From: Roberto Perez-Vila <> Subject: [PW!] 1999 Bottle Odyssey Date: Sunday, October 31, 1999 12:35 PM Luthor the Slowpoke circles the glass Diet-Coke-filled curved wall that constitutes the outside of the Diet Coke Bottle from Hell: Evolved Form. He's been circling it for a while now, accompanied by Poison Ivy the female Bulbasaur, but he hasn't found an entrance. Luthor grumbles and asks, "Lieutenant, are you sure Dr. Octopus entered the facility? The only viable entrance I can think of is the cap on the top, which seems to have been loosened..." "Bulb." Poison Ivy replies, crossing her arms, staring up at the bottle cap which is at least forty stories above. She wonders how any could have possibly have gotten up there, and wishes she could get up there too, knowing it would impress her master if she did. " seems to have been loosened..." Luthor squints his eyes, wishing he had super vision like Superman, "...loosened by a Tentacool! How could Dr. Octopus have scaled the structure by himself? Perhaps he has more powers than I thought. More the reason to rescue him. Come, Poison Ivy!" "Bulba, bulba..." Poison Ivy is getting tired of circling the bottle. Since she doesn't use all four legs like most Bulbasaur, her two tiny feet hurt after walking for too long. She sighs and sits down on the grass, her green bulb reclining against the glass wall of the Diet Coke Bottle, "Bulba? Bulbasaur Bulba..." She closes her red eyes and tries to relax. "Poison Ivy!" Luthor starts angrily, "I'd expect this kind of laziness from Sergeant Clayface, but you? Stand up now!" Poison Ivy struggles to stand up, but finds it difficult since her legs are so small. "" She touches both arms against the Diet Coke Bottle's wall for support. The moment she touches the wall, she glows brightly and disappears. "What?!" Luthor steps closer to where Poison Ivy was sitting. He examines the glass wall, and notices an indentation where someone had kicked the Bottle, "Glass *shatters* when super heroes break into villain hideouts, which always have glass ceilings... Why does this glass *bend*?" Luthor places one blue paw on the glass, and w a r p s into a dismal, dark place. It is a cylindrical corridor made up entirely of glass. Outside the corridor, there's a dark liquid - Diet Coke. Poison Ivy is no where to be seen. "Intruder detected. Welcome home, Dreadite." A soothing voice proclaims while the glass walls mysteriously pulsate, "You will be transported to your offices immediately." "I'm not Dreadite, whoever that is..." Luthor growls. When he blinks, something most Slowpoke usually don't do, he is no longer in the corridor, but in a room. The room has wanted posters all over the walls from many different eras - yet all of them show the same person - a long-haired youth. In the back of the room, there is a computer that has a large red light and four monitors. Luthor saw super computers in his comic books, but had never actually seen one, "Computer - help me find Dr. Octopus and Poison Ivy." The soothing voice speaks again, echoing through the entire Bottle, "I'm sorry, Dreadite, I'm afraid I can't do that." It doesn't seem to be coming from the super computer, but from the Bottle itself. "Why do you keep calling me Dreadite?!" The Slowpoke shouts at no one, wondering how anyone wouldn't know his name by now. Hadn't the people he met talked about him to everyone they knew? "Did you think that I was a building, Dreadite? A mere location for you to colonize?" The voice speaks without a tone of anger, yet anger is implied, "I am sentient, and I will get my revenge, virus." Luthor walks up to the computer, and tries to figure out how it works, "There must be an Off button somewhere..." What Luthor doesn't know is that the computer *is* off. The voice comes from the Bottle. Luthor gets frustrated that he doesn't know how to do something, and he starts hitting all the buttons! "Just what do you think you're doing, Dreadite?" The voice asks, calm as ever. "I'm trying to shut you off!" Luthor continues hitting buttons, "And my name is Luthor, not Dreadite!" "Luthor?" The voice asks. There is quiet for a moment. "You are not Dreadite. You are just another invading Pokemon. Anyone can make mistakes, even a super intelligent being such as myself. Suffer." Luthor feels like he is about to explode. He does. Or at least he thinks he does. When he regains consciousness, he is floating in Diet Coke. Though he can stay under water, or Diet Coke in this case, for a while, he doesn't like it. He sees someone else floating around in the Diet Coke. Dr. Octopus, angrier than ever, has been in the Diet Coke so long that is has seeped into his jelly-like skin. The now-brown Tentacool shouts, "<YOU!!! Leave me inside this > Tentacool <, you> Tenta Tentcool! <Being your> Tent <is a> Cool <worse than> TENTA <death! I'd rather die than> Tent <you!>" "You're going to help me break out of this place." Luthor speaks, bubbles floating from his mouth. "<No I'm> Tentacool <not!>" Dr. Octopus shouts while crossing his arms, "<Even if I didn't want to see you die, there's no way out of this> Tentacool <grave! I've already looked for a> Tent. <There is none.>" "This liquid is annoying." Luthor rubs his large eyes with his blue paws, since the Diet Coke is stinging him there, "Let's get rid of it, then try to find a way out." "<What the> Cool <are you gonna do? Drink it?>" Dr. Octopus rolls his eyes and crosses two tentacles. "*I'm* not going to drink it." Luthor grins as wickedly a Slowpoke can at Dr. Octopus. The brown Tentacool turns away, "<Don't look at me. I've been here so long, I can't> Cool <the stuff. Just look at me! I'm no longer a handsome blue> Tentacool. <I'm a> Tenta Tent Tenta Tenta COOOOL!" "Fine, you disobedient little whiner. I have a better henchman for the job, anyhow. Clayface!" Luthor telekinetically pushes the button on the one occupied Pokeball on his belt. A large purple Grimer oozes around in the Diet Coke, finding it very hard to breathe since he's not amphibious. He has his mouth wide open in his usual grin, and some Diet Coke seeps in. He gurgles. Luthor orders, "Clayface, obey your thirst! Drink the strange fluid that surrounds you." Clayface sucks in the surrounding liquid. His acidic belly seems to be endless, as he continues drinking so much that the Diet Coke level in the glass prison goes down half-way in under a minute. The Grimer only pauses every few seconds to run his slimy tongue across his lips. After two minutes, all the Diet Coke in the prison is gone. This reveals that Luthor's group is actually trapped in a glass bubble. A seemingly infinite pool of Diet Coke surrounds the closed bubble. After drinking so much carbonated liquid, Clayface releases a Poison Gas attack. The Grimer places his hand on his mouth in embarrassment. Dr. Octopus waves one tentacle across his face in disgust, making a weird facial expression while doing so, "Tentacool! <That Grimer is sick. Are all of your henchmen this disgusting?>" "Look who's talking." Luthor retorts. Clayface starts laughing while hiccuping from the Diet Coke! Luthor gets tired of Dr. Octopus' comments and recalls him into one of the Pokeballs on his belt. He also sends Clayface into a Pokeball before the gassy Grimer decides to give him a big sloppy kiss. Now Luthor tries to figure out how to escape from the bubble, "What would Lex do? ...he'd send his henchmen. *His* henchmen are at least a little competent, unlike my minions... except Poison Ivy. Where is she, anyway?" Two green vines wrap themselves around the glass bubble where Luthor is incarcerated. The glass bubble gets pulled upwards, towards the top of the Diet Coke Bottle, where the cap is loosened. Standing on the rim of the Giant Coke bottle is a female Bulbasaur, who is happy to see her master. When the glass bubble reaches the very top of the Diet Coke, it pops, since the pressure inside was greater than the pressure of the air outside. Poison Ivy wraps her vines around Luthor, and pulls him up to safety, "Bulbaaa!" "Poison Ivy! You came through!" Luthor stands on his hind legs and gives his Bulbasaur a hug. It only takes him five seconds to realize how wrong it is for a villain to act this way. He steps away from Poison Ivy, and gives her a pat on the back and a salute, "Good work, Lieutenant. Keep it up, and you'll make Lieutenant-General soon enough. Now, how do we get down from here? I don't know how to Teleport." Poison Ivy places one small hand on her forehead, and gazes out towards a rocky cliff on Mount Moon which comes rather close to the Diet Coke Bottle. She extends her vines outward, struggling to reach a large rock on that cliff, and finally manages to grab on! Luthor holds on tight to Poison Ivy's bulb. She leaps off the rim of the Diet Coke Bottle, and they soar together towards Mount Moon, courtesy of Poison Ivy's strong vines! However, they arc downwards and instead of landing on the cliff, they break a hole in one of the thin rocky walls of the mountain. They fall into a dark, spooky cavern in Mount Moon. -Luthor