From: Kanji Moder - San Dimas High School Football Rules! (kanji_moder@yahoo.com) Subject: [PW!] Ned must die Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2001-04-02 08:14:02 PST Eucruteak City was pouring with rain that morning. It was one of those days where you could find the water pokemon in the lake jumping up and out, where everyone was running to their destination so they wouldn't get wet. Not Shikaku. He wasn't protecting himself from the rain, just his manga. There was only one thing to do on hard, long days like this; unfortunately, even though it was a fun pastime, it's not exactly something that people approve of at the local PokéCenter. Yes, it was THAT kind of manga. Shikaku walked in the PokéCenter with his trusty manga in his hands. Receiving looks of disgust, perversion, and misjudgement were normal for him on a day like this. "After all," he said to himself, "it's only natural to be interested and think about things like this." A smile broke as he saw Nurse Joy reading a magazine at the front desk; that's not what caught his eye, however. A small pile of papers were to her left. He slowly approached the desk and put his two pokeballs in front of her. "Hiya." "Uh..hello. Do you need these Pokemon healed?" Nurse Joy forced a smile as she put down her book. "Why, yes please." She picked them up and put them in a small contraption. Shikaku say his chance and knocked the pile of papers over. "Oops." She bent over to pick them up. He enjoyed every minute of staring at her without her notice. Yes, Shikaku was by far the biggest pervert in the PokéCenter that day, but by God, he was good at it. "Hehe...there we go, all better.." Nurse Joy grimaced as she handed back his pokeballs. "Please, come again." "Don't worry, I will." Dirty thoughts filled his mind as he turned around and slowly exited. It didn't look like he was going to get to read his manga, but at least he found something to replace that. ------- "Ok, enough fun for now. Time to focus on work." Making his way to the a roadsign, Shikaku dug around in his pockets for a small piece of paper. Opening it up, it read: "ASSASSINATE NED." "Ned..yeah, this guy sounds threatening. According to this sign, I have to go northwest from this location to get to his training spot." Returning the piece of paper to his pocket, Shikaku started to make his way northwest. Unfortunately, he had no idea which way northwest was, so he ended up back at the PokéCenter. "God damnit, I suck with directions. I guess I'm just going to have to ask someone which way northwest i---" "That way." A short, pasty, fat trainer interupted Shikaku and pointed northwest. He looked at the kid, and then in the direction that he pointed. "That way?" Shikaku questioned. "Yeah. That way." He pointed again. "Thanks. Go buy yourself a slim fast." Shikaku flipped the kid a quarter and started to head in the correct direction. ------- After about 15 minutes of walking, he stood in front of a tall, burnt down tower. The doorway was broken and ash littered the dirt path. Entering slowly, Shikaku reached for the gun hidden under his left arm. Sunlight filled the holes in the ceiling, lighting a small path for safety among other things. Objects - someone, or something - seemed to move about in the shadows. "Hello, is anyone there?" His voice echoed through the remains of the building, but yielded no reply. A hole in the floor stopped any further passage. A small fire was burning on the other side, and appeared to be boiling something. "Is anyone over there? Hello?" Shikaku called once again. "Koffing! Cloud the air with your darkness!" A mysterious voice yelled as all sunlight was clouded by a thick smog. "Growlithe, purge the evil with your head!" Shikaku felt a large object smash into his back, knocking him forward and into the hole. Fortunately he grabbed onto one of the floorboards. "Whoa, buddy, back off! I don't want to hurt you!" Even though this was a blantant lie, it might help him in the long run, right? "Oh, ok. Sorry about that." That's what he wanted to hear. Unfortunately, things didn't work out that way. "By the eyes of Weezing, you are the evil which I need to purge! I, Ned, will remove you from this foul world!" "Oh, this is the guy I'm supposed to kill, isn't it? Well, this makes it alot easier, doesn't it?" Shikaku slowly pulled himself up and aimed the gun at Ned. "Yeah, well, sorry to ruin your fun. I'd ask you to tell me what happens in heaven, but you won't be so lucky." "NED! NO!" A voice cried from the darkness. Shikaku fired the gun and a body jumped in front of Ned. "Holy shit, that hurt!" "Who the hell?" "Dick! You saved me! But your...no more fun for a while?" "It's a small price to pay, Ned!" "What the f...yeah, enough of that. Get a room, ok?" Shikaku immedietly remembered his job. "Oh yeah, Ned, you're supposed to die now." "Wait! I challenge you to battle, to avenge Dick!" Ned took a glorious pose as Dick clapped. "Whatever. I'm going to destroy you." Shikaku reached for his belt and threw a pokeball at the floor. TBC