From: MTSowbug <mtsowbug@homework.inbox> Subject: [PW!] To rent a Pidgeybird Date: Sunday, August 15, 1999 7:53 PM Recently on the PokeWars! Phoo's pokemon have found each other and believe they have found Icy. Meanwhile, Phoo has been subjected to Goddish-knows-what under the hands of Panopticon's master. Aurelia, Grayswandir, Farfetch'd, and Porygon watched as the scene suddenly changed. The two Pikachus, Icy and Sara, first were lying together in the middle of Viridian Forest. Then, within seconds, the scene faded away and turned into a pokemon gym in the forest, with Icy and Sara, as humans, inside. "Welly well well," Grayswandir began, "that was quite a strange bit. Most certainly was. Yup yup yup." Then, looking around, the Lickitung continued, "Aurelia, what was that? Changes happening like that... ... ... what were we talking about again?" Aurelia sighed, and responded giddily, "Our happy little continuity warped when the being known as MTSowbug didn't post enough stories on AGNP for a jolly little while. At least that is what they say! Happy little narwhal! But one wonders what a MTSowbug is, what a post is, and what kind of conivial place this 'AGNP' is?" "... ... ... right... yes, right. I do love fruits..." Grayswandir mumbled, as he started wandering off again. Aurelia sighed again, then slapped the tongue-heavy pokemon a few times, trying to get him back on task. Aurelia started up again, talking, as usual, in a strangely jovial manner. "Now it still seems to me that we still need to talk to Icy. Farfetch'd, you have the best people skills... ... ... I hope... so why don't you take the lead?" Farfetch'd nodded in understanding, and stepped out into the front of the party. He then began to walk towards the brand-new pokemon gym, with the others following close behind him. *** Meanwhile, in Celadon City *** "WHERE THE FECK ARE THEY; I CaN't FiNd ThEm AnYwHeRe?" A shadowy voice sputtered from atop a building. "They can't escape me... for I am the poultry of the day, the mango of the night. I.. am... Larryman!!!!!" And with that, the shadows parted, and a silly-looking reporter wearing a tan trenchcoat appeared on the roof of Celadon Mall, striking a pose. As the man posed, he slipped, fell off the building, landed in the street headfirst, and was promptly run over by several hundred people holding the annual "Jog-a-thon for Needy Ratatas." "Ugh oh what terrible pain oh so much pain poor poor Larry I HATE it all now WHERE is Phoo and his fRiEnDs they all just VANISHED AND I WANT TO SEE THEM NOW so give them TOOOOOOOOO ME EDIOTS" the newspaperman spewed. "I NEED TO GET SOMEWHERE, and fast." Just then, Larry noticed a large exhibit in the middle of Celadon Square. Larry walked over to look. A small crowd of gawkers had gathered at the display. There was a giant cannon in the middle of the crowd, and a hippie was standing on the cannon. The hippie wore denim jeans dyed red, a shirt several sizes too big for him, and a goatee about six inches long. Larry joined the crowd and listened to the hippie talk. "Yessir," the hippie began, "this baby can take you anywhere! Fresh from Pokestock, and toally reliable! Just hop right in the front here, and I'll blast you off sky-high! That's right, you can fly like a Pidgeot, for only the low, low price of fourty-nine pokedollars! Who wants to try this brand-new invention?" he babbled drunkenly. Larry raised his hand and gave the ne'er-do-well fourty-nine pokedollars which he scrounged up from one of his many pockets. The hippie nodded, and showed Larry how to enter the cannon. "Okay sir, where ya headed?" the hippie asked. "I wAnT To gO west?!?!?!?!?!" "Okie dokie, let's get to it! The wind is good, the direction is straight, let's do it! Mister, you've made a fine choice, you know, these things are going to replace cars some day!" And with that last babble, he pulled a string attached to the cannon. There was a massive explosion, and Larry was sent zooming into the air. Larry heard a faint "Yeehah" coming from the vicinity of the cannon as he blasted into the western sky. *** Back at Viridian Forest *** The mirthful party which was Phoo's pokemon gazed upon the asthetically built gym in the middle of the forest. The building, which was adorned with figurines of Caterpie, had a large label on it that read "Viridian Forest Unofficial Bug Pokemon Gym." A notice was below the main sign, that read "Team Rocket is NOT allowed!" At the notice of the words "Team Rocket" Porygon shuddered. *** Flashback: about 6 months ago, in Celadon City *** Porygon booted up. "Bleep... all systems check... initializing HD... CPU operational... math coprocessor functional... all systems go." Porygon was in a dark warehouse in the industrial section of Celadon City. Inside the warehouse were hundreds upon hundreds of Porygons. Dust piled high in the room. Suddenly, a light appeared at one end of the warehouse, and a door opened. A truck appeared, and pulled into the back of the warehouse. Accompanying it were three computer techies, with TR emblems attached to their shirts. "So, this is our haul, right?" one of the techies asked another. "Yep. 800 state-of-the-art Porygons. This is the shipment. Team Rocket's Game Corner needs these babies to crank up business. Everybody wants one." "Yeah. What's the big deal about these things, anyway? It's just another stupid pokemon. Good for nothing except earning money off battles." The geek then kicked a Porygon nonchalantly, showing his disdain for the creature. "I don't get it either, Willius. These things aren't interesting at all. Sure, they compute at 450 mhz, but why try to pass it off as a pokemon? Porygons are just machines, nothing else." "Yep. Good for nothing trailor trash. Well, we might as well get these things loaded. The truck will only fit fifty of 'em at a time, so let's get moving." The two thugs then opened the back door of the truck, which Porygon now noticed had a TR emblem inside it, and threw Porygon after Porygon into it, until there was no more room. After examining the contents of the truck, the third techie shook his head, whistled, and said, "Hey boys, this thing doesn't fit fifty Porygons! What'd ya suppose I do?" "Aw, who cares. Just smash several of them together and cram the rest in. Nobdy knows, nobdy cares." "Uhh, isn't that a little inhumane?" "Like I said, nobody cares. They're just pokemon, and machine pokemon at that. It's not like they can think or somethin'." That was the day Porygon gained his first tinkling of a conscious thought. The Team Rocket cronies had made him, just slightly, angry and sad. But how, for a creature that was only made of computer coding? Unlike any of the other Porygons, this one seemed to have an essence about him, something that made him just a little more special than a Porygon was supposed to be. Was it a fluke? A mind? A soul? Or merely nothing? *** End flashback *** Team Rocket had always had some presence in the back of Porygon's mind. However, due to the fact that Team Rocket agents were the first things Porygon came in contact with after his creation, Porygon couldn't really find the will in him to hate them... or the will to hate anything strongly. Porygon's mind was full of memories of his early days in Celadon: cold, damp warehouses, dusty closets, and people, looking at him condescendingly. Phoo had saved Porygon from his life of misery, and he had a lot to thank him for. But while Porygon was reminiscing, the rest of the party had already disappeared into Icy's gym. Porygon regained his composure, and hurriedly waddled after them. Farfetch'd, as he was leading the party, was the first to enter Icy's gym. There was a decently sized main room inside. The walls and floor were made of wood. In the back of the room was a door leading to a smaller room, and another door that had the label "Restroom" engraved on it. There were figurines of Venomoths, Pincers, Scythers, and other bug pokemon adorning the walls, but primarily among them were ones of Caterpie. There were also drawings of drayads and nymphs, said to be guardians of the forest, and thusly, the bugs inside it. In the middle of the room sat Icy, now a human, feeding his Butterfree, Buttercup. Off in the corner several Caterpie and an Oddish were playing. He did not seem to notice the band of four pokemon entering his gym at the time. Farfetch'd walked up to him, and tried to introduce the group. "Farfety, fetch! Fetch, fetch, far! Farfetch'd. Quack!" he clucked. Icy looked up, now noticing the group. "Why... and what is such a diverse band of pokemon doing in the middle of the forest? Let's see here... all normal types. You must belong to a trainer..." Suddenly, hearing the word "trainer", Aurelia interceded with a massive lunge towards Icy, landing in his arms. "Chan-siiiiiiii!!!" she cried out in her, as usual, melodious voice. "Well well," Icy began, "I'd recognize a pokemon like that anywhere. You must be from an insane assylum, correct? Or maybe you're rabid? Insane? Drunk?" Aurelia promptly facefaulted and slapped Icy a few times. She gave up, and walked back to the group. "Are we sure this is Icy, the happy jar of noodles Icy? The one Master Phoo followed for so many months?" Grayswandir stepped up, and responded, "Wrought of steel, they said. Hot dogs wrapped in buns of steel, can you imagine what that would taste ... ... ... like?" Aurelia sighed, mumbled something about the "This is your brain on drugs" commercial, and slapped the Lickitung a few times. Grayswandir's mind rushed, then a lightbulb seemed to go off in it. Grayswandir nodded, then walked up to Icy. "Welly well well," he started, talking and thinking at Icy at the same time, "Phoo's been following you all around in Celadon. Ye possibly knowst 'em, cockroachy character, about so high?" "Hmm? A psychic Lickitung? You talk to my mind, and yet... hmm... you make no sense. Who are you trying to refer to? Cockroach you say? Ah yes! That must be... what's his name... Phoo. And you must be that Lickitung of his, and you his Chansey, and... all right! I see! So, how has he been these days? You can just talk to me regularly, you know, I was a pokemon once too, and can thusly understand you." Farfetch'd, resuming his position in the lead, spoke the story of Phoo's abduction to Icy, as Aurelia told it to him. At this point, of course, as word of mouth goes, it was heavily exaggerated. Icy nodded at times while listening, understanding Farfetch'd pokemon words using the talents given to him at birth. After listening to and comprehending the story, Icy spoke. "Well, that is quite a mess. Phoo could probably end up anyplace in this world if that is what happened... and you've probably got a short timeframe to rescue him. I would recommend flying..." Farfetch'd intervened Icy's speech. "Quack!!! There is a not a way a that I am a taking the four of us all a the way around the world. Phoo a was enough for little old a me." "Well, in that case, you'll have to get some other means of flight. There are Porygons out there who know Jet-convers..." Icy stopped and sweatdropped as he was met with conteptous glances that screamed "Omnipotent!" from Phoo's four pokemon. "As I was saying... there is a Pidgeot airliner service. You could always rent a Pidgeot. There should be a Pidgeot station around here somewhere... but seeing that you probably don't have any money..." Icy sighed, pulled a wallet out of his pocket, and took 300 pokedollars out of it. "If you get a bare-bones model, this should cover it. Tell Phoo this is the favor I owe him for all those times he helped me in the past... that is, if he isn't brainwashed, which could have certainly happened." Icy then gave the money to Farfetch'd, who in turn, gave it to Aurelia, who stuffed it in her pouch. "Well, good luck to you," Icy continued, "as you will certainly need it." *** Several minutes and goodbyes later *** The company of pokemon gathered around outside the gym. "Pidgey-otts..." Farfetch'd exclaimed, with a touch of jealously, "the great a flying birdsies... magnificant, grace-e-ful... how a humans could a get to a harness their almighty forms is a beyondst me. But where a would they a be?" Aurelia shook her head. "Jovialness, I have not an idea." Porygon just whirred. Grayswandir looked around, shrugged, and said, in an intellectual voice, "Well, considering the trade winds that would blow around here, a take-off position for aerial mobiles would be north northwest of here, two minutes thirty-one seconds lattitude. Considering the world distribution of humans, and the positioning of this area in correspondance to GPS, there shouldn't be too many people around there, with only a density of approximately .02 people per square foot. ... ... ... ... Doesn't somebody owe me a jelly roll?" Aurelia, Farfetch'd, and Porygon shook their heads, in a bit of shock over Grayswandir's sudden flare of mental iron. "Hrmm... please?" Ignoring Grayswandir, Aurelia began stating her ideas. Singing, she said, "Well, it seems that we have a jubilant answer to our problem of location! Possibility the fresh breeze gives our dear Grayswandir some intuiton?" And then, after a pause of reflection, she continued, in a lessened tone, "...but it still apppears we have an unjolly problem... we're going to have to get through there... unseen and steathfully." *** Flashback: approximately a year ago, in a great study *** Phoo meandered around through shelves of books that graced all around a large, dome-shaped building. There were desks in the center of the room in a circle, and a sunroof took over most of the ceiling. Krabby was at a desk reading a book on engineering, while Aurelia and Lickitung were sitting on the carpeted floor, listening to Phoo. Phoo was, in a placid manner, giving them foreshadowing on how life would be on Earth. "They say," he began, "that on the other plane, we will have to be much... more subtle. Apparently the form I am... a cockroach, is very lowly... and misunderstood down there. Also, pokemon are practically treated... like slaves to the sentient humans there, encapsulated... in small spheres called pokeballs. Hmm... we're going to have to use... some strategies to blend in." Continuing in his half-vocal, half-telepathic speech he continued. "Hmm... I'm afraid that you three will have to live in some of these... so called pokeballs for a while. We... will have to use stealth to get through... it. Lurking in shadows... hiding unseen... it may be a disgrace, but it is for the sake of all... of them." *** End flashback *** Aurelia nodded in approval of her memory. Meanwhile, Farfetch'd spoke up. "I a don't a see a why we must be a going in a hiding all the time! Is it that I am a ugly or a something?" Aurelia, understanding of Farfetch'd naiveity, used the psychic link technique so Farfetch'd would understand. Her hand glowed with energy, and she touched Farfetch'd with it, instantly making him understand. However, Farfetch'd found this most disturbing. "Quack! How a possibly can you a... quack! What are a you, some sort of an Ally-kazam in costume? Stop that! It is a not a natural!" he complained. Aurelia continued. "Happily now that we all understand, shall we continue? But the question is what is our disguise?" Porygon stepped up, and gave an idea. The group discussed it, and, after approving of it, hurriedly disappeared into the forest. *** About half an hour later *** A tall man walked about the streets of Viridan City. He wore a thick, grey overcoak, long pants, a broad-brimmed hat, and high boots, as well as dark sunglasses. A strangely shaped head and very soft, snow white hands were pretty much the only skin visibile. Well, at least it appeared to be a man. As one looked closely, murmurings could be heard about it. From the bottom of the man came a voice. "See close we are airport place? Plan worked. Plan worked. Not far to airport place from here to there." From somewhere around the neck of the man, another voice spoke. "It is a too a easy for you to a say! You got to be a the feet! I am a stuck between the Chansey's head and the Lickitung's feet! I am a squished! Would a you care to come up here and be the relayer between the body and head?" From the middile of the man, another voice spoke. "It seems happy and convivial to me! We may now actually see Master Phoo again! Okay, so now Grayswandir, remember. I'm the hands of the man, and Grayswandir, you are the head. Remember not to say anything, or open your mouth, for that jovial matter, as your tongue is too long and will give us away!" The head now spoke in turn, somewhat exasperatedly. "... yes yes, remember I do. ... ... right, I remember. We are to play the ludicrous role of a mute man. Porygon moves us, Aurelia, you prop up Farfetch'd and I and are the hands. I just sit here on Farfetch'd neck and smile. ... ... ... ... Farfetch'd relays interactions from people to you, Aurelia, so you can use the appropriate sign language." Farfetch'd moaned. "I a hate a my a part!" After about fifteen more minutes of fumbling around, the group finally could see a few Pidgeots walking around in the backyard of a small shack. The shack had a sign next to it that read "Pidgeo-port." It was a mere wooden shed, and the yard behind it was only protected by chickenwire, leaving the possibility open that wild Growlithes occasionally killed the Pidgeots. Believing that they had found the right place, they walked into the humble building. A friendly man in his fourties greeted them. "Hello," he said, "what can I do for you today?" Farfetch'd whispered to Aurelia and she signed the man that they wanted to rent a Pidgeot. Nodding his head in understanding, thinking their really was a mute man in front of him, he pointed to a board that listed prices for Pidgeots. The lowest price was just what the group had: 300 pokedollars. Aurelia pulled the money out of her hidden pouch, which looked somewhat odd to the clueless man, and gave it to the man. He nodded again, and showed them outside, where he directed them to a lean Pidgeot, seemingly in good shape. Once the man left back to his shack, the party dispersed from the costume and eyed the bird pokemon. After a short period of complimenting the bird, who seemed unpreterbed at the four pokemon about to ride on him, the band mounted the Pidgeot, one by one. Right before they flew off, Lickitung asked Aurelia, "So... where do we intend to look for Phoo anyway? Hrm? Aurelia responded, "Everywhere." And then they took off. *** Meanwhile, just over the skies of Viridian City *** Larry was about to finish his flight. He soared into the city, and crashlanded in a building. Dazed and confused from the landing, Larry looked up to see a group of ten Team Rocket thugs and a man with the nametag "Giovanni" on him surround him. Giovanni was obviously angry at Larry crashing into his gym. "Damn you scum! I just got that roof painted! Men, slaughter this freak of nature. Slowly." With their boss's command, the Rocket underlings simultaneously pulled out toasters from their uniforms and began beating Larry with them. Whew... that story took a long time to write. BTW, Karnivax, I'll be writing something for Phoo in Cerulean soon... They taste salty" - Cassidy Wright No, my name isn't Cassidy! A wok is a Chinese cooking device oftentimes used to make stirfries. "Sacrilege!" he cried, "Return that duck at once!" In a melodious voice, she cried out, "Chan-siiiiiii!!!" I am the holder of Goddish's Grimore of Lore! And Goddish's Neat Book of Stuff! (praise Goddish) Clefairy, Clefairy, Clefairy jump over the moon, Clefairy, Clefairy, Clefairy jump over the moon! The moon! The moon! The moon, the moon, the moon! KABOOM!!! (Clefairy used Metronome, and got Explosion) The sigfile grew to an enormous size! -more- The sigfile exploded and spewed pink goo everywhere! -more- You die. -more- If you spontaneously combust, all is left is a rocking chair and your teeth. Secretly, in the depths of night, rocking chairs roam the earth, searching for YOU!!!! When a rocking chair finds you (and it will), BEWARE!!!! For if you accidentally sit in it, your doom shall fall. Hiding by day, Lurking by night, Beware the rocking chair! "What? Your request is of no importance to me, young man, for we carry no such thing as frosty melon pudding!" said the shopkeeper to the bum. I *think* my e-mail address is mtsowbug@hotbot.com But why would you E-mail me? What is your secret motive? WHAT KIND OF CONSPIRACY ARE YOU HIDING?!?!?!?!