From: Karnivax (email@example.com)
Subject: [PW!] Break On Through
(OOC: Oy...I'm becoming steadily more disillusioned with the whole
Pokémorph community. Take a look at some of the characters other
people have come up with:
*A Haunter with Teleport.
*A Charizard/Mewtwo hybrid.
*A Clefairy/Jolteon/Raichu hybrid with Transform.
Now, the argument could be made that I shouldn't be bitching about
omnipotent characters - *cough* - but I only like omni bad guys! These
are all omni good guys! And where's the fun in that? ^^;;; The
defense their creators offered was largely amusing, with this line
being the best of all: "If you have a pikachu with a high-level
teleport the cooler, if you have a pikachu with a normal-elvel [sic]
thundershock it's okay." In a way, that quote is a sad comment on how
shallow people can be in their prerequisites for a "cool"
character...in another way, it's just funny!)
The mind-controlled Jessica Sullivan mechanically strode into the
lavishly decorated living room. Her new fiancé, Vincenzo Larufa, was
sitting in a loveseat and talking on a cellular phone in a
stereotypical snobbish voice. "All right then. I'll tell the caterers
to expect the entire Sullivan family! Ta-ta." With that, Vincenzo
deactivated his cellular phone and took a deep breath. "Goddish..."
he blasphemed in his true voice. "I can't wait for th' day when th'
Sullivans are outta our life an' I can drop th' 'refined gentleman'
crap." He looked over at Jessica. "Yer dad was absolutely thrilled to
hear that th' two o' us are finally tyin' th' knot next week. So
thrilled, in fact, that he's puttin' ya back in his will. Now ain't
that nice o' him?"
"Yes," Jessica replied. "Nice."
"I'm sorry that Morpha has to stand in for ya at th' weddin', my
love," Enzo apologized shortly before he took Jessica's left hand and
kissed it. "If by some crazy freak accident, Spellbinder's spell were
to wear off in th' middle o' th' ceremony, neither o' us would be very
happy 'bout it." He smirked. "But, hey, don't worry. I'm gonna give
ya one hell o' a honeymoon to make up for it!"
"I look forward to it," Jessica remarked.
Enzo leaned back in his seat and stared off into space. "Some
guys hafta fight for years an' years just to win over a broad they'll
probably end up divorcin' anyway," he commented. "And yet, I got
Jess - Jess, who's powerless to disobey my every whim; Jess, who's on
th' good side o' anatomical impossibility - without even liftin' a
finger. All marriages should be this easy!" He thought deeply for a
second. Then he stood up and approached Jessica. He gently ran his
fingers through her reddish-brown hair. An idea had come to
him. "Jess, ya mind takin' a shower?"
Recognizing even indirect orders, the hypnotized Jessica slowly
headed toward the nearest shower the second Enzo let her go.
As he followed Jessica into a nearby bathroom, Enzo chuckled, "I
Elsewhere in Cerulean City, Grendel the Aerodactyl made a shaky
landing less than a block away from the Cerulean City Gym. Kyle, still
clad in his Bolt Crank outfit from Manganicon 2000, leapt from
Grendel's back, then beamed the prehistoric beast back into his
Pokéball. He dashed to the gym to see if he could find a phone book.
After passing through the gym's brand new automatic doors, Kyle
saw Lily of the Four Sisters of Cerulean manning the front desk. She
looked up at the visitor. "Hi!" Lily said sweetly. "Hmmm, you remind
me of someone somehow..."
"I've been told I cause déja vu," Kyle responded in an attempt to
prevent any idle chit-chat. "Do you have a phone book? I need to find
"Sure." Lily reached underneath the desk and pulled out a massive
phone book for the Cerulean City area.
Kyle leafed through the yellow pages until he found the only entry
for Larufa in the book. "1200 Cyan Boulevard," he said softly to
"Go that way on Prussian Avenue until you reach a store
called 'Jamaican Me Crazy,'" Lily directed, pointing vaguely
northward. "Then turn right and walk four blocks. That should get you
to the 1000 block of Cyan Boulevard."
Kyle left just as quickly as he had entered. "Thanks," he called
So Kyle hoofed it to the distinctly-colored 'Jamaican Me Crazy'
store, Cerulean's one-stop Rastafarian shop. Then he turned right and
walked past a few stop lights before catching sight of a street sign
that read "Cyan Blvd." Instinctually, Kyle turned right again. From
there, it was only a few mere strides to the Larufa residence.
Enzo's house was a gigantic, vaguely gothic-looking mansion with a
massive front yard surrounded by a tall wrought-iron fence. Kyle stood
before the main gate and briefly glanced through the bars to marvel at
the impressive Pokémon topiaries that lined the brick path to the front
door of the mansion.
Kyle then heard an garbled voice nearby: "State your business!"
He turned and realized it was coming from the intercom. Peeking at
Kyle from one of the topiaries was a security camera.
Kyle quickly came up with a lie as he pressed a button on the
intercom. "My name's Kyle Richter, sir. I'm a friend of Vincenzo's."
The voice responded, "Master Vincenzo did not inform me of any
Kyle replied, "Well...with all the excitement over his upcoming
wedding, he probably forgot."
There was a long pause. "Very well then, come in..." The gate
slowly swung open.
_I totally guessed on that wedding thing,_ Kyle thought as he
started on the path to the front door. _And if it's still 'upcoming,'
then I'm not too late!_ He stopped briefly to admire an Articuno
topiary before continuing on.
Kyle was less than halfway along the path when the gate slammed
shut behind him. And mere seconds later, he heard a vicious canine
bark. A team of five attack Growlithe was coming his way at full
speed. Two Growlithe were several feet ahead of the other three.
_I've been set up!_ Kyle mentally shouted. He started to take a few
of the Pokéballs off of his belt.
"Aerodactyl, Marowak, I choose you!" Kyle threw the two Pokéballs
at the two Growlithe closest to him. Both missed. As Grendel and
Clavicle materialized, a pair of Growlithe struck Kyle hard in the
chest with a twin Take Down attack. Kyle landed on his rear and kicked
one of the snarling guard dogs aside before it could Bite
him. "Grendel, Hyper Beam the other three!" Kyle shouted out.
"Aeeerrrooooo!!!" As the three remaining Growlithe passed by
Grendel on their way toward Kyle, the prehistoric beast took a deep
breath and exhaled a mighty energy blast in their general direction.
The blast hit ground mere inches in front of the center Growlithe. The
resulting explosion sent all three Growlithe flying.
"Good! Now, Clavicle, use Bone ClURRRGGGHHH!!!" The Growlithe
that Kyle had failed to kick away sunk its teeth into Kyle's left
side. The reformed Clavicle rushed over to Kyle and used his bone
weapon as a crowbar to pry the Growlithe loose. The furious canine
came loose from Kyle's side and then ran around erratically for several
seconds. Eventually the frenzied Growlithe lined himself up with
Kyle's crotch and made a mad lunge toward it with jaws wide open.
Clavicle's femur, however, cut the Growlithe's flight short.
Nearly all of the attack dog's teeth were shattered as they connected
with the Marowak's club. Whimpering pathetically, the Growlithe turned
tail and ran.
"Maro," Clavicle snorted. He choked up on his femur weapon
The Growlithe that Kyle had kicked was beginning to recover, as
were the three that Grendel had blasted. The Growlithe closest to Kyle
charged, but Clavicle was ready. He swung his femur like a baseball
bat into the Growlithe's path. Bone and dog collided with a horrible
CRACK. The unconscious Growlithe hung in the air for a while before
hitting the ground, bouncing, and smashing through one of Enzo's
windows. "Ground-rule double," Kyle remarked, trying to take his mind
off of the pain that was burning in his side. He attempted to get up,
and he fell back down just as quickly. Blood was trickling all the way
down from the bite wound in his side to his left shoe.
Kyle turned and noticed the three leftover Growlithe getting to
their feet. "Grendel, Fly attack!" he commanded.
"Dactyyylll!" Grendel got a running start and took to the air as
the wounded Growlithe trio limped as fast as they could toward Kyle.
Grendel lined himself up, pulled his wings in close to his body, and
went for a mighty divebomb that was supposed to take out all three
Growlithe at once. The desired effect was not achieved, however.
Grendel slammed into one Growlithe dead-on and knocked it out cold (as
cold as a Growlithe got, anyhow), but the other two got away
The Growlithe duo dived at Kyle moments later; however, Kyle was
able to log-roll out of the way. "Clavicle, uh...do something!" he
shouted, as Bone Club was the only one of Clavicle's attacks he was
As Kyle clumsily crawled away from the angry pair of Growlithe,
Clavicle twirled his weapon over his head briefly and then drove the
femur into the ground. A shockwave shook the earth. Stone spikes as
tall as the Marowak burst up from the ground just behind Kyle. The
trainer turned to see the spikes knocking the last two Growlithe head
over heels. "...Nice Earthquake..." he stammered.
Clavicle struck a victorious pose. "Maro...maro wak!" He idly
held his femur weapon on his shoulders and behind his head like the
picture on a certain controversial Bo Jackson baseball card.
Kyle slowly crawled over to the Growlithe to make sure they were
out of commission. When he was convinced that the threat was over
with, he stood up as best he could and dashed painfully off in the
direction of Enzo's front door. "Come on," he commanded Clavicle and
Grendel. "That was just the appetizer..."
(OOC: The Bo Jackson card mentioned featured a picture of Bo that was
actually a Nike advertisement being used illegally. The card was worth
a whole bunch of money at some point...but probably not any more.)
--K * A * R * N * I * V * A * X--
"Some have said there is no subtlety to
destruction. You know what? They're dead."
--Jaya Ballard, task mage