From: Andrusi- All your dog are let out (andyvvv@aol.com.geable) Subject: [PW!] The Ball Is Back Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 2001-04-04 15:20:08 PST [NS: This is intended as sort of an apology for that awful PK story I posted the other day. It also should help prevent that kind of garbage from slipping out in the future.] "So... where are we going?" PK stopped. He had been hoping Fortran wouldn't think to ask that question. "Um... we're going to Azalea Town." Fortran blinked (or at least he would have, except the old-model Porygons don't have eyelids). "But I processed that we were going to Saffron." "Well, we're not," PK shot back. "We've already been there and four months have passed since out last appearance. We're going to Azalea Town." "Why?" "So I can meet the Creator." Fortran blinked. (This time he really did, although he did it by shutting down and restarting his eyes rather than closing and opening eyelids.) "You believe God is in Azalea Town? I wasn't aware you even had a religion." "You idiot." PK punched Fortran hard in the nose, causing his head to spin uncontrollably. "I'm talking about Kurt." "Kurt is God?" Fortran's eyes grew wide. "And I never knew..." PK held out his claw and Fortran's nose collided with it, causing it to stop (and resulting in approximately the same sensation as if he'd punched him again). "To reiterate: You idiot. Kurt works for Silph. He makes Pokéballs. I used to *be* a Pokéball." Understanding presented itself to Fortran... unfortunately, it was *mis*understanding. "But I thought Kurt was a kid whose father has him convinced that he doesn't need Pokémon..." PK sighed. "I'd hit you again but it's not worth it. I'm not talking about Kurt, the PW! character. I'm talking about Kurt, the NPC from the Gold and Silver versions. Got it?" "PW? NPC? Gold? Silver? What are you talking about?" PK almost punched Fortran, then blinked (which is hard for him, too, seeing as he doesn't have real eyes, just an optical sensor). "I have no idea. Come on. Hey Stupid, you awake back there?" "Pi." "3.14159--" "Shut up, Fortran." --- Kurt walked away from his workbench, exhausted. It really stank to be him. One guy named Gold came through, and suddenly everyone and his brother wanted custom Pokéballs made from apricorns. But now he was finished for the day, and was ready to go to bed. But as he's getting ready to go, a knock comes on the door... Kurt opened the door and saw nothing. Then he looked down and saw an old-style Porygon, a Pikachu, and what appeared to be a small robot. All three were looking up. "Um... Mister Kurt?" the robot said. "Hello." "Er... hi." Kurt was quite obviously a bit surprised. "I'm PK," the robot said. "I just wanted a chance to meet you, since you created me and all..." "Oh, that's nice," Kurt said. "...HUH?" "Yeah I used to be a Pokéball and I caught Ugly Stupid Useless Idiotic Way-too-cute Marketing Mascot but I just call him Stupid for short and then I got damaged somehow and Fortran here rebuilt me as a robot and we decided to take over the world only we got attacked by a Teddiursa and a Machoke and got trapped in a Zero Wing parody that really sucked and then we came here to see you isn't it great 'cause now I get to talk to you and I'm so excited--" "Okay, okay." Kurt held up his hands. "While I'm still a bit confused, it's always nice to meet someone who appreciates my work instead of just taking their custom ball and leaving. But be quiet, the Charcoal Man's Farfetch'd has been a bit violent lately. You wouldn't want to--" "FAR!!!!" A brown blur rushed in, and within seconds had PK in pieces on the floor. "--wake it up." --- Static. Oh, geez, not again. Then he could see again; he saw Kurt, Fortran, Stupid, and who he guessed must be the Charcoal Man staring at him. The Charcoal Man was holding a rather perturbed-looking Farfetch'd. "Are you all right?" Kurt asked. "I dunno," PK said. "I feel all light-headed and weird." "You'll be fine." Kurt turned to the Charcoal Man. "Keep that thing on a leash or something!" As the man left, PK looked up at Kurt. "So I guess you repaired me, then? Thanks." He shook Kurt's hand... except he didn't have a claw anymore. Or an arm, for that matter. "Wha..." PK floated over to a convenient mirror and saw... ...a brand-new, well-polished, standard Silph Pokéball. "AARGH! I'm a Pokéball again!" "Well, um, yeah," Kurt said. "That's all I know how to make." "Geez, I can't believe I actually respected you." PK recaptured Stupid and started toward the door. "Come on, Fortran, you've got work to do." "Yes, indeed," Fortran said. "I must start compiling P-103 Daisy." "What?" PK floated around towards Fortran. "No, I meant you're rebuilding *me*--" "Why?" Fortran said. "I have no reason to associate with a talking Pokéball and a brainless Pikachu. There are plenty of other Pokéballs in the world, and none of *them* punch me all the time." Fortran gathered up the damaged parts of PK's robotic body. "I can use these start compiling. It'll be the greatest robot ever!" Fortran happily "walked" outside into a thunderstorm. "I'm printing in the rain, just printing in the rain..." "COME BACK HERE!" PK said as he flew out after Fortran. He released Stupid. "Stop him, Stupid!" he said. "Thu--" But Stupid's electric field attracted lightning, and PK was struck. As Fortran left ("What a wonderful download, I'm loaded again..."), Stupid scurried over to PK and looked him over. "Pika?" PK shook himself off. "Wha... where are we?" He spotted the nearby Gym. "Oh well. Come on, Stupid, we have Pokéballs to rescue!" TBC [After the Zero Wing parody went over like an electric spoon, I finally realized that PK Ball and Stupid allow for lots more humor than the PKbot/Stupid/Fortran combo. And in case you're wondering, PK does not remember ever being a robot, or anything that happened after that. So, basically, the old PK is back. And the villagers rejoiced.] -Andy &&