From: Shard Fields or Megasomething <goola2u@aol.compostheap> Subject: [PW!] She Blinded Me with Psyduck! (Continuation of POKE WARS!) Date: Sunday, December 19, 1999 7:18 PM >With that, Misty turned away, and went about the task of preparing the pool >for >competition... Shard picked up Togepi, but instead of the devious look you'd expect on a Rocket's face, he seemed intoxicated with the cuteness. "Look at him, Nori," said Shard, "he's so cute. Bet he doesn't even know that the league thinks he might somehow be dangerous. They fear the unknown." At this, Shard turned back to Togepi. "But you's such a *CYUTE* unknown, yes you is!" Togepi cooed, not suspecting who is holding him, and the villainous purposes behind some of his other errands. Shard, of course, meant no harm to Togepi, both for fear of incurring Misty's wrath, and because he was currently under a hypnotic trance, of sorts. By now, Nori had sweatdropped enough to fill the Cerulean gym's pool ten times over. Misty was, to say the least, unhappy when she came out and caught Shard playing with Togepi. Shard, of course, didn't notice until Misty hit him over the head with a mallet. "First I find out Ash is cheating on me with May Oak, now this," said Misty. "What else can go wrong?" "We could case the joint if you like," said Shard, answering the rhetorical question. "IT WAS A RHETOICAL QUESTION!!!" screamed Misty, pointing out the excessively obvious. (Later, in the arena.) "Five on five!" declared Misty. "If you want to haul all those pokemon to the center, be my guest!" said Shard with a cocky smile. "Oddrey 2, go!" "Its opponent is already out!" said Misty. At this moment, a huge Gyarados emerged majestically from the pool, sending Shard falling back in terror. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygoditsbigandlongandleglessand... IT'S SCARY!" whimpered Shard. "Gyarados can sense fear," said Misty with a smirk. Gyarados smiled at Shard cruelly, sizing the green-haired Rocket up. "Tell that oversized eel to leave me alone! I don't like serpentine creatures!" begged Shard. Misty just laughed. "Oddrey, please, quick, I'm begging you... Petal Dance!" pleaded Shard. Misty had forgotten about the match, but now she remembered that there was a reason that the green-haired Rocket had brought himself here to be tormented. It was a little late for an order now. The Vileplume was already standing atop the Gyrados's head, pirouetting, backflipping, and occasionally doing a *STOMP-STOMP-STOMP* like a Mexican had dance. After the vain flower was done showing off, it threw it's own petals at its feet in congratulations. "Plume!" it cheered, taking a bow, pleased with its performance. Gyarados accidentally swallowed one of the petals and made a face like he was choking or something, but Oddrey didn't seem to care. Shard realized that his obedient Oddish had evolved into one Misreebell of a showoff. "All right, then," shouted Misty, "HYPER BEAM!" "Counter it with a Solar Beam!" ordered Shard, who was still curled into a frightened little ball. The Hyper Beam hit first, knocking the Vileplume back into Shard, which knocked him into the pool. He sputtered as he floated to the surface... Then swam to hide behind another platform when he beheld the roaring monstrosity that dwelt here. Shard was too busy whimpering to notice that the roars had now changed to roars of pain as the Solar Beam found its mark. The blistering heat of the sun scorched the huge sea serpent, and smoke began to rise from him. He fell from the air with a loud roar, and hit the pool with a huge splash, surfacing belly up. "You can come out now," said Misty, annoyed. Shard hoisted himself onto the side of the platform he was behind, only to be thrust back into the water as it overturned. Misty, as well as her sisters, got a huge kick out of that. Togepi also seemed to enjoy it. Frustrated, humiliated, and soaked, Shard hauled himself to the side of the pool, Shard looked at his Vileplume. The plant had obviously seen better days, but it looked like it still had fight left in him. "Oddrey's staying in. Your move, Misty," noted Shard. "Vile vileplume plume!" cheered the flower, making an attempt to cross its stubby arms and look tough. "Fine, Misty calls Gyarados Number Two!" Shard fell back into the pool. When he pulled himself back up, he saw not the expected sea serpent, but instead a redhead in a bikini, pointing at him and laughing. "Goddish, you are gullible!" smirked Misty. "Just SEND OUT THE POKEMON!" snarled Shard, sprawled across the platform, weighed down by his wet clothes, especially his jeans, which anyone who has ver had the misfortune of wearing wet denim knows weigh about as much as a suit of armor, and are a little less comfortable. "Oh, fine," said Misty. "I call... OMASTAR!" "Oddrey, use Absorb to get back some health!" ordered Shard. Oddrey, though, was too busy dipping its feet in the water and looking relaxed. This relaxation, however, was soon broken by a flying circle of spikes. "Nice, Omastar!" said Misty. "Now, use your Spike Cannon!" Before the Vileplume could react, it suddenly found that the ground it was on had been aerated, so to speak, and had sank into the water, laving the flower just floating there. It struggled, but, with its tiny limbs, was unable to move out of the way as a final harpoon was fired at it, knocking it clear out of the water, sap oozing from its wound as it hit the wall. "ODDREY!" shouted Shard as he rushed over to the bushwhacked vegetation. "Pluuume..." said Oddrey 2 weakly, before closing its eyes. "Oddrey 2, Return!" ordered Shard, beaming the flower back to its pokeball and then returning to a platform in the arena to continue the battle. "So, kid, looks like a double type advantage can't make up for a bad trainer," said Misty with a twisted grin. "We'll see! Pain Dance, GO!" shouted Shard. Emerging from that which was both prison and home, the mighty warrior looked down at his nearly-drowned trainer with a trace of pity. "Mon LEE!" he proclaimed, turning to face his opponents. "A Hitmonlee?" said Misty, surprised. She hadn't seen one of these creatures for a while. "Not just any Hitmonlee," said Shard, proudly. "This Hitmonlee is among the greatest pokemon you ever saw. But you'll want proof. Very well. Pain Dance, give it a Rolling Kick!" The two spinning gladiators shot towards each other, but, despite a few scratches, Pain Dance managed to knock the Omastar out of the air, and then slammed it to the ground with his ankle. The Omastar weakly struggled to right itself, but managed to crawl out of the indentation it had left and withdraw into the water. A look of malice crossed Pain Dance's eyes. He would not be defeated by this ridiculous thing. The Omastar popped out of the water, aiming a Hydro Pump at its opponent, per its trainer's instructions... And was greeted by the bottom of Pain Dance's mighty foot, hurling towards the spiked mollusk like a torpedo, splitting the tempest placed between the weapon and its target, and hitting its mark with similarly devastating effects. The heavy sea beast sank, and Pain Dance swam to the bottom to retrieve his fallen foe, his mighty legs serving him as well for swimming as they had for the battle beforehand. Pain Dance surfaced, and placed the defeated creature at Misty's feet, a look of pride on his face. "Looks like it's a fallen Omastar," grinned Shard sardonically. Pain Dance bowed, both to his trainer and his defeated opponent, and then hopped to one of the arena's larger platforms, making it clear that he was still ready for battle. "That was nothing compared to what's next! Kabutops, GO!" shouted Misty. A large crustacean, bearing two shimmering blades, appeared before Pain Dance. "Kabu... TOPS!" it shouted, pointing one of its blades at the fighter who had defeated its fellow predator. "Hit, mon hitlee," jeered Pain Dance, who had put down his share of tough talkers, and saw no reason to regard this one any differently. That reason soon came in a swipe of the angered Kabutop's blade. It struck its mark, and purplish-red blood showed in the cut. Pain Dance, however, shrugged the wound off as though it were a paper cut, which it may well have been, since the warrior's blood didn't flow from him, but only served to prove that this was a flesh and blood creature, and not, as one could have suspected, were one prone to such flights of imagination, a specially designed machine for battle. "Is that the best that thing's got, Misty?" sneered Shard. "I'd like to see that headless freak of nature you sent out do any better!" shot Misty back. "Your wish," smiled Shard, "is my command! Pain Dance, High Jump Kick!" The Hitmonlee wasted no time, backflipping off the platform, bouncing off of his trainer's head (knocking said trainer back to the platform), vaulting off the wall, and finally diving from the ceiling like a god of war come down to wreak vengeance on the defiant. His foot struck atop his opponent's armored head, knocking the arthropod prostrate, as if it were demonstrating humility to the god which had just shown his wrath at being defied. The heathen Kabutops, however, was soon back on his feet, and swung its blade mightily at its opponent, this time creating a much deeper gash. "Good," said Misty, "keep using that Slash attack!" "Don't give it the chance!" said Shard (who was now upright again), though the flurry of blows that the Hitmonlee was laying upon its hapless foe made it quite clear that this order was unnecessary. "Finish it with your secret weapon!" ordered Shard. The Kabutops, hearing this, made especially careful to watch the Hitmonlee's feet, which left it open for a Mega Punch which knocked it to the ground, armor chipped in several places from the vicious struggle, stained with its own clear, briny blood, as well as the porphyry blood of he who had defeated it. Misty quickly recalled it into its pokeball. Pain Dance, despite the gashes which had been cut into him, stood tall and awaited the next foe. "No way, Pain Dance," said Shard, "you've done more than enough. Now is your time to rest. Pain Dance, RETURN!" "Mon LEE!" protested Pain Dance. "Okay," said Shard reluctantly, "but be really careful to at least survive, okay?" "Hitmon mon hitlee," said pain dance, putting his hand on Shard's shoulder reassuringly. "Yes, I'm trusting that you know this. That you know when you can still stand tall, and when you have been bested," said Shard as Pain Dance leapt back to the platform he had been on before his talk with his trainer. "Touching," said Misty sarcastically, "but I doubt Kingler will be so moved. Go, Kingler!" "Cokee!" laughed the king of crabs maliciously as it sized up its battered, but not beaten, foe. "Hit lee, mon hitlee hit!" challenged Pain Dance. "Pain Dance, give it a Mega Kick!" ordered Shard. "Kingler, use your Crab Hammer!" ordered Misty. The powerful kick hit home, but was responded to with a slam of Kingler's might claw into Pain Dance's side, knocking the Hitmonlee to the floor. He struggled to his feet, but wavered slightly. Shard gasped, and Pain Dance realized that he would only manage to injure himself, and possibly bleed to death, if he insisted on fighting this vain battle. The Hitmonlee dropped to one knee in submission, signaling that it recognized an opponent which would defeat him, though a look into the Hitmonlee's eyes told Kingler that it was mainly due to the Hitmonlee's injured condition at the start of the fight that he threw in the towel. "Pain Dance, return! Go, Banshee!" shouted Shard. "'Bout time!" said the Jigglypuff as he emerged from his pokeball. "Just Pound it," said Shard. Banshee clapped his hands together, and when he pulled them apart, a long wooden stick appeared. He twirled the stick, and a mallet head appeared on each end, the type of mallet one typically uses at seafood restaurants. The King of Crabs recognized all too well the mallet which had slain many of its subjects. "Kee!" he seethed as it now felt the hammer's angry touch, and, to add insult to injury, the burning sting of Old Bay in its eyes. "Bubblebeam! Bubbblebeam!" shouted Misty frantically to the horrified ocean dweller. Banshee, however, managed to hammer his way through the ocean of bubbles which spread his way, though some did manage to hit. "Banshee, sing!" ordered Shard. "All right, folks," said Banshee, "this is a little ditty called "Crabs for Christmas." I hope you like it." (Yes, folks, this is a real song!) Banshee began to sing, the humorous holiday song ringing in Kingler's ears like a funeral dirge. The subject of the song was a man whose only holiday wish was to feast on the flesh of Kingler's brethren. By the end of the song, Kingler had broken down in salty tears, unable to fight due to the psychological trauma that this opponent had inflicted. "You fight dirty!" protested Misty, recalling Kingler. "The R doesn't stand for righteous," said Shard. "All right, wise guy," said Misty, "for my last pokemon, I choose..." "Psy?" said Psyduck. "AAARGH, NOT YOU!" screamed Misty. "Psy yie yie..." sighed Psyduck, holding its head. "It looks uncomfortable," said Shard worriedly. "It's making me uncomfortable," sighed Misty. "Banshee," Shard asked, "sing something nice and soothing." "All right," said Banshee, clearing his throat, before starting to sing "Another One Bites the Dust." About halfway through the first chorus, however, a large psychedelic wave enveloped the arena, sending Banshee to the floor, dizzy. "I can't see!" shouted Shard, before blinking a couple dozen times, which just barely returned his eyes to normal. "Psyduck's Confusion attack..." Misty suddenly remembered. "I want a donut," says Banshee, before floating over to Misty and tickling her. Misty, giggling and thrashing and begging for mercy, kicked the Jigglypuff into a nearby wall, which sent him into an incapacitating fit of laughter. Shard, who was rather confused himself by this point, recalled the Jigglypuff. "Shockwave, do it!" said Shard. "Pikachaaa..." whimpered Shockwave, hiding behind Shard and pointing at Misty. "Tell her she hasn't got a reason to be afraid of me," said Misty in a soothing tone. Shard scoffed. "A, how do you know he's a she, er, she's a they, er. Well, on to b, you mean other than the fact that you're a complete and total..." "A," said Misty, with a smug sense of superiority (and an abnormal, annoying, and almost atrocious amount of arranged alliteration by the adolescent author), "I just do, and if you don't believe me, you can look for yourself. As for B," Misty snarled, "watch it, buster!" "Shockwave," said Shard, "you see that duck? You're not afraid of the duck, are you?" Shockwave shook her head. "Good girl, now go Thundershock that duck!" Shockwave leapt into the air, and drew electricity for her move, when Psyduck's powers gripped her and spun her around faster and faster and faster until finally dropping her. She fled the arena and hid in a corner, dizzy and most definitely afraid of the duck! "Shockwave, return!" said Shard, recalling the trembling, whimpering Pikachu. "Great," griped Shard, "just great. Now who do I use?" "Did somebody say McDonalds?" asked Scrapper. "Misty," sighed Shard, "I know how you feel." "Nothing like a warm welcome to make you feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight," sighed Scrapper. "Scrapper, if you want to help," said Shard, with more than a trace of despair in his voice, "use Conversion." "I think not, there's better stiff where that came from. Here, ducky, as a token of my good will, have a Tri Attack!" At this, the miscolored Porygon's orange tail sprung forward like a scorpion's, held aloft by a section of the Porygon's back which was designed to do this. The tail launched like a missile, along with the Porygon's beak and chestplate. All three slammed into the duck like Rhydons, and Psyduck fell down at Misty's feet, still in the exact same position, like it was a plastic figurine which had been knocked over. Misty frowned heavily as she pulled out a Cascade Badge. Shard had recalled his Porygon just in time to be hit in the eye with the badge, knocking him into the pool again. He emerged with a smile, however, holding proudly the symbol of his victoryin one hand and keeping the other over his eye. "Your turn, kid" he said to Nori with a victorious smile as he passed her in the hallway. "Meet me at the pokemon center, okay?" Nori just nodded, wondering what was with the eye. .sig not included. Shard Fields on AGNP Megasomething on ATT