From: LordLocke (email@example.com)
Subject: [PW!] Call of the Tour Guide
Date: 2000-09-06 21:10:41 PST
*Some forest, somewhere*
"Andrew, could you check the map again?"
Andrew looked at the map again. "Sure thing. Lessie... the map
says that, from our current location, Celadon City is... East."
"East? You sure?" Gads looked evenly at Andrew. They should have
been in Celadon days ago. Next to him, Monk-chan wore a similar
"Yeah. It says to right here. Currently, we should be... South of
Gads blinked. "South of...Vermillion? You sure?"
"Because South of Vermillion City is Vermillion Bay."
"Gimmie that." Mara snatched the map from Andrew's hands and looked
over it. She saw the problem instantly. "You dummy, this map is
upside-down. Vermillion is not the NORTHMOST of the five cities, it's
Andrew shook his head. "Oh. I guess that only means one thing."
"What's that?" Gads and Mara both looked at Andrew.
Dramatic Pose. "SOMEONE SOLD ME AN UPSIDE-DOWN MAP!"
*A few moments later*
"I guess we're lost." Mara looked around for signs of civilizatian.
"Mmmph mfff mmmmpth"
"What's that, Andrew?" Gads ducked down and pulled Andrew's face out
of the ground
"I said, you two didn't have to go and slam me into the dirt like
Mara's eyebrow twiched. "You needed some sence knocked into you."
"You were doing that thing again... ya know, where your mouth
decided to run on auto instead of waiting for logic to send a message."
Gads shook his head.
"Key man man." Monk-chan, standing on Andrew's head, smacked it
once again for good measure.
"OW! Ok ok... so maybe it WAS my fault."
"Maybe?" Mara's eyebrow continued to twitch.
"Ok, ok, definately..."
"Should we let him up now?" Gads looked over at Mara.
"I guess. He admitted that it's his fault, at least." Mara grabbed
one arm, Gads the other, and both lifted Andrew to his feet.
Gads looked left, then right. "Now, all we gotta do is figure
Suddenly, a voice, amplified by a loudspeaker, blared out. "And to
our right appears to be a bunch of lost, confused Pokemon trainers."
*Flash* *Flash* *FLASH!*
Mara shook her head. "Who turned ON the lights?"
Rubbing his eyes, Gads tried to focus. "Apparently, a bunch of...
tourists?" Gads rubbed his eyes again. He was seeing things. There
was no way that in the middle of these woods there would be a bunch of
tourists sitting in a tour tram taking pictures of them...
"Oh, look daddy, that one has a Mankey tail. And fangs. Oooohhh...
he's so cute."
"Pfftt. Kids and cosmetic surgery these days. Anything for shock
value. And I'm willing to bet that girl's hair color isn't natural.
Who's heard of a blue-haired girl?"
"Look at that Mankey! It's doing tricks for us!"
Indeed, Monk-chan, who had managed to avoid the flash-bulbs of the
cameras, was now spinning on his head. Afterwards, he did a backflip.
"Oh, you're so funny. Here's a banana."
One of the tourists threw a banana out to the Mankey, who happily
caught it and climbed up a nearby tree to enjoy his prize.
As the trio of trainers simply looked stupified, the tram continued
onwards. "As our tour of the forests outside Hellion City continues,
one can see a small group of Weedles to our right, one of the most
abundant of the native Pokemon..."
Andrew recovered first. "A tour route? In a forest?"
"Well, I guess that means that we're near civilization. How about
we go the way the tram came from?" Mara suggested.
"I guess that'd work. Hey, Monk-chan, you coming" Gads looked up
at the Mankey, which was finishing the banana it had gotten.
"Key!" Monk-chan jumped onto his trainer's head, climbing to his
"OW! Watch it, will ya. I think you put on some weight during out
stay in Vermillion."
Monk-chan responded with a Karate-Chop to the head.
"OW! OW! OW! Damnit, Monk-chan..."
"You guys comin' or what?" Mara and Andrew had already begun to
follow the worn-down path of the tram treads.
"Wait for me!" Gads dashed off after them, Monk-chan sinckering
from his pearch.
*Hellion Town Docks*
Where the forest ended, the seaside section of Hellion Town began.
Gads, Mara, and Andrew entered, suprised at the sudden contrast of
forest-to-developed city. They stepped to the side to let another tour
tram head out into the woods.
"Oh WOW! Look at this place?" Mara just looked from left to right
then left again, taking in the sites.
"A bona-fied tourist trap. Look at all the people..." Andrew was
amazed that they had wandered that close to such a populated resort and
"A seaside resort, a tour service... even sea cruises. Geez... I
never heard of this Hellion Town, and I wonder why I never had."
Mara simply giggled, getting Andrew's attention. "What's so funny."
"One of those cruse ships. Their prices are cheap... but their name
isn't so comferting..."
Andrew looked at the ship's name, then laughed himself. "The Barely
Floating Peice of Crap? What kinda cruse ship is that?"
Gads shrugged. "One to avoid." Gads then took another look
around. "I guess we should find the Pokecenter. This place isn't very
big, but it's jam-packed. We better find out more about where we are."
*On the Deck of The Barely Floating Peice of Crap*
"Yes, Cap'n?" First Mate Matey's expression sank. Captain Hole was
in one of THOSE moods.
"Why don't we have any customers?" Captain Alexander Samuel Steven
Hole wasn't too happy either. He had heard that Hellion Town was a
popular resort, but so far, in his months docked, not one customer had
"Well... I guess people just don't have any taste." 'At least, not
any BAD taste' Matey chuckled mentally.
"Who's running the registration table out front?"
"Venus and Locke, just like you requested." Matey cringed. Sure,
the two were probably the closest things one got to a draw on this ship,
but their personalaties clashed massively. Odds were, they were
probably scaring customers away with their bickering, glaring, or
"Hmmm where ARE all the sea-faring travellers with the fat
wallets and high spirits?" Captain Hole seemingly puncuated his
statement by taking a gigantic swig of whatever form of liquor he had in
that bottle of his.
'On other ships... lucky them.' Matey thought.
"Damnit Venus, where were YOU? I left you to tend to the desk while
I went and got us something to eat!" As Venus D'Amore, the ship's
security officer, walked over to her seat, Dirkas Locke, the
entertainment coordinater, was sitting behind a table, holding a pair of
sandwiched, and the look on his face was one that suggested that he'd
like nothing better then to watch his 'partner' choke on one of them.
"Well, what do you expect me to do when a big... strong...
muscular... handsome... beefcake of a sailor comes my way?." Venus
D'Amore nearly began drooling.
If Dirkas had looked a little ticked earlier, he looked outrightly
pissed now. Last thing he needed was to hear Venus talk about her
LATEST conquest of the day. "Well, what happened if any paying
customers had come our way."
Venus began laughing. "As if."
"Well, what if?"
Venus looked evenly at Dirkas. "If any paying customers had come
our way, some men in white suits would have come to lock him up shortly
"Hey, that's not necessarially true..."
"It happened last week! And the week before! Face it, anyone would
have to be CRAZY to willingly board this ship. You and I wouldn't be
here if the Captain didn't have blackmail on us."
"I guess you're right..." Dirkas grumbled to himself and began to
chow down on his sandwich. "At least Newton's too busy with Chef to
bother me right now..."
Newton P. Haights, owner of the ship's on-board Pokemart, smiled
pleasently. Of course, he always did, but it helped a bit to calm down
the ship's Chef. "Now, now, I'm sure what Doc Chacney did was for the
"I know that, but your screw was a bit rusty, and it had to go..."
"Well... maybe Doc DID go a bit overboard with that honkin'
chainsaw, but Doc looked really happy doing it."
"MAG MAG MITE!"
"I'm sure that you'll be able to get that right magnet patched up in
NO time. Heck, I can barely notice that it's half-missing. Why don't
you get dinner cooking for the crew. That always makes you feel
"... mite" Chef magentically lifted some melted-together nuts and
dumped it into a pot of Spagetti Sauce. Cablewire and Nut-balls was
always one of it's favorite dishes both to prepare and to eat. The
scent of tomato sauce mixing with scorched iron was one that was
polar-charging! The Crew would LOVE it!
(OOC: BWA HA HA! THEY'RE BACK! You thought they were lost at sea.
YOU thought they'd sink and drown. Well, guess what... they've made
their way back to port, and no one is safe. Run while you can, hide the
young ones, and whatever you do, keep as far inland as possible, because
it's no longer safe to go into the water. The Barely Floating Peice of
Crap FLOATS ON... barely.
Anywho, you ASKED for this, Gonk. Hope ya knew exactly what you were
getting yourself into. BTW, if you want, ya can ignore TBFPOC. Their
part is just an oversized cameo reminding people that, yes, with Gads'
return, THEY would come back as well. The most ill-organized,
politically-incorrect, totally-senseless, self-gratifying bunch of
seafaring bunglers on the ship that ON ONE wants a ride on without a
death wish, or at least a lot of free time... the seabound heck-hole,
The Barely Floating Peice of Crap.)
-From your friendly, neighborhood LORDLOCKE