From: Neo J. Menasor and Eevee <neomenasor@aol.comREMOVE> Subject: [PW!] Neo's Christmas Date: Friday, December 24, 1999 5:17 PM Neo and Rigel walked outside Cerulean city. Rigel looked up at Neo, "Um....why are we going to your home instead of getting my badge?" Neo smiled, "It's Christmas..I want to spend it with my family." Rigel glared, "Um....shouldn't I go spend it with my family then?" Neo snorted, "I'd be suprised if your Dad knows the meaning of Christmas.." Rigel smirked, "And that is?" Neo stuck his nose in the air, "Commercializing...." Eevee just hung her head, "Eeeeeeee....." They stood in front of a huge, black, mansion that sat outside Lavender Town. Neo knocked and his Mother poked her head out, "Neo! Rigel! Come on in!" They walk in the house to find Kathy sitting on the couch. She looked up, "Hi guys!" Neo smiled, "Hey Kath.." Neo's Mom sat Neo and Rigel down. She looked at them, "Um..Neo...I think you should know...I'm dating." Neo smiled, "Really? That's great!" Kathy rolled her eyes, "Oh geez.." His Mom smiled, "His name's Billy Bob....Billy Bob Wanker" Rigel snorted loudly, Neo whacked her in the head. His Mom continues, "And.....they're coming for Christmas" Neo raised his eyebrows, "Great...when are they gonna be here?" He's answered by a knock at the door, Neo looks up, "Never mind...". The knocks get louder. Neo's Mom smiles, "Com-" A large bald head rams through the door, snapping the wood, "Honey! we here!!!!" Everyone stares at the large head which is sticking through the door at the moment. He pulls it out and opens the door. A rather large man who's bald head just rammed through the door runs in and hugs Neo's mom. They kiss, Neo cringes. Billy lets go of Neo's Mom, "Dawn, who are the purty kids?" She smiles, "The oldest one is Kathy, she's my daughter. The boy is my little son Michael. The other girl is his friend Rigel." Billy smiles, I might as well introduce you to my family. First, a tall thin man walks stiffly in, "That be Ezekial, he holds the churchess when the car breaks." A little blonde man walks in, "That's Otto, he owns the yogurt business. An old man with a long white beard and a large gun on his back limps in, "That's Pa.....move slowly around him...he be quick to shoot" 3 old ladys walk in, "That's Milly, Lilly, and Tilly." Billy looks around, "Otto! Where's Ma?" Otto begins in a feminine voice, "Oh, she's still in the car....the kids are greasing her up to get her out of the car." Billy begins again, "Okay.....and here are my kids that I got from my last marriages....COME ON IN Tiffany, Heather, Zoe, Cloe, Codie, Dylan, Cletus, Jackie, Willy, Scott, Dweezle, Moon Unit, Q Bert, Phil, Earwin, Ted, John, Hillary, Chelsea, Tipper, Al, George, Bar, Saddam, Adolph, Fidel, Joseph, Vince!" And with that, 26 kids of ages ranging from 2 to 20 walked in. Neo buried his face in his hands, "Oh dear God.." Billy smiled, "Oh good, her' comes Ma!" a shadow was cast over the house as Neo stared in awe, "Holy shit! That can't be your mother!" the.. grotesquely huge mother roared, "DID YOU SAY BUTTER?" Several Pidgey flew out of the surrounding trees. Neo yelled, "NO! THAT WAS A MISTAKE!" the woman yelled, "DID YOU SAY STAKE?" Neo almost lost it, "NO!!!". The woman sniffed, acting like a vacuum cleaner, and almost sniffing in Eevee. She roared, "I SMELL FOWL!" Neo yelled, "YOU PROBABLY DO!" Neo layed down in bed, it was a day in Hell. After Mother Wanker almost killed one of Kathy's Nidorans, and mistaken Neo's clothes as handkercheifs, Neo wanted to sleep. Rigel walked in a nightshirt and was about to get into Neo's bed when he perked up and grabbed his sword, "No...you sleep on floor.." Rigel layed down on the floor, after about ten minutes she heard him snoring, she then got off the floor, and slipped next to Neo in bed. Neo snorted,Rigel layed her arm across his chest and fell asleep. In the morning, Neo hears a loud piercing scream. Neo snaps awake and sees Rigel next to him smiling dreamily. He leaps out of bed, knocking Rigel on the floor, grabs his sword, and runs downstairs to find Otto, screaming like a little girl at the site Neo's Scyther in front of him. The fearsome creature was trying to sleep on the floor, and Otto must've stepped on him. Neo walked to Scyther, "No listen...he didn't mean it...." Scyther looked calmed down when Father Wanker burst through the door, cocking his shotgun and babbling incoherently. Neo yells, "NO!!!" An hour later, Neo's Mom is patching up Scyther's shoulder. He is roaring, thrashing, and slashing as pain stabs through his body. Father Wanker cries as he holds bits of his shotgun in his hand. Neo looks at Kathy, "Hey Kath, do you want to battle outside? My skills need work. Kathy smiles, "Sure!" Outside Cerulean, a small boy's Ratta gets unmercifully stomped by a Charizard. He returns it. He looks timidly at the rider on Rapidash back, "Uh...okay sir. You win..." the rider takes a long sword from his back and points it at the boy. He steps back more, "Uh....what do you want?!?!?" The rider removes his helmet, to reveal nothing. The boy runs, but the rider chases,he takes his sword, and brings it down, taking off the boy's head. He turns around and sticks the head on his sword. He rides off towards Mt. Moon, leaving the boy's body for the Rattatas. Kathy and Neo stared each other down. It was a long time since they fought, and now it was going to be fun. Neo grabbed a Pokeball, "Five Pokemon each. Go, Jestorm!" Kathy grabbed a Pokeball, "Go, Raichu!" Jetstorm stared at Raichu, "Beeeeedrill! Drill drillbeedrill!" (Welcome to another exciting edition of: Blasting for mice!) Raichu scratched her head, "Raaaiiiii?" (What?) Jetstorm stared, "drillllllllll!" (You obviously havent heard of me...I'm DRONE LEADER1231...also known as......JETSTORM!) Raichu blasted him with a Thunderbolt, knocking him into the tree behind him. He got up, "DrillllllllBeeBeeBeedrill" (Oh my, you're pretty tough!") he charges forward, firing Pin Missles at Raichu, who retaliates with a slam. Jetstorm gets up, "Beedrill!" (Alright..colony 294 is around here....DRONES ATTACK!) With that, several smaller Beedrills wearing Wartortle shells attack Raichu. Kathy yells, "THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES!!" Neo smiles, "This is just a friendly battle between brother and sister. League rules don't apply" The Beedril squad leaves, and Jetstorm stand victorious over Raichu. Kathy returns Raichu and sends out Rapidash. Jetstorm gapes at Rapidash, who quaintly squiches him with his hoof. Rapidash walks back and Jetstorm groans, "Beedrillll.....(Oy, get me the number of that beast of burden). He blacks out, and Neo sends out Vaporeon. Vaporeon runs at Rapidash, who fires a blast of fire at Vaporeon, "Vapor!" (Heh...your freaking little fire won't hurt me!" and with that, he summons a wave of water towards Rapidash. Rapidash is stopped dead in his tracks. She then sends out Kingler, Neo retaliates with Jolteon. Kingler dodges Jolteon's thunderblasts and grabs him in his powerful claws. Kathy smiles, "Kingler, Guillotine!" Kingler clamps harder on Jolteon. He screams, not being able to take the intense pain. Neo freaks and sends out Beedrill again, "Beedrillll!"(Back! By popular demand, and with more vitaman C!) Kingler isn't amused, and begins to fire Hyper Beams at Beedrill. He dodges them, "Beedrill......bee!" (Please.........give me a break!) He darts down to Kingler, both his drills spinning, he smashes them into Kingler's back, seriously hurting the crab cake. Kingler falls, Kathy then sends out NidoKing, who punches Beedrill into a tree, knocking him out cold. Neo sends out Vaporeon, who cant even get a drop in before Nidoking picks him up and smashes him into the ground. Neo sends out Flareon, who gets knocked out by an Earthquake. Then Neo sends out Scyther, still injured from Father Wanker though. He jumps at Nidoking, slashing his armor with his sharp claws. Nidoking then trys to impale Scyther, only for him to quickly dart behind Nidoking. He slashes again, and Nidoking throws Scyther into the ground. Scyther gets up and fires a large sharp circular energy blade. Kathy gapes, "What's that?!?!?" Neo smiles, "It's a pumped up Swift" Scyther roars and slices at Nidoking's hard scales. Nidoking's eye glowed green as he lost control, thrashing all over the place. Scyther brought his claws together and fired a single massive Hyper Beam right into Nidoking's gut. Neo won! Later, most of Neo's relatives had arrived. The combined forces of the Williams (His Dad's family) and the Tomoes (His mother's family). Neo went up to his Mother, who was on the couch chatting with Mother Tomoe. Neo grunted, "I'm going to go take a bath." He sauntered upstairs as Billy Bob walked in, "Have ya'll seen Ma? It's time for her purty stories!" Otto walked up to him, "She's up stairs in ta Bathtub." Neo's Mother's eyes went wide. Neo's loud shreiking scream filled the house as he stumbled downstairs, "MOM! I'M BLIND!!!!" Otto sighed, "It's called Shock Blindness...Ma's docter get's it everytime." Neo was hysterical, "I CAN'T SEE YOU BLITHERING HILLBILLY! Will Neo get his sight back? We'll find out after these commercials. Neo's Mother administered eyedrops to Neo, Rigel and Kathy sat on each side of him. Rigel went first, "Um...what's Mother Wanker like naked?" Neo cryed, "It's horrible.....Liverspots, wrinkles, folds, rolls, the works!" Neo smiled, "I'm starting to see again. I'll finally be able to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life......You know what? I've never seen that. I'll finally be able to see it tihs year." Neo turned on the T.V., only to have Father Wanker freak and shoot it. Billy Bob came in, "Gorsh, I forgot, Pa never saw a Tellyvision. Oh well....it was just some dumb movie program." Neo was furious. He said in a very disturbing voice, "Mom, Eevee, Rigel, Kathy, Grandma Williams, Grandpa Williams, Grandma Tomoe, Grandpa Tomoe, Pat, Karen, Brian, Ally, Amanda, Patrick, David, Kim, Jerret, Ben, Caitlin, Robin, Mark, Lisa, Mark, Tim, Missy, Roger, Pam, Danny, Roger, Todd, Karl, Beth, Guido, Dori, Laurie...OUT! Wankers...around the couch...NOW!" The Wankers gathered around the couch as the Tomoes and Williams go upstairs. Neo drops his sword and goes to the closet. He comes out of the closet and looks up at the ceiling, "Dad....keep the doors open. Because I'm sending several Busloads through." He hears a voice #Go for it son#. He smiles and laughs maniacly, "Now........" he pulls out a shotgun, "Say Swiss cheese......." Later, Neo sits next to his Mom, "Well......you scared off my boyfriend, and his family. It's a good thing that you suck with a shotgun. Anyways, they aren't coming back...they've gone back to Wanker county: Where everyone really is family" Neo mutters, "AKA Home of the Inbreds" Neo's Mom smiles, "Oh well...I really didn't like him much....he was a demon in the sack however. It's Chrismtas Eve and you should get to bed. Good night!" Neo quietly walked up to his room. He layed quietly in bed, Rigel came in and liffted the covers of the bed when Neo quietly said, "NO". He fell asleep as Rigel fell asleep on the wood floor. After a while she heard him snore, and she got in bed and Neo said, "OUT...or you sleep outside." The End Merry Christmas! The One and Only: Neo J. Menasor Ronin Warriors fan No.8492 Supreme Commander of the Flying Grape Tree Follower of Dreadite-sama Lord of the Dance. Sage of the Saxophone The Covenent of Primus, it's a COOKBOOK!!!