From: Dreadite ( Subject: [PW!] Purified Memories Newsgroups: Date: 2000/05/25 It is said of age, that with it comes experience and wisdom. Of these, only the first is truly a part of age, wisdom comes along on its own. The pasts each elder person looks at will be different, even at similar events. The following is one view of the past, warped, but not without its own values intact. ---- Childhood? I suppose I should start with my childhood. Simple enough. I grew up in the home in the mountains... it's been so long, all I truly remember are people's faces, trees, and birds. I loved birds, I spent much of my time among the trees looking for them. The people who's faces I remember would call me for dinner, for washing up, and other various tasks. Kind faces, although not altogether supportive of my love of the birds... they're dangerous according to them. I incline, looking back, to agree with this. I have had many fliers, and some are vicious. But I was young, and knew little of animal nature. I suppose, looking back, that the same birds I loved so were the cause of my life now, since it was a trip to the forests that caused my.. fall. I was out with my friend, what was his... was it a he? No matter, my friend and I had been looking for birds in the forest. The rest is a blur... actions, falling, and intense pain. I suppose since then I have not been so childish... pain is growing up, in a way. Once you have felt the pains of death, you are no longer a child, and so I am not. My friend is I assume dead, abandoning me to this life. I was known as... Naes? I hear the name in my mind. I am known currently as Dreadite. I have... "lived" for ages with who and what I am. I am currently the controller of a petty band of mortal rabble who call themselves a team... well, perhaps that is too hasty. They, and their leader, are easily manipulated, because I have the timely experience in immortal nature, and mortal nature and thinking is below that. Giovanni is obsessed with life, like all mortals, life and mortal treasures. You all are. You shun his methods, claiming moral "right", yet you will not live to see neither right nor wrong come to the same conclusion. That, I believe to be the joke in death. You never see the ending of anything. I choose to simply act as a encourager of the end for some, for it will come eventually. My actions are fated, I believe, and you are all fated to die. I perhaps am, too, for I have recently encountered a problem with my immortality... emotions. They did not apparently die with the rest of me... I found someone who brought out emotional connection. The problem, like all, is that she died. Damned that life should put me here to outlive all that matters to me. I notice in this that I have jumped around quite a bit. But when did a mind thing in a straight line? Nothing goes in a line, not even time. It progresses in one direction, but can turn and curve, and does so many times. Its path is not set, but it is controlled in its turns by actions of the people living within the time's path. Damned though it is, I suppose this chronicle of the time and curves I saw should go to waste, for the darkness is behind its creation... in the end, the only other truth in things is the faceless human ideas of right and wrong. It is not wrong to be what I am, no more so than it is to be what you are. I hold you all in contemptuous standing... every last one of you. Abandonment is a pain you cannot experience to the scale I do. All of you abandon life so easily, it is amazing that I cannot. I am human in all but the lack of death... for all have life, but the mortal ones have death as well. I only wish I could have that at times, there is rarely a point to all of this... life, as it is, and likely this speech. ---- Darkness? Darkness was first born... oh, I wish I knew when. While I was still underground I imagine. I had been attempting to escape my dark, pained prison of life, and managed to summon forth the part of me which demanded death, putting it to spirit. Not in literal sense, for I imagine darkness is simply mentally me, a picture of my actions, a personality that one would know as the Death that is in everyone. But he has physical form, influencing naught but me. A rather pesky problem, but he is dead. Still, he first appeared to me in the caves, attacking me, calling me to death, impossible though it is. Then I slew him, and had naught to face with him until the next time I ventured down to the caves. Lately however he has strayed to my dreams, and even to the outside world. A pity, really, for he does naught but tries to torment me, and now he has an emotional bond to go after. And he is not the only one, humanity cannot accept me either, and so outcast I was found in the caves, brought up by the Boss, as they call him. ---- The Boss? Ah, yes. Giovanni, or the Boss as most call him. I consider him to be one of the few still with integrity, most people have become so attached to being righteous that they forget what drives their foolish illusion, that they are not driven by greed themselves. I refer to these trainers, who rush around to gain badges, honor, and in their greed feel they are not greedy. Giovanni simply chooses as a trainer to be accepting of his greedy nature. Purity and realisation of truth is quite an appealing trait, although it will be destroyed, like all good human traits. You see, humanity seems intent apon their rat race, and rats in themselves, if raised like humans, kill each other, struggling for survival. But that is their eventual fate anyhow. I will come to rats in a moment, but for now, I must stick to my topic at hand. You see, the Boss is the one I "work" for, at the moment. He runs this Team Rocket, a admirable organisation of thieves, bandits, and the like. Humans who have more sense than to pride themselves with opposing what is my mission in life. ---- The Mission? I believe in my life, that to end humanity is the ultimate goal. It is only fitting that those who seek the true meaning of life, immortality, should be struck down by the one who was given the unwanted meaning. And in that, they will understand their meaning is useless. You see, life is the beginning of a quest for immortality, be it through fame, accomplishment, offspring, or personal eternal life. Of these, only the fourth is truly unachievable for the unchosen by this cursed life. Also, in that evil has its side of immortality, in the end, it is not your alignment in your mind that counts, but simply if people gave you any thought. I give you thought. Simply for a moment before your death. So consider yourself immortal when you die at my hands. If that gives you any pleasure in your death, then you can consider your life to be complete. Many people do not understand the simple things in life, complicating the base emotion that builds you, and drives me to completing my life's work. Still, I cannot believe that is truly what is intended of me, but it is all I can see now, with her dead, the hopes gone, my bird, my companion dead, and my eternal pains my only friends now. ---- Her? Ah, I would not discuss this if I had the choice, but since I speak only to myself, I suppose I may. She is the one I encountered but briefly in this world... dead, living in my life but for a fraction. The one who's words stabbed home, made me doubt my true goals, made me doubt me, without even knowing it. I hold those treasured memories, as best I can. I hold her in my mind, that I cannot in my arms... and even that would be taken from me by the demons, by Darkness, by humanity, by myself. I cannot spare pity, but yet I do... and I question what I am made of. Still, her death has distanced me from this, and I do what I must to live, to bring everything about. I would remain in this raptured topic, but it pains me to think of the joy, distanced. But she is immortal for her remembrance. Finis --Dreadite Why can't I get close? I am distant despite my efforts I cry secretly, so close My shyness stopping me, it hurts I see the pain it causes So much for the love which I have My efforts unnoticed My person unknown 'ere now, I am close Yet to you so far away. --Sean Alexander