From: Roberto Perez-Vila
Subject: [PW!] 1999 Bottle Odyssey
Date: Sunday, October 31, 1999 12:35 PM
Luthor the Slowpoke circles the glass Diet-Coke-filled curved wall that
constitutes the outside of the Diet Coke Bottle from Hell: Evolved Form.
He's been circling it for a while now, accompanied by Poison Ivy the
female Bulbasaur, but he hasn't found an entrance. Luthor grumbles and
asks, "Lieutenant, are you sure Dr. Octopus entered the facility? The
only viable entrance I can think of is the cap on the top, which seems to
have been loosened..."
"Bulb." Poison Ivy replies, crossing her arms, staring up at the bottle
cap which is at least forty stories above. She wonders how any could have
possibly have gotten up there, and wishes she could get up there too,
knowing it would impress her master if she did.
"...it seems to have been loosened..." Luthor squints his eyes, wishing
he had super vision like Superman, "...loosened by a Tentacool! How could
Dr. Octopus have scaled the structure by himself? Perhaps he has more
powers than I thought. More the reason to rescue him. Come, Poison Ivy!"
"Bulba, bulba..." Poison Ivy is getting tired of circling the bottle.
Since she doesn't use all four legs like most Bulbasaur, her two tiny
feet hurt after walking for too long. She sighs and sits down on the
grass, her green bulb reclining against the glass wall of the Diet Coke
Bottle, "Bulba? Bulbasaur Bulba..." She closes her red eyes and tries to
"Poison Ivy!" Luthor starts angrily, "I'd expect this kind of laziness
from Sergeant Clayface, but you? Stand up now!"
Poison Ivy struggles to stand up, but finds it difficult since her legs
are so small. "Bulb...ba..." She touches both arms against the Diet Coke
Bottle's wall for support. The moment she touches the wall, she glows
brightly and disappears.
"What?!" Luthor steps closer to where Poison Ivy was sitting. He examines
the glass wall, and notices an indentation where someone had kicked the
Bottle, "Glass *shatters* when super heroes break into villain hideouts,
which always have glass ceilings... Why does this glass *bend*?" Luthor
places one blue paw on the glass, and w
s into a dismal, dark place. It is a cylindrical
corridor made up entirely of glass. Outside the corridor, there's a dark
liquid - Diet Coke. Poison Ivy is no where to be seen.
"Intruder detected. Welcome home, Dreadite." A soothing voice proclaims
while the glass walls mysteriously pulsate, "You will be transported to
your offices immediately."
"I'm not Dreadite, whoever that is..." Luthor growls. When he blinks,
something most Slowpoke usually don't do, he is no longer in the
corridor, but in a room. The room has wanted posters all over the walls
from many different eras - yet all of them show the same person - a
long-haired youth. In the back of the room, there is a computer that has
a large red light and four monitors. Luthor saw super computers in his
comic books, but had never actually seen one, "Computer - help me find
Dr. Octopus and Poison Ivy."
The soothing voice speaks again, echoing through the entire Bottle, "I'm
sorry, Dreadite, I'm afraid I can't do that." It doesn't seem to be
coming from the super computer, but from the Bottle itself.
"Why do you keep calling me Dreadite?!" The Slowpoke shouts at no one,
wondering how anyone wouldn't know his name by now. Hadn't the people he
met talked about him to everyone they knew?
"Did you think that I was a building, Dreadite? A mere location for you
to colonize?" The voice speaks without a tone of anger, yet anger is
implied, "I am sentient, and I will get my revenge, virus."
Luthor walks up to the computer, and tries to figure out how it works,
"There must be an Off button somewhere..." What Luthor doesn't know is
that the computer *is* off. The voice comes from the Bottle. Luthor gets
frustrated that he doesn't know how to do something, and he starts
hitting all the buttons!
"Just what do you think you're doing, Dreadite?" The voice asks, calm as
"I'm trying to shut you off!" Luthor continues hitting buttons, "And my
name is Luthor, not Dreadite!"
"Luthor?" The voice asks. There is quiet for a moment. "You are not
Dreadite. You are just another invading Pokemon. Anyone can make
mistakes, even a super intelligent being such as myself. Suffer."
Luthor feels like he is about to explode. He does. Or at least he thinks
he does. When he regains consciousness, he is floating in Diet Coke.
Though he can stay under water, or Diet Coke in this case, for a while,
he doesn't like it. He sees someone else floating around in the Diet
Coke. Dr. Octopus, angrier than ever, has been in the Diet Coke so long
that is has seeped into his jelly-like skin.
The now-brown Tentacool shouts, " Tentacool
<, you> Tenta Tentcool! Tent Cool TENTA
"You're going to help me break out of this place." Luthor speaks, bubbles
floating from his mouth.
" Tentacool " Dr. Octopus shouts while crossing his arms,
Tentacool Tent. "
"This liquid is annoying." Luthor rubs his large eyes with his blue paws,
since the Diet Coke is stinging him there, "Let's get rid of it, then try
to find a way out."
" Cool " Dr. Octopus rolls his
eyes and crosses two tentacles.
"*I'm* not going to drink it." Luthor grins as wickedly a Slowpoke can at
The brown Tentacool turns away, " Cool Tentacool. Tenta Tent Tenta Tenta COOOOL!"
"Fine, you disobedient little whiner. I have a better henchman for the
job, anyhow. Clayface!" Luthor telekinetically pushes the button on the
one occupied Pokeball on his belt.
A large purple Grimer oozes around in the Diet Coke, finding it very hard
to breathe since he's not amphibious. He has his mouth wide open in his
usual grin, and some Diet Coke seeps in. He gurgles.
Luthor orders, "Clayface, obey your thirst! Drink the strange fluid that
Clayface sucks in the surrounding liquid. His acidic belly seems to be
endless, as he continues drinking so much that the Diet Coke level in the
glass prison goes down half-way in under a minute. The Grimer only pauses
every few seconds to run his slimy tongue across his lips. After two
minutes, all the Diet Coke in the prison is gone. This reveals that
Luthor's group is actually trapped in a glass bubble. A seemingly
infinite pool of Diet Coke surrounds the closed bubble. After drinking so
much carbonated liquid, Clayface releases a Poison Gas attack. The Grimer
places his hand on his mouth in embarrassment.
Dr. Octopus waves one tentacle across his face in disgust, making a weird
facial expression while doing so, "Tentacool! "
"Look who's talking." Luthor retorts. Clayface starts laughing while
hiccuping from the Diet Coke! Luthor gets tired of Dr. Octopus' comments
and recalls him into one of the Pokeballs on his belt. He also sends
Clayface into a Pokeball before the gassy Grimer decides to give him a
big sloppy kiss. Now Luthor tries to figure out how to escape from the
bubble, "What would Lex do? ...he'd send his henchmen. *His* henchmen are
at least a little competent, unlike my minions... except Poison Ivy.
Where is she, anyway?"
Two green vines wrap themselves around the glass bubble where Luthor is
incarcerated. The glass bubble gets pulled upwards, towards the top of
the Diet Coke Bottle, where the cap is loosened. Standing on the rim of
the Giant Coke bottle is a female Bulbasaur, who is happy to see her
master. When the glass bubble reaches the very top of the Diet Coke, it
pops, since the pressure inside was greater than the pressure of the air
outside. Poison Ivy wraps her vines around Luthor, and pulls him up to
"Poison Ivy! You came through!" Luthor stands on his hind legs and gives
his Bulbasaur a hug. It only takes him five seconds to realize how wrong
it is for a villain to act this way. He steps away from Poison Ivy, and
gives her a pat on the back and a salute, "Good work, Lieutenant. Keep it
up, and you'll make Lieutenant-General soon enough. Now, how do we get
down from here? I don't know how to Teleport."
Poison Ivy places one small hand on her forehead, and gazes out towards a
rocky cliff on Mount Moon which comes rather close to the Diet Coke
Bottle. She extends her vines outward, struggling to reach a large rock
on that cliff, and finally manages to grab on! Luthor holds on tight to
Poison Ivy's bulb. She leaps off the rim of the Diet Coke Bottle, and
they soar together towards Mount Moon, courtesy of Poison Ivy's strong
vines! However, they arc downwards and instead of landing on the cliff,
they break a hole in one of the thin rocky walls of the mountain. They
fall into a dark, spooky cavern in Mount Moon.