Subject: [PW!] The Ilex Forest, Take Nine Date: Thu, 27 Jun 2002 07:35:16 GMT From: Rob <robfrompw@yahoo.com> Organization: AT&T Worldnet Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon "Stardate June 27th, 2002. 1:34 AM. I am, once again, lost in the Ilex Forest." Robert speaks into the purple Pokegear on his left wrist as he walks between the tree trunks surrounding him, "As usual, it's dark - moonlight doesn't enter through the thick canopy above my head. I am not too afraid of the Bug Pokemon creeping through the forest, since I am flanked by my Bird Pokemon companions, who dislike Bug Pokemon as much as I do, albeit not in a scream-like-a-little-girl manner." Robert leans down and uses his right hand to pat Farfetch'd, his right-hand Pokemon, on the head, then he stands up straight and smiles at the Murkrow standing on his left shoulder. Robert glances down at his Pokegear again, "I feel confident that this time, on my ninth trip through the Ilex Forest, I will find the path to Azalea Town, where I will attempt to earn..." "...Robert?" A raspy, tired female voice emits from the Pokegear. "...a Badge at the lo-" Robert stops and asks, "Yes, Rilli?" The tiny image of Mithril-rama, Robert's girlfriend, is on the screen of Robert's Pokegear. She yawns and in her tired voice says, "It's getting kind of late, Robert... Remember, you're in a different time zone. I'd really like to head off to bed." "But... but the Paraseses!" Robert's thick black eyebrows tilt upwards in fear, "I've seen so many of them in the past month on my trips through this forest that I have nightmares about Tinymushrooms, and I'm not even heffed up on goofballs!" A sigh emits from the Pokegear, then Rilli says, "You just said you're not afraid since Farfetch'd and Murkrow are with you." "I said I'm not TOO afraid! That doesn't mean I'm..." Robert is interrupted when Mithril-rama yawns again, louder this time. He squints at the screen on his Pokegear and notices that bags are forming under his girlfriend's eyes, eyes she can barely keep open, "Oh my, you're right, Rilli - you really should get some sleep. Thank you for staying up so late! I love you, good night!" After Mithril-rama subconsciously replies that she loves him too as she falls asleep on her bed, Robert turns off his Pokegear. "Hoot-hoot hoot! Hoot-hoot hoot! Hoot-hoot hoot!" Robert doesn't mind the creepy cries of the late-night Owl Pokemon, since he figures where there's Hoothoot, there's less Bug Pokemon. Robert marches southward, his Farfetch'd twirling around his leek as if it were a baton and his Murkrow is keeping his eyes wide open, scanning the ground with his keen night vision, hoping to spot and Peck the next Paras before Farfetch'd does. Before long, Robert's Murkrow sees a Tinymushroom growing out of the dirt next to a tree and he dives down to Peck it! "Murkrow?" Robert and Murkrow ask at the same time, Robert wondering what his Murkrow is up to and Murkrow wondering why his Peck attack did not send a Paras flying out of the ground. "Murkrow!" Murkrow squawks, grabs the Tinymushroom in his beak, and pulls on it with all his might. Angry that no Paras is revealed, Murkrow continues to hold the fungus in his beak as he places both of his claws on the nearest tree and pushes with all the force a less-than-two-foot-tall Bird Pokemon can apply. Extremely frustrated when his actions don't produce the desired result, the Murkrow starts hopping on the trunk repeatedly, waking the Pokemon who live on the tree, and he finally manages to dislodge the Tinymushroom from the ground - only to realize that it wasn't attached to a Paras, just to the root of the tree he's been pushing against. Robert's Farfetch'd places his leek in his own beak and pats Murkrow on the shoulder with one wing, as if to say, "better luck next time." Murkrow narrows his eyes, angry that he's being patronized, then shouts "Murk row!" and flies back onto Robert's shoulder. "If you wanted a midnight snack, Murkrow, all you had to do was ask. I have sandwh-wh-wh... What kind of Pokemon are you?" Robert sweatdrops and starts trembling since three disturbed dark blue Pineco have just descended on string from the tree Murkrow hopped against moments ago. The three Pokemon reply in unison, "Pineco." Robert stops trembling and wipes his sweatdrop from his forehead, "Ohhh, you're PINECONE Pokemon! You must be Grass Types... for a moment there, I thought you were Bug Types and I almost freaked out. I was SO close to screaming and running off! I'm pleased to meet you three Pineco!" "Pineco co pine co." The largest Pineco voices his complaint about being woken up in a monotonous voice, "Copine co pineco." Robert reaches behind his back with one arm, "Sorry, I'm not fluent in Pineco. How's about this - I'll take a guess at what you're trying to say then you tell me if I'm right or not! Are you trying to say that you see how much I care about my Murkrow so you want to come with me on my Pokemon Journey through Johto? I sure could use a pure Grass type Pokemon like you on my side!" "Co." The monotonous Pineco replies. "Is that the way Pineco say 'cool'?" When the Pineco just repeats the same thing he said last time, Robert scratches his goatee in thought, "Hey, I know! Pineco, if you don't want me to take you with me, shake your head." The heavy Pineco dangling before Robert's face tries his best to shake around, but he's unable to. The Pokemon's muscles have atrophied since he's a fat sloth who hasn't left his tree to do exercise since the day he was born. He hasn't even gotten into a single Pokemon battle - in fact, he's the only Pineco of the group surrounding Robert that hasn't gotten enough experience to learn Self-Destruct. After about a minute of struggling to move as Robert looks at him bright-eyed and smiling, the Pineco sighs and lowers his eyes in defeat. "You want me to help you get off the tree? Sure! I'm much better at understanding Pokemon than I used to be!" Robert plucks the large Pineco off the string he's hanging from and holds his rotund body in his arms, "I didn't expect to catch any Pokemon in this forest since it's crawling with so Bug Pokemon, so I didn't buy any Pokeballs in Goldenrod City. I'll just carry you until we get to Azalea Town where I can find a new Pokeball. Welcome to the team! Say good-bye to your friends!" "Pineco. Pineco." The two Pineco hanging from the tree, enraged that their fellow Pineco is being taken away, start to glow red, preparing to Self-Destruct. Robert continues marching southward, oblivious of his attackers, but stops in his tracks when he hears two explosions behind him. His eyes go wide and he turns around to see two charred, knocked-out Pineco. He looks down at the heavy Pineco nested in his arms and says, "I know it looks bad, but I PROMISE you that wasn't my fault! Sure, I just said 'say good-bye to your friends', but you must realize this is real life, not a bad Lieutenant Surge film!" "Pine." Robert's Pineco sighs and wishes he had the ability to shake his head in shame at his new, apparently clueless Trainer. -Robert