From: MTSowbug <mtsowbug@a.happy.place> Subject: [PW!] Chess: Opening Move Date: Tuesday, September 28, 1999 4:02 PM Recently on the PokeWars! MTSowbug entered a period of decline which has hopefully ended. Due to this, Phoo and his friends have entered a state of suspended animation as their continuity froze in place, awaiting the return of their author. Where the continuity last froze, Phoo was brainwashed by the enigmatic master of Panopticon, while his mind argued over a solution to this problem. Phoo's pokemon had just gotten a Pidgeot and were flying over the world, in search of Phoo. Larry, as usual, is slacking off somewhere behind in Viridian City. And now, as it is irresistable, the continuity continues... "Bah! I don't believe how many of these memories we've sorted through without finding a solution to this brainwashing bother! I'm going to take a coffee break!" In the past weeks, Ego was becoming restless, and, quite frankly, superfluous. The wisp of thought often found himself arguing with the other cognitions. "Ego, I think we've all heard enough from you," Comprehension noted, "why don't you just rest for a moment and get ba..." Ego cut off Comphrehension's telepath. "Enough of me? Why, I think we've all had enough of you and your flaunting manner! Right everyone? Don't you all agree? Down with Comprehension! Down with Comprehension! Dow..." In turn, Ego was cut off, this time by Superego. "You're just annoyed that you can't communicate with the outside world, aren't you, Ego? Stop trying to cause uprising in this otherwise perfect brain, you rabblerouser. I wouldn't be surprised that in your attempts to communicate with the five senses that you've had some of the brainwashing rub off on you..." Arguments were all too common these days in Phoo's brain, as no one was used to a brainwashing circumstance. With all areas of the brain except long-term memory under hypnotism and the actual thinking mechanisms of the brain all pushed into long-term memory, things were quite crowded and restless. "Quit it, all of you!" Judgement roared with his telepath. "We don't need any more of this arguing, and I don't need to hear it! We need something relaxing, and I've found it!" The mental energy which was Judgement glowed and pulled a phasmodial chessboard out of itself. "I found this over in the back of area 2C89, the memories for when Phoo was at Foomyama's. Come and I'll show you the rest of it!" Judgement boasted. Judgement motioned to the other three, and they followed him out of the room made of gray matter. They passed through an open security door, and floated down a hallway, it too being composed of pulsating gray neurons and synapses, pulsating constantly. To one who did not exist as part of a brain, it would seem very unsettling that the entire scape of it was alive. Judgement led the group through a twisty maze of catacombish passages, even occasionally passing through the pulsating walls. They eventually came to a large room, ovular in shape and having strands of energy shaped like... could it be cobwebs? sitting in the corners. Judgement shuffled towards the back of the room and opened what looked like a wooden door, revealing a small closet. "What? How can we have furniture such as a door in here! That's impossible!" Superego marveled. Comprehension answered, "No it isn't... obviously the stress of our situation has gotten to you. All we have to do is think it up, and it is there. Remember, we exist in and are part of thoughts alone! Watch," and produced a marble mug full of red fruit juice in front of him. Upon creating the mug, he handed it to Superego, who hesitantly drank from it. Meanwhile, Judgement was fiddling in the closet, making various objects spill out of it. After a few moments of searching, Judgement finally found what he was looking for. He pulled it out of the closet, and showed it to the others: a complete Pokechess set, Gold edition. *** Meanwhile, in the atmosphere above Pewter City *** A Wigglytuff, fully inflated with helium, flew through the sky. It's mouth was open, and a head was sticking out of it. A reporter's head. Larry's head. In an effort to catch up to Aurelia and the rest of Phoo's pokemon, Larry had stolen some helium from Viridian's Pokemart and used it on his Wigglytuff. After doing this, Larry had attached a large picnic basket to Wigglytuff with string, and created a great balloon. Failing to recognize he could ride in the basket, Larry decided to fly inside Wigglytuff's mouth. Larry was obliviously happy, like his Wigglytuff. "oH, tHeRe WaS a FaRmEr HaD a DoG aNd SnUbBlE wAs HiS nAmE-o. S - n - U - b - B - l - E, s - N - u - B - b - L - e, S - n - U - b - B - l - E, aNd SnuBbLe WaS hIs nAmE-o!" he chanted, over and over again. Eventually, Larry's attention was diverted to the ground below him. A city had finally emerged beneath them. The city was drab and gray, and had a museum in the middle of it. Larry, forgetting about Aurelia, quivered with unexplainable joy and passed gas. The gas made Wigglytuff, full of helium, explode, sending Larry tumulting to the ground below him. *** Meanwhile, about 1500 feet below Larry *** A crowd had formed around Pewter Museum. A bunch of hippies, nuts, and political extremists, in a fit of spontaneous coherency amoungst themselves, had formed a riot around the museum, shouting out random ideals and slogans. "Wigglytuff is murder!" one cried. "Beware, the end is near! The radioactive Weezinbell shall kill all the UNHOLY!" "PIKABLU! I SAW PIKABLU!" "Pokemon is the devil and encourages violence! Let's make an antiviolent movement by stabbing all the pokemon with swords!" "Pokesoft rocks!" "I hate you all! Give me money!" "I saw the black helicopters orbiting Mount Moon, sucking up all the Pokepics!" "Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue..." "Silly Nidoran, Trix are for Youngsters!" One of the gawkers staring at the riot nudged one of his fellows. "Hey, when do you think the police are gonna come? I wanna see some beatings!" he said. Larry fell out of the sky and into the crowd, who, astonishingly enough, took no mind to him, and thought of him as just another simple nutcase. Larry crashed into the pavement, shook his head, and looked up, to find two people leaning over him, pointing and staring. "Hey, man, like, you know, like, you totally aren't wearing any shorts!" one screamed. "Grimerade. Is it in you. Grimerade. Is it in you. Grimerade. Is it in you," the other chanted. Larry scrambled to his feet and screamed, black acid drooling from his mouth. "gOsH dArN iT? oH bOy; I'm As MaD aS hElL aNd I'm NoT gOnNa TaKe It AnYmOrE!!!" he ranted, flailing his arms wildly. He then reached into one of his many pockets, pulled out a pokeball, and yelled, in a high-pitched voice, "Go Mr. mImE! yOuR hEaD iS MiNe! WAFFLE." Larry threw the pokeball to the ground, and before anything could come out of it, picked it up and thrust it in his mouth. The pokeball then opened, and a Mr. Mime materialized in Larry's mouth, screaming silently. Eventually the mime escaped, grabbed another pokeball out of one of Larry's pockets, and opened it. Another pokemon flashed out of the ball... another Mr. Mime. Or was it? It had some of the features of a Mr. Mime... but no. It was a Jynx! The croud gasped as Mr. Mime stole Larry's wallet and ran off towards the nearest hotel, the Jynx running along with him, with curlers in her hair. At this point the police had finally come armed with riot shields and beating clubs. The officers swiftly pulled Larry aside and started beating him, ignoring the rest of the insane crowd. Larry didn't mind: he was used to the behavior and quite fond of it. He seemed to attract chaos like the flies that buzzed around the open, fleshy wounds in his leg. *** Back to the mind of Phoo *** "Attention, everyone! Look what Judgement has brought us!" Comprehension announced to the entire group of mental powers, together in the long-term memory meeting room. The room used to be merely a large archives room, but in the emergency of the brainwashing, was converted into a meeting room. A phasmodial table, consisting entirely of thoughts, sat in the middle with innumberable chairs around it. A water cooler sat in the corner, along with some potted plants. Intuition got out from his seat, and telepathed, impatiently, "What? What is it! Something INTERESTING to do? I can't stand this! No outside feedback! Bored to tears, I am!" Judgement halted further conversation with a wave of some part of his ethereal wispy form, and produced the chess set from behind his back, setting it on the table. Several other of the board games followed. "I found these in 2C89, in a closet, with a bunch of other board games. And, I'm sure everyone will agree with me here, everybody loves chess! So I brought a bunch of sets. Pokechess Gold editions... these are untouched and in mint condition!" A din of telepathes immediately filled the room, discussing the wonders of chess and strategy. The "noise" went on for several minutes until REM piped up, "Enough of this! Let's play!" Quickly and efficiently, the boards were emptied from their boxes and set on the table. The boards were set out, and the pieces outlaid. Since it was a special Pokechess edition, the various pieces were replaced by pokemon figurines. Pawns were Pidgey, rooks were Golem, knights were Rapidash, bishops were Hypno, the queens were Nidoqueen (but of course!), and, to follow the theme, the two kings were Nidoking. Other variations of the pieces were there, including ones that had only adorable pokemon in it, or the all-grass set. You could collect all the sets, and, that is why, pokechess became a phenominal success both in the real world and in the mind. The thought patterns split into pairs, and the games began. Cries such as "El Passant" and "Fool's opening" were heard from across to room, to one who read thoughts. Pieces were telekinetically moved, and pieces captured. Once one thought telepathed, "Castling, queen's side" and another telepathed in return, "You can't castle now! You already moved your rook!" All in all, it was fun, a dramatic change to the dull research and little development of their long-term memory search. *** Meanwhile, 2500 feet above sea level (pokespeech pretranslated) *** Aurelia, Grayswandir, Farfetch'd, and Porygon flew at high speeds over the ocean on their Pidgeot, but in no particular direction. They had been debating about where Phoo would be, but couldn't quite decide. The Pidgeot, trying to not be annoyed, eventually had pulled out a set of earmuffs to dullen the cacophany. "What do I a have a to a tell you, over 'nd over again? Phoo's a gotta to a be in Lavendar Town, dats where all the evil spooky thingys go!" Farfetch'd stated. Aurelia shook her head and argued, although still happy and smiling as a Chansey always will, "I am afraid to say that my friend is not correct, no he cannot be. Please, I do not insult you! Smile! Phoo must be in Celadon City!" "Fuschia City. Cerulean City. Celadon City. Saffron City. Lavendar Town. Viridian City. Pokecenter. Pokemart. Safari Zone. Grandpa Canyon. Phoo... ... ... ... is in one of those!" Meanwhile, Porygon was thinking. "Phoo move to energy always. Phoo and energy related. Phoo need energy. Energy need Phoo. Portal take Phoo. Portal take energy. Energy take Phoo. Energy more than Phoo need must take. Great energy take Phoo. Where is energy? ... ... ... ... Saffron City has technology. Psychics. Martial artists. Saffron city have energy." And then Porygon whispered into Pidgeot's ear, "Please, to Saffron City!" Pidgeot, wanting to be as little a part of this argument as possible, and justifying his decision by thinking Porygon was one of the things who rented him, afterall, clapped his wings and sped off towards Saffron City. Okay! There we are! Karnivax, contact me about the future plotline... They taste salty" - Cassidy Wright No, my name isn't Cassidy! A wok is a Chinese cooking device oftentimes used to make stirfries. "Sacrilege!" he cried, "Return that duck at once!" In a melodious voice, she cried out, "Chan-siiiiiii!!!" I am the holder of Goddish's Grimore of Lore! And Goddish's Neat Book of Stuff! (praise Goddish) Clefairy, Clefairy, Clefairy jump over the moon, Clefairy, Clefairy, Clefairy jump over the moon! The moon! The moon! The moon, the moon, the moon! KABOOM!!! (Clefairy used Metronome, and got Explosion) The sigfile grew to an enormous size! -more- The sigfile exploded and spewed pink goo everywhere! -more- You die. -more- If you spontaneously combust, all is left is a rocking chair and your teeth. Secretly, in the depths of night, rocking chairs roam the earth, searching for YOU!!!! When a rocking chair finds you (and it will), BEWARE!!!! For if you accidentally sit in it, your doom shall fall. Hiding by day, Lurking by night, Beware the rocking chair! "Where have all the neurons gone?" "Into Hershey's Neurons and Cream!" - Jose L. Solano I *think* my e-mail address is mtsowbug@hotbot.com But why would you E-mail me? What is your secret motive? WHAT KIND OF CONSPIRACY ARE YOU HIDING?!?!?!?!