From: Rob (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Subject: [PW!] Robert On Ice
Date: 2003-09-27 03:57:53 PST
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhrrrrrrrgh!" Robert falls flat on his face, straight
onto ice-covered ground in Johto's most slippery cavern, the "Ice
Path" leading into Blackthorn City. The frosty path is so dangerous to
travel through that a documentary on Ash Ketchum's journey through the
cave was banned from television in the western continent of Johto, as
network censors feared children would try to explore the cave on their
own and meet certain doom - or at least catch a case of the sniffles.
"Sniff," says Robert sadly as he attempts to stand from his most
recent crash. It's the thirteenth time he's fallen since he entered
the cave, and he's yet to find the exit. Once standing, Robert hugs
himself as he shivers, looking down at his clothes. He's wearing his
long-sleeved black shirt, his usual blue jeans, white socks, and black
sneakers, "My blasted sneakers - they don't provide enough traction!
No one would be able to navigate through this cave wearing
"I beg to differ," A female voice that sounds sophisticated yet
cheerful echoes throughout the cavern.
"Huh? Who said that?" Robert turns his head towards where he believes
the voice originated from just in time to see a beautiful, tall young
woman with flowing blue hair and knowing green eyes skid to a halt
right in front of him. Robert looks down from her face to see that
she's only wearing a sleeveless form-fitting pink dress that flows
down to her ankles and plain black flip-flops. "H-how'd you just STOP
on the ice like that? It defies physics, woman! What with inertia and
all that! And how come you're not shivering?! Your dress doesn't have
The woman smiles before explaining, "I have had much practice working
my way around Hoenn's Shoal Cave - its deepest levels make this place
feel like a tropical paradise. So, what have you been up to, Robert?"
"Oh, not much lately - I've just been trying to..." Robert blinks,
"Hey, wait a minute, how'd you know my name? Are you some kind of
"Actually... yes." The young woman giggles, "But that's not why I know
your name. You don't recognize me? I recognized you right away. Then
again, you haven't changed much, at least physically, since we last
crossed paths. I like your new goatee, though. It looks good on you."
Robert more closely examines the woman's face and bites his lower lip.
"Perhaps this will help you remember..." Suddenly, the woman forces
her lips into a giant grin as her green eyes open wide and she stares
off into oblivion with a vacant look on her face.
Robert gasps, "BAMBI!"
Instantaneously, the woman's eyes return to a normal size and her huge
grin shrinks into a small smirk, "I go by Barbara now."
"Whoa... WHOA!" Robert can't believe that the once-clueless girlfriend
of his former rival has grown up so much in the eight years that he
hasn't seen her, "You look like a completely different person! And I
thought that Jeremy... er, P-Masta J, had changed a whole lot... But
you! You're... you're a PSYCHIC? How did THAT happen?"
"Oh, where do I begin?" Barbara rubs her chin, "If I remember
correctly, the last time we saw each other, my ex-boyfriend Jeremy had
just gotten injured while attempting to steal your recently-evolved
Gengar. After I took him to the hospital, I began to think long and
hard about my relationship with him. I had forgiven him for treating
me poorly many times since we had met, but I simply could not date a
Pokemon thief. Even in my foolish teenage years, I knew stealing was
unacceptable. I broke up with him that day. Broken-hearted and unsure
of how to proceed in my own Pokemon Journey, I went back home to my
dad in Saffron City."
"I met up with Jerem- uh, P-Masta J last year and he didn't tell me
that you broke up with him..." Robert mentions, "He said that you
cheated on him while he was in prison. He seemed pretty ticked off
"He didn't respond well to my breaking up with him," Barbara sighs and
shakes her head, "I sulked for a few weeks after coming home, trying
to cure my sadness by going on shopping sprees in the Celadon
Department Store and bingeing on sweets. Eventually my dad convinced
me that my problem came from depending on dating guys for happiness -
he told me that I should follow in my family's footsteps and develop
my psychic abilities, something I had been running away from for
years, ever since he gave me my Jynx as a gift. He said that if I felt
good about myself and my own abilities, I could be happy even without
Robert comments, "Smart man, your dad."
"Well, he IS a psychic." Barbara winks, then continues, "I trained
under the guidance of Sabrina of the Saffron Gym for three years.
During this time, my mind developed rather quickly and I started
dating a psychic I met in the Gym - a wonderfully intelligent young
man who tutored me and treated me better than Jeremy ever did. A few
months after I started dating again, Jeremy was released from jail and
started stalking me, insisting that he had changed. He demanded I dump
my boyfriend and start going out with him. I got a restraining order,
but that wasn't enough - he kept following me, proclaiming that he
couldn't live without me. My psychic powers weren't developed enough
to keep him away, and he'd avoid the more powerful psychics who cared
about me, including my dad, my boyfriend, and Sabrina..."
Robert asks, "And then you told him to start wearing baggy pants and
put his energy into writing and singing rap songs instead of stalking
"What?" Barbara seems confused, "Nooo... Jeremy is a rapper now? Is
THAT why you've been calling him P-Masta J?"
Barbara laughs, "Ahahahahahaha! The thought of Jeremy rapping! Oh,
hehe, that's just... ohmigosh! Oh... give me a second..." After a few
more seconds of giggling, Barabra regains her composure, "No, Robert,
I didn't tell him to become a..." She snorts to hold back more
laughter, "...rapper. When Jeremy wouldn't leave me alone and the
police weren't able to catch him, my dad suggested that I should
continue my psychic training with my twin cousins, Liza and Tate, in
Hoenn's Mossdeep City. So I left for Hoenn - leaving behind my dad,
Sabrina, and even my boyfriend."
"It's a shame you couldn't continue training with Sabrina..." Robert
shakes his head, "I mean, I'm sure your cousins are great and
everything, but they're no Psychic Gym Leaders."
"Actually... yes, they are." Barbara smiles, "Together, Liza and Tate
are the Gym Leaders of the Mossdeep City Psychic Gym. I've learned a
great deal training under their guidance."
"Shows how much I know about Hoenn..." Robert scratches the back of
his head, "So what brings you to Johto's Ice Path?"
"I traveled to Johto when I heard about this year's Silver
Conference," Barbara flips her blue hair back, "It's going to be held
in December near Mount Silver and unlike in past years, they will
allow any Trainer who has at least six Pokemon to participate
regardless of how many Badges they have. I have five Pokemon - Jynx,
Cloyster, Kirlia, Meditite, and Sealeo. I'm here in the Ice Path to
catch a Delibird."
"Uhhh... I lost you at Kirlia."
"Kirlia's a Psychic Pokemon I got from Liza and Meditite's a Psychic
and Fighting Pokemon I got from Tate. I caught Sealeo when he was just
a Spheal in Shoal Cave. Delibird is... Right over there!" Barbara
extends her index finger up to the ceiling of the cave, where a
Delibird is reaching into a sack hanging from his shoulder, "Watch
Robert looks up, mouth agape in shock that a Delibird would show up
right at that moment, just in time to swallow a small white pellet
hurled by the Delibird.
"Nooooo! Spit that out, Robert!" Barbara slides behind Robert, wraps
her arms around him, and attempts to give him the Heimlich Maneuver,
afraid that he's just swallowed an explosive pellet.
"Mmm!" Robert licks his lips, "Normally I'm not a fan of bird
excrement, but that Delibird's feces tastes like candy! I feel fully
"Whew... Be careful, Robert! Most of Delibird's Presents explode...
only a few of them are good for you." Barbara looks up to see the
Delibird flying above reaching for another pellet, "Duck!"
Robert argues, "It looks more like some kind of eagle to me..."
Barbara rolls her eyes and pushes away Robert, who slides on ice for a
few meters before falling flat on his face once again. She then slides
away from Delibird's second Present, which suddenly explodes, breaking
the ice where Barbara and Robert were standing just a moment ago,
revealing a small pool of freezing cold water underneath the surface.
"Jynx, help me out!" Barbara pulls a Pokeball out of her pink dress'
pocket and releases her tall, slender Jynx. "Blizzard attack!"
The already cold Ice Path becomes colder as a Blizzard rages inside
the cavern, harsh hail and snow hitting the Delibird above as he
rummages around his sack of Presents. One particularly large piece of
hail hits the Delibird's back and knocks him onto the ice-covered pond
"Lick him good, Jynx," commands Barbara as she sticks out her own
tongue at the Delibird who tried to attack her earlier.
"Deli!" The Delibird takes out a Present and hurls it at Barbara's
Jynx. It explodes at the Jynx's feet, breaking the ice below her! When
the Delibird's opponent splashes into the pond below, Delibird claps
his wings together, sure that the Pokemon was instantly encased in a
block of ice due to the sub-zero temperature of the water in Ice Path.
"Bird, bird, bird..." He waddles up to the pond to gloat at his
However, what the young, inexperienced Delibird doesn't know is that
Ice Pokemon cannot be frozen. He's caught by surprise when a very long
tongue flies out of the water and rubs up against his face, the Jynx's
chilled saliva paralyzing him instantly. Jynx's black hands surface
next and the Psychic Pokemon uses them to climb out of the pond. She
Doubleslaps the Delibird who had the nerve to throw an explosive at
"Okay, that's enough, Jynx!" Barbara pulls a small Ultra Ball out of
her pocket, enlarges it, and hurls it at the paralyzed Delibird next
to her Jynx. The Delibird gets sucked into the Ultra Ball, which
wobbles for two seconds before a ding proclaims that Barbara has
caught the Pokemon!
Right after Barbara's Ultra Ball dings, Robert finally manages to
stand up straight without slipping on the ice. He rubs his aching
back, "Good job, Barbara! I have one humble request..."
"What's that?" Barbara walks up to her Ultra Ball without slipping, as
if she were treading on dirt, picks it up, and puts it in her dress.
"I'd love to catch up with you further, but..." Robert asks, "Can you
please lead me to Blackthorn City before I fall over again or get
attacked by another crazy Pokemon?"
"Sure thing! Jynx, please help Robert follow me so he doesn't fall
down again." Barbara's Jynx casually walks up to Robert, grabs his
hand, and helps him follow Barbara as she effortlessly jogs towards
the Ice Path's nearest exit. Within half an hour, both Robert and
Barbara rub their eyes as they exit the Ice Path, entering the city
known as Blackthorn.