From: Roberto Perez-Vila <RobfromVoid@prodigy.net> Subject: [PW!] Behold: The Power of Shorts Date: Monday, October 18, 1999 3:01 PM A lone Slowpoke, wearing a backpack and a belt with Pokeballs, walks towards Mt. Moon at a very slow pace. The entire time he is crawling, he is also muttering to himself, like many insane characters do, "Who does that Brock think he is, refusing to give me my rightful Badge? In the next Gym I find, I will claim the Badge without battling whoever the leader is. Those 'Gym Leaders' have no right to deny me access to the Pokemon League. Don't they know that once Luthor assumes power he will thwart all his enemies? They should fear me! Brock will rue the day I rule the world!" "Halt, talking Slowpoke!" A young boy wearing ostentatious blue Shorts stands in Luthor's way, "How is it possible that you wear a belt, but aren't wearing Shorts to go with it? Shorts are comfortable and easy to wear." Luthor stands up on his hind legs, and looks down at his exposed hip area, "That is true, human. I should wear Shorts." "So, you don't want to wea... WHAT?!" The little boy panics, looking from side to side, "This has never happened before... No one's ever actually agreed with me... Umm... I do have an extra pair of precious Shorts, but I..." Luthor tightens his paw in the shape of a fist, "Surrender your extra Shorts or I will take the ones you wear right off of your own legs!" "Umm, I challenge you to a Pokemon battle! If you win, I'll give you my extra pair of awesome shorts. If I win, then I get to keep your cool belt! My Shorts keep falling down and I need a belt." Shorts Kid smiles, "Choose your Pokemon!" Luthor closes his eyes and waves his paw, "My entire army of Pokemon have fainted at the hands of Brock, that accursed super hero. None of them are able to battle, so there is no way that I can have a Pokemon battle with you." "DUH!" The kid wearing Shorts holds up a mirror to Luthor, "*You* are a Pokemon! Choose yourself!" Luthor opens his eyes, sees his own reflection, and is taken aback, "Believe it or not, I have seen the SLOWPOKE in that picture. Whenever I looked into pools of water in the Seafoam Caves, he would stare back at me from the watery depths. I am just grateful that I look nothing like that idiotic creature, and that I am the exceedingly handsome super villain known as Luthor. But by showing me a photograph of this fool, you have reminded me of the fact that I am a Pokemon. Luthor agrees to your Pokemon battle, he will win, and he will don Shorts, for they are comfortable and easy to wear!" "I can't believe that someone finally sees my vision for the future- a world without pants! Shorts rule!" Shorts Kid gets all starry eyed, then recomposes himself and reaches into his shorts' pocket. He whips out a Pokeball, enlarges it, and throws it in front of the Slowpoke who wears a belt, "Rattata, I choose you!" The small blue rat Pokemon appears and sniffs the air. It sizes up its opponent and gets ready to attack. "Rattata, Tail Whip attack!" "Luthor, Confusion." Luthor stands still, waiting for the attack, "I *said* Luthor, Confusion." Before the Slowpoke can initiate his own Psychic attack, the Shorts Kid's Rattata raises its rear end towards Luthor and wags its tail. This motion makes Luthor drop his defenses, but it doesn't matter much, since by the time the Rattata's Tail Whip is over, Luthor sends out a Confusion blast so strong that the Rattata forgets who its opponent is! The blue rat looks around, trying to find the enemy, but finally decides that it should attack itself. One self-inflicted Hyper Fang later, the Rattata faints. "WHAT?!" The Shorts Kid pulls off his cap, throws it to the ground, and steps on it repeatedly, "I thought that since Slowpoke was so slow, Rattata could weaken it with a Tail Whip and attack it before the Slowpoke could react!" "You underestimated the awesome wrath of Luthor. Bwa ha ha ha..." Luthor laughs very slowly, "And now, you must hand over the Shorts that I am in dire need of. Once I don them, I gain the respect of humans who also wear Shorts." The Shorts Kid pulls a pair of bright and colorful Hawaiian Shorts out of his backpack. He stares at them with sad eyes, "I'm... I'm going to miss you... Shorts..." A spotlight falls on the Shorts Kid, and he pulls a microphone out of his backpack. He starts to sing a very sad song about his Hawaiian Shorts, tears dripping out of his eyes: "We've gone so far... and done so much... And I feel... like we've always been together... Right on my butt, through thick and thin... You're the part of my clothes, I'll always remember! The time has come! It's for the best, I know it... Who could have guessed that you and I, Somehow, someday, we'd have to say good bye?" Luthor gets impatient and uses telekinesis to pull the Hawaiian Shorts away from the sad child. He lets the Shorts float in front of him, steps into them, adjusts his belt, and drops back down on all four paws. "So long, sucker!" The Slowpoke crawls onward, towards Mount Moon, "Now everyone will see that I am an extraordinary Pokemon. Bwa ha ha..." Shorts Kid waves to his Hawaiian Shorts as they leave him forever. His blue Shorts suddenly fall down, showing his white boxer shorts. After pulling them back up, he blushes, and wishes he had won Luthor's belt, "Bye Bye, Shorts!" -Luthor