From: Newton P. Haights (newhaights@aol.comanyte) Subject: [PW!] [SS-ANNE] Oh Dear Goddish No... Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2000/04/24 On the horizon, there appeared a vague form. But as it came into full view, it was clear that this was no ordinary form. For how *could* it ever be considered ordinary? Indeed, this form could only be the sailing death-trap known world over as... The Barely Floating Piece of Crap. *** On the deck... Captain Alexander Samuel Steven Hole walked over to the side of the ship. Upon seeing the famous SS Anne, he sighed. "Shoulda known this would happen again..." With that, he whipped out the Biggest Damn Megaphone You Ever Did See™ and addressed the cruise liner. "Hey, you guys *suck.* You *suck* worse than anything has ever *sucked* before. And oh yeah. You *suck.*" "Uh, Captain?" "Yeah?" A random crewman pointed to the other side of the ship. "The St. Anne is *that* way." "Uh... I knew that." Turning around, he re-addressed the dooméd – er, the OTHER dooméd ship. "Ahoy, passengers and crew of the SS Anne. I am Captain Alexander Samuel Steven Hole of the...*ahem*...Barely Floating – hey! Miss D'Amore! Where do you think you're going?" "Uh... to keep them – that is, uh, those passengers – off the ship. Security measures and all." "Why would we ever try to keep them OFF? I have enough trouble keeping them ON!" "Not buying it then, huh?" "No." "How about, I'm gonna try to sucker – er, persuade some passengers into crewmanship here?" "Yeah, that works." Demieo Locke, who happened to be on the deck nearby, chuckled. "Yeah, Venus'll be ‘persuading' somebody... Doubt it'll be about recruitment though." "Why you little..." Suddenly, Newton Haights bounded up from the cabin. "Hey guys! I just had the greatest idea!" "Oh no..." Demieo and Venus groaned in unison. "Ever since I heard what they're doing at that Induh... uh, Inder... Indy-go place, I decided it would be a *great* idea to put our Pokémart and Pokémon Center together." Both Demieo and Venus looked at Newton, quizzically. Demieo spoke first. "But we don't *have* a Pokémon Center." "Yeah," added Venus. "The closest thing to a center that we have is..." *** Down in the combined Pokémart/Doctor's office... "AAAAAAHHHH!" screamed a hapless crew member. Behind him was a psychotic Chansey carrying a running chainsaw. "I only wanted an Antidote, I swear!" *** Back on deck... "That's it, I'm gone." Demieo glanced at Venus. "Care to join me?" "Eh..." Newton added, "...and since you two didn't seem to be busy, I thought you two might want to help me run the place..." *splash* "Hey Locke, what the hell are you waiting for?" *** Back on deck... During this whole commotion, Captain A. S. S. Hole was still on deck, rattling off every insult he could think of towards the SS Anne. Of course, the fact that he was a tipsy pirate captain aboard an infamous floating hell-hole didn't help much. But he didn't care. One guy shouted from a second class porthole, "Hey, Captain Asshole!" *That*, he cared about. "My name is Captain *Hole.* Captain *Alexander* *Samuel* *Steven* *HOLE.*" "Whatever. Nobody cares about your stupid little Big Fecking P.O.S." That did it. Whatever temper Captain Hole had before just got shot to heck. "IT'S BARELY FLOATING PIECE OF CRAP, G*******T! AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT FOR A SECOND!" "Yeah, whatever." "Hey, this ship may be a Piece of Crap, but it's *my* Piece of Crap. I'm allowed my ... one second of pride about it." "Yuh-huh..." "And anyway, nobody can mock it but ME." "Whatever..." "And besides, at least *mine* doesn't SINK EVERY YEAR!" To which the passenger replied sarcastically, "Oh, well touché." *** Aboard the SS Anne... A well-dressed man stood on the deck, overlooking the scene. "Sometimes I forget just why I gave that poor fool that ship...then this happens." *** Back on the BFPOC... Matey approached Captain Hole. "Captain, sir, if I may have a moment?" "Sure, just a sec." After belting out his rendition of his very own song, entitled "The S.S. Anne is a Stupid Bitch in D Minor..." (OOC: Cartman: "Hey!") ...er, his very own *rendition* of "The S.S. Anne is a Stupid Bitch in D Minor", he turned to Matey. "You were saying...?" "I just wanted to say, on behalf of the crew, that I am extremely glad to see that we have on our side a captain with such outstanding maturity to use his Megaphone in times of *ahem* utmost peril." "Why thank you, Matey. I'm glad you feel that way." And as Captain Hole continued ranting, and Demieo and Venus continued swimming, and the hapless crew member continued running, the rest of the world sighed in relief. They were just glad that THEY weren't on a cruise ship in the middle of the sea, having to experience an encounter with... The Barely Floating Piece of Crap. ***** OOC: Lordlocke told ya the BFPOC would join with the SS Anne... ^_^ -- NewHaights: Pokemaniac for hire | AGNP Semi Regular DORK #19, DORK-lite, Score: 11 | AMWA Newbie, Al-Team # log_10 27 The Super Poke-Mart: http://members.aol.com/newhaights/index.htm Pokemania...DORKism...not just a job, they're an adventure!