Subject: [PW!] Nisemon Strikes Back
Date: Wednesday, September 22, 1999 9:54 AM
From "The Pokeball Aftermath…"
>At that very moment, a Psyduck walked up to them, its head perpetually
>cradled in its paws. Paws? Nisemon stopped cradling the Psyduck's head
>and examined the Psyduck's digits. "Damn," thought the Ditto for the
>50th time that day. "I certainly picked a stupid thing to turn into
>*this* time. And where are my clothes?
>"Oh no!" Nisemon thought. "I dropped my clothes when I had to hold my
>hands to my head! Why does this stupid thing have to hold its hands to
>its head the whole time anyway?"
>Nori and Kevin both looked down as they heard the sound of somebody
>being slapped. It was the Psyduck, and it was hitting itself on the
>"This stupid, stupid Pokemon!" Nisemon's mind screamed over and over.
>And then the Psyduck passed out.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It seemed that Nisemon lay there for a very long time. Not that Nisemon
would have noticed, but somewhere on an alternate plane of reality,
higher awarenesses were getting restless. Nisemon was being ignored.
After being ignored by the trainers in the PokeCentre for what seemed
like days, the psuedo-Psyduck was finally rescued by a Nurse Joy.
"Oh my!" cried the Nurse Joy, as they are wont. "An abandoned Pokemon!"
Naturally, Nisemon did not hear this. Neither did the Ditto hear or
experience any of the following proceedures, which involved the Nurse
Joy placing the Psyduck in the standard revival equipment, and switching
"You're not a Psyduck..." observed the Nurse Joy, as Nisemon woke up
just in time to hear what she said. "You're a Ditto." She pointed at the
screen on the revival device, which was now displaying the Ditto's
"Bugger," said Nisemon. It came out as "Psy aie aie".
'What kind of stupid noise is that,' thought the Ditto. 'This stupid
Pokemon! It can't even speak!' Nisemon frantically shook all the wires
from the Psyduck's body, then jumped off the stretcher and ran towards
"Psy aie" said Nisemon, trying to say "Bai bai", and then legged it.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Some time later, the Ditto has recovered its Team Rocket costumes, and
was walking through Cerulean once again, this time as Nise-Mondo. Mondo
was one of Nisemon's favourite targets. The young Team Rocket agent
owned a Ditto himself, and targeting somebody that owned such a Pokemon
was as close as Nisemon could get to targeting the Pokemon, or indeed,
the scientist that had cloned Nisemon from a Ditto in the first place.
Strange logic, but it worked if you were suffering from an advanced case
of multiple personality disorder.
"Now," thought Nisemon. "Where was I?"
"Just here," Nise-Mondo told himself. "You were standing just here,
before all this happened."
"Oh yes," thought Nisemon. "I was, wasn't I? I think I'll go back to
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Walking back towards the diner, Nisemon started to lose it.
It was a slow and gradual process, brought on as it were by absolutely
nothing. Except the fact that the Ditto had been forced by recent events
to retain concentration and a grip on reality for far too long.
Nisemon stopped walking, then lost it completely.
"I will get my REVENGE!" yelled Nisemon into Mondo's hands, which
were now over Mondo's face, which was now Nisemon's face because Nisemon
was currently pretending to be him. Nisemon wondered why it was that it
was necessary to shout such a thing, indeed, what was the Ditto doing,
standing in the middle of Cerulean, hands over face, dressed in these
Oh yes. Nisemon remembered. The purpose for existing was to gain
revenge, revenge for not actually having a purpose for existing.
"There is a meaning for everything!" shouted nise-Mondo, "and
a meaning for all Pokemon!" Hastily, Nisemon looked down and checked
Mondo's body. No, it had not suddenly turned into that of Bill's. What
was going on?
"I'm going to find my purpose!" shouted Nisemon to the world, even
though nobody was reading. "There is a purpose to myself and a purpose
to all myselfs! Honmono wa honmono da! Nisemono wa nisemono da! Or
Nisemon paused. That made absolutely no sense whatsoever, and the
reasons for having said it could not be traced. Slowly, the Ditto
brought its brain back into gear, as there had to be *some* purpose for
the current chain of events. There had to be *something* to keep people
"Ah!" said Nisemon brightly. "My current list of victims!"
Nisemon consulted the current list of victims. Comprised in a notepad,
it was a long exhaustive list of people whom Nisemon had messed up in
the past, as well as a hit list of targets that the Ditto was aiming at.
Of the few people included that Nisemon knew by name, many had been
ticked off. There were also paragraphs of details as to exactly how the
Ditto had destroyed their minds.
Nisemon worked down the list, reading off the descriptions.
"Mondo, check. Stole his jeep, rammed it into mountain." Nisemon took
out a pen and drew a smiley face next to this information, then wrote
the word "FUN!" underneath it.
"Shard, check. Turned into Maria, Drove Him Crazy." The word 'crazy' had
been double-underlined. Nisemon added an extra underlinement for good
"Mewtwo, check. Turned into him, got run over by truck. That showed
"Strange Scientist guy in Lighthouse, check. Got him to run out of
lighthouse, shouting "Come back!" He likes me, remember to go bother
him in future.
"Strange Thin Girl Rocket with Impossible Purple Hair, check. Got her
to shout and think her partner was on drugs. Her Partner, That
Ironically Named Goth Kiniro, check. Turned into Purple Girl, tried to
kiss him, Drove Him Crazy."
Nisemon paused, then wrote in a new entry.
"Stupid Monosyllabyllic Kid in Diner, check. Turned into Purple girl,
made him drool impressively.
"Oh bugger..." Nisemon swore, because the thought of the kid who had
been left behind ruined the current moment of glory. Indeed, the Ditto
remembered trying to mess with the kid's mind while in the diner, and
that brought back realisations that the whole thing had happened just
hours ago. Was it wise to go back to the scene of the crime?
Nisemon pondered what to do next. The Ditto wanted, for reasons it
couldn't quite place, to go and speak to Bill again. Bill had been nice
to Nisemon, he had yelled a lot, and got a bit hysterical. And he had
told Nisemon to come back. Maybe Bill could do something about the
Ditto's complete lack of concentration. Nisemon's concentration was
getting as bad as a Magikarp's ability to remember things.
Promptly, Nisemon forgot all about the scientist and resumed the walk
back to the diner.
- Shimarisu (sorry, this was pointless...)
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