From: Karnivax (karnivax@my-deja.com) Subject: [PW!] The Replacements Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2000/07/21 (OOC: I'm paying more attention to character development now! I *swear*! ^^;;;) When Jessica woke up, she found herself tied to a chair and still wearing her costume from Manganicon 2000. The chair was part of a very ornate dining room set. A giant chandelier hung over the dining room table. "What...where am I?" she weakly queried. At that moment, Vincenzo Larufa stepped into the room. He wore two full Pokéball belts...one of them his own, the other Kyle's. "Welcome to my home, Jess," Enzo greeted. "It's gonna be yer home too, from now on..." Jessica struggled in her seat. "This can't be real!" "Oh, but it is," Enzo chuckled. "Don't wear yerself out tryin' to get loose. Just relax and let me tell ya what I've got planned for ya. Ya know, it's so simple I'm amazed I didn't come up with it sooner..." Jessica was too worn out to continue struggling anyhow. She leaned her head back and stared up at the ceiling. "Now, Jess, I've decided I'm not gonna marry ya after all," Enzo started to explain. Jessica commanded, "Then let me go." "Oh, no, Jess, I can't do that," Enzo responded, very calmly. "Ya see, I'm gonna marry yer 'stunt double.'" Jessica heard faint footprints. She turned her head to one side, and into the room came an exact duplicate of her, costume and all. "Yaaahhh!" Jessica cried. "Morpha's got you down cold," Enzo told Jessica. "I'm gonna stick her in a weddin' dress an' marry her in yer place. Jus' to make sure that absolutely nothin' goes wrong." He grinned. "But don't worry, you're still th' one that gets to do all th' wife stuff." Before Jessica could make a defiant speech, Enzo went on, "I know exactly what you're thinkin'. You're gonna tell me that you're never gonna love me. Well, ya know what?" He pounded one fist on the dining room table furiously. "I don't give a Rattata's ass! Yer gonna be spendin' th' rest o' yer life under Spellbinder's Hypnosis, Jess!" He started to pace back and forth. "Sure, I'd prefer it if ya loved me for real...I mean, who wouldn't?" he said sullenly, turning away. "But I'm willin' to settle for th' next best thing..." "Enzo, there's something I've always wanted to ask you," Jessica sighed. "If you're after my heart...then why have you always treated me so horribly?!" Enzo was silent for what seemed like a long time. Eventually he responded, "Ya won't be capable o' conscious thought much longer...so I guess it couldn't hurt to tell ya..." He paused in contemplation. "Th' first couple o' times we met, I didn't know who ya were. All I knew about the girl I was supposed to marry, the girl who ran away, was her first name..." He took numerous pauses as he thought of how to phrase his explanation. "The first time I saw ya...at that restaurant in Celadon...I didn't see Jessica. All I saw was another beautiful girl walkin' 'round with Johnny Haircut. Made me sick to my stomach, it did. I decided that day that I wasn't jus' gonna stand by an' let th' cute couples o' the world slam their relationships in my face any longer. I had to win ya over! I showed off my Pokémon training skills to ya a couple times. I tried to impress ya. But I got too into it...let rage cloud my judgment, or somethin'. I ended up treatin' ya like crap... "By th' time I figured out who ya really were, it was too late. I'd already painted myself as th' bad guy...and th' paint wasn't gonna come off. So I figured, hell, I've screwed everything up, I've got nothin' to lose now. That's about when I gave up tryin' to win ya over th' natural way. That's when I almost got ya to marry me using Spellbinder's Hypnosis. That's when I tried to whack that Kyle guy. That's when I sent Morpha to capture ya from that otaku convention." "Enzo," Jessica spoke up, "if you had apologized for your first couple of attempts, things could have been -" "Yeah, but I didn't," Enzo irritably interrupted. He took one of the Pokéballs off of his own belt. "Life sucks that way, don't it? What ya do can wreck yer future...an' what ya don't do can wreck yer future even worse." He dropped the Pokéball to the floor, and out came a lazy-looking Hypno. Enzo pointed the Hypno toward Jessica. "Spellbinder, give her a real strong dose o' Hypnosis." "Hypno." Spellbinder opened his hand slightly, revealing a humble yo-yo. He shuffled toward the immobilized Jessica and dangled the yo- yo in front of her face. "Hypno..." "Kyle will come for me, Enzo," Jessica warned as the yo-yo started to swing. She closed her eyes in an attempt to resist. "Yeah, I know," Enzo responded. "But I have his Pokémon. And believe me, once Spellbinder's done with ya, you're gonna forget all about Kyle..." "Hypno...hypno...hypno..." Spellbinder chanted. He gave Jessica's motor control nerves a little psychic nudge and forced her to open her eyes. After that, a few mere seconds was all it took for the Hypnosis to take hold. Jessica's eyelids fell. Her muscles relaxed. Spellbinder motioned toward Jessica and said "Hypno" once again, as if to tell Enzo, "She's all yours." While Spellbinder stood off to the side and performed a few yo-yo tricks for Morpha, Enzo approached the half-asleep Jessica. "All right, Jess, listen up. I'm givin' ya three rules for survival as my wife. Rule one: I'm Enzo, yer one true love; thou shalt not haveth any other true loves before me. Rule two: Kyle shalt receive no kindness from ya. Th' two o' ya art worst enemies from now on. And rule three: thou shalt doeth anything I tell ya to doeth, no questions asked. If I tell ya to strut naked through th' streets o' Cerulean, you'll do it with a big smile on yer face." A vivid mental image came to him. "Ooo, I like that..." He shook out of his reverie and concluded, "Okay. When Spellbinder claps, you'll wake up." Not expecting a cue, Spellbinder accidentally hit himself on the head with his yo-yo and collapsed to the floor. Enzo sweatdropped. "But, uh, before he does that, Morpha needs some help with her lines. So I want ya to repeat after me: 'With this ring, I thee wed.'" Almost mechanically, Jessica replied, "With this ring, I thee wed." "Good," Enzo praised. "Now say: 'I do.'" "I do," came the monotone response. Enzo looked at Morpha. "Did ya get all that?" Morpha gave a thumbs-up. "With this ring, I thee wed," she said in perfect imitation of Jessica. "I do." "Everything's all set, then," Enzo noted. He swiftly untied Jessica. Then he took hold of the unconscious Spellbinder and slapped the Hypno's hands together. Jessica's eyelids rose again as she slowly stood up. Evidently as a side effect of Spellbinder's spell, Jessica's eyes had changed. Her pupils, as well as the glimmer that had been in them, had seemingly vanished. Enzo took some newly-washed clothes off of the dining room table and handed them to Jessica. "I recovered yer street clothes from th' anime convention," Enzo said in as sugary a tone as he could muster. "Go get changed." He directed Jessica to the nearest bathroom. He then promptly slapped himself on the forehead as he heard the hypnotized Jessica lock herself into the bathroom. "Damn...I think I missed an opportunity there." Meanwhile, in a wide alley near the Saffron City Convention Center, Kyle had just finished using his Pokédex to call up his six remaining Pokéballs from cyber-storage. He took the six Pokéballs from his belt and tossed them to the ground one by one. Before him materialized Clavicle the Marowak, Fenris the Arcanine, Goliath the Golem, Grendel the Aerodactyl, Tassadar the Alakazam, and Wildwing the Psyduck. Goliath gave a quick scan of his surroundings. His electronic language translator boomed, "What...? This is not the Cinnabar Laboratory!" "You've just gotten a big promotion, Goliath," Kyle told the stone- covered creature. "You're on my A team now." "I, serve you?!" Goliath scoffed. "I would sooner dive into a pool of Razor Leaves!!!" "That a fact?" Kyle chuckled. "Don't look now, but I think you're alone in that sentiment." He pointed at Clavicle, who was merrily twirling a femur. "Maro wak! Maro!" Clavicle happily babbled. He stood up straight and gave Kyle a military salute. Kyle stroked his hairy chin. "Hmmm...maybe it's just me, but I remember your friend being a lot more...metallic." "The fiends at the laboratory subjected poor Clavicle to some rehabilitation method known as the 'Ludovico technique' or something along those lines," Goliath dryly explained. "He has been so conditioned that he experiences intense physical pain if he so much as *thinks* of committing evil deeds...or even being disobedient. They went so far as to replace his metal helmet and Kabutops scythe with 'tournament-legal' items." He paced back and forth. "The true crime here is *not* one the many Clavicle has committed. The true crime is the bereavement of his capability for moral choice..." He then mused, "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness..." "So they're probably going to try this Ludovico thing on you too, aren't they, Goliath?" Kyle said with a smirk. "I am in the middle of it, yes," Goliath snorted. "But I will *never* succumb to the will of a few miserable hominids!" "Reeeally?" Kyle jeered. "Then how come you're not stoning me to death right now? Don't you want to get revenge for what my Pokémon did to your previous employer?" Goliath scowled. "I...am not in the mood." "Yeah, okay." Kyle looked to the rest of his second string. Fenris was panting vigorously. Kyle pointed to the deep crimson Arcanine. "Sit, boy. Sit." Fenris sat down. Kyle reached into his backpack of mystery and produced a giant doggy treat. "Now roll over." Fenris rolled once to his right, then back to where he had been. Kyle eased the treat toward Fenris. "Now, take it nice..." Fenris daintily plucked the treat from Kyle's hand using his front teeth. "Good boy." Kyle gave the Arcanine a pat on the head. Next he turned to Grendel. Grendel let out a powerful screech which caused pretty much everyone in the vicinity to clutch their ears. He was still rather fired up from his pursuit of Shard. Kyle plainly commented, "You're fine," and moved on to Tassadar, who was sitting in a meditative position. "Ala, ala, ala, ala..." Tassadar chanted softly to himself. His eyes closed, he slowly levitated. Kyle took a few steps back from the ominous-looking creature that had once been Sabrina's Alakazam. "I really hope you're as loyal as Jessica says..." Hearing a voice, Tassadar opened his eyes and floated back to his feet. He bowed like a stereotypical karate master before a match. "Kazaaam." Kyle continued backing away. "I'll...take her word for it." He finally looked at the rather inappropriately-named Wildwing. Wildwing was standing in one place. His tiny hands were motionless at his sides. His stare was not so much vacant as drowsy. "Psy," quoth he. "Duck." _Jessica claims he's a lot more powerful than he looks,_ Kyle thought. _But he'd just about *have* to be..._ He pulled out his Pokédex and used it to determine Wildwing's attacks. _Surf, Dig, Ice Beam, and Amnesia,_ Kyle noted. _Jess has been working hard._ Kyle then addressed his whole team (save for Goliath, who was looking away): "All right, this is a rescue mission. My significant other, Jessica Sullivan, was abducted by a girly Ditto just recently. And the only person with a girly Ditto who would order such a thing is the conniving little pile of crap named Vincenzo Larufa. First, Grendel will fly us to Cerulean. Then, I'll find a phone book and take us to Enzo's house. After that, we'll break and enter." He paused. "I'll expect you all to give one hundred and ten percent! Enzo loves to trash-talk, but you'd better believe that he can back it up." Wildwing tilted his head to one side. "Psy?" Kyle pointed at Goliath. "Even if I don't get any obedience out of *you*, I doubt you're just going to stand by and let one of Enzo's Pokémon beat your igneous ass into next week." "Any afterlife would be preferable to this accursed existence," Goliath snarled. His voice wavered with insincerity. Kyle just sighed. He recalled all of his Pokémon except for Grendel. He then hopped on Grendel's back. "To Cerulean!" Kyle commanded. Grendel got a running start and sang "Aerrrooo!!!" as he took flight. (OOC: Anyone catch Goliath's references to classic movies and beatnik poetry? ^_^ Augh, I'm so bored...) --K * A * R * N * I * V * A * X-- "Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead." --Jaya Ballard, task mage