Subject: [PW!] Catch That P...okémon! Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2003 19:03:55 +0100 From: "Steffan Alun" <steffan.alun@virgin.net> Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon [NS: This will directly lead into an interaction with Kenneth, creating the illusion that this is the SECOND post. So, Rob, if it's not too much trouble, it'd be useful if this post came first in the archive :-$] Mike Smith sat in a medium-sized living room. He looked around. There were a few Pokémon dolls around the place. He checked the label on a nearby phone. Not one of ComComCom's. Never mind, then. A tall man joined him. "This is what I want to see happening today," said the man. "I want you to leave my house. I want you to find a Pidgey wearing a pink ribbon." "Yes, why do rich pe..." "I want you to catch the bird and bring it back here. I want you to accept this Nugget as payment when you return, and not before then. I want to see the Pidgey unharmed, as it is a beloved pet of my family's." "Right." "Right?" "Yes." "Right." "So basically..." "Mm?" "...you want the Pidgey to be captured." "Yes." "So you're asking me to..." "That's right! CATCH THAT P...OKÉMON!" PokéWars!: Mike Smith "Catch That P...okémon!" Steffan Alun Mike was driving slowly down Route 34, looking around for the missing Pidgey. Whismur - a Pokémon he was babysitting for a few weeks - was sitting in the passanger seat. Mike saw movement in a nearby hedge. "GOT IT!" he shouted, throwing a PokéBall into the hedge. The ball shook a few times, then split open. A Rattata popped out and ran away. "Whis whis whis!" "Stop laughing. Not only was that the wrong Pokémon, it didn't even stay in. "Whis whis whis!" "No, really. If I can't catch it manually, you'll have to fight it." "WHEE!" "No, you will NOT enjoy it." "Whee!" "Quiet, you." Bored of trying to decipher Whismur's babbling, Mike phoned a researcher from work. "Hello," answered the researcher. "Hi Fatty." Mike used affectionate nicknames for his employees to save having to learn their names. He liked to think that it added a personal feel to the job. "I'm trying to catch a Pi...thingy. Any new inventions you can recommend?" "I wish you wouldn't call them 'inventions' - they're 'advances in technology'." "..." "An overseas company has been developing a new type of PokéBall known as the Timer Ball. Using multiple Timer Balls increases your chances of catching the Pokémon. Perfect if you're looking for one particular Pokémon." "Great. Can you..." "WHAAAAAAAAAARAAAAA!" "Shut up, Whismur. Fatty, can you get me ten Timer Balls?" "You'll have them within a few hours." "Perfect." He hung up the phone. "Now it's time to CATCH THAT...FLYING TYPE!" "WHAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" "No! That's enough!" Mike parked and left the car. He marched through the long grass, parting the blades to see if there were any Pokémon inside. His eyelids were getting heavy. "I think I'll take a nap, Whismur," he said, yawning. "You look out for the Pidge...HEY!" Mike had spotted a Drowzee looking up at him, using Hypnosis. "Cut that out!" "Drowzzzzz." Mike pushed the Drowzee over and marched further into the grass. "Whis whis whis!" "Stop laughing. If I fall asleep, you'll have to wake me up." "Whaargh!" "Indeed." Mike didn't like chasing birds. His calling was menial paperwork. He'd given up physical exercise as soon as he'd discovered that he couldn't put on any weight, and by now he was barely fit enough to drive the company car properly. Still, though, a Nugget offered a significant amount of money to contribute to his daughter's operation. Finding nothing, Mike headed back to the car to get some materials. He set up the trap he'd designed the previous night. "Whuh." "I doubt you'll appreciate it, but this is how it works. The ribbon on the ground here is attached to a small weight which is holding down a piece of string. The string, in turn, is supporting the cardboard box tied on top of the tree. The box is directly above the ribbon, and will therefore trap Pidgey underneath as soon as it takes the ribbon." "Wha?" "I knew you wouldn't appreciate the intellect behind it." A curious Rattata poked its head out of the long grass. It crept to the ribbon and sniffed it. Reaching a decision, the Rattata grabbed the ribbon in its teeth and ran away. The string let the box drop at an embarrasingly slow pace. "Whis whis whis!" "I didn't think a Rattata would like a ribbon, alright?" Mike stormed into the grass again. "Come on! Everybody knows that Pidgeys love grass!" "Whurgh!" "Ok, what is that even supposed to mean? Has your species never felt the need to develop a means of communication that is based on something other than a random collection of syllabluuuurgh!" "Whis." "Mmmmffmfmfff!" "Whis." Mike's mouth was completely numb. He looked behind him. The Drowzee was back, using its Disable attack. Mike kicked it in the stomach. "WHUSOO!" "Id god whad was comin to id." "Wha?" "Shuddup." Mike, poking his cheeks to wake them up, wandered futher into the grass. He saw a young girl having a picnic. "Hey," he called. "Have you seen a Pidgey around here anywhere?" "Yes," replied the picknicker. "I caught it in my bottle and it melted." "...melted?" "Melted. Into slime." "The Pidgey melted. Did it have a pink ribbon?" "No, but the slime's pink. See?" Mike took a good look at the pink slime. It had eyes. "I think that's a Ditto, love," said Mike. The bottled slime was growing. Its colour didn't change much, though, which gave Mike a terrifying thought. He looked closely at the transformation that was occuring. "No!" Yes. Ditto was transforming into Whismur. "NO!" "DitMUR?" "Oh, please!" "WHIS!" "MURR!" "Whis whis whis!" Mike grabbed his Whismur before the two Pokémon had a chance to confuse him and ran away. No point staying too close to a Ditto. Not after last time. Mike spotted his cardboard box. It was chaking. He approached it slowly and had a look underneath, "Pee?" "!" A Pidgey flew straight from underneath the box and flew away. It was wearing a pink ribbon. "!" "MURR!" "That was a new sound, wasn't it? Is that the noise you make when you're frustrated at your own laziness and stupidity at not CATCHING THAT PI...nk-ribbon wearing bird?" "MURR!" "Evidently not." "MURRRRRRpee!" Whismur was now a Pidgey. Pink ribbon and all. "..." "Pee!" "You're that DITTO AGAIN! AWAY WITH YOU!" Ditto flew away in the form of Pidgey. Mike marched back into the grass to see Whismur riding on a Rattata's back. The Rattata was less than pleased with this turn of events. "Whismur! Get back here! I just missed that Pidgey again!" "..." "Yes." "Whis whis whis!" "Stop laughing at my misfortune, you demon." "Wha?" "If you can think of a better insult than 'demon' to demonstrate how utterly evil you are, I'd like to hear it." "Whoosmaar." "I suppose that is...HEY! I don't care about you enough to want to understand you talking! Be quiet now." Whismur followed Mike slowly back to the car. "We'll be back in a short time. I need to collect some stuff." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "I'm afraid visiting hours are over, sir," said the nurse. "Please, PLEASE let me in," replied Mike. "I absolutely HAVE to see my daughter." The nurse considered this. Technically, she shouldn't let him in - Shelley, his daughter, was in a special ward which she would have to unlock to give anyone the chance to enter. However, the nurse had grown close to both Shelley and her family in the past months, and she knew that both Shelley and Mike would be thrilled to see each other. "Alright," said the nurse. "Come with me." She unlocked the door, and let Mike enter. She stood outside, anxious, waiting for Mike to come back so that she could lock the door again. "Thanks," said Mike, eventually exiting the room. He was holding a PokéBall. "Where are you taking that?" asked the nurse. "I need to borrow Smoochum to help me catch something," he replied. "That's why I needed to see Shelley." "Sir, what you just did was morally and ethically wrong." "...I got her a Kinder Egg, mind." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Mike parked the car next to the ComComCom building. It wasn't worth checking the car park; even if there was a space, the odds of a Mercedes staying there for twenty minutes would be slim. He saw Fatty leave the building, get a small electric shock from the front door, and head for the car. "Here you go," he said to Mike. "Ten Timer Balls. Good luck with your search." "Thanks," said Mike, already driving away. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Mike opened the car door and put his feet purposefully down on the ground. He stood up, and sneered at the world at large. He narrowed his eyes and looked towards the long grass. "There's a Pidgey out there somewhere," he said. "And when I find it, it won't be long until I take my Timer Balls, send it for a long nap with my Smoochum and then deliver the final blow - taking it home!" The effect of the statement was weak, but Mike didn't care. Any drama was exciting for him. "Right, Whismur," he called to his partner-in-crime. "Let's CATCH THAT...WOSSNAME!" He marched back into the grass. "OW!" He looked down. Drowzee had Pounded his leg. "Get away!" He limped forward, and looked up. Pidgey was sitting in a tree. "Right, Whismur," he said. "Get that thing out of there. Use your Howl!" Whismur Howled at the top of its voice, which was a horrible sound to say the least. Startled by the sudden battle that presented itself, Pidgey flew straight from its branch and down onto the ground. "Keep Howling," said Mike, preparing his Timer Balls. Mike knew that Howling would continue to increase Whismur's strength due to the odd nature of its temprament. However, Mike also knew that he couldn't allow Pidgey to be hurt. As long as Whismur could buy him some time, Mike could send Smoochum in to send Pidgey to sleep, and follow up with some Timer Balls. Ready for action, Mike called Whismur back. "Go, Smoochum," he said, freeing his daughter's Pokémon. "Use your Lovely Kiss!" Smoochum looked back at him and blinked slowly, deliberately. "Lovely Kiss, please, Smoochum. I don't have all day." Smoochum did nothing. Mike consulted his borrowed Pokédex. "You DON'T KNOW LOVELY KISS? You DON'T know Lovely Kiss? What kind of a Smoochum are you? You're FAMOUS for making Pokémon sleep." Mike checked the details to see what Smoochum DID know. Pound and Powder Snow - both would hurt Pidgey too much. Lick - that wouldn't have ENOUGH of an effect. Sweet Kiss - yes, that was the best bet. "Use your Sweet Kiss, Smoochum." Smoochum slowly plodded over to Pidgey and pressed her lips gently against its cheek. It was rather too cute for Mike to appreciate. "Come on, Smoochum, show some dignity. You can't go kissing random birds on the cheek. It's not becoming." Pidgey was confused. Partly by the kiss, partly by the fact that Whismur's crazy rampage had now caused him to fall asleep. It started walking around in circles, looking up at the sky. "That doesn't look too healthy," said Mike. "I hope it...HEY! You Pokémon have got me talking to myself in battles." "Smoo?" "Yes, 'smoo'. Right, enough with the fighting. I'm going to CATCH THAT P...OKÉMON!" "..." "Shut up." Mike threw a Timer Ball. Pidgey was sucked in. It broke out instantly. "Not a problem. Not a problem. Go, Timer Ball!" He threw another Timer Ball at the bird. It was sucked into the ball. The ball shook once, and split apart. "Not a problem. I still have eight. Timer Ball, go!" The ball shook once. It split open. "WHY WON'T IT STAY IN THE BALL?" For most trainers, three balls is the border to cross before getting really angry. Mike was not an exception. "STAY IN THE BALL! STAY IN IT NOW!" Shouting, of course, seemed like a sensible option. Mike threw the ball and shut his eyes tightly. Somehow, he felt that not looking would improve his chances of getting Pidgey to stay in the ball. The human mind works in mysterious ways at times. He opened his eyes to see Pidgey kicking sand into Smoochum's eyes. She was less than amused. He threw another Timer Ball. This one shook several times before breaking. Although he wasn't having much luck today, Mike couldn't deny that each ball was more successful than the previous one. The final ball did the job. "Fantastic. Come one, Smoochum, Whismur. Let's RETURN THAT PIDGEY!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Thankyou, sir, for rescuing my Pidgey. Please take this Nugget." "Thanks," said Mike. "Oh, and made a joke while doing it. Today, I've been trying to...CATCH THAT PIDGEY!" "..." "You know, like that programme on television." "What's it called?" "I don't know. 'Trying To Catch A Bird' or something. It has a man and his dog in it." "Is it called 'A Man And His Dog'?" "Dit dit dit!" "What's that Whismur? You...DAMMIT!" [NS: This is an elaborate plot device to get Mike to take Smoochum. I've kept obscure references to a bare minimum.] -- Steffan http://iceduck.pkmn.co.uk Go there now. No, NOW.