From: "Rob" <robfrompw@yahoo.com> Subject: [PW!] [SST] The Guest Talent Show Date: Saturday, January 24, 2004 7:36 AM On the first night of the S.S. Tidal's first cruise from Olivine City to Littleroot Town, at exactly 10 PM, the ship's Wingull Lounge is full of people awaiting the evening's Guest Talent Show. The giant auditorium has seats for all of the S.S. Tidal's guests and most of those seats have been filled. A spotlight appears on the stage as red curtains are drawn and out walks a bespectacled, black-haired Captain Stern, dressed in a tuxedo instead of his usual lab coat. He steps up to the microphone set up on the center of the stage and says, "Welcome, passengers, to the S.S. Tidal's Guest Talent Show! I'm your cruise director, Captain Stern. I'm here to keep things running smoothly throughout the ship while Captain Briney steers this fine vessel. And now, without further adieu, I present to you the stand-up comedy of Karl Weiser!" Many people applaud as Captain Stern leaves the stage and Karl Weiser, a young man with white hair and green eyes, nervously climbs onto the stage, determined to conquer his nerves. He'd decided that the best idea was to use implosion therapy, which, according to Nomak, was the technique of doing something you're absolutely terrified of doing. Apparently, this helped to do something. Nomak wasn't sure what. "Ahem...hello?" says Karl. "Hi...hey...hello. My name's Karl. Weiser. Karl Weiser. I'm from Cherrygrove City in southeast Johto." He looks around to assess the audience's reaction. While most of the crowd remains silent, three people from Cherrygrove City applaud rather loudly when their hometown is mentioned. Swallowing hard, Karl continues. "So anyway. In Cherrygrove, everything's small. The buildings are small, the trees are small - when I was given a toy car for my birthday...it was SMALL!" Relieved to have told his first joke, Karl smiles to himself. He tries blanking the sound of the audience out completely. The attempt is suspiciously successful. "So, I'm training a Psyduck right now. Any Psyduck trainers in the room?" He looks around. "Right. Well, the thing about Psyducks is, they always have a headache. And I think I know why. Training it for a few days gave ME a headache!" Some people in the crowd chuckle, and one Psyduck Trainer comments to the person sitting next to her, "It's funny because it's true!" Excellent. Two jokes done. A couple more, and Karl can leave the stage with a dignity and ego boost. "So, anyway. What is it with Pokemon trainers and trenchcoats these days? Do they think it makes them look cooler? It's a basic equation, isn't it? Trenchcoat plus dark glasses equals powerful Pokémon. I don't understand. What is their secret? If all you had to do to train was change your dress style, then I'd be buying some new gear this second." More laughter is heard this time, mostly coming from the many people in the crowd who attended the Silver Conference. Breathe. And again. "I'm training an Unown and a Farfetch'd at the moment. The Unown is meant to be in the shape of an S, but after Farfetch'd used it for training, it looked more like a squiggle! I'm serious! It looks like it's a foreign Unown! Anyone here have an Unown, by the way? Aren't they a pain?" "I'll say!" A female voice calls out in reply. Jason Cassidy, seated at the back of the Wingull Lounge, looks around to see who just spoke, thinking the woman might have a shiny Unown, but there are too many people in the auditorium for him to pinpoint the Unown owner. Karl takes another breather. "And what if they evolved? Unown evolved into NUMBREON! S evolved into 3! Q evolved into 61! Imagine it! One day, you have a team of Unown that spell your name, next second, you have a team of Numbreons that give out your phone number!" Some people in the audience laugh, thinking of Unown evolving into all sorts of numbers. One last joke, Karl, and make it count. "I'll leave you with this." Breathe. "A Doduo's sitting around, watching its teammates training." Come on, now. Make it a good punchline. "And one of them says..." Don't mess it up Karl... "...I may not have any friends, but at least I've got each other!" There are both groans and laughter from the audience. "Give it up for Karl Weiser!" Captain Stern says as he walks out from behind the red curtains. After many people in the audience applaud his comedy routine, Karl leaves the stage. Captain Stern looks down at a card then looks back up at the crowd and says, "Our next performance tonight is from a young Pokemon Trainer from Lilycove City, a recent participant in the Silver Conference," the emcee noted as a piano was wheeled onto the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Alexandria Masters." As the audience applauds, Alex steps onto the stage, clad in the green dress that she had purchased two nights before the Silver Conference began and white dress shoes. She sits on the bench, her legs curled as carefully as possible so as to not attract the attention of any roving eyes, and flexes her hands a bit. After a second or two, she begins playing a favorite song of hers, and shortly starts with improvised lyrics. "Some folks like to get away, Take a holiday from the neighborhood. Hop a flight to Vermilion Beach Or to Hollywood. But I’m taking the Tidal, Headin’ out of Olivine... I’m in a Hoenn State of Mind. Seen all the Poké-Stars, With their Larvitars, And their Nidoqueens. Been high in the Rockies, Under the Evergreens. I know when I’m needed, And I don’t want to waste more time... I’m in a Hoenn State of Mind. It was so easy livin’ Day by day, Out of touch With the rhythm and blues... But now I need a little Give and take, The Mauville Times, The Daily News... It comes down to reality, And it’s fine with me ‘cuz I’ve let it slide. Don’t care if it’s Littleroot Town, Or Lilycove’s Oceanside. I don’t have any reasons, Left them all behind... I’m in a Hoenn State of Mind. It was so easy livin’ Day by day, Out of touch With the rhythm and blues... But now I need a little Give and take, The Mauville Times, The Daily News... It comes down to reality, And it’s fine with me ‘cuz I’ve let it slide. Don’t care if it’s Littleroot Town, Or Lilycove’s Oceanside. I don’t have any reasons, Left them all behind... I’m in a Hoenn State of Mind. I’m just taking the Tidal Headin’ out of Olivine... ‘Cuz I’m in... I’m in a Hoenn...State of Mind." As Alex finishes playing, the audience applauds loudly. Alex rises from the bench, bows slightly, then walks off the stage. From his place at the corner of the stage, Captain Stern claps for Alex before heading over to the microphone again, "Wasn't that beautiful, folks?" More people in the audience applaud Alex's performance, then Captain Stern looks down at the card in his hand and says, "Our final act is a magician straight from..." Captain Stern squints at the card, "Hmm, it looks like he wrote the word Gold, scratched it out, then wrote Pewter City. Anyway, prepare to be astounded by Marvin the Magnificent!" Captain Stern walks off the stage once more as a middle-aged brown-haired man who doesn't look magnificent at all walks out onto the stage. He's only wearing sapphire swimming trunks with white stars on them and a ruby red cape he found backstage. His flabby chest and hairy legs are exposed, but he doesn't seem self-conscious about his physical appearance at all. He simply waves to the crowd as some people in the audience cringe while others try to be polite an applaud him. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Male Pokemon and female Pokemon! People disgusted by my body and people not disgusted by... oh wait, there's no such person!" Marvin sweatdrops as he gazes out at the faces of the people in the audience, seeing how many of them show disgust, "I normally wear tuxedos when I perform, but I've fallen on hard times lately. I have to work with what I have. Sure, this cape isn't much, but at least it's keeping you from seeing my back hair!" At this point, one of the girls in the audience runs off to the bathroom holding one hand over her mouth. When she's left the lounge, Marvin comments, "Hmm, apparently she's not a big fan of capes..." "Get on with the show already!" Jason Cassidy calls out from his back seat, annoyed that this magician is wasting his time. "Wow, this is the first time I've been heckled at sea! I'll need to add this one to the list under 'three year-old's birthday party'. That kid was RUTHLESS." Seeing that most of the people in the crowd are staring at him with their eyebrows raised, Marvin tugs on the place on his neck where his red cape is tied and says, "Anyway, on with the show! As you can clearly see, ladies and gentlemen, I have nothing up my sleeves since I have no sleeves! Why, I don't even have a shirt! The only place I could be hiding something is my shorts, and believe you me, no one wants to see what I'm hiding there! I've asked around." Some of the guys in the audience chuckle, but many of the women in the audience are not amused. "And now, it's time for me to bring out my wand!" Marvin reaches down towards his trunks with one hand, worrying some people in the audience, but he stops short, and extends his arm outward. A black wand with white tips appears in the man's hand, seemingly out of nowhere. "Now, with my other hand, I'm going to grab my balls..." He lowers his other hand towards his trunks, once again worrying a few people in the crowd, and he yet again stops short. When he extends his free hand outwards towards the crowd, two shrunken Pokeballs appear to materialize out of thin air in the palm of his hand. "Finally, I'm going to show you all how I master... the art of juggling!" Marvin starts juggling his wand and two Pokeballs, careful not to drop any of them, "You might be wondering: 'what's so magical about juggling'? Well, on the one hand..." Marvin moves his left hand to the side of his body and continues juggling the wand and two Pokeballs with his right hand, "It's not very magical at all - it's just a demonstration of excellent hand-eye coordination. But on the other hand..." Marvin moves his right hand to the side of his body and the wand and two Pokeballs continue to move in a circular motion in front of the magician, despite the fact that he's not using his hands to juggle them, "Sometimes juggling can be magical." Many people in the audience applaud Marvin's performance, but the psychics in the crowd aren't impressed, particularly those who know telekinesis. One male psychic shouts, "Anyone with basic psychic training can juggle Pokeballs with their minds! Let's see you lift an entire person without using your body - THAT would be impressive!" "First of all, I've never had psychic training - why, I've never even visited a PSYCHIATRIST despite how often my mom thought I needed one, let alone a PSYCHIC!" Marvin answers his second heckler as he grabs his two Pokeballs with one hand and his wand with the other then makes them disappear, "And secondly, I've love to lift a person, especially if that person's a beautiful young woman! I haven't had much luck picking up women in the past, but I think tonight's my lucky night! There's so many lovely ladies out there to choose from..." At this point, a good majority of the women in the crowd sink down in their chairs. "Don't be shy!" Marvin climbs off the stage and walks down one of the many aisles in the Wingull Lounge, looking around for an assistant, "Don't worry, girls, I'm sure the eyebrows of my last assistant eventually grew back!" He eventually spies a beautiful blue-eyed red-haired young woman who's so tall that the fact that she's sunken down in her chair doesn't hide her from Marvin. When Marvin grabs the tall girl's hand, she looks to the seat next to her, hoping that the short purple-haired girl who was sitting next to her moments ago can get her out of this, but the seat's empty. Apparently the girl Teleported away at some point after Alex's performance, presumably because she didn't care much for Marvin or his show. "I..." The young woman mutters, glancing away from Marvin, "I'd rather not..." "Come on, it'll be fun! And it'll be a relief for the audience, since they'll get to look at you instead of me! What's your name, miss?" "Cass," the red-head replies, "But I don't want to go up. I have stage fright!" "Girls with stage fright make the best assistants! Believe me, the last thing a magician wants is a ham up there, stealing the show. All you have to do is be still and receive applause once the show's over!" Marvin calls out to the crowd, "Don't you all want to see Cass help me with my next illusion?!" Many people in the crowd start cheering, clapping in unison, and chanting, "Go, Cass! Go, Cass! Go, Cass!" Not wanting to disappoint the people cheering her on, Cass sheepishly stands up from her seat. The fit 6'3 tall girl towers over the flabby 5'7 short middle-aged man as he leads her on to the stage amidst roaring applause. "Thanks for coming up here, Cass!" Marvin shakes Cass' hand, then asks her, "Where are you from?" Cass looks down at the stage when she says, "Lilycove City." "You too?" Marvin comments, "The last performer was from Lilycove. Do they have a beautiful girl factory there or something?" Some people in the crowd laugh when Marvin asks this. Cass reveals, "Actually, she's my sister." "Your sister?! Wow! It looks like good-looking genes run in the family!" Marvin smirks, "What I wouldn't give to get invited to your next family reunion!" Some more chuckles from the crowd are heard. "Anyway, can you lie down for me?" "What?" "No, it's not what you think! It's not for ME - it's for the illusion!" Marvin points down at the stage, "I need you to lie down on the stage. Don't worry - I promise you I won't get hurt." "...okay." Cass sits down on the stage then reclines her head back until it rests on the floor, "Wait, WHO won't get hurt?" "Don't worry about it," Marvin leans in towards Cass and whispers to her, "Just stiffen up your body and you'll be fine. It's all part of the show." He turns to the audience. Gesturing to the prone girl wearing a green shirt, blue shorts, socks, sneakers, and protective padding, he comments, "I will now commence to Levitate my lovely assistant! Considering I've never performed this popular illusion on a human being before, it's a good thing she happens to be wearing all that padding." Concerned, Cass sits up and protests, "You've NEVER done this before?" Marvin faces away from the crowd for just a moment to whisper, "All part of the show!" He then turns around to speak into the microphone, "Well, Cass, I performed a Levitation on a Barbie doll once, and you're like a life-sized Barbie doll. Look on the bright side, when the doll hit the floor, only her head came off! Her arms and legs stayed on! Now just lie down, stiffen up, and let me work my magic on you!" When Cass does what Marvin instructed her to, Marvin remarks, "That line FINALLY worked!" Marvin walks over to the part of the stage where Cass is stiffening her body. She's stiff partly because Marvin told her to be and partly because she's so scared of being on the stage. Marvin starts waving his hands a few feet above her body, then Cass stiffens up even more when she realizes her back and her legs aren't touching the floor anymore. Marvin continues to wave one hand above her body and he starts waving his other hand below her body. Almost everyone in the audience cheers when they see the Levitation, even the demanding psychic who heckled Marvin earlier. Marvin comments, "Look ma, no gravity!" The magician moves his hands away from Cass and she continues to hover about a meter above the stage. He gestures towards the left side of the stage and a female Mawile with an oversized jaw walks out onto the stage. When she heads over to the middle-aged man, Marvin says, "I COULD just use a hoop to show that there are no wires or bars holding my lovely assistant up, but that's cliché! Instead, my Mawile will help me!" The Mawile extends both of her yellow arms. Marvin places his hands under her arms and lifts her up. Marvin starts circling the floating red-head, allowing his Mawile to Bite the empty space above, below, and beside the teenage girl. Cass continues to float, no matter where the Mawile's steel maw Bites. After the crowd applauds the Mawile's demonstration, Marvin sets down his Mawile and starts waving his arms above Cass again. Cass gently floats back down to the stage and she heaves a sigh of relief when she feels her body make contact with the stage. Marvin grabs Cass' hand to help her up, then he bows to the audience as his Mawile and Cass curtsey. Almost everyone in the audience cheers, whistles, and/or hollers. The whistling and hollering is mainly directed at Cass, but some of the crowd's noise is directed towards Marvin and his Mawile. "Give it up for Marvin the Magnificent, his Mawile, and Cass!" Captain Stern says as he steps out onto the stage once more. The volume of the applause increases by a few decibels, then when the noise starts to die down, Captain Stern speaks into the microphone, "And that concludes tonight's Guest Talent Show. I hope you've found all three performances entertaining! For sharing their talents with us, all those who participated in the show will be receiving a $50 certificate for the Luvdisc Spa on the Main Deck, a Coin Case, and a commemorative plastic S.S. Tidal trophy! Remember, folks, tomorrow there will be special events throughout the day, followed by the Captain's Gala Dinner at night and a celebration on the Main Deck at 10 PM! Check your messages in your cabins for more information! Good night, everyone - I hope you have a good night's rest!" "You were great, Cass! Thank you so much for being my assistant! I hope to see you around!" Marvin shakes Cass' hand. Feeling awkward talking with such a beautiful young woman after the show's over, he quickly heads backstage. Marvin's Mawile shrugs, waves to Cass, and heads after Marvin, her huge maw dragging on the stage as she leaves. -Marvin (( NS: Karl's stand-up comedy routine was written by Steffan Alun and Alex's song was written by William Rendfeld. ))