From: "Steffan Alun" <s...@aber.ac.uk> Subject: [PW!] Filler Date: Sun, 22 Aug 2004 13:44:38 +0000 (UTC) "What do you mean, DEAD?" spluttered Lauren. She was talking on a phone. "Did I say dead?" said the whiny female voice on the other end. "I meant out. Or, I dunno, busy." "Look, lady, we need to speak to our boss RIGHT NOW!" "We?" enquired the woman. "Me and Diego," she said, indicating her vertically challenged companion. "Oh, it's YOU," droned the woman. "Yes, Mr Jenson is eagre to speak to you. I'll patch you through now." "Pfft, 'patch you through'," said Lauren. "Stupid secretary jargon. I bet she knows what paperclips are for and everything." "Yeah," agreed Diego. "She probably knows the point of that hinged piece of stationary with spikes on the end that make holes in paper too." "Wouldn't put it past her." While waiting for a transfer, Lauren was treated to some music on the other end of the line. "Oh, God, it's 'Team Rocket's Rocking'," she shuddered. "Doesn't matter that it didn't even make the top hundred. Doesn't matter that even that Kry's Munnie guy beat them in the charts. Doesn't matter that it's five years old-" "Nine years," corrected Diego. "You forgot to factor in the time jump." "What are you talking about? Anyway, some other Rocket duo should release a song so that we can listen to something else for a change." Diego suddenly had an idea. "No, Diego," said Lauren. "Your singing is illegal in most major cities, remember?" "I'm pretty sure Mauville has no laws at all," said Diego in a hopeful tone of voice. At that point, Eric - Lauren's and Diego's boss - picked up the phone. "New mission for you," he said. "Well, you see," said Lauren, breaking into a speech she'd practiced. "We got you three rare Pokémon and a couple of commons, and we even had one Slugma that was a different colour..." "I want you to find the one they call Smasher." "...and we'd filled a bag with PokéBalls, ready to send back to you, but you see, what happened is that some people arrived..." "I believe there are several people searching for him already, but I want you two to find him first." "...and during the climatic battle which ensued, during which my partner lost a hand, the Pokémon were all set loose by the meddling..." "Shut up. Find me Smasher." "...and then- What?" Lauren had heard of Smasher, of course. Who hadn't? His disappearance had been all over the news back in Johto. In fact, some coverage had even reached Hoenn. Still, shouldn't this be a mission for the police, rather than some criminals? "Pardon my ignorance, sir, but why do you wish us to find this Smasher guy?" "Because," said Eric, savouring the word in the tone of one who is about to reveal a plot twist. "I was a referee in the Silver Conference, and I judged a match in which he participated." There was a pause. "So this means you want to find him?" "A deep bond formed between us on that fateful day, Lauren. I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand. Don't contact me again until you get results." Dial tone. "So," said Diego. "What are we doing?" "Ignoring Eric's orders for one thing. He's weird." PokéWars!: Lauren and Diego "Filler" Steffan Alun The mansion loomed ahead of them. It looked magnificent, especially from the distance. "It's been done up in that golden ratio," said Diego. "You know, like ancient temples and cinema screens." "Looks like the concert hasn't started yet," said Lauren. "And I can't see those kids either. I suppose we have some time to kill." "More like time to FILL," said Diego. "For you see..." Suddenly, Diego was wearing a suit with tails and a top hat, and a walking stick had appeared in his hands. His shiny black shoes tapped on the path as he danced and sang. "Time is a most remarkable thing! It makes me want to dance and sing! It flows like a river, in hours and days, and is counted in so many wonderful ways!" Lauren glared at him, but there was no effect. Suddenly, Diego held an accordion in his hands, and started to accompany his song with what a huge stretch of the imagination would refer to as "music". "Time is just too good to mention - it's known by some as the fourth dimension. It's the way you tell when it's time for sleeping and the way you know when the corn needs reaping. With a watch, its usefulness increases - the fingers cut time into managable pieces. Sometimes a minute seems like an hour, and this is because time has a strange power." "Shut up, Diego." "It's how you know when your birthday comes, and when to pick those Persims and Lums. You can use it to tell if it's time for Easter, and if it's Christmas you can have a feast...er...and you use it too when you're on the phone, you pay for each minute 'til you hear the tone." "I mean it, Diego." "It's how you tell if your food's gone bad, and it marks the death of each passing fad. It tells you when there's a leap year too, and also when you need to use the loo. It marks the weeks which marks the start of the resetting of the music chart." "Wait, is this the song you're intending to write for the charts?" "Thingy and James's song did well, but I'm hoping that this song will outsell...all the other songs of that week, I'm hoping that those other songs reek-" At that point, Diego found his head inexplicably inside an accordion. -- Steffan Too Long Didn't Read Version: Guvf fgbel jnf n ovg bs svyyre. Abguvat zber. (Use Rot13 to decipher).