From: Tech Weaver
Subject: [PW] Port Pallet Panic (Part 2)
Date: Tuesday, November 09, 1999 5:34 PM
.. And now, back to our story!
**Cue Title Card**
Port Pallet Panic!
Doduos, Doduos Everywhere!
"Aside from the fact that he can only speak Spanish," said Professor
Oak, "I can't find anything wrong with him."
"Is there anything I can do?" asked Smasher.
"I'm afraid the only thing you could do about it is either learn Spanish
yourself or teach it English," said Professor Oak.
"That's it?" said Smasher. "That's all I can do for him?"
Professor Oak thought for a moment. "You got this dog wild, you say?"
"Yeah," answered Smasher.
"Its not often that a wild Pokemon learns to speak any language," began
Professor Oak. "Usually, they have to be taught how to speak."
"So your saying someone left him in that burned-out building on
Cinnibar?" asked Smasher.
"Possibly," said Oak. "I'll have to check." Professor Oak pulled out a
Pokedex and scanned Chapuco the Growlithe.
"Growlithe, a Puppy Pokemon," reported the Pokedex. "This Growlithe
knows Roar, Ember, Leer and Take Down. Its owner ID is 21057."
Professor Oak walked over to his computer and ran a search on that
"Trainer 21057 is Adam Samson of Lavender Town," he reported.
"Yep, that's me," said Smasher.
"Well, then," concluded Professor Oak, "I guess all there is to do now
is to slap a mask on it and call it a Luchador Retriever!"
Smasher, Chapuco, and his other two Pokemon, Cliff Diver the Clefairy
and Shuriken the Skateboarding Staryu, collapsed under the weight of
Professor Oak's bad joke.
"I've been waiting to tell that one all day," laughed Professor Oak.
Smasher quickly recovered and returned Chapuco to his Pokeball. He then
picked up Cliff and skated to the door on his skateboard.
"Well, its been nice meeting you," said Smasher. "Let's roll, guys," he
said to his Pokemon.
"Be careful out there," warned Professor Oak. "I hear there's mob of
Doduos rioting in the streets!" Smasher stopped for a second, then
exited with his shoulders slightly hunched and large drop of water on
the back of his head.
Outside, a large group of people had gathered around a large stage. On
the stage was a man in a business suit with a large number of boxes.
"Bill Gates is offering one share of Microsoft stock for every Doduo or
Dodrio captured and returned to him," the man announced. The crowd
exitedly started calling out their Pokemon and dispersing. "If..." the
crowd stopped, "and only if the birds are captured using Microsoft's new
Windowball Launcher 99. Windowball Launcher 99 can be purchased for ten
dollars each right here. Please form a line..."
The man from Microsoft's speech was cut short by a large van with the
Sun Microsystems logo on it screeching to a halt nearby. It quickly
transformed into another stage, also with a man in a business suit and a
large number of boxes.
"Attention people of Pallet!" announced the man from Sun Microsystems.
"Sun Microsystems will give TWO shares of THEIR stock for each Doduo or
Dodrio caught with the new Javaball Launcher 5.0! The Javaball Launcher
is much simpler to use than Windowball Launcher 99 and is completely
free!" Palletonians began flocking over to Sun Microsystem's stage.
"In that case, we'll give FOUR shares of Microsoft stock for each bird
caught!" replied Microsoft.
"Then WE'LL give EIGHT shares per bird!" countered Sun Microsystems.
"Fourty shares! And did I mention the Javaball Launcher is FREE!?"
"If you give fourty shares per Doduo of Dodrio, you'll be out of
business!" announced Microsoft's guy. "You'll be gone forever!
Microsoft will have the monopoly! First the computing industry and then
the WORLD! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!"
"We'll see about that!" announced Sun's guy. He immediately pulled out
a Javaball Launcher and began firing Javaballs at the Microsoft guy.
"Two can play at this game!" called the Microsoft guy. He then dove
behind the the boxes on his stage. He reemerged with a Windowball
Launcher and began firing Windowballs at the Sun Microsystems guy. The
crowd regathered to watch the two men in business suits shoot repainted
Pokeballs at each other. Meanwhile, Doduos and Dodrios continued to lay
waste to the town.
"This is really screwed up," commented Smasher.
"It is indeed," agreed Professor Oak, who decided to see what all the
ruckus was about. "If only we had a Pokemon that could roar and scare
all the Doduos and Dodrios away."
"Like Chapuco?" asked Smasher.
"Yes," confirmed Professor Oak. "And maybe some loud stereo equipment
so the roar could be heard all over town."
"Like the ghetto blaster that Team Rocket left at the port?" asked
"Exactly!" said Professor Oak "And maybe a huge net to catch them all
in!" he continued, hoping Smasher new where to get that too.
"Like...." Smasher thought for a moment. "Nope, sorry. I'm drawing a
"We have a large net down at the police station!" said a conveintly
nearby Officer Jenny.
"Excellent!" said Professor Oak. "OK, here's the plan..."
Soon, a huge net was up at the end of the port. Meanwhile, at the
highest point in Pallet Town (which, coincidentally, was Professor Oak's
roof) final preparations where being made for Chapuco's live show.
"Testing, one two. Testing, one two," Smasher said into the microphone.
He glanced around, then he looked up to the sky and said into the
microphone, "Finally.... The Rock has come BACK to Pallet Town!"
"Everything's ready here," said Professor Oak. "Do you remember the
command I taught you, Adam?"
"Yea..." began Smasher.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU REMEMBER THE COMMAND!!!" shouted Professor
"Good one," Smasher said, rolling his eyes.
"I came up with that one just now," explained Professor Oak. "Now, take
"Turn it sideways and stick it...?" started Smasher.
"No, just get Chapuco to Roar into it," said Professor Oak. "That's a
good one though. Wish I thought of it."
Smasher held the microphone in front of Chapuco the Growlithe and gave
him the Roar command in Spanish. Chapuco gave a deafening Roar,
amplified by the ghetto blaster. Jenny and Oak's hair flew back and
Jenny's hat flew off.
Below, the Doduos and Dodrios heard the Roar. Instead of running away,
however, they instead started to panic. They ran every which way,
running into each other and flying through windows. A car got
over-turned and burst into flames.
"This isn't any better!" cried Officer Jenny. "In fact, it's worse! I
should have the both of you arrested for inciting a riot!"
"But it was already a riot!" said Smasher in defense. Then the two of
them got into an argument with Professor Oak trying to get them to stop.
"Your just a disrespectful little..."
"Hey! I was just trying to..."
"Now, settle down you..."
"Its your fault we're..."
"What!? Am I just supposed to stand by while Team Rocket..."
"Clef... fairy.. cleafairy... Clefairiiiiiieeeeiiiiieeee....."
"Huh?" the three of them said. They looked at where the song was coming
from. Cliff Diver had picked up the microphone and was singing into it.
The amplified song calmed everthing down and soon everyone, especially
the Doduos and Dodrios, were alseep.
After its song was over, Cliff woke Smasher and they began to wake up
everyone else. Soon all the Doduos and Dodrios were safely locked up in
a kennel at the Pokémon center.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier," apologized Officer Jenny. "It was
totally uncalled for."
"And I'm sorry I didn't call the police when Team Rocket tried to steal
the Doduos in the first place," said Smasher. "If I had done that, we
wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place."
"Since we're having such a cliche ending," said Professor Oak, "Who
wants some fried chicken?"
Everyone began laughing.
"Huh?" said Smasher. A Doduo suddenly leapt out of a bush and ran for
the hills. "Hey! That Doduo's getting away!"
"Maybe we should let it run," said Professor Oak. "How much damage
could one Doduo do?"
To Be Continued...
Chet "Tech" Weaver
(who hopes to goddish that the American ad wizards won't call the new
Pokémon anime series "Extreme Pokémon")
Resistance is Futile.
A copy of Adam "Smasher" Samson's WG can be found at:
Signature Text o' the Week:
"So this is it," said Arthur, "we are going to die."
"Yes," said Ford, "except . . . no! Wait a minute!" He suddenly lunged
across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision. "What's
this switch?" he cried.
"What? Where?" cried Arthur, twisting around.
"No, I was only fooling," said Ford, "we are going to die after all."
--from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams (pg. 74)