From: Bandraptor (bandraptor@aol.com) Subject: [PW!] Whose Name Is It Anyway? Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2000/05/28 Nori and her Magmar were wandering about the streets of Lavender Town, searching for the Name Rater. "I can't believe we haven't found him yet," Nori griped, "there are only like, six buildings in this entire town!" Complicating matters were Nori's sense of direction (or lack there of), and the thick fog that constantly enshrouded the city streets. Magmar was doing its part, clearing away the fog immediately surrounding them with its own body heat, but they still could only see a few inches in front of their faces. "I wonder what's causing this fog, anyway?" Nori mused out loud, "I read that some Pokemon have the ability to create haze or mist with their powers--I wonder if Articuno makes its nest around here?" "Maaaagg..." Magmar scolded, vaguely remembering what had happened the last time Nori went chasing an Articuno, "Magmar mag..." Nori grinned helplessly, "Then again, it could just be a Lapras or a Vaporeon. Or a weather system." "Mag..." Magmar experimentally tried to Fire Punch the fog, but it was like trying to punch its way out of a paper bag. Which, while short work for Fire Pokemon like Magmar, is insurmountably hard for other creatures, like, say, protozoa. The ever-present fog slowly began to wear down on Magmar's body flames, leaving it feeling damp and miserable. The creature decided it had had enough, took one more step forward, and collapsed. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" A man jumped backwards just it time to avoid having the Magmar fall on him, "What's the matter, you duckblind?" "Oh..." Nori crouched down next the fallen Pokemon, "Magmar, are you all right?" "I mean, really. I've heard of raining cats and dogs, but water fowl? Unless it's a Platy-puss." The man shook his head. "Whatever it is, we'd better get it inside. Imagine. A duck who doesn't like water. That's pretty Farfetch'd." The man scooped the Magmar up in its arms--as a result of the moisture that had been sopping into its body, it was no longer too hot to touch--and carried it into the house behind him. "Thanks for helping my Magmar..." Nori began, as she followed the man inside, "...Um...I'm Nori..." "Nori, is it?" The man exclaimed, "That's a decent name. But would you like me to give you a nicer one?" "Gaah!" Nori facefaulted. "...Eh...heh...heh...I get it. You're the Name Rater... A little Name Rater humor, huh." "Humor?" The Name Rater asked sternly, "Do YOU joke about training Pokemon?" "Well, sure." Nori shrugged, "I mean, here we have all these creatures with super powers, that are able to control the elements and stuff, and we show our respect for them by stuffing them into little plastic balls and carrying them about like keychains. Sometimes I wonder how it is that we ever got control of this planet. Maybe humans are just Pokemon who haven't realized it yet. Of course, if that were true, it'd be a major hassle for everyone. They'd have to rewrite the entire Pokedex, and kids would be fighting to capture each other. And we'd probably end up being really useless Pokemon like Lickitung--ow!" Nori winced, as though she'd been slapped upside the head by some unseen force. "Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to keep a sense of humor about the things you're passionate about, or else you'll go insane from the inconsistency of it all." The Name Rater glared at her impatiently. "Do you want me to give you a nicer name, or not?" "No!" Nori hugged herself protectively, as if that would prevent him from taking her name away. "I just wanted to register this Porygon of mine...you can do that, right?" "Oh. Of course." The man shook his head, clearly disappointed, and brought out his notary kit. "Porygon...Nemesis...Trainer is N-O-R--you're *sure* now?" "Positive!" "N-O-R-I. Aaaaand, it's done. I just need you to sign there...yes, and print your name on the right...thank you." The man held the certificate up to the light and read aloud, "This Pokemon has been nicknamed NEMESIS. Would you like me to give it a nicer name?" "NO! I just *named* it 'Nemesis'! Why would I wanna keep changing its name?" "Maybe you expected it to turn purple." The Name Rater muttered sourly. "Isn't there even one Pokemon whose nickname you'd like me to rate? After all, I am the only *official* Name Rater on this side of Pallet Town!" "No offense..." Nori sweatdropped, "But I wouldn't really want my Pokemons' names rated by someone who can't even come up with a more original name for himself than 'Name Rater.' And what makes an *official* Name Rater, anyway? Is there some sorta trade school? A Bar Exam? What are your credentials?" "Well for one thing," The Name Rater whispered confidentially, "I came up with the names for ALL of the creatures in the dub of 'Digital Rancher Monster Farm'-- episodes 1-25. Changing "Butamon" to "Putamon"...that was a stroke of genius!" "Well, take a bow, and dub thyself Childlike Emperor..." Nori grumbled, "Look, I guess you won't let me outta here until you rate one of my Pokemon's nicknames, so why don't you have a look at Magmar over there? I'm not saying the name doesn't suit him, it's just kinda bland." The Name Rater adjusted his spectacles, and sized up the Magmar, who had now recovered its strength, and was waddling about the room, setting various items aflame. "MAGMAR, is it? That is a truly impeccable name! Take good care of MAGMAR!" "Gaah!" Nori fell down again, hitting her head in the same spot she'd hit last time, "You like Magmar's name better than mine?" "Well...to be perfectly honest, I think MAGMAR is a terrible, unoriginal name, though I *was* trying to soften the blow. You see, this Pokemon originally belonged to a person other than yourself, and I can't in good conscience change the name they gave it." "..." "Just think..." The Name Rater got up from his table and walked towards the window, but since the sun was not out to serve as a backdrop, he settled for a desk lamp, positioned so that it was facing upwards, and flourishing behind him dramatically, "what if the owner was sailing across the ocean, fleeing a town with a dictator who prevented-- no, *forbid* anyone to change their Pokemons' nicknames? And a sudden wave came up, splintering their raft; and with their last breath, they glanced longingly towards the shores of Lavender, where people are allowed to freely change the names of their Pokemon as often as they like, called out this Pokemon one final time, and christened it... MAGMAR." The man brushed a tear from his eye, "How could you...possibly... expect me >sob< to go against their last wishes?" He pulled out a silken handkerchief and blew his nose loudly. Nori rolled her eyes. "You do realize you're going against everything the trainer in that story was fighting for, right? Besides, I know that wasn't true, because if it was, Magmar would've drowned too..." "You dare to question the authenticity of my fables?" The man scowled, all emotion over the supposed drowned trainer fading from his face, "Get out. Get out! Get out!" He took Nori under one arm and Magmar under the other, and threw them both outside. "Oh, and provided you have a Pokemon whose nickname you'd like me to rate, come back any time you want!" TBC... -Beth, of the ever changing sig.