From: Tech Weaver In The Sky With Diamonds (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Subject: [PW] Poke-Pimpin' Ain't Easy
[Notes: This particular message is a test. I am actually posting this
from a computer I got about a month ago instead posting from my WebTV
like I've done in the past. Just to warn you, I'm testing to see if
the apostrophes come out as apostrophes instead of a bunch of weird
[Oh, and Joe... Sorry, but Morgan and Ema aren't in this story.]
[Cue opening theme]
And they're extreme!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Make my dream team!
It's on Poke Wars!
It's not Otaku Wars!
Did I mention it's Pokemon Extreme?
Yeah yeah yeah yeah Extreme yeah yeah Poke yeah mon yeah
Announcer: Last time, on Poke Wars Extreme!
*Cliff the Clefairy stops the fight between Rush the Growlithe and
Phoebe the Victreebel*
Smasher: You got me a Victreebel?
*Antaeus the Tentacruel emerges from the water in the Cerulean Gym*
Daisy: Go, Antaeus!
*Phoebe leaping into battle*
Smasher: Phoebe, it's time to get extreme!
*Phoebe and Antaeus thrash each other. Phoebe wraps her vine whips
around Antaeus and...*
Smasher thinking: The water might be his source of power...
*...lifts him into the air!*
Smasher: Keep him outta the water!
*Smasher showing off the badges clipped to his glove*
Smasher: I got a Cascade Badge!
*Smasher looking at a map*
Smasher: So, where to next?
[Cue episode and show title]
Poke-Pimpin' Ain't Easy
writen and directed by Tech Weaver
"Clef clefairy clef?"
"Don't worry, I'm sure we're better off without them."
"If they can catch up to me, they're welcome to hang out with me. But
I feel the need for speed, and I'm sure I can handle whatever crosses
my path. It's not like a pimp is about to pop out of nowhere and
demand money from me."
No sooner had Smasher said that when a flashily dressed Primeape
knocked him off his skateboard and pinned him to the ground. Lying
face-up, Smasher could easily see the Primeape's frilled and annoyingly
colored overcoat and embarassingly wide hat. Shuriken the Staryu and
Cliff would've loved to help, if they weren't being restrained by a
Lickitung and a Jynx.
The Primeape got off Smasher's chest. This wasn't so much to allow
Smasher to get up as it was to allow a rather large and even more
flashily dressed man to pick him up by the shirt collar and pin him to
a tree. Smasher, with his superior sense of irony, guessed that this
was in fact a pimp.
"Where's my money, foo!?"
Yeah, this was a pimp alright.
"What money?" demanded Smasher.
"The money you owe me for services rendered, boy!" the pimp
insisted. "Where is it!?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Smasher answered.
"In a capitalist economy, such as our own, money is used in exchange
for goods and services," the pimp explained. "The person or persons
offering the goods and/or services may charge whatever fee they feel
necessary, taking into account the factors of supply and demand."
"I understand the concept," replied Smasher. "I meant I don't owe you
any money! I never even met you before!"
The pimp laughed a deep, pimpy laugh.
"As the owner of the Pokemon who requested my services, you take full
responsiblity of that Pokemon's transactions," the pimp
continued. "That Pokemon herein referred to as 'Cliff Diver the
Clefairy' and the service in question being the rental of one
Victreebel owned by me and currently in your possession."
Smasher's eyes went wide.
"WHAT!?" he exclaimed. "What? Wha- huh?"
"Let me ask you again, kid," the pimp reinterated. "Where's. My.
"Wha- Money?" Smasher flubbed, flabbergasted. "How much money?"
"It is in my best interest and in the best interest of this story's
author to kept my transactions as confidential as possible," the pimp
said. "So I must whisper the exact amount of cash required for this
expense in terms of the local currency, whatever it happens to be."
The pimp leaned in closer and whispered into Smasher's ear. Defying
the laws of conventional physics, Smasher's eyes went even wider.
"No two-badge trainer makes that much money!" blurted Smasher.
"That was just the flat rate, itch," the pimp informed. "I also charge
an hourly rate of..." The pimp then whispered another exorbant sum into
"That match was nowhere near an hour," Smasher said smugly.
"I don't charge per match, doink," the pimp corrected
threateningly. "I estimate the my Victreebel was in your possession
for over forty-eight hours. That brings the total up to..." the pimp
whispered the increased charge.
"I'm afraid I must request the return of my Victreebel as well," the
pimp added, removing a Pokeball from Smasher's belt. "Unless, of
course, you wish purchase said flytrap at a much larger and therefore
more expensive cost."
"You take credit?" Smasher asked.
"Cash only," the pimp answered.
"All of it, up front."
"Dang. I don't have the money with me right now. Can you take a rain
"You have two months the come up with the money, wiseguy. I charge
interest by the day."
The pimp dropped Smasher, who breathed a sigh of relief.
"Just to show you I'm serious, you have one month."
"And if you don't have the money by that time, I'll break both your
"And don't think I won't find you. I'll track you down like a dog if I
have to. You have one month. Let's go, Pimpape. Sid, Marsha return."
The Lickitung and the Jynx disappeared into their Poke Balls. The pimp
walked off into the forest with Pimpape.
Shuriken and Cliff went over to where Smasher sat.
"Ah, man," lamented Smasher. "Now what am I going to do?"
To be continued...