From: Rain Dance (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Subject: [PW!][NC] Intelligance Lost
Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, there's this....oh well, I
needed to vent out about Otaku's pathetic work on "Innocence Lost".
The sun rose steadily into the sky that morning, rousing the sleepy little
hamlet of Lavender Town. Everyone had been up for hours, except for one
person, Juan Foldgers. Juan had been sleeping for hours, not to mention
snoring that was measuring a 2.4 on the local seismongraphs.
Stumbling down the stairs, and halfway down taking a swam dive, he managed
to stagger his way to the kitchen, where he saw his parents smiling faces.
"Good morning son." They both chimed in unison.
"Why can't you two go get blown up? I'm the laughing stock of Pokemon Tech
with you two still alive and kicking!" Juan whined. He always was a bear
before he got his coffee in the morning.
"Juan, why can't you be like normal children and love your parents?" his
mother said, still smiling, "oh, and we're out of coffee."
Juan was struck with a wave of anger, and he stormed out the door,
muttering obscenities all the way out. Out on the road in the midday sun,
he sloached along muttering to himself. "Why can't I get my normal cup of
coffee in the morning? It's all I ask."
Growling as he went along, he reached to get into to his pack to look for
his map, when he realized he forgot his map. In fact, he had forgot his
entire pack, except for the Pokeballs containing Zulu and Teeveegor.
Continuing to swear to himself, he marched down the dusty beaten path
towards nowhere, "Maybe if follow this path, I might find a Starbucks or
something," he muttered to himself. When all of the sudden, he found a sign
with directions on it, with an arrow pointing on it saying "this way to
Saffron City." And then in very, very, very, very small print, it also read
"Home of the only Starbucks of 100 miles."
Juan continued to curse, meanwhile, when all of the sudden he bumped into
two people in the middle of the road. "Jack and Jill!" he called to the
strangers, recognizing them to be the top two graduates from Pokemon Tech
"That's right, and we're the newest members of TR!" Jack exclaimed, pulling
off his cloak that revealed the letters TR on it. Jack grabbed his
Pokeballs and let Zulu and Teeveegor out. The inverse inverse colored
Growlithe popped out and so did his Gastly.
Jack and Jill countered with Graveller and Kadabra. Graveller faced off
against Zulu, and Kadabra against Teeveegor. "Zulu, hit the Graveller with
your Take Down, and Teeveegor, give it your Psybeam!"
Zulu let out a war cry and charged the Graveller, curling up into a ball
and gaining momentum. Zulu crashed into the Graveller with a massive
cracking sound. Zulu fell limp, his spine having been snapped by the sheer
force of the impact with the hard stone of the Graveller.
Teeveegor on the other hand faced off against the Kadabra, "Are you feeling
depressed about your love life? Need to know the winning lottery numbers?
Want to know if your future is secure? Well then call the Psychic Friends-
he was cut off as the Kadabra scrambled its molecules of gas and scattered
them over a four mile radius with its freakishly omni psychic abilities.
"Hahahahaha!" Jill cried out, "You've been defeated, and now you shall pay
for making us waste our valuable time on you, coward!"
Juan stood there, wondering what was going to happen now, when everything
just went black.
Jack and Jill HAD joined TR.just not Team Rocket. They had joined the
Trekkies Remnant, a band of teens with way too much time on their hands, who
spent all day worshiping the Klingon and Romulan gods and watching old ST
reruns. Juan awoke in the secret den of devoted to Seven of Nine, with a
massive nude rendering of her pasted on the wall.
Juan shook off the blow he had received, to be greeted by the massive nude
Seven. Eyes bulging and howling in horny excitement, he altered his captors
that he was awake.
Two pudgy teens in stained Trek t-shirts waddled over, both of them in very
thick glasses. Their unkempt hair fell down everywhere, as they stared at
their prisoner. The first one grunted something to the other one in
Klingon, and the other one disappeared into the back of the shrine.
"Who are you?" Juan asked.
"I am Four of Eight, Unimatrix 0563." He grunted to Juan.
"Whatever, why am I here?" Juan asked.
"You are to be assimilated. You will be one of us." He said.
"Before you ass-imilate me, can I have a cup of coffee?" Juan asked
"NO! ALL WE DRINK IS BLOODWINE!" The trekkie shouted
"All I want is one little cup of coffee." Juan stuttered
"NO! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! GIVE UP THE COFFEE! ACCEPT THE BLOODWINE OF THE
ORDER!" The Trekkie screamed at the top of his lungs.
"But all I want is one little cup of coffee-" Juan stammered, just before
trekkie attempted to attack him. The key word was attempted. He tripped
over his own feet and crashed into the panel that controlled the locks to
the shackles in which Juan was housed. The locks tripped, and the shackles
Now free, Juan got up and ran for the door. Although the trekkies friend
had decided to try and stop him, he made it to the door first, and opened
it, filling the room with sunlight, blinding the trekkies. With his
pursuers blinded, Juan managed to make his escape.
Hours later, deep inside the bowels of the burnt out Saffron City
Convention Hall, home of the Trekkie Remnant, Jack, Jill, Steve, Bob, Aaron,
and Shawn brooded, and they decided that they would assimilate Juan Foldgers
using their assimilating fangs, and by any means necessary. Then, the six
of them climbed in their regeneration alcoves and began preparing for the
Okay, all typos were made to mock Otaku, blah blah blah, I want reposnses,