Subject: [PW!] Ditto Again! Date: Wed, 27 Nov 2002 08:27:18 GMT From: Rob <robfrompw@yahoo.com> Organization: AT&T Worldnet Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon "Yeah, and he's calling himself P-Masta J now!" Robert, who's sitting on a long couch in the Goldenrod City Pokemon Center, speaks into the purple Pokegear on his left wrist, "He's so different - you pretty much have to see it to believe it. Jeremy used to be so snobby and speak so coherently - it's amazing how much he's changed! Anyway, I can't wait to see YOU, Rilli! Just one more month until Christmas - I could catch the Magnet Train and get there for Thanksgiving, but I want to try to earn at least one more Johto Badge before heading home." A smile appears on Rilli's face, visible on the Pokegear though she's miles away in Lavender Town, "I can't wait for you to get here! And all your Pokemon miss you too - well, maybe not Charmeleon, but Golem makes up for Charmeleon since he misses you twice as much. He hasn't become close friends with any of my Pokemon and spends most of his days sulking in a corner of the Gym's Volcano Room. I really think you should take him with you when you return to Johto after the holidays. Uh-oh!" A look of concern appears on the young woman's face and her eyes dart to the left, "Pichu and Elekid are fighting, gotta zoom, love you, goodnight!" The Pokegear's screen turns off. "Aww, I didn't even get a chance to kiss her goodnight!" Robert whines into his Pokegear, which has returned to its Clock function. "I dunno whys you wanna kiss a watch for!" A busty pink-haired 19 year old girl wearing a Pink Bow in her hair, white tank top, red skirt, and white flip-flops climbs onto Robert's lap, "You should kiss me instead, fersure!" She puckers her lips, wrapping her arms around his neck. Robert backs away from the lips approaching his face as he quickly says, "Wait I don't want to kiss you I have a girlfriend she's the one I was talking to on the Pokegear!" He closes his eyes and hopes for the best, then feels that the girl hops off his lap. After saying "whew" in relief, he opens his eyes to see that the girl didn't voluntarily hop off his lap, but that a very large, burly bald man has plucked her off. Now fearing that he's looking at the girl's jealous boyfriend, he says, even faster than before, "Ididn'twanttokissheratallshe'sallyours!" The burly man says in an angry voice, "Master and I have been searching for you for the past three hours. We are leaving to Olivine City now." The pink-haired girl, who's being held up by the man, kicks her legs around to break free. Her blue eyes bulge and she screams, "I don't wanna go without a boyfriends or two or three! I can't be sittin' in that stinky ol' van with you an' Marvy an no dudes to kiss an' stuff for two whole days! Can't ya tell I'm like totally desperate for a maaaan, sis?! I just tried to kiss that hairy fat guy, for cryin' out loud!" Robert, disturbed by the relationship he imagines these two characters must have with a man they call their master and hurt by the insult, is surprised when the burly man, speaking eloquently, says, "I apologize for my sister's behavior. Unfortunately, one of her major character flaws is that she uses creatures of any species to gratify herself with little or no consideration for the person, Pokemon, place, or thing." "You dunno what yer talkin' about, sis! You don't hang out with me anymores, you jus' stay home and like play on yer computer all days!" The girl turns her head around and sticks her tongue out at the man restraining her before saying, "I SO show consernation! Fersure!" Then, to turn away indignantly, she accidentally continues turning in the same direction, eventually revolving her head a full 360 degrees. When Robert's dark brown eyes bulge upon seeing her do this, she puffs up her chest and asks, "What, never seen boobies before or somethin'?!" "Again, I apologize." The bald man rolls his eyes and sighs. He releases one of the girl's arms and uses his now freed arm to twist the girl's head back to its proper position, "Do not be alarmed - my sister and I are Ditto, shapeshifting Pokemon who lack skeletal structures. My name is Xerox and this 'charming' young lady is called Famifax. I am pleased to meet you, though I imagine my sister is not, being that you did not make out with her upon demand like most of the men she throws herself at do." Robert shakes his head, remembering the Ditto who used to follow him and Mithril-rama around on his first Pokemon Journey through Kanto, "I seem to be a magnet for horny Ditto! Your sister's the second Ditto I've met in my life who's tried to make out with me." "Only two? I have met a multitude of overly sexual Ditto in my lifetime." A look of disgust appears on Xerox's current face, "A large group of them populate the fields near the Breeding Center to the south of this city, awaiting to be caught by passing Trainers in the hope that they will be mated with any or all of the Trainer's Pokemon. I seem to be one of the few, if not the only, psychologically asexual Ditto in existence, despite that all Ditto, in their natural form, are physically asexual." Famifax rolls her eyes, still struggling to break free of Xerox's grasp to go hunting for a new partner, "You liar liar pants on fire - I've seen how you look at li'l bro. I think it's totally sick, too, 'cuz HE'S OUR LI'L BRO!" Xerox narrows her eyes, annoyed by her sister's ignorance, and explains, "Mimic and I are not lovers and I do not want him and I to become lovers. We are most likely not even related. He and I are very close friends. We help each other attain higher levels of happiness and conscious awareness. I have no romantic interest in him, nor will I ever - if not because I find the base concept of carnal, physical romance bestial, then because my low hormone levels do not allow me to become sexually aroused. However, I believe that the close, loving relationship that I have with him is hundreds of times more meaningful than all the flings you have had in your entire lifetime combined." Both Robert and Famifax are at a loss of words so silence ensues for a moment, but it is broken when a brown-haired middle-aged man appears in a flourish of blue smoke. Robert admires the man's golden tuxedo, silver bowtie, crystalline top hat, and burgundy penny loafers containing a single penny in each shoe's slot. He looks down at his own black shirt, blue jeans, and black sneakers, feeling much less stylish in comparison. The smoke causes everyone, including the man who appeared in it, to cough for a moment, then the man, noticing Robert, introduces himself, "Marvin the Magnificent, magician extraordinare, has arrived! I see you have already met my lovely assistants, Xerox and Famifax." "Hi, Marvin, yes I have!" Robert offers his hand for Marvin to shake, "My name's Robert, the Diversity Gym Leader. You're a magician, huh? That's so cool! Do you cut people in half, or are you just the lame kind of magician who only pulls Nidoran out of hats?" Marvin shakes Robert's hand while simultaneously using his other hand to seemingly pull a Pokeball out of the Gym Leader's ear, "Sure, I can do that, but there's so much more I can do! For example, last year, I held a time travel magic show in Cerulean, where I-" "It would be awesome if you split my girlfriend Rilli in two!" Robert interrupts, grinning, "That way, the next time she and I go to Brock's Diner, we wouldn't have to decide whether she sits across from me so I can look directly into her eyes or next to me so I can hug her!" Marvin sweatdrops, "Well, I'd demonstrate some of my illusions for you, but I'm in a bit of a hurry." He releases the Pokemon contained in the Pokeball he's holding, a red Octillery who immediately starts whipping his Trainer's legs with his tentacles, "See, I'm heading to Red Rock Isle of the Whirl Islands to compete in a Water Pokemon Tournament with my trusty Octillery!" Marvin's Octillery starts oozing up the magician's body, wanting to choke him, "Me and the Ditto Sisters are leaving right now in my van." "The Ditto Sisters and I, master." Xerox corrects Marvin. "I'm not one of the Ditto Sisters! You and Famifax are. Being Transformed into that muscle head must be affecting your intelligence." Marvin shakes his head, partly to disagree with Xerox but mainly to keep his Octillery from wrapping his tentacles around it. He tries to pull his Octillery off his body as he says, "Anyway, nice to meet you Robert, but as you can see, I have quite a bit of training to do with my Octillery before the competition, so I must be on my way!" Though he's managed to pull his Octillery off his neck, the Water Pokemon continues to stick to his chest. "Take me with you!" Robert exclaims, clasping his hands together, "I'm heading home to Lavender Town in a month, but I'm a bit embarrassed that I've only earned one Johto Badge in the past few months I've spent in Johto. If I win a Water Pokemon Tournament, I'll go home with something exciting to talk about with my girlfriend, my mom, and my mentor, Mr. Fuji! Besides, I really want to see some of your magic tricks. Please take me with you to the Water Pokemon Tournament, Marvin - I'll pay for all the meals on the way with my Indigo Credit Card!" Marvin's happy to hear that Robert will pay for meals since he's trying to save up money to buy the props for a very elaborate illusion. The magician tips his crystalline hat to Robert then proceeds to use the floppy part of the hat to bat his rabid Octillery off his chest before saying, "Sure, you can tag along with us! I'm always eager to please my fans, even though you seem to be the only one." "Woo hoo!" Robert exclaims - he follows the middle-aged magician who's being attacked by his own Octillery and the huge bald man dragging the pink-haired girl behind him outside of the Pokemon Center and to a multi-colored van parked outside. Robert and Marvin climb into the back part of the van. The first thing Robert notices is that the interior of the van is empty, except for a bean bag chair, some cushions, and a television set. Marvin gives up on training his Octillery when he notices the Water Pokemon's preparing to use his Octazooka attack. The magician pulls his rogue Pokemon back into his Pokeball, then he turns on the TV set and sits down in the green bean bag chair. Robert takes a seat on one of the cushions and pulls his laptop out of his case, to do some late night Internet surfing. Meanwhile, Xerox drags Famifax into the van's passenger seat, where she applies the van's child-lock feature, foiling the girl's escape plans. Xerox steps into the driver's seat and just as Famifax remembers she's a Ditto and can easily Transform into a Kadabra at any point to Teleport away, Xerox tells her, "Stay in your seat, sister, and I'll convince Robert to buy you a big hot fudge sundae at the original Morty Rocket's in Ecruteak City." She starts the van, but before moving it out of park, she tells Famifax, "Buckle your safety belt." Famifax buckles her seat belt and squeals, "Okiedokie, I'll be good, sis!" She immediately cranks up the van's radio, which is playing the latest rap song of P-Masta J, the only white rapper in Johto. She swings her arms around, stomps her feet, and sings along with the music. Xerox narrows her eyes, but decides to endure the offensive lyrics of "Blue-haired Bimbo Biatch" to keep her sister happy. She starts driving northward, up Main Street, towards Ecruteak. After reading some of the new posts to the newsgroup alt.pokemon.training, Robert looks up and asks, "Say, Marvin, could you show me a tri-" "SHHHH!" Marvin puts his index finger up to his lips, "George Forretressman's advertising his Lean Mean Pokemon Grillin' Machine!" "Ewww, change the channel!" Robert cringes, "That's disgusting. I'm a strict animatarian - I don't eat Pokemon." Marvin shrugs, "I don't eat Pokemon either, but it's the only thing on TV at 3 AM." -Robert