From: "STEFFAN HEDD ALUN" <sha3@aber.ac.uk> Subject: [PW!] [NC] Horwath URL UPDATE Date: Sunday, February 08, 2004 1:12 PM [NS: Apparently, using NC posts to get away with writing for characters whose WGs have been retired is the New Bandwagon. And I'll be damned if I'm missing out on such antics.] Phenomelous Marvaleon - known by friends as Phoom - walked through Saffron City as though he owned the place. This was because he did. Phoom loves non-continuity. "Hmm!" he exclaimed, mainly because he hadn't exclaimed anything in quite some time. "Time to check my emails!" He made his way to a Pokémon Center, his long, black trenchcoat swaying behind him like a cloak. Just because a trenchcoat isn't always cool enough. "Hello Phoom!" greeted Nurse Joy, who loved his all-too-rare visits. She was his friend. You can tell because she called him "Phoom". "No time for chit-chat!" said Phoom. "I have to check my emails! There may be some danger that needs fixing!" Phoom logged onto his PC. He had no email. This was because he had so many emails waiting to come through that they were now jammed in the cable. Still. He could always check up on alt.fan.digimon. "Damn," cursed Phoom. "Still as dead as- A new poster? Wow! He can- Aww, he joined DW! already. Damn AGNP rip-off." Phoom scrolled down and spotted another email. "What's THIS?" "chr0365" <chr0365@nospam.invalid.com> wrote in message news:8CtVb.434793$X%5.264545@pd7tw2no... > What better way to get even with a child pornography distributor than to > use his 1-year-old baby daughter for an identity theft project Phoom's eyes widened. This sounded like an adventure! > or even > making a "friendly" phone call to his home at 3:00 AM ? Phoom checked his watch. Hmm. Not quite three in the morning yet, but in a couple or dozen hours... > ************************************************************************ > HORWATH TOOK OUR WEBSITE DOWN, HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE IT!!! DOWNLOAD > Message-ID: <102cif7dfiur558@corp.supernews.com> TO SEE THE FULL SITE!!! > ************************************************************************ Phoom couldn't be arsed. He kept reading. > Michael Edwin Horwath, fired from Winternet for incompetence, presently > earns a living selling access to a server that distributes pirated > software, pirated music, pirated videos and child pornography. Phoom considered this. He didn't approve of pirated software; it encouraged companies to create new versions so that they could sell more copies, which meant that there was a dramatic increase in the number of magazines in the world. Phoom loathed magazines. Only in NC, though. In normal continuity, he loved magazines, and was subscribed to nine. > Horwath > resides with his wife Aileen Horwath (formerly known as Aileen Karen > Goodrich) and their daughter, who was born in 2002 and is also named > Aileen Phoom was getting bored of this post now. > at 1901 Sumter Avenue North, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55427. The > home phone number of this titillating trio is (763) 540-6815. "AHA!" said Phoom, as though what he'd read had been the result of many hours' research. "I have the villain's address! Now I can take him DOWN!" > Horwath is presently doing business under the name "Redundant Networking > Corporation" Phoom didn't consider whether including the word "redundant" in a company's name was really wise, but this was only because Phoom didn't know what the word meant. > Fortunately he's only a child pornography distributor and not an > international leader "There are INTERNATIONAL CHILD PORNOGRAPHY LEADERS?!" question-exclaimed Phoom, struggling to emphasize four consecutive words seperately. Many angry parents gave Phoom dark looks from around the centre. "I was surprised," explained Phoom. > so Horwath doesn't worry too much about receiving > letter bombs even after the Pentagon, in junction with the FBI and CIA, > increased the United States terrorist threat level. "He should," said Phoom softly. "Those terrorists are everywhere." Suddenly, a gang of terrorists attacked the centre. After a three-hour struggle, Phoom defeated them. He returned to the PC. > He's also employed as a tech for Vector Internet Services, Inc. ("VISI") > located at 12 South 6th Street, Suite 630, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55402, > (612) 395-9000. Phoom died. This was too much information for him to handle. > WILL BABY AILEEN HORWATH BE MOLESTED IN THE HOME? You decide! If you think she SHOULD be molested, phone 0800 911 434 001. If you think she should NOT be molested, phone 0800 911 434 002. Alternatively, you can text "HELLYEAH" or "GODNO" to 81103. Join us over on channel 37 where you can watch Horwarth Manor Live, or join us tomorrow for the highlight show. TBC?