From: asver...@unity.ncsu.edu (Andrusi) Subject: [PW!] Insert Clever, Amusing Title Here Date: 15 Aug 2004 18:57:50 -0700 Phenac City is a really nice place. I mean, yeah, it's run by an evil villain and all, but other than that it's practically paradise. And one of the great things about it is that some random guy named Fred who was tending the local Pokémart this day never had to deal with lunatics. Until today. "Hold it right there, you!" came a voice from behind him while he was trying to open a box of Potions. "Don't move, or I'll have my Pokémon kill you!" Fred, being reasonably intelligent, didn't move. "Now turn around!" "You just said not to move. Now you're telling me to turn around. Which one do you want me to do?" Fred asked. There was a pause. The owner of the voice clearly hadn't considered this. "Uh... turn around and THEN don't move." Fred obediently turned around... and then laughed out loud, because floating on the other side of the counter was a Pokéball which appeared to be perfectly ordinary except for the whole floating and presumably talking thing. Next to it was a particularly-weak-looking Pikachu. "You dare to laugh at me?!" the Pokéball shouted, enraged. "I am the great and powerful PK Ball, who fought GEODUDOO at Mount Moon, and battled Luthor himself!" "Did you win?" Fred asked, avoiding the more obvious question of "Who the hell are GEODUDOO and Luthor?" PK frowned, which takes great talent when one has no actual mouth. "Well, not exactly, but the details aren't important. What is important is that you IMMEDIATELY release all the Pokéballs you intended to sell into slavery in this store!" Fred breathed a sigh of relief. The request was strange, but it had an obvious response that was much more normal than speaking to a Pokéball. "Sir, we don't sell Pokéballs here." "You need not fear retribution, as I ask only that--what?" "We don't sell Pokéballs here. We don't stock them. We don't have them." "...oh. Well, could you direct me to a store that does, so I can continue rescuing my Pokéball brothers?" "Uh... actually, no," Fred said. "Since there are no wild Pokémon in the Orre region, there's virtually no demand for Pokéballs. So there are no stores that sell them." PK was silent, then suddenly burst out with "There IS a Kurt!" "What?" "Nothing. But I've seen enough of the world to know that no matter where you go, *someone* is abusing Pokéballs. Can you think of anyone?" Fred was about to answer "no", but then he thought of something. "Actually, there's a group called Team Snagem. They use something called a Snag Machine to turn Pokéballs into something called Snag Balls, which they then use to steal Pokémon that have already been captured in a Pokéball." "The fiends!" PK exclaimed. "Forcing innocents to steal Pokémon from their fellow Pokéballs! I'll kill them all! Come, my loyal servant, we have work to do." He floated halfway to the door, then stopped and turned around. "That's YOU, Stupid." Ugly Overrated Stupid Useless Way-too-cute Idiotic Marketing Mascot the Pikachu blinked, then obediently followed PK out the door. * On his way out of town, PK suddenly stopped. "Wait a sec. Didn't I used to have a Paras at some point?" Stupid stopped so he could consider this with all his brain cells (yeah, all three of them). As a result, Dash the Athlete NPC Who Always Runs Around In Circles tripped over him and landed on PK. He promptly got back up and resumed running as if nothing had happened. "Ouch," PK said as he floated back into the air. "Ouch," he said again as Dash's Castform slammed into him, sending him flying off to parts unknown. "Pika pika?" Stupid asked the Castform, hoping to follow his "trainer". "Form," the Castform replied, promptly using Weather Ball to send the Pikachu flying off to roughly the same parts unknown. TBC (No, I don't know how PK ended up in Orre. Maybe he "walked" there, and that's why it's been so long since we heard from him. And maybe he had to cross an ocean, and that's why his Paras is gone (the real reason being that I forgot his name). Or maybe he used his Lazy Writer Powers.)