The First Pokéwars! Awards Show



Jose: Welcome to the 1999 AGNP Pokéwars Awards! Although the ceremony hasn't
started, we're here early to talk with some of the guests arriving.

Random: Why do I have to be here? I could be watching Kane beat the shit out of Stone
Cold!!

Jose: Oh, wrestling sucks. It's just a bunch of guys in speedos, all muscle-bound, grabbing
each other.

Random: That's not true! 

Jose: Then what's with that Val Venus guy?

Random: Er um...I can't explain that...

Jose: Ha. Anyways, several fans are already waiting for the guests to arrive. It's a good
thing we have security to make sure they stay behind the velvet rope. 

Random: Hey, Jose, there's a limo pulling up.

Jose: Who could that be? Why it's PW! creator Regulus!

Random: Wow, I didn't expect THAT!

Jose: Shutup, Random! But that's not all! He has Sailor Pika with him!

Random: BOO!!

Jose: Shutup, Random!! So, Reg, Pika, how does it feel to be here?

Pika: I'm just glad I can get away from AGNP, if at least for a few hours. So many
newbies, it's annoying!

Reg: Well, I'm glad my creation, PW!, is prospering so much.

Random: Is it true you stole it from Otaku Wars! ?

Reg: No comment!

Jose: Who else is here? It looks like MWF, head of the Azure Heights Laboratory Staff.
MWF, how does it feel to attend the first PW! awards?

MWF: It feels great, Jose! But since we're running late on some tests, I had some of the
staff members come along with me. 

(Following MWF are Toby Martin and Cat-Gonk, with laptops)

Jose: Looks like their busy!

MWF: Nah, their playing Tetris. Cat-Gonks mad because Kirsty wasn't invited!

Cat-Gonk: It's not fair!

Jose: Aw, you're such a cute kitty-witty!

Cat: What? What's wrong with you?

Jose: Would you like a saucer of milk?

(Cat-Gonk claws at Jose, who quickly dodges)

Jose: Mean little kitty from hell!

(Another limo pulls up. Crunchie steps out, with Marcus Yu and a bunch of hentai freaks)

Jose: Crunchie! Marcus! So glad you could make it! Wait- Marcus, I don't remember you
being invited...

Marcus: I just came because Misty's gonna be here!

Jose: Uh, Marcus, Misty's not real...

Marcus: WHAT?! THAT'S NOT TRUE!!

Hentaifreak: NOOO!!!!!! I cannot live anymore!!!

Jose: Crunchie, here's some advice: As soon as they look away, RUN!

Crunchie: Why would I do that to my fan club?

Jose: Er- Hey...is that it?

Random: We're late, Jose. Reg was one of the last to arrive.

Jose: DAMMIT!! When does the ceremony start?

Random: Exactly 2 minutes.



(Jose runs onstage, in a suit)

Announcer: Welcome to the 1999 Pokéwars Awards Show! And now, your host, Jose
Solano!

Jose: Welcome Pokéwars writers, Pokéwars readers and people who have nothing better
to do. The Pokéwars Awards were started to honor the fine work of our writers. How did
Pokéwars start? To tell us the origin or Pokéwars, here's James!

(James walks onstage as Jose walks off)

James: Now, I'm not entirely sure how PW! started. Some say it's nothing more than a
copy of Otaku Wars! on the Sailor Moon newsgroup. While we finish polishing the
awards, here's a look back on the most memorable moments in PW!

(The auditorium dims, a giant screen lowers)

James: Enjoy!

(A short montage of PW! scenes)

Announcer: Just a reminder, the Pokéwars Awards are brought to you by- What? Oh
yeah, no more plugs. And here to present the PW! Award for Best Fight...the Master,
Teacher, and Trainer himself....Yoda!

Announcer: ...here to present the Best Fight Pokéwars! Award ...the Master, Teacher,
and Trainer himself....Yoda!

Yoda: Hi, folks. Suprisingly, tonight I'm -not- going to plug my site. (applause from the
crowd) Hey! (about to utter URL, and Wigglytuff launchers are aimed) Okay, okay.
Anyway, here are the Pokéwars Best Fight nominees: 
The Rumble in the Safari Zone with Dreadite, Maria, James, Simon and Ryo 
and Trent fighting the Elite Four, by Jose Solano! 

Yoda: (opens envelope) And the winner is....(drumroll) Rumble in Safari Zone, with
Dreadite, Maria, Simon, Ryo, and James! Congratulations, all four of you! 

(Dread, Maria, Simon, and James walk onstage) (all shake hands with Yoda) 

Simon: ...hey! What about Ryo? He was mentioned! 

Yoda: Is he here now?

All: No. 

Yoda: (pauses) And there you have it! Congratulations, all FOUR of you, and g'night,
folks!

Yoda: And by the way, don't be a stranger to...(says really quickly to avoid Wiggly's)
...http://yoda.pagehub.com! The source of the PokéPics, Jose's Pikachu Death Gallery,
Anti-rumors, various DBZ stuff, and more! Be sure to sign the guestbook! 

(Yoda takes breath)

Yoda: Seeya! 

(Yoda runs like heck off-stage as many a Wigglytuff hit stage)

Jose: Uh...cleanup on stage.... Hey folks! As you may know, the PW! Awards were
established to honor our great writers. However, there are some people who deserve
honorary awards, for making us laugh. I present these 2 awards to Anchovy Ace and Red
Sun! Here's to you guys!

(Applause, Jose walks offstage)

Announcer: And now, coming out of her state of semi-lurking for our event,
we have Nendil to present the next award!

Nen: Thank you. The main purpose that the Pokéwars! were started in the
first place is for people to interact and have fun. A few select individuals
turned out to be especially talented in that area. For this category, we
have the most silly, insane, and creative people--the Funniest Character
award!

(Applause)

Nen: Our nominees are: 
Trent Retwin
Wind
Runt Cloverwood

Nen: And the winner is...drumroll please

(drumroll)

Nen: Trent Retwin! 

(Jose walks back from backstage)

Jose: What? I cant believe it!! I won a PW! award! I'd like to thank all the PW! writers
who supported me, but most of all I'd like to thank myself, since none of this could have
been done without me!

(Jose gets pegged by a Wigglytuff)

Jose: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!! I WAS KIDDING!!!

(Jose runs backstage)

Announcer: Here to present the next award, Simon Locke!

Simon: Hello Everybody! Thank you for having me here at the awards show Jose, and
I'm here to present the award to the Best Thing You'd Never Expect award! The
nominees are 
Quethiril becomes Aeren Shade 
and James joins Team Rocket! 
And the winner is....

(Drumroll)

Simon: Huzzah! It's Quethiril becomes Aeren Shade!

(Elwen Skye comes up on stage)

Elwen: I'm so happy! I can't believe I won an award! I'd like to thank all the people who
supported me! Thank you so much!

(Elwen and Simon exit the stage)

Jose (to someone off camera): Commercials!

(James walks by him, still off camera)

James: Cant do that. We have no sponsors.

Jose: Then who's paying for all this?

James: You.

Jose: WHAT?! 

Announcer: Now, presenting the award for Best Thread is Maria R-

(Announcer looks down at his cards, then he looks over at the cameraman) 

Announcer (whispering): Hey, what does her last initial stand for anyway?

(The cameraman shrugs)

ROCKET!

(A Wigglytuff comes screaming onstage)

"WIGGGGGLYYYYY!!!"

Announcer: AAAHH!!

(The Wigglytuff slams into the announcer, knocking him offstage. A moment later,
there's was a loud explosion, but it's quickly drowned out by the orchestra and the
crowd's applause as Maria walked across stage, carrying her Wigglytuff Launcher over her
shoulder)

(She leans over the podium and tries to find the announcer in the blast crater below the
stage)

Announcer: Thanks for that wonderful introduction!

(Maria ignores the rush of paramedics below stage and she pulls a neat little envelope out
of her trenchcoat)

Maria: Now as all of us in the Pokéwars! know, there can be no *real* Pokéwars
interaction plot without a darned good thread!

(Someone in the audience throws a tea kettle at her head. Maria avoids it by moving
slightly to the side.)

Someone: You don't make any sense! Stupid Rocket!

(Maria frowns, pulls out a Jigglypuff and throws it out. In the following screams of
torment, she closes her eyes and smiles)

Maria: Anyway, enough with small talk. The nominees for Best Thread are:
The Long Hard Road Through Mt. Moon. 
Evil Diet Coke Bottle.
Gathering in Pallet.

Maria: Don't even think about it.

(Maria pulls Wigglytuff Launcher into position before putting it down against the
podium.) 

Maria: And the winner is....

(Maria blinks)

Maria: The Long Hard Road Through Mt. Moon!

(Applause. Everyone involved in the thread begins to scream, cry, and dance the Macarena
with the herd of Mew onstage.)

(Jeff Hauser, Time Lady, Sailor Pika, Bandraptor and Jon walk onstage)

TL: Thanks to everyone involved in the thread, which DID last for some time!

(Team Rocket begin to get up to get them, but decide against it, seeing as Corynn's
Gyarados Nakago has been called in as Security)

(Meanwhile, the paramedics finally throw the announcer back onstage. He looks
somewhat shaken and stained with pink goo.)

Maria: Sorry about that

(Maria snickers, hefting up her Wigglytuff Launcher, turns, and exits the stage)

Announcer: Please give a big round of applause for Elwen Skye!

(Elwen walks onstage, followed by... big round of applause)

Elwen: Thank you! I'm surprised you listened to him!

Announcer: Hey!

Elwen: Pokéwars is about interaction. Without interaction, we wouldn't have Clan
Caterpie, Anti-Team Rocket, or even Dreadite Hunters. Sometimes the interaction is so
much that it's considered an event. The nominees for Best Event are:
SS Anne
Dreadite being hunted.

Elwen: And the winner is... SS Anne!

(Nobody comes up)

Elwen: Well, who gets the award?

Dread: Maybe we should just keep it in the archives or something?

Reg: I guess.

Elwen: So, nobody gets the award?

Reg: Nope.

Elwen: Well, uh...yeah...

(Elwen quickly runs offstage)

Announcer: And now, lets hear it for Roberto!

(Roberto walks up to the stage wearing a large black blazer which is doing a
poor job of covering the ends of the sleeves on his clean white shirt, a red and black tie,
khaki pants, and burgundy penny loafers. His black hair is quite disorderly. His black
rimmed glasses slightly reflect the bright lights. He taps the microphone on the podium
twice, then coughs a few times.)

Roberto: Testing... Testing... Ah, okay! Hello everyone! I'm sorry if I'm dressed
oddly. I didn't get a memo telling me what to wear so I just wore my special
dress school uniform...

(Beads of sweat are apparent on his forehead)

Roberto: First, I'd like to say hello to a fine young lady in the audience: Nendil! Stand so
that everyone can see you!

(Roberto begins clapping his hands, but the crowd doesn't follow his example. Nendil
sinks in her chair, embarrassed, and tries to cover her face with her
right hand. Roberto coughs a few times upon hearing some crickets)

Roberto: Tough crowd. Not in a clapping mood tonight? You sure were clapping earlier...
Anyhow! I'm here to present the award for Overall Best Team in the Pokéwars. This
award goes to the group of writers who have done their best to demonstrate the principles
of unity, interaction, and most importantly: fun! These united writers in the Team have
shown that they can work together and do so in a coherent manner. All the Teams that
currently exist in the Pokéwars should be applauded since they personify the true meaning
of the Pokéwars: advanced social interaction between characters in a highly interactive
microcosm of the universe!

(crowd begins to applaud. Roberto smiles, wiping the sweat off his brow
with one of his sleeves. He then reads something off of a paper on the podium)

Roberto: The nominees for Best Team are... Clan Caterpie, People Against Pokemon,
Team Rocket, and last, but definitely not least, Anti- Team Rocket! All of these
Teams have shown...

(Murmuring is heard in the audience. Roberto blinks. 

Roberto: Oh, right... You want to know who the award goes to. Let me see, I had the
envelope here somewhere...

(He awkwardly fumbles through the papers on the podium, then looks
inside his blazer. )

Roberto: Ah! Here we go!

(He takes a letter opener out of his shirt
pocket and slides it across the envelope a few times, having trouble opening
it. Once it is open, he removes the paper inside)

Roberto: Wow! The award goes to... Team Rocket!

(Various members of TR go onstage to collect their awards)

(A small Pikachu yells out)

Pikachu: HEY! That's no fair! 

Dread: And who are you?

Pikachu: I'm Icy, that's who!

(Icy and the rest of Clan Caterpie start throwing their Pokeballs onstage.)

Jose: Hey wait, this is an awards show not a battleground!

Icy: Quiet!

(An Ivysaur, an Onix, a Vulpix, a Rapidash, 10 Caterpie and a Blastoise are sent in to fight 
a Charizard, a Mr. Mime, a Scyther, a Meowth and a...Clefairy?)

Dread: Hey!

(Razor leaves, Hydro Pumps, Swords Dances, Flames and String shots fire everywhere)

Jose: AH!! Hey!! You're not supposed to fight DAMMIT!!

(Jose gets knocked over by Onix, followed by 2 exploding Wigglytuff)

Jose: STOP IT!!

(Now various other writers have join in, sending various Pokemon and launching
Wigglytuff left and right)

Jose: STOP DAMMIT!!!

(A Wigglytuff comes flying at the camera, causing it to go out)

-We apologize for these Technical Difficulties-

(Camera comes back on, stage is cleaned up, everyone is back at their seats)

Announcer: To present-

(Loud, annoying Pikachu yelling)

Announcer: Er- we apologize for any technical difficulties

(Jose can be heard in the background, yelling something about frying pan and Pikachu)

Announcer: Anyway, to present the award for Best Rivalry, here's Sailor Pika!

(Sailor Pika walks onstage, and up to the podium)

SPika: If it weren't for-

(Loud Pikachu can be heard again)

SPika: As I was saying before I was so rudely-

(Loud Pikachu followed by an echoing BANG)

SPika: That should do it. Anyway, if it weren't for two trainers trying to-

(Louder Pikachu will sizzling in background)

SPika: -Reach the same goal, everyone would be pretty friendly, and that would get
boring pretty fast. That's why Rivalries are important to the Pokéwars. The nominees for
best-

(Even louder Pikachu, with sizzling in the background and a frustrated groan)

SPika: THAT'S IT!

(SPika pulls out a Wigglytuff Launcher from behind the podium, and walks behind the
curtain. A ~WIIIIIIIGLYYY!!!~ can be heard, followed by an explosion, a Pikachu
screaming, Jose yelling in agony as something hot and sizzling is spilled on him. SPika
walks back out)

SPika: The nominees for Best Rivalry are:
Dreadite vs Everyone
Trent Retwin and Lance
Robert and Jeremy

SPika: And the winner is... Dreadite vs Everyone!

(Dreadite walks onstage, followed by a group of Dreadite Hunters)

Dreadite: Now I can't take all the credit for this. If it weren't for this fine group of people
so bent on killing me, I wouldn't be getting this award! Thanks guys!

(Dreadite quickly runs off, following by the Dreadite hunters, brandishing swords and
axes)

(Jose comes out from behind the curtain, with a bandage around his hand)

Jose: Er...we're sorry, but we wont be serving Fried Pikachu at the After-Party. Sorry.
Anyway, we also realize that somehow Wigglyweaponry got past security. I'll be asking
you to please give me your weapons.

(Jose is pegged by a dozen Wigglytuff and a Magikarp)

Jose: AH!!! Fine, keep them!!

(Jose runs offstage)

Announcer: Contrary to what Jose may have told you, we welcome your weapons, so
please don't fire them at me-AH!

(The announcer runs from flying Wigglytuff)

Announcer (from off-stage): Please welcome our next guest, MWF!

(MWF walks onstage, with a calculator-like device in his hand)

MWF: How's it going? I'm here to present the award for Best Fanart.

(The device starts beeping)

MWF: Excuse me a minute.

(MWF runs offstage. He comes back a few minutes later with a Charmander in his arms,
crying)

MWF: Sorry, a friend of mine asked me to watch him, but it's not much of a problem.
Pretend he's not here. The nominees for Best Fanart are:
Simon Locke 
Trent Retwin 
Maria R 
Nendil

MWF: And the winner is....

(MWF opens the envelope. As he's about to read off the name, Charmy burns it)

MWF: NO!! Now we'll never know!

(Backstage)

Jose: Great! My show is ruined! I'll be the laughingstock of AGNP!

James: Yes, that's right YOUR show. I had nothing to do with it.

Jose: Can't you remember who won?

James: No, but I still have the votes. I'll get someone to count them.

(James walks up to MWF and hands him a note)

MWF: Well- We CAN figure out who the winner is, but it will have to come later in the
show. Sorry about that!

(MWF walks offstage with Charmy calmed down)

Announcer: And now, to present the award for Best Person Who Should Rejoin
Pokéwars, here's Mimic!

(Nothing)

Announcer: Here's Mimic!

(Nothing)

Announcer: *ahem* HERE'S MIMIC!

(A pink blob forms over the podium. It seems it was disguising itself.)

Mimic: Hello to all. I here to present award for Most Conversial Tread. 

Stage Hand: Um, that's Most Controversial Thread.

Mimic: Whatever. Nominees are:
Wind
Before the Party
Road to Fuchsia


Mimic: Winner is....

(Mimic struggles to open the envelope with his blobby Ditto hands, so he morphs into a
Scyther and cuts it loose, then transforming back to a Ditto)

Mimic: Road to Fuchsia!

(Jose walks onstage)

Jose: Thank you, thank you! I'd like to thank Sandslash, because I couldn't have killed a
Pikachu without him!

(Jose walks offstage, followed by Mimic, albeit slowly)

Announcer: Let's welcome our next presenter, Regulus!

(Regulus walks onstage, followed by rabid applause)

Regulus: Thank you! Thank you! As you all know, not everyone stays in Pokéwars.
Although it's at it's peak in popularity, not everyone stays. In fact, we still have numerous
Writer's Guides left over that were never used. The nominees for Best Person To Rejoin
Pokéwars are:
Elwen Skye
er... Hey, is that it?

Stage Hand: Yes.

Reg: And the winner is...

(Regulus keeps quiet to add suspense)

Reg: Elwen Skye!

Elwen: Thanks again for this award! However, I won't rejoin Pokewars...

(Someone in the audience runs outside screaming like mad)

Elwen: ...yet. I'll be writing just regular fanfics for a while, but maybe I'll rejoin soon.

(Elwen walks offstage)

Jose: Well, I'd say something funny, but I can't. I have an announcement to make to all.
Will the driver of the black Chevy Cavalier with the license plate LIF-SUX, your car is
being attacked by a Pinsir. Again, the driver of a black Chevy Cavalier with license plate
LIF-SUX, your car is being attacked by a Pinsir. Also, to the driver of a yellow VW bug,
98 model with license plate number 123-456 and the driver of the red F-150 with license
plate SUC-KIT, your cars are being scratched and dented from the flying wreckage of the
black Cavalier.

(3 people run outside)

(MWF walks back onstage)

MWF: Er...the results are in. The winner for Best Fanart is...

(Muffled speech from audience)

MWF: Huh? The nominees? Oh, alright. They are:
Simon Locke
Jose Solano
Maria R
Nendil

MWF: And the winner is... Maria R!

(Maria walks onstage) 

Maria: I cant believe this! Another award!!

(Simon, Jose, and Nendil groan in unison)

Maria: Thank you all for voting for me!

(Maria walks back offstage)

Announcer: Here's our final guest, to present Best Character. Welcome, Dreadite!

(sounds of screaming off-camera)

Dread: Yes, I know. I'll clean up on the way out.. 

(Dread waves off-camera)

Guy off camera: Well, get it out of the walkway, at least.

Dread: Hi everyone. Sorry about the delay. As you all know, the
characters in the Pokéwars are it's driving force. This award is for the
best character, showing everyone who exactly is the big cheese, the best
character! And the nominees are...
(Drumroll)
Spectre
Dreadite
Maria R
Trent Retwin
Mimic

(Dreadite tries to open the envelope.)

Dread: Er... hand me those, will you? 

(Dread grabs letter opener, and opens the envelope)

Dread: Congratulations, Maria R!

(Maria walks onstage)

Maria: Oh my gosh! I won ANOTHER award! Isn't that amazing!

Reg: I've had it! You've won TOO MANY AWARDS!!

Jose: Go, SANDSLASH!

(Following Reg, a Sandslash, a Scyther, and a Pidgey are sent out)

Jose: Huh? A Pidgey?

Dread: You leave him alone!

(Mimic morphs into a Blastoise)

Maria: AH!! Go, Slasher!

(Slasher pops out of his Pokeball, and begins to purr)

Maria: Slasher, attack!

(Slasher claws at Scyther followed by a quick blast of Thunder)

Reg: WHAT?! NO!!!

Jose: Sandslash, Earthquake!

(Sandslash stomps onto the stage, shaking it. Slasher jumps to avoid it, and counteracts
with Fury Swipes, knocking the hedgehog unconscious)

Jose: NO!!!

(Slasher charges at Mimic, still a Blastoise, and slashes at his face)

Mimic: No! Mimic feel pain! Mimic smash you to bits!

(Slasher sparks his charm and electrocutes Mimic)

Mimic: AAAAH!!!

(Mimic returns to Ditto form)

Maria: Just one left...Slasher, take out that Pidgey!

Slasher: Meeeowth!!

(Slasher runs at Pidgey, claws drawn. Without warning, Pidgey flies up and dive bombs
Slasher)

Maria: WHAT?

(Pidgey follows with a Wing Attack. Slasher faints)

Maria: What?

Dread: Didn't expect that, did you?

Reg: Hey, she still gets the awards. We battled and humiliated ourselves for nothing...

Jose: DAMMIT!!

Maria: Anyway, I'd like to thank Team Rocket, for supporting me! Thanks guys!

(Maria walks offstage)

Announcer: Thank you for joining us during this long show. Who will win the coveted
PW! Awards next year? Only time will tell. Goodnight, folks!