From: Bandraptor (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Subject: [PW!] Naughty by Natu-re
Date: 2001-04-08 23:50:05 PST
"My name's Nori Mizuke. Nori Mizuke of Viridian City, or more recently, Nori
Mizuke of the Viridian Gym, or if you want to get technical, Nori Mizuke of
Nowhere At All, 'cause I've been ousted from everyplace I've ever lived. I
guess at the moment I'm Nori Mizuke of the Ruins of Alph, but that's not how
I'd like to be remembered, since I genuinely hate this temple, and besides, the
title's way too long; it sounds silly.
"It's been six years since I first embarked on my Pokémon Journey, five since
that incident in Viridian. Three years since I released Rubix and the others,
one year since Giovanni lost his status as Gym Leader, and I suppose it's been
about four months since Grey and the others elected me to complete field
research on the Movédex. All in all, I've kept myself pretty busy. I've learned
a lot during these past few years, both about myself and about people in
general. I've done some pretty horrible things as well, and at one point, I
made the mistake of singling myself out as evil. That was simply conceited,
because when it comes down to it, all humans are evil. It's our deep-seated
yearning for power that drives us in everything we do--Pokémon Training is a
case in point. Pokémon Training, in the traditional sense, has little to do
with anything other than domination--domination over Pokémon, and domination
over other humans.
"In training and in life, I couldn't care less what happens to humans, and I
don't pity Pokémon either...but looking back, I can't help feeling a bit guilty
about the ones I've killed. There's nothing I can do for the dead ones, since
they're already dead...but if I want to overcome my guilt, I guess I'll have to
do something to atone for my sins; and maybe helping other Pokémon is the key.
That's one of the reasons I agreed to participate in the Movédex project.
There's no doubt in my mind that humans will use the data from Movédex for
their own selfish purposes, use it to make their monsters better fighters. But
while humans battle for fleeting glory, Pokémon in the wild battle with their
very lives at stake. My goal is to provide the wild ones with an adequate
understanding of their enemies' techniques, so that even the weakest among them
will stand a fair chance of survival. It's for the Pokémon, and not the humans,
that I continue my research."
For a moment, there is silence, then the voice at the end of the line speaks
up, "That's very noble of you...but like I said before, we don't deliver to the
Ruins of Alph. Try calling the Pizza Hut in Azalea Town."
"Thanks for nothing! If I ever find you, I'll feed you to my Houndour!"
Nori snaps the cell phone module of her PokéGear shut, and begins pacing about
the upper levels of the temple, in hopes of taking her mind off of her empty
stomach. She succeeds to a point--soon, instead of thinking about her empty
stomach, she's thinking about how much she wishes she could think about
something other than her empty stomach. "I'm so hungry," she complains, "why
can't rare Pokémon ever hang out at steak houses, or ice cream parlors, or
She reaches into her pants pocket, pulls out a palm-sized, silver-colored
computer, switches it on, and flips past several prompts, until she comes to
the long list of techniques that still need to be researched. "I guess, if they
have me lined up to test Heal Bell, that'll give me an excuse to visit the
Miltank Farm in Goldenrod. Or if they want me to do Softboiled, or Milk
Drink...I'm willing to demonstrate those two myself."
She skims through the numerous technique names wistfully, then scrolls back to
the top of the list, where the move that she's supposed to be researching is
highlighted. She presses a button on the right side of the device, and it
begins to speak in a vaguely Dexter-like voice:
"FUTURE SIGHT. Type: Unknown. Power Points: Unknown. Base Damage: Unknown.
Effect: Damaging attack." In other words, the move had come up during early
Metronome tests, and nobody had paid enough attention to record sufficient
data. Nori curses the untold levels of incompetence that mark every member of
Team Rocket other than herself, possibly Grey, and of course, Giovanni.
"Believed to be a Psychic-type technique, it is learned by NATU at an early
"Hmmph." Nori strolls to the crumbling wall that frames the ruins, "That
Psychic git with the Girafarig said this place'd be crawling with Natus, but I
haven't seen even one. If I find out he was lying, I'll FEED HIM TO MY
HOUNDOUR!" She cups her hands around her mouth, leans over the side of the
wall, and shouts these last few words, to ensure that the boy in the grass
three stories below her can hear.
"I doubt he was, though." She rests her elbows on the ledge, and stares
thoughtfully out into space, "I haven't seen any Unown either, and I *know*
they live here. Those Psychics are here all right, they just don't want to show
themselves. Filthy mental scavengers are all alike--run and hide the instant
they sense danger. They're all afraid of me! Goddamn cowards--well, I don't
care how well they hide! My stomach says I'm gonna find a Natu, and get back to
Violet City in time for dinner!" She clenches her fists in determination, "Of
course, it might help if I actually knew what Natu looked like..."
"Nat." A small, greenish-blue ball of feathers bounces over to where Nori is
standing, and flutters up to the ledge. Curious as to who the human is, and why
she's making so much noise, he methodically attempts to grab her attention--and
since he happens to be a very bratty little bird, this method involves slamming
her with increasingly powerful Psychic attacks. Nori doesn't even turn around.
He tries again. No response. The bird scowls in frustration, then demands in
his native tongue, ""
With Nori's nonexistent comprehension of ancient Natu, this translates as "Natu
natu natu natu natu?"
Nori doesn't even look at the newcomer, figuring that anyone who's talking
about Natus at a time when she's distressed over them, must be trying to insult
her. She immediately gets on the defensive, "So, I've never seen a Natu before.
What do you expect? It's not like I'm actively capturing Psychics, and nobody's
dumb enough to send an unevolved Pokémon into battle at the Viridian Gym.
'Specially one as pathetic as Natu."
The bird bristles his feathers in indignation, "Nat."
"Although, I think I saw a Xatu once. It was pretty weak."
"Natooo! Natoooo!" The bird cheers, because he doesn't care much for Xatus.
They're constantly ordering him around, and they're boring to boot. All his
Xatu brothers care about is honing their Psychic powers, and discussing the
past and future. Often, these discussions center on him: What he did thirty
minutes ago, and when he intends to grow up. "Natooo! Natooo! Natoooo!"
It suddenly occurs to Nori that her companion's cry sounds an awful lot like
the word "Natu." She gives the bird a long, hard stare, then snatches him
roughly out of the air. "You're a Natu, aren't you?" She tightens her grip,
"Show me your Future Sight attack. Now."
The Natu responds by Teleporting out of her grasp, reappearing behind her, and
firing off his most powerful Psychic attack. Still no effect.
It takes Nori a minute to realize that the bird is trying to harm her, and once
she does, she becomes very annoyed. "That was an oversight." She growls, "But
what I asked for was a Future Sight. Do as I say, or I'll feed you to my
The Natu sweatdrops violently, then narrows his eyes in consideration...
* * *
Anubis the Houndour pup is cheerfully gnawing on a drumstick, using his hot
breath to scorch off whatever meat he can't get at with his tiny fangs. When
he's finished stripping the bone, he raises his barbecue sauce covered muzzle
high in the air, and lets out a howl of joy.
"Good, huh?" Nori smiles at her Pokémon, "There's plenty more, so eat all you
"Hou!" The puppy wags his tail, and trots off in search of seconds.
Nori takes a big bite out of the other drumstick, then uses it to address the
Natu, who is pecking at some popcorn. "That was pretty slick, Teleporting us
into the store room of Brock's Diner." She gives him a pat on the head, "Heh,
heh, what can I say? You may be a Psychic, but I just can't hold a grudge
against someone who gives us food!"
"Nat." The Natu shrugs this off, although inwardly he is quite pleased with
himself, for winning over a pugnacious teen, and a Dark-type Pokémon.
"Say, according to my Movédex, you know Thief. Where'd a cute little bird like
you pick up a nasty Dark-type move like Thief?"
The Natu likes nothing better than talking about himself, so he closes his eyes
in concentration, and projects a detailed mental image of the grassy field
surrounding the Ruins of Alph. A boy is standing in the field, alongside his
Furret. Opposite them is a Smeargle, who's holding a rare Gold Berry.
"Quick! Furret, use Thief to steal Smeargle's Berry!"
Furret dashes forward, and snatches the berry from its canine adversary. The
Smeargle responds by mimicking Thief, and taking it back. "Gul!"
"Oh no! Furret, use Thief again!"
This continues for quite some time.
"I think it's getting tired! Furret, use Thief one more time!"
"We did it! We did it! We--"
Having seen Thief demonstrated a suitable number of times, Natu swoops down
from his perch, snatches the Gold Berry from the boy's hand, and gobbles it up;
snickering to himself the whole time.
"Nat." Natu opens his eyes, and looks to Nori and Anubis for their reactions.
They simply stare at him, the same clueless expression plastered on both of
their faces. Realizing that they haven't understood even a fragment of his
touching tale of perseverance and determination, the Natu puffs up his
feathers, and hops around in a rage. "Natooo! Natoooo!"
Nori glances down at Anubis, sees that he's just as baffled as she is, then
turns back to the Natu, and shrugs. "Well, at any rate, you seem pretty cool.
Would you like to join Team Rocket? We're a group dedicated to evil using
Pokémon! Actually, there's not much dedication these days, and our meetings
usually involve a lot of binge drinking...but even if not for the team, you
should come with us, anyway. That Teleport ability of yours is really useful,
and you're super-strong versus Fighting-types..."
"Nat?" Natu considers for a moment how angry his brothers would be if they
learned he was running with a group like Team Rocket. "Natoooo! Natooooo!" He
stops hopping about in anger, and begins hopping around in excitement, beside
himself just thinking about the amount of trouble this will cause.
"I'll take that as a yes. Okay, Natu, do you have a name?" The Natu responds
that he does indeed have a name, but it cannot be uttered in the presence of an
unholy daemon such as her. "I have no idea what you're saying...but I can't
keep calling you 'Natu,' so I'll just have to give you a name." Nori cogitates.
"Hmmm. I'm going for a mythological theme here. How about 'Set'? Natu, do you
know who Set is? He tore out his brother's testicles."
Natu has never torn out his brothers' testicles, but he's wanted to at times.
"Well, that's settled. Now, let's--"
"What the--?!" The door to the store room bursts open, and the manager walks
in, "Who the devil are you?"
Nori glowers at the interloper, "We're thieves, you idiot. Now bugger off, or
I'll feed you to my Houndour--" She adds, forgetting that this particular
threat isn't nearly as effective when Anubis is in clear sight.
* * *
"Nat natu..." Set smacks his dish towel against the side of the counter in
"Feh." Nori replies, as she hands him another plate to dry, "That guy thinks
he's punishing us, but the way I see it, we still come out ahead."
"Every hour we spend in here washing dishes is an hour we don't have to spend
outside braving the elements--and we got a free meal on top of that!"
Has Set joined the wrong team? Will Anubis start pulling his weight? Does Nori
have a brain? Find out next time, on Poké Wars!!!!!...unless it's preempted for
a sixth re-airing of the LDS convention.
-Beth, of the ever changing sig.