From: Bandraptor <bandraptor@aol.com> Subject: [PW!] POKé WARS!!!! Date: Tuesday, December 07, 1999 6:41 AM Nori woke up in what appeared to be a hotel room. "Where am I..?" She mumbled, blinking in the dim light. "Oh, yeah, the Lavender Town Rocket Station. I checked in here last night." She recalled flying into town early in the morning, and recognizing the graffiti on the building, as similar to that which had marked the Rocket Station in Saffron. She'd decided to room there instead of at the Pokémon Center since, given the previous day's events, it seemed like a good idea to lay low. "Well, now that I'm awake, I might as well--" Nori began to sit up, and was greeted with pain in every joint of her body. This reduced her poignant thought to a long string of curse words; mainly concerning Sarah Jane, and what Nori would do to her when next they met. "OWWW," Nori massaged her sore back, which served only to strain her equally bruised arms, "I wonder if this is what people mean by 'the morning after'. Hmm...maybe a nice, warm shower will help..." She limped to the private bathroom that was included in her dorm, stripped of her clothes, and positioned herself under the water. "COOOOOLLLLLDDDDDD!!!!!!" Nori had neglected to realize that she was sharing a water heater with a number of young adults, all of whom were obsessive about their appearance, and most of whom got up earlier than she did... Nori dove back under the blankets, shivering. "That's it! If I can't walk, and I can't even have a warm shower, I'm not going out today! I'm gonna stay right here under the covers, and watch TV." She grabbed the remote control off the night table, and flicked the television on. By default, it went to the in-home Rocket event station, which served to inform team members of any missions slated to be run in the city. (In the case of Lavender, there were no missions planned, since the Town, much like the residents of its famed Pokémon Tower, was dead.) Nori flipped past that station, and the next, which was running Teletuffies (scary!), before finally landing on something she liked... *tense change* As an electric guitar blares in the background, various Pokémon are shown running about on a planet that resembles prehistoric earth. But these aren't just Pokémon--they're robots in disguise! "POKé WARS!!!!" The show's title flashes across the screen, and announces itself aloud for good measure. In the upper left hand corner of the screen, a bug appears, reading "TVY7:FV, D, S". "FV" stands for Fantasy Violence, and "D" stands for Dialogue (for all those who are offended by words such as "Slag!", "Sludge!", and "Grimlock!") The "S" stands for Skir, warning die-hard Transfans that they won't like the show... Finally, the title of the episode comes up. In this case, it happens to be 'Other Victims' suggesting that it, like most 'OV' episodes, will find some excuse to kill off half the cast. *Beep beep beep* Little red and green lights flicker on the Maximons' radar screen, indicating that something important is going on. Optimus Primeape leans closer in toward the monitor, as if that will help him decipher the mystery at hand. "Hmmm." "What's the good word, Optimus?" Persuer, an energetic Persian, comes streaking into the room, followed by the rest of the Maximons. "Didja find some 'Cons to bomb?" "I wish that was all I found." The Primeape twists around in his swivel chair, ignoring Persuer's immaturity. "A crash site, and in Pokécon territory. Whatever it is--whatever it *was* that landed there, it's not showing any lifesigns...but the explosion uncovered a vast storage of energon!" "Energon!" A Rattata squeals, "Well, what're we sittin' around here for? Why don't we, eh... go pick it up?" "This energon is in its highly unstable Rare Candy form, Rattatatrap," Primeape explains, "we'll have to convert it to safe stat boosters, before it can be of any use to us!" "Energon..." Synox the Rhyhorn muses, "if ever there was a thing that didn't belong on this planet, that would be it. It was probably put here by the aliens...the ones that erected that Kabuto puzzle, and created that flying castle that almost destroyed us." "And don't forget what they did to Aerorazor and Arcatron!" Persuer adds in angrily, "Rowrr...just thinking about it makes me see red!" The Persian's eyes flash red to prove his point. Suddenly, Hasbro's switchboard lights up like a Christmas tree, as hundreds of Transfans ask, 'which is worth more, red-eyed Persuer or green-eyed Persuer?' Hasbro assures its fans that both toys are equally valuable, and they would never release wanton variants just to fuel collector interest... "We haven't forgotten about them." Optimus responds sternly, "But now is not the time. We need to get to that energon before the Pokécons do. Persuer, Rattatatrap, Kabutobot, you're with me. Synox, stay here, in case...stuff." "No need to come up with excuses," Synox grumbles, "but should Megamon ever conquer our planet, and give me a new body, don't be surprised when I try to kill you..." the Rhyhorn's voice trails off as he leaves the room. Primeape sweatdrops, then morphs to his robot form, and flies off into the sky! Kabutobot and Rattatatrap stare at eachother, then at the gaping hole left in the side of the ship. "I will follow Optimus," the large, brown Kabutops hisses, "you stay here, and initiate repairs." "No way, helmet head!" Rattatatrap shoots back, "I'll follow the boss-mankey, and you can play janitor!" Kabutobot shudders at the thought of performing such menial labor. "Grunt work is better suited for a vermin like you!" "Yeah, well when it comes to grunting, you've had plenty of practice!" "Boys, boys..." Persuer steps in, suavely addressing the two older Maximons, "Why are you always fighting? It's obvious you two are the best of friends..." Persuer never gets to finish this thought; and soon, both Kabutobot and Rattatatrap are tailing Primeape, while the Persian is stuck patching two holesin the ship's wall--one that looks vaguely like the outline of a gorilla, and one that resembles a cat. <"POKé WARS!!!!" the commercial bumper screamed. As promised, many commercials followed. There was one for the Vulpix Kids website, and numerous ads for 'Digital Rancher Monster Farm', and other non-Pokémon related shows, that Nori didn't care about. Then there were a few local ads, including one for some award-winning School of Business, which should know better than to advertise during shows targeting a nine to twelve-year-old demographic; and one for NOW!: the Millennial Collection. This was followed by some inane Vulpix Kids bumper detailing the many uses of mongoose lard in South Dakota, and finally "POKé WARS!!!!" the show was back.> A purple Dragonite stomps through the desert, a purposeful look on his face. He is flanked by two henchmen. The first is a Pinsir. His thick body and piercing eyes indicate that he is lacking neither physical nor mental capabilities; least of all the desire to use them against his enemies. The second is a Scyther who, while lighter and more polished than her Pinsir compatriot, looks no less intimidating. "Megamon," the Pinsir complains in an oily voice, "why have you brought me here? Surely my research is more integral to the mission, than some routine hunt for energon." "Can it, claws." the Scyther hisses, "You don't hear me complaining, even though my legs are tired, and my wings are aching, and this heat is horrible for my complexion!" "Ah, Beetleborg and Maniacal, my most trusted servants." Megamon grabs one in each arm, and pulls them tightly against his chest. Suddenly, his voice grows sharp. "What we are about to recover is not mere energon, nooo. This is something much more, something that requires your...how shall I put this? Special skills." He drops the bugs roughly to the ground, and continues onward, without looking back to see that they follow. "He's up to something," Maniacal scowls. "Oh, is that what you think?" The Pinsir chuckles patronizingly, "Well, you'll have to tell me all about it when it's through...and don't spare the details." With that, he slinks back into some shadows, and disappears. "Right, like I'm gonna let *you* escape, while I get to face the wrath of Megamon? Not likely!" The Scyther glares after Beetleborg, and follows him into the darkness, leaving Megamon to walk alone... * * * "Hey, Optimus!" Persuer calls, "Wait up!" The Persian, having finally completed repairs on their base, rushes to catch up with his friends, who are already far into the desert. Rattatatrap and Kabutobot sigh mutually, upon seeing the over-energized alleycat's return. "Persuer, where have you been?" Primeape puts his hands on his hips, like an angered parent. "I was--" Persuer looks at Kabutobot in time to see him draw one of his scythe-like hands across his own neck. "Uh...catching trout with Daniel! Yeah!" He comes up with an excuse that makes him sound particularly irresponsible, knowing Primeape will not only buy it, but write it off as "youthful indiscretion" and avoid punishing him. Unless he doesn't. "...Catching trout with *who*?" "That lying sonuva Muk!" Rattatatrap fibs, "He was slackin' off in the CR-Chamber!" Kabutobot circles the young cat-bot, "I always knew you were without honor," he hisses. "But I... that is..." Persuer hangs his head, embarrassed to have been embarrassed in front of Optimus. Rattatatrap and Kabutobot snicker behind their hands as the Primeape scolds Persuer, and cuts off his allowance for a week. All of this commotion seems doomed to attract attention, and sure enough, a Hyper Beam comes flying in the Maximons' direction! Megamon appears on top of a sand dune, the mouth of the Dragonite head that makes up his right hand still smoking, as a result of the Hyper Beam it just fired. "Ah, Maximons!" the Pokécon leader swoons, "I should have anticipated your arrival here, yessss. And fortunately, I did! Pokécons, attaaaaack!" Magamon had already transformed to robot mode, when he first attacked the Maximons, and he listens for the sounds of clanking and activation codes, which would indicate that his troops are doing the same. When he hears none, Megamon turns around, and notices for the first time that Beetleborg and Maniacal are missing. "Blast those treacherous insects!" he curses. Meanwhile, the Maximons waste no time in transforming, themselves. "Persuer! Maxivolve!" "Rattatatrap! Maxivolve!" "Kabutobot! Maxivolve!" Their transformation sequence is accompanied by stock footage of their 3D models, and an obnoxious song that goes: "Maximons, Poké Transformers, Maximons are the champions!" Megamon grits his teeth, as he is now slightly outnumbered. "Very well...it appears we will have to fall back on our most reliable stratagem..." The Maximons exchange worried glances, wondering what the devious dragon warlord has in store for them. "...Pokécons, retreat!" The one-man Pokécon army whirls around, and dashes off into the desert. "Maximons, after him!" Optimus Primeape orders. Megamon flies across the desert in dragon mode, dodging the occasional Hydro Pump from Kabutobot, or Payday from Persuer. He looks around for something to hide behind, and finds it--with his head. The Dragonite falls to the ground, landing in front of a large obelisque-like structure, which sits amidst a mountain of rare candies. Megamon pulls himself to his feet, grumbling about strange monuments that pop up in front of him when he is flying. Only when he goes to kick the offending object, does he realize that it's actually a spacecraft, half lodged in the dirt! Suddenly, the Spaceship fizzles with electricity. Megamon hears a slight creaking noise, as Beeltleborg and Maniacal come crawling out of an escape hatch. The Dragonite grabs one of them by the neck, or at least he tries to, but the one he chooses has no neck. He decides to make do with what he has. "It seems you two are of questionable reliability, yesss. On the one hand, you have a disturbing tendency to vanish, whenever I need you most. ...But what's this? Why, you've managed to crack the entry code to the crashed alien spacecraft! As always, your 'special skills' have proved useful, though the motives for doing this were your own, no doubt." "Megamon," the Pinsir protests, wondering how Megamon could have *planned* for them to sneak off, discover the space ship, break in, and escape just in time for him to meet them, "My life is but to serve you! And if anyone is to blame for our absence, it's that sneaky she-mantis!" Maniacal starts to say something, but she's cut short when the Maximons run at them, guns blazing. Instead, she shrieks, "Maniacal, Terrorvolve!" and converts to robot mode. The other two Pokécons do likewise, and the transformation song starts up again, "Terrorvolve into champions! Terorvolve... into robotic forms!" When it finally ends, Megamon, Beetleborg, and Maniacal open fire on the Maximons. The ground beneath the robots begins to shake, and they are all thrown to the ground. The spaceship rumbles, as if it is clearing its throat, and a deep voice emanates from inside. "WE ARE THE ALIENS KNOWN AS MU. MU IS NOT AMUSED BY YOUR FIGHTING AND MU IS ALSO NOT AMUSED BY YOUR THEME SONG. MU IS THE ONE TRUE CHAMPION. YOU WILL BE DESTROYED. THANK YOU." At that, two cadaverous apparitions float out of the spaceship, and glide towards the robots, who have since stopped fighting. The Pokéformers watch the aliens in horror, certain they will all be destroyed... "Hey, wait a minute!" Persuer narrows his eyes at the creatures, "Those aren't aliens! They're just old character models somebody stole from War Planets! And they're being controlled from over here!" Persuer pulls back a curtain, revealing several Clefairy, who are controlling the "aliens" with a computer, and speaking for them through a microphone. The Clefairy quickly don dark Ray Ban sunglasses, and one pulls the top off the microphone, revealing that it is actually a silver, pencil sized device, with three buttons on the side, and a small light in the front. It motions for Persuer and the other robots to look into the light...then FLASH! The bulb goes off in their faces. This does... nothing. While the Pokéformers look around cluelessly, waiting for some effects to show, the opportunistic Clefairy split up, and Pound the robots into unconsciousness. * * * By the time the Maximons and Pokétrons wake up, the Clefairy, the ship, and the Rare Candies are already gone. Megamon glares at his troops and says, "If not for your incompetence, that ship would be in my possession. Repercussions are in order, yesss." The three Pokécons trudge back towards base. "Persuer." Optimus approaches the youth, "You saved us all back there. I owe you an apology, I shouldn't have yelled at you earlier. From now on, I'll trust your instincts, and never criticize you again! Even if you really deserve it..." "Yeah! 'Bout time someone noticed how good I am!" Persuer purrs, "I'll be top cat around here now! You can thank your lucky cats you got outta there alive! Otherwise it could've been catastrophic. ...So, how about that command position, Big Bot?" "I'm beginning to wish the MU had killed us," Rattatatrap covers his ears, "After all, there are some fates worse than death..." -END- Next time, on POKé WARS!!!!: Who will discover the key to Cybertron? Megamon: Lalala, I've got the key to the kingdom... Rattatatrap: Megamon's got the key to *what*? And once turned, who will survive... Optimus: We've got to get it back! The whole universe is at stake! ...And who will die? *camera zooms in on Synox* Synox: Leave me out of this. Next time...on POKé WARS!!!! Hey, this post has fanart! Optimus, Kabutobot, Megamon, and Synox are at http://members.xoom.com/Bandraptor/Pokecons1.jpg Maniacal, Persuer, Beetleborg, and Rattatatrap are at http://members.xoom.com/Bandraptor/Pokecons2.jpg -Beth "Ii kanji!" http://members.aol.com/bandraptor