From: Spawn <nmvds@aol.computers> Subject: [PW!][NC] Steve and Karen in a non-Lugia NC post Date: Tuesday, August 17, 1999 1:02 AM Steve and Karen walked into Brock's Diner. On the way there, they saw 30 guys armed to the teeth with weapons. "STEVE, YOU SUCK!" one of them yelled. "NO I DON'T, YOU DO!" Steve yelled in a pathetic attempt at dialogue. Then he realized that he and Karen were outnumbered. Just then a man came walking by. "STEVE, DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE PSYCHIC!!!" he yelled. "REALLY!!!!!" yelled Steve as he used his psychic powers to tear 29 of the guys to shreds. "WOW!!!! YOU'RE RIGHT!!!" Just then, he used his telekensis on the last person's arm. "WHY YOU KEEP HITTING YOURSELF!!!" Steve yelled, "WHY YOU KEEP HITTING YOURSELF!!!" "STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!!" the person yelled back. "STOP WHAT!!!" Steve laughed. "WHY YOU KEEP HITTING YOURSELF?" "WITH A LITTLE TRAINING, YOU COULD BECOME VERY POWERFUL!!!!" the man yelled. "YOU MEAN I'M NOT POWERFUL ALREADY!!!!" "STEVE, HAVE YOU *SEEN* SOME OF THE PSYCHICS IN PW!!!!" Karen yelled. Just then, someone fired a nuclear weapon at Steve, but Steve managed to block it with his psychic powers he developed in the past five minutes. Which was funny, because the trainers at Sabrina gym trained their whole lives just to bend spoons. Just not "ha ha" funny. With the nuclear device out of the way, Steve and Karen walked inside. "HELLO STEVE!!!" Mewtwo yelled, despite the fact that Steve was right next to him. "HELLO MEWTWO!!!!" Steve yelled back. "STEVE, I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT YOUR PAST NOW!!!" Mewtwo yelled. "COULD YOU DO IT WITHOUT YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Karen yelled back, oddly enough continuing the tradition of not having question marks. "You know my past?" Steve said. "You mean you haven't figured it out yet?" said Mewtwo as he began to laugh with as much evil as an omnipotent cat could gather. "HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!" "Why would I have figured it out?" said Steve. "Uh, good point," said Mewtwo as he stopped laughing. "I just wanted to tell you... that I'm your father. And Mew is your mom. That explains the powers you have." "WHAT?!?" yelled Steve. "Not again..." Karen mumbled as she began to plug her ears. "I also created Brock. And this Diner. And the Miller Brewery. And the song 'Everybody Hurts.' It was all an illusion used to make you think we were merely making social visits," Mewtwo explained. "I also made Gil Bates. And Blind Tom. And Mark911. And Saber. And the folks who read your stories--all three of them. And just for the heck of it, I made Team Rocket as well, just to give me something to do. As well as the Pokemon League. And Pokemon Island." "Wouldn't you have to be a few hundred years old then?" Karen asked. "Uhhhh... shut up!" said Mewtwo. "Why?" Steve asked. "Why else?" Mewtwo asked. "To become my weapon against Team Rocket and help me destory Giovanni." "Couldn't you just teleport inside the Viridian City Gym, kill Giovanni, dispose of the body, transform to look like him, and then close Team Rocket up from the inside?" Steve wondered. "Uhhhhhh.... to much work," Mewtwo explained. "And designing elaborate conspiracies to make Steve think his life was real wasn't too much work?" Karen wondered. "Uhhhhhhh.... shut up!" said Mewtwo. "Sorry," Steve said as he lowered his tone. "But that's impossible! For one thing, shouldn't I be a Pokemon?" "We thought it would be important for you to develope your humanity," Mewtwo explained. "I thought you hated humanity?" Karen wondered. "I mean, I can understand you being friends with them. Me and Steve couldn't control the fact we were born humans anymore than you could control the fact you were made in a lab. But apparently the species of your weapon *was* something you could control. And even if you couldn't control it, it would *still* be a pokemon." "Because... ummmm.... no one would trust a Mew," Mewtwo rationalized. "Don't Mews know transform?" Karen wondered. "Uhhhhh... shut up!" "Now Steve, I ask you to join me..." Mewtwo said. "NO!!!" Steve yelled. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO!?" Mewtwo asked, getting awfully pissy for an omnipotent cat. "Uh... no... because... you're evil?" Steve rationalized. "Wanting to destroy Team Rocket is evil?" Mewtwo wondered. "Well.. uh..." Karen tried to jump in, "you also hate the Pokemon League." "Then why don't I mind that Icy, my previous weapon against Team Rocket, tries to earn badges from the League?" Mewtwo wondered. "Heck, I don't even mind that he has his own gym. For some odd reason." "CPD," Steve answered. "CPD?" "Convenient plot device," Steve explained. "Like what is the practical use for spending millions or even billions to develope a gun that turns people into Pokemon?" "Hmmmm..." said Karen, "maybe it's for nuetralizing targets?" "We already have something like that which does the job a lot more efficiently," said Steve, "it's called a 'weapon.'" "Maybe it's for people who like pokemon so much they want to be a pokemon?" Mewtwo suggested. "The gun is too random," said Steve, "evident in the fact that people would turn their enemies into Pikachu and Vaporeons as opposed to something useless." "Maybe it's for Bill?" Karen said as she remembered an anime rerun, "he wants to emphasize with his Pokemon for study." "Have you ever seen any of the characters display any Pokemon characteristics other than powers?" Steve asked, recieving only blank stares. "Heck, the shortness issue would be a major one none of them seem to notice. Learning to crawl on four legs for the first time should be tough. The animalistic instincts should begin to takeover, but never do. Heck, Icy had the brain the size of a rodent, but his psychic powers seemed to *grow.* Which is like " Everyone had to sit down and think for a good long while. Finally, Karen had the answer. "CPD?" she asked. "You got it," said Steve. "And any idea why in 'the experiment,' after spending millions to develope the gun, Team Rocket would walk out in the middle of nowhere and test the gun on the first person they saw as opposed to controlled lab conditions?" "Again, CPD," Karen smiled. "You got it," Steve replied. "Mewtwo, when do you want to overthrow Team Rocket?" Steve asked. "How about never?" Mewtwo answered. "What?!? Why?" Steve wondered. "Because this is an NC post. Not a thread, mind you, but a post. And the author doesn't have time to go any further," Mewtwo explained. "Ah that sucks," said Steve just as a lightning bolt hit him from above. "I mean, that's succccchhhhhhh a great author that I'm sure whatever he does will turn out great. Except for his last story. Where was the heart?" "It was a introductary story, just shut up for now!" said an omnious voice. "Okay, whatever," said Steve. "Bye Mewtwo!" "Bye Steve!" said Mewtwo. "Bye Karen!" "Bye!" said Karen. TB--errrrr... THE END -Spawn "Wise Pokemon trainers never get involved in a cat fight" -Brock To reply, remove "puters" from the e-mail address.