From: Shard Fields or Megasomething <goola2u@aol.compostheap> Subject: [PW!] Loyal to a Fault / Fat Chansey and the Desperate Desperadoes Date: Tuesday, November 30, 1999 3:34 PM (I couldn't thuink of a title that fit both halves. In any case, you glad to see me again? About time, wasn't it? I'll give Kingler's favorite snack to whoever can find enough of the "hidden" refferences to make me feel like giving it to them FIRST!) Shard lay in blissful stasis on his bed in the Cerulean City hotel. He had been running, grabbing, and shouting all day. To top that off, he had punched out some random jerk who said he should get an honest job and see what if feels like to work for a living. The last thing he needed was to hear the doorbell. Life's a Jynx sometimes, thought Shard as he dragged his dormant form over to the door. He searched for stronger words once he saw who was there. "Koffing!" said one of the pokemon shard had abandoned. "Nido!" purred the other two in unison. "Oh Muk..." said Shard as the three poison pokemon pounced on him playfully. "Unwanted pokemon," interjected Oracle, "should be released before they are used in combat. Otherwise they may become attached to their trainer." "Now ya tell me..." groaned Shard. "Bonnie, Clyde, and... I never liked the name I gave you, Koffing. How does Noxin suit you as a name?" The Koffing laughed happily. A warm glow filled the room... And Shard soon found himself buried under three happy, newly evolved pokemon. "I... can't... breathe... the weight..." he gasped. The three pokemon scattered, however, as Dark Jenny entered the room. "We're gonna go down to the pokemon center and grab a Chansey or two for the Boss," she said. "Have fun," groaned Shard, three-quarters-dead. "You're coming too. Put this on," she ordered, holding up one of those little French maid outfits that certain PW! authors are partial to. Shard just blinked. "NOW!" roared Dark Jenny, hitting Shard over the head repeatedly with her battery-powered fan. Shard reluctantly complied, changing into the articles of women's clothing provided for him. "The least she could do is give me some privacy," he muttered. "Now," said Dark Jenny, as if almost approving, "we have to shave your legs." Shard passed out from shock. (I think it's culture shock.) When he woke up, he found himself, bald-legged, in the sidecar of Dark Jenny's motorcycle. Dark Jenny herself was smoking a joint of Snubble as she drove, causing Shard to wonder if she was intentionally trying to piss him off. The question was answered when she blew the quasi-hallucinogenic smoke from the burning pink bulldog flesh in Shard's face. And there went the door of the pokemon center. "Pokemon League Inspectors, division six," said Shard, in as feminine a voice as he could, before Dark Jenny, disguised as one of her more common siblings, beat him upside the head with her battery powered fan. "I have a problem," said Dark Jenny, "with Team Rocket activity in this area." "And how does this involve me?" asked Nurse Joy. "Because it's right here!" shouted Shard. Jenny: Brace for trouble! Shard: On the double! Jenny: To direct the world towards devastation! Shard: To slight all people and mock each nation! Jenny: To renounce the evils of truth and love! Shard: To extend our reach to the stars above! Jenny: Dark Jenny! *Disguise flies off* Shard: Shard Fields! *Disguise flies off, pants legs roll down* Jenny: Team Rocket soars with cosmic might! Shard: Surrender now, or you won't be all right! Both: Now you see the light! "Not quite," said Joy shaking her head. "Why not?" said both Rockets in unison. "Because this is a center for weak and injured pokemon, not the kind I'd think you want." "Don't you get it?" said Dark Jenny. "There's one especially rare pokemon, found most often in facilities like these," said Shard. "Give us a Chansey!" said both Rockets in unison. "No Chansey!" snapped Nurse Joy in response. "What?" said Shard. "No Chansey for you!" snapped Nurse Joy, putting on heavy, fake German accent. "Can I at least have some Rogaine for my legs? Why'd I have to dress like this anyway?" asked Shard. Dark Jenny and Nurse Joy gave him dirty looks in unison. Then a look of inspiration crossed Nurse Joy's face. "I have some pokemon set to be released into the wild. You can sort through them and neither of us will get in trouble! There's even a Chansey in there. Fat Chansey, we call him. He's more spherical than egg-shaped, but..." "We'll take him!" said both Rockets in unison. "Okay, and the next item up for bids is a purebred Laramie Ranch Rapidash!" said Nurse Joy cheerfully. "This spirited steed was too rough a rider for his first trainer, but he's just right for that marauder image! Okay Rockets the bidding starts at twenty!" "Fifty!" shouted Shard. "I'm just looking forward to seeing that horse break Shard in," said Dark Jenny with a twisted grin. "Fifty it is!" said Nurse Joy. "All right! Ride like the wind, Burnout!" cheered Shard. Shard had no idea that the wind moved so fast. Especially when pulling a cart full of about-to-be-abandoned pokemon that Nurse Joy hadn't yet given to them (and some Rogaine). In fact, Shard was sure he had left Dark Jenny and her motorcycle in the dust a few blocks back. Then he heard the honk. He almost had a heart attack, but the real problem was that it spooked the Rapidash, which reared up before running off at ludicrous speeds. Shard recalled hearing that Rapidash had been clocked at speeds up to 150 mph. At that thought, Shard's face went as green as his hair, and the phrase "motion sickness" appeared above him, as though it were a label. Jenny gathered up the stray pokeballs, while Shard tried to get the Rapidash to hold its horses. "Hold it! Whoa boy! Hey, 'whoa' means STOP!!!" And that was just what the horse did, throwing Shard into a nearby building. "I'm the rootin'-est, tootin'-est outlaw this side of Celadon..." said Shard, in a fit of delirium, before blacking out. TBC Shard Fields, demanding feedback. .sig not included. Shard Fields on AGNP Megasomething on ATT