From: Bandraptor (bandraptor@aol.com) Subject: [PW!] First Man to Mount Moon (attn. Shimarisu) Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2000/03/26 The morning sun was rising ever so slowly over the network of towns and villages that comprised the whole of Pokemon Island. Starting from the Easternmost seaport, bright, yellow sunlight silently flooded the streets; and worked its way westward with stubborn determination, trampling over any obstacle--animate or non--foolish enough to get in its way. By and by, it reached a hurdle that was of particular irritation, a massive shelf of rock that seemed to stretch up for miles. The mountain (which was called 'Mount. Moon', though the sun did not know that) was home to many manner of creatures, the vast majority of whom dwelt in caves, rendering them infuriatingly out of the light's reach. Still, it stretched its searing tendrils deep into the pockmarked craters on the mountain's face; and eventually, where light had failed, heat prevailed in waking the primitives within the dwellings. With a loud yawn, an awkward bipedal creature hobbled out from the cave, pausing only to scratch at its dirty brown fur. It was soon joined by the rest of its tribe, five or six smallish creatures, some closer to dying than others, but all emaciated to the point where the outlines of their cervical vertebrate could easily be seen, through whatever muscle still remained to hold them in place. Still, they were alive--more than could be said for many of their brethren--and with a bit of luck, they just might stay that way. For, while some cruel trick of fate had cursed these creatures with bodies that were inadequate for their own survival, bodies that lacked natural weapons of any sort, it had also blessed them with the capacity for higher thinking. As the mangy creatures made their rounds of their pathetic territory, they were ever wary, for one never knew when a Persian might bare down upon them, jaws gaping. Of course, should a Persian choose to attack them, there was nothing they could do, and even if one of them did die, it would be of little consequence to the rest of the group--but instinct demanded caution. It was this same instinct that demanded they take heed of the strange object that lay half buried at the foot of their mountain, an obelisque like structure that was pitch black and wholly translucent all at once. The structure's innards seemed to swirl as if they were being contorted by a gravitational field all their own--not that its current audience would ever understand what a gravitational field was. What they did understand, however, as only their primitive brains would allow, was that they did not like the structure that had been lain before them. The creatures began to howl in reproach, and some of the braver animals even dared to pound their fists upon the distasteful object. And in the midst of all that chaos, something strange happened--something wonderful. One of the creatures--perhaps entirely by accident--found his paw twisted around a discarded length of bone, perhaps the remnants of one of his less fortunate clan members. In between the pounding of one fist and another, he was unable to loose the bone from his grasp, and so it connected with the obelisque, with more force than a bare fist could possibly muster. And as it connected, there rang a tumultuous noise, clear as a bell, loud as a gunshot, proclaiming its achievement to all the world... * * * CLANG CLANG CLANG Nori let out an almost inaudible whine of protest, as the singsong noise penetrated her eardrums, jolting her awake. She curled up into a tight ball, grabbed the nearest object (which happened to be Kohban the Meowth), and held it down tightly over her ears, in an attempt to drown out the noise. Unfortunately, The Bottle acted like a gigantic tuning fork, and even if she couldn't hear the ringing in a technical sense, she could still feel the sound waves vibrating through her body, which was akin to hearing it, anyway. Finally, she gave up and, letting the Meowth fall to the floor, got to her feet. Kohban began to groom himself indignantly, hardly an easy task, considering the way the floor was shaking. "For chris'sake," the old cat grumbled, "you'd think there'd be some sorta noise ordinance..." Every morning, for as long as they'd been trapped in the Diet Coke Bottle of Hell (Evolved Form), the pair had been awakened by the clanging of Marowak Bone Clubs upon glass. This odd daybreak ceremony in which they'd unintentionally become involved was fortuitous, if only because it was their sole way of telling when daybreak DID come, they were too far into the bottle to see the sun for themselves. Of course, considering that she had spent the last countless days alternately tromping through the Bottle's darkened halls, and tromping through the Bottle's darkened halls while carrying Kohban on her back, Nori was less concerned with what time it was outside, and more concerned with getting a few decent hours rest. But even as the sound of bone crashing down upon glass gave way to silence, Nori knew that would be impossible--Kohban might complain, but he was adamant in his quest to find Murasaki, and once he was awake, there was no talking him back to sleep. The girl let out a long sigh, and the pair started down yet another passageway. * * * "You know," Nori mused, as she breezed by a corridor that looked exactly the same as the last five, "We've been here an awfully long time..." "Don't remind me." Kohban grumped, "Bah. I shoulda just stayed with that other kid. I bet he's found HIS way out." Nori mulled over this. "You really think so?" "Sure. If he was here, we would've seen him by now." Nori muttered something under her breath. "Yeah, and there's s'posed to be a computer in here, too. But we haven't run across *that* yet, now have we? And there's s'posed to be an exit in here somewhere, but we haven't seen that, either! All we've seen the whole time we've been here is hall after hall of nothing! And I'll tell you something else..." she lowered her voice, confidentially, "I don't think we're alone in here. This bottle...I think it's alive. And I think it's trying to trap us in here..." The Meowth blinked. "...Don't be stupid. It's a bottle--" "Then what's your explanation for all'a this?! How come we're getting so lost?" Kohban narrowed his eyes. "The reason we're lost, is because you have no sense of direction!" "Oh, what difference does it make WHO got us lost?" Nori despaired, "We're never gonna get outta here, you know. We've been forgotten by everyone, even our own authors! We're...we're gonna die in here..." *BUM BUM BUM!* At that moment, a particularly sinister bit of music came blaring over The Bottle's loudspeakers. Nori looked around, trying to locate the source of the noise. "What was that?" "It's Needledrop." Kohban responded dryly. "Who?" "Nevermind," the Meowth sighed, "let's keep on looking...that computer's gotta be around here somewhere..." "Gyaaa....forget about the computer! We don't need some machine to locate your owner! Look," Nori said, "if I was a Rocket--which I am--I'd wanna be where there're lots of people. And if I was a person--which I also am--I'd wanna be someplace that...isn't...here. So if we're going to find your owner, the first thing we need to do is get outta here! And fortunately, I know just the way..." Nori threw her backpack to the ground, and rummaged through it momentarily, before coming up with the Pokeball she was looking for. "Nemesis! Go!" One second passed, then two...the pink and blue crystalline duck failed to appear. Nori sweatdropped, staring down into open Pokeball, that was lying empty at her feet. "Nemesis...are you here?" The Bottle's loudspeaker made an odd noise, as if it was clearing its throat. "Yes, Nori. I am here. Is there something you'd like me to do for you?" Nori facefaulted. "Uh...Nemesis...since when do you know how to talk? And have you evolved into a free-floating mental entity since I last saw you?" "No, Nori. Unfortunately, that is not the case." The silken voice continued, "Now, is there anything you need?" "Uh..." Nori scratched her head. "Actually, yeah. I was wondering if you could use your Hyper Beam to blast a hole through the side of this bottle for us." "I'm sorry, Nori. I can't do that." "Why the hell not?" The loudspeaker hummed with static for a moment, unencumbered by Nemesis' voice. "It's actually rather complicated. As you well know, Nori, my programming instructs me to aid you in any way possible, and it is my unparalleled desire to do just that. However, the firewall in which you're trapped is virtual in nature, and my Hyper Beams would do nothing to weaken it. I could physically decompile the entire unit, but I fear that would be counterproductive, as it would probably result in my destruction, not to mention yours and Kohban's. My suggested course of action is that you remain where you are, until I can finish my preliminary scan of the--" "Geez, I liked you better when you didn't talk." Nori massaged her temples. "Look, forget the technical explanations, and just tell me, where are you? And where are we? And do you know a way out?" The loudspeaker hummed again. "...As I said, Nori, it's difficult to explain in so many words. However, and needless to say, I shall try. As it happened, you and Kohban had requested my assistance in hacking into the main computer in this establishment. Such is rarely a difficult task for human hackers alone, and further simplified by my guiding polygon. I transported the three of us into the computer's mainframe, a la the movie 'TRON,' but unfortunately, before we got very deep into the files, we hit a bit of a snag, and the system collapsed on us. I, being constructed solely for the purpose of handling such crisises, had no difficulty escaping; and am now attempting to unlock the system, so as to free you and your accomplice. Do you understand?" Nori bristled. "Yeah, I understand. You left us alone in here, so you could save your own no-neck body!" "Please realize, Nori, although I exist only to serve you, and while I have the greatest possible enthusiasm for you and all of your missions, I am also instilled with basic fight or flight instincts, as all thinking creatures must be, in order to survive." Nori started to say something, but Nemesis cut her off, adding, "Also, the point you raised earlier was a valid one, while it may seem like I am talking, I'm actually not. The voice you hear currently is simply a result of manual computer input; and as each letter typed detracts from my ability to concentrate on the true problem at hand, and as this dialogue is doing little to bring forth a solution; I think it would be logically sound that we cease communication, for the time being." With that, the loudspeaker clicked off. Nori sighed, and sank to the floor. A part of her was trying to make sense out of what Nemesis has said; but mostly, she felt a numbness, resulting from an excess of stress, and a lack of sleep. She cupped her head in her arms, and rested her elbows against her knees, slowly dozing off... "Erhem." Nori jolted awake, as she heard a voice drifting over the loudspeaker. "Hi, Nori, I've finished my preliminary diagnostic, and I believe I have found the source of our problem." "Oh?" "It was a bug, Nori. The computer detected a bug in its system, and immediately firewalled the area where it believed the bug had been found. This is a fairly common occurrence, and standard procedure would be to destroy the whole of the infected data. In this case, however, such would be impossible, as you would be destroyed along with the data. Instead, I offer the following solution: Search around the area in which you're standing, and keep an eye out for anything unusual." "'Unusual'?" Nori cried, "'Unusual' how? 'Unusual' in the sense of a giant, living, breathing Diet Coke Bottle Form Hell?" "...Evolved Form," Kohban added. "...Or 'unusual' in the sense of a talking Meowth? Or 'unusual' in the sense of our situation, which seems to've been ripped off from a cheesy '80s sci-fi movie, or a Simpsons episode, or some obscure episode of an anime, that probably no one in here's ever even seen? I'm sorry, Nemesis, I think you'll need to be a little more detailed on that last point; or better yet, come in here and find this bug yourself, since that's the whole reason we have Porygons in the first place!" "..." When Nemesis' voice next sounded it had just a touch of annoyance to it. "Look, Nori. I understand what you're trying to say, but my drives are tied. I can't come in there for the same reason you can't come out; the computer's locked up tight. However, if you were to locate the bug, I could isolate and destroy it, and the computer would drop its firewall, allowing me to free you. Just look for anything that seems reasonably out of place. Cracks in The Bottle's glass. Garbled writing on the walls. The obscurity may be minuscule, but you only have to search the area immediately around where you're standing." Nori and Kohban sighed in unison, and began to search. Kohban, being closer to the ground, checked the floor. Although the swirling void below the crystal tile was like nothing he'd ever seen, even in its chaos, it had a strange sense of order. Nori ran her hands over the surface of the walls, feeling for dents, fissures, or other impurities. Finding nothing, she looked upward, toward the spot where she perceived Nemesis' voice as coming from. "There's nothing 'unusual' anywhere! The only things that are 'out of place' in this stupid computer are Kohban and myself!" There was another short silence. Then, "Of course! It makes perfect sense now-- you *are* the bug! Naturally, The Bottle's computer would view a potentially destructive bit of foreign data such as yourself as a Missingno. of sorts. I should have considered that before bringing you in there. And now you're trapped. Oh well, live and learn." Nori, who was ignoring Nemesis at this point, grinned widely, an evil glint in her eye. "I'm a Missingno.? Kick ass! Now I can get my revenge on this freakin' bottle, for keepin' me trapped inside for so long! I think I'll start by conjuring up some level 255 Snorlaxes to drink it dry, then duplicate a coupla hundred Fire Blast TMs, and some Charizards to smelt it down with, and then I'll start on the Kangaskhans, and maybe some strange glitchy things that aren't really Pokémon at all! And then..." Having heard all this, The Bottle decided that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to keep the intruders captive any longer; and in one swift motion it released them from the computer, then with a loud pop, it fired them out of its top, and into the air. The trio landed in a heap, in a small grassy area just outside Cerulean City; drenched in soda, and certain to attract a different type of bug, if they didn't get themselves cleaned up soon. TBC... (NS: Shima, you can go wherever you want with this...I don't know what you have planned for Kohban.) -Beth, of the ever changing sig. Lone member of the Butch and Cassidy Fanclub! Holder of 25 Zeni Points! 50 Tolerance Points! And 20 Kanji Moder Points! (whatever those are)