling guard dogs aside before it could Bite him. "Grendel, Hyper Beam the other three!" Kyle shouted out. "Aeeerrrooooo!!!" As the three remaining Growlithe passed by Grendel on their way toward Kyle, the prehistoric beast took a deep breath and exhaled a mighty energy blast in their general direction. The blast hit ground mere inches in front of the center Growlithe. The resulting explosion sent all three Growlithe flying. "Good! Now, Clavicle, use Bone ClURRRGGGHHH!!!" The Growlithe that Kyle had failed to kick away sunk its teeth into Kyle's left side. The reformed Clavicle rushed over to Kyle and used his bone weapon as a crowbar to pry the Growlithe loose. The furious canine came loose from Kyle's side and then ran around erratically for several seconds. Eventually the frenzied Growlithe lined himself up with Kyle's crotch and made a mad lunge toward it with jaws wide open. Clavicle's femur, however, cut the Growlithe's flight short. Nearly all of the attack dog's teeth were shattered as they connected with the Marowak's club. Whimpering pathetically, the Growlithe turned tail and ran. "Maro," Clavicle snorted. He choked up on his femur weapon slightly. The Growlithe that Kyle had kicked was beginning to recover, as were the three that Grendel had blasted. The Growlithe closest to Kyle charged, but Clavicle was ready. He swung his femur like a baseball bat into the Growlithe's path. Bone and dog collided with a horrible CRACK. The unconscious Growlithe hung in the air for a while before hitting the ground, bouncing, and smashing through one of Enzo's windows. "Ground-rule double," Kyle remarked, trying to take his mind off of the pain that was burning in his side. He attempted to get up, and he fell back down just as quickly. Blood was trickling all the way down from the bite wound in his side to his left shoe. Kyle turned and noticed the three leftover Growlithe getting to their feet. "Grendel, Fly attack!" he commanded. "Dactyyylll!" Grendel got a running start and took to the air as the wounded Growlithe trio limped as fast as they could toward Kyle. Grendel lined himself up, pulled his wings in close to his body, and went for a mighty divebomb that was supposed to take out all three Growlithe at once. The desired effect was not achieved, however. Grendel slammed into one Growlithe dead-on and knocked it out cold (as cold as a Growlithe got, anyhow), but the other two got away unscathed. The Growlithe duo dived at Kyle moments later; however, Kyle was able to log-roll out of the way. "Clavicle, uh...do something!" he shouted, as Bone Club was the only one of Clavicle's attacks he was sure of. As Kyle clumsily crawled away from the angry pair of Growlithe, Clavicle twirled his weapon over his head briefly and then drove the femur into the ground. A shockwave shook the earth. Stone spikes as tall as the Marowak burst up from the ground just behind Kyle. The trainer turned to see the spikes knocking the last two Growlithe head over heels. "...Nice Earthquake..." he stammered. Clavicle struck a victorious pose. "Maro...maro wak!" He idly held his femur weapon on his shoulders and behind his head like the picture on a certain controversial Bo Jackson baseball card. Kyle slowly crawled over to the Growlithe to make sure they were out of commission. When he was convinced that the threat was over with, he stood up as best he could and dashed painfully off in the direction of Enzo's front door. "Come on," he commanded Clavicle and Grendel. "That was just the appetizer..." (OOC: The Bo Jackson card mentioned featured a picture of Bo that was actually a Nike advertisement being used illegally. The card was worth a whole bunch of money at some point...but probably not any more.) --K * A * R * N * I * V * A * X-- "Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead." --Jaya Ballard, task mage