From: "STEFFAN HEDD ALUN" <sha3@aber.ac.uk> Subject: [PW!] [SST] Security Breach Date: Saturday, January 24, 2004 7:54 PM Graham had been a security guard for many years, and had learned a few things about the job. Firstly, anybody not wanting to be seen will usually make a good job of it for the first few hours of any voyage. Secondly, crimes that occur on ships are almost exclusively dependent on small, easily-hidden items. Thirdly, the best time to track down criminals is after any entertainment arranged, but before land has been sighted. Using all these facts to his advantage, he was keeping his eye out for unusual activity on the Main Deck. "So you see," he explained to the elderly lady with whom he was discussing security tactics. "Criminals can never get the better of me. I'm far too quick for them." "That's wonderful," said the woman. "It's so comforting to know we have such brave and clever security men taking care of us." "Rest assured, madam, that there's no safer place to be than on this ship right now." "Well, that's why we're on board!" she grinned toothily. "My friend told me before coming on, she told me, 'Esther, my dear, there's no...'." "Wait. Your name's Esther?" asked Graham. "My mother's good friends with an Esther. Where are you from?" "Oli..." "Olivine? You must be her, then!" "No, I said Viridian." "Yes, she was originally from Viridian!" "I don't live in Olivine, though." "Neither does she! Do you know a Georgina? She's my mother." "I don't know..." Suddenly, a short, fat woman bonded by. "Esther, Esther! I've done this badge, look. It's in the shape of a Grimer, and 'sgot my name on it, look. 'Georgina'." "So you DO know her..." satrted Graham. Suddenly, he snapped his head around to look at this recent apparition. "You're not my mother," he informed her. "What the- Of COURSE I'm not. I'm teetotal." "Teetot... Why are you wearing my mother's clothes?" "They're NOT your mother's clothes!" insisted the woman. "They're identical!" "They're exact replicas, I'll have you know." "...wha?" The woman looked embarassed for a few seconds. In one quick movement, she'd removed an outer layer of clothing to reveal a black T-shirt and trousers, as well as some form of a man, underneath. "We're here at last!" he chanted. "For God's sake, Diego," said Esther. "We're not DOING the motto any more." Graham shook his head in shame. "Lauren and Diego, isn't it? Spent all their time perfecting a mastery of disguise, and forgot to concentrate on the necessary skills to be true criminals?" "That's not true!" exclaimed Lauren, still in Esther disguise. "We've racked up a good, oh, eighteen-month stretch in prison if you put all our crimes together." "And does that include lying on your tax returns?" "Of course it does! That's a crime, isn't it?" Graham looked them over, baffled as to why they weren't attempting to escape. "So what is it this time?" he asked. "Two Oddishes and a Marill last time, wasn't it? Two out of very few Kanto and Johto Pokémon that are a dime-a-dozen in Hoenn?" "Hey, we made a good profit on those!" "Did you include the price of the Pokéballs in that equation?" "Nah, we got them for Christmas." "So how many Pokémon this time? Four? Five? Don't tell me you've actually caught - shudder - SIX?" "Just the one this time, chief," said Diego. Lauren gave him a swift kick. "Anyway, we'd love to stay and chat," said Lauren. "However, we have some dodgy dealings to...deal. With. See you." Suddenly, Lauren revealed a pepper spray from her wig. She sprayed Graham's eyes for a couple of seconds, then rushed off through the nearest door. "We should be safe here," she breathed. "Woo!" cried Diego. "So. Where are we?" Outside, Graham ran past the door, angry and hurt, without even considering that they'd be stupid enough to hide in the Luvdisc Spa... TBC?