The Second Pokéwars! Awards Show

(( Note from the Archiver: The 2nd PW! Awards Show is, for the most part, missing. 
The show was originally published in the AGNP Pokézine on August 8th of 1999, the 
last issue that Elwen Skye put together. Yoda wrote the show and he apparently 
stopped speaking with all members of AGNP when he left the newsgroup. I've 
contacted other people who might have had copies of the 2nd PW! Awards Show, such 
as the people who put together the PokéZine in the past, but none of them had 
copies. I've searched Internet archives for the show to no avail. Knowing that 
Yoda worked on the show with Jose, I asked Jose to search his old files for it and 
he found a few segments of the show. They are available below. I found a clip of a 
segment that was written by Karnivax, but when I spoke with Karnivax, he informed 
me that he didn't have the rest of what he wrote for the show. If ANYONE has 
ANYTHING from the 2nd PW! Show, please e-mail it to me at ))

[ PokéWars! ]


**The camera view shows an overhead vew of "AGNP City": places such as the AGNP 
meeting hall (aka the AIM AGNP chat room), Azure Heights, T.V. Station (where 
things such as the PokéZine, SNWCG, and LNWJS, take place), the Archives (aka 
the DejaNews compilation of all the original AGNP posts), the under-repair AGNP 
Gates (where all the flood of newbies are entering), and the newly added-Foon 
Island (complete with Grave o' Simon!, and all other regulars who have left).**

**But then, it centers on the center, AGNP Square, much like New York's Times 
Square at night. On the giant video screen, is the famous "PW!" tag in brackets, 
and below a red carpet has been rolled out to welcome the AGNP'ers to . . .**

The 2nd PW! Awards Show . . . ever.


**Outside, two teenagers in suits with microphones are standing by the very front 
of the red carpet, where all AGNP'ers are entering.**

Jose: Hello, and welcome to the 1999 AGNP 2nd PokéWars Awards! I'm your host, 
Jose Solano, and here with my co-host and Awards Show writer, Yoda, to welcome 
the guests arriving on this great August night!

Yoda: Yep, that's right. And this time, I've made sure Jose is _not_ late. In 
fact, we've made the awards show a whole hour and a half earlier to make sure of 
that. Hehe..

(Several guests are already filling up the red carpet, heading towards the doors 
heading to the theatre)

Jose: Well, thank you for not telling me any of this. Anyway, my annoying yet 
lovable side-kick (hahahah!) Random can't be with us today.. because he simply 
isn't here. Well, we feel that the velvet ropes didn't do the job of keeping the 
fans back, so we have a velvet rope, complete with taser-wielding Wigglytuffs!


(A Wigglytuff bounces over to him, and shocks him. The fan is now on the floor, 
hair standing straight up, twitching.)

Jose: No comment.

(A humongous jet-black stretch limo pulls up, with the TR logo flag adorning the 

Yoda: Here's one of our first guests! The Team Rocket squadron is here!

Jose: Why, it's PW! co-founder Dreadite! (Dread drags his thumb across his throat 
for the camera, and laughs. Jose blinks audibly, and slowly moves away from him.) 
And following him is Maria R, the winner of a few awards last show. (she waves a 
little flag with James's face on it for the camera, and the other hoards of TR 
members follow, including Shard, chasing after her with Sneakers close at his 

Yoda: Err..right. Anyway, hold on, here's _my_ favorite team, Anti-Team Rocket!

(An equally large limo pulls up, identical except there's a ATR symbol on the flag. 
Raven, Sirius, James, Saber, and other members step out and face the camera.)

Raven: So, those losers already came here, eh? Well, let's just say they better 
watch their backs. (Sirius motions to a wiggly-launcher concealed under his jacket, 
and they move on.)

Jose: Gotcha. (He smiles weakly, and motions for two large men wearing sunglasses 
to follow them inside.) It appears that the guests are appearing in teams. And of 
course, here comes another one, Clan Caterpie! And here's their leader, Icy. (the 
camera pans down to show a little Pikachu speaking)

Icy: Hello. Clan Caterpie and I just wanted to say hello to everyone else in 
PokéWorld! (a small eevee pops up beside him, and says its name, cutely. Jose and 
Yoda lick their lips.)

Yoda: (a bit unfocused, and staring at the eevee) Uh, yeah ... yay caterpie ... 
(he drools).

Jose: (mindless) Riiight ... (they both dive, hands extended, at the eevee, who 
runs into the theatre.) Dammit!

Yoda: Whoah, here're some other guests, Samuraichu and White Blade! (a clefairy 
and raichu run past Jose and Yoda yelling with their swords extended in front of 
them after Icy) Well, this is weird..

**More guests show up, including the Azure Heights people (who have grown in 
number since the last show), the Sailor Foons, the PokéZine staff, nameless 
newbies (no offense), the Wigglytuff Warlords (Kid Vid2 and Cat-Gonk), and of 
coure the Hentaifreaks (whom two large men with sunglasses are also ordered to 

**The camera view returns once more, and follows Jose and Yoda as they enter the
theatre. The crowd applads greatly as they head towards the stage, and head to 
their podiums on the right and left side of the stage**

Yoda: We'd like to thank a few people who're making this all possible: Me, Jose 
... (Boos and Hisses are shouted as Wigglys already hit the stage) Just kidding. 
First we'd like to thank Dreadite and Regulus, the creators of the PokéWars, for 
introducing it into AGNP.

Jose: Of course we'd like to thank the current PokéWars archiver, Roberto, and 
those who help him out, including Nendil and Corryn. James Kuehn, for 
introducing the concept of the PW! Awards. And last but not least, Elwen, the 
originator of the archive, and the Editor in Chief of the PokéZine!

(applause for all aforementioned erupts)

Yoda: (waits for silence) And as a gift for all you AGNP-City residents, we have 
the official-prototype-tentative-not-yet-released-practically-finished-trailer, 
for ... (drum roll, and a large video screen slides down on the stage) ...

Jose: (booming) THE FIRST, EVER, POKÉWARS FEATURE FILM! (they both run backstage)

**Shadows appear on the screen. They appear to be..hand puppets?! Yoda and Jose 
make little people with their fingers and walk them accross the "screen". In 
mock-voices they imitate the characters.**

[Warning: No offense is made by these imitations, however sad. It was all done in effect 
of budget changes]

Yoda: (as Dreadite) Lookat me, I'm all mean an' stuff, grr, die, my sword is sharp!
Jose: (as Spec) I'm mean too, see, my scyther's better an' stuff, grr!
Yoda: (as Maria) I like James, he's great lalala, eat wigglynuke!
Jose: (as Minax) Die pokémon die, I'm mean too, grr, blam blam, I shoot everything!
Yoda: (as Sirius) Look I'm Lance's brother, and I fight the elite four, yay!
Jose: (as Icy) I'm a Pikachu, yay, Pik-a-chu!
Yoda: (as Trent) Oh look, my sandslash's all mean and I curse wah wah, Dammit, wah wah!
Jose: (coldly, as Gohan) Wah, I'm Gohan, wah Yoda made me I suck, wahh, I join ATR!
Yoda: (as himself) WHAT THE HELL!? YOU JERK!
Jose: (as himself) DAMMIT, YOU STARTED IT! DIE!!!

**The hands both turn into fists as they both start punching each other. This is all 
visible, as they roll to the stage still fighting. They audience erupts in laughter. 
After 5 minutes, tired out, they stop, and get up, sweating, with their suits a mess.**

Yoda: (ahem) Great idea that was..anyway, we got a great show for you tonight!

Jose: (panting) Yeah.. but first, here's a word from our sponsors!


The AGNP Pokezine! 

- The PokeWars! Awards Show with Jose and Yoda
- Late Night with Jose Solano
- Sunday Night with Cat-Gonk
- Pokemon Interpretations by Linte-Aiwe and SithJawa
- On Deck with James Kuehn

- The Secret Final Fantasy of the Poke Ball of Time
- The Quest of the Channeler's Son


The PokéWars Battle Chart

The official archive for all of AGNP's PokéWars posts.


Yoda, the Web Site. 


Jose's Pikachu Death Gallery. 

Pokepics by Yoda, Regulus, Nendil, and Cat-Gonk.

The Wigglytech Repository of Tech-Adept Cat-Gonk. 


Azure Heights Pokemon Laboratory 

The head-quarters of AGNP's elite team of Pokémon researchers.


"Maria's Place! Where you get more bang for the buck!" 

"Had enough of being burgled? Tired of being picked on by the country 
next door, and feel the need to exact vengeance? Look no further! From 
home security alarms to triple-A air defense nets, Maria's Place has it 
all! Volume discounts available! Ask about our monthly theatre of 
operations specials!" 

"On sale this week, the PokéWars Special Edition Plantinum Wigglyuff 

"Need a good weapon, but all nice looking for that special occasion?
We've got the newest incarnation of that classic launcher, just in time
for the PokéWars Awards!" 

"Remember, if it's a weapon, Maria's got it! Don't wait, drop round now 
or call us on our troll- free number, 1-800-555-ARMAGEDDON! Fax orders 
dial 1-800-PSYDUCK." 

(The Wigglytuff in Maria's hand explodes, covering her in pink goo.)

"God dammit..." 


**Camera pans back to stage**

Yoda: present the award for Best Fight, here's the guy 
everyone loves to hate, Dreadite!


(( The Best Fight Presentation is missing. )) 


Jose: Ok, with that taken care of, I’d like to present our next guest-

Yoda: Jose, we have to wait a little before that!

Jose: Oh. Ok, how many people here like Pikachu?

**various people raise their hands**

Jose: How many of you would like to see me kill a Pikachu?

**2 people raise their hands**

Yoda: How many people would like to see a Pikachu kill Jose?

**Everyone’s hand goes up.”

Jose: WHAT?!!

**Otaku runs onstage with a rabid Pikachu on a leash**

Otaku: Sic ‘im, boy!!

**The rabid Pikachu chases Jose around the stage**

Yoda: More fun than a barrel of monkeys, right folks?

**The Pikachu finally catches Jose and bites into his leg**

Pikachu: PIKA CHUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Not only has Jose been bitten by a rabid Pokemon, he’s had a mild shock**

Jose: DAMMIT!!!!

**Otaku takes his Pikachu back and walks offstage. Several medical workers 
arrive at the scene with a tray full of Rabies injections**

Yoda: While our medical team makes sure Jose’s rid of that minor problem...

Jose: AAAAH!!!!

Yoda: ...To present the award for Best Team, here’s (( Name Missing ))...


**Jose walks onstage**

Jose: Hello everyone... er...oh crap...

**Jose opens an umbrella as the audience pegs him with tomatoes**

Jose: Alright, alright!! That's enough!!

**Now he has Wigglytuff flying at him**

Jose- Dammit, stop that!!

**After 1 flying Magikarp, it stops**

Jose: Thank you. Anyway, I'm here to- What do you think you're doing?!

**1 surviving Wigglytuff dances with a Jynx**

Jose: Aw, screw it. I'm here to present the award for- Oh, what NOW?!

**The Wigglytuff and Jynx get in a fight and start throwing chairs at each 

Jose: Alright, OFF THE STAGE!!

**They leave**

Jose- THANK YOU! Anyway, the nominees for Funniest Character are...
Oz, Maria, Shard, Trent, Knave, Nori, John, Wind.

Jose: And the winner is... ME!

**The nominees all charge him, beating the crap out of him and cutting him up**

Jose: I WAS KIDDING!! The winner is Shard Fields!!!

Shard: WOOHOO!!!

**All the other nominees go after Shard as he takes the award from the podium. 
Medics arrive and take Jose away**


(( The following comes from the end of Karnivax's Best Rivalry Presentation. ))

Karnivax: [reads contents of envelope]  What?!  This is the biggest load 
of @#* I've read since 'Heated Battle in Cerulean City...'

Audience member: [throws steel-toed boot at Karnivax] Get off the stage!  
You suck!!!

Karnivax: Shut your hole, Fureimo Rizaado, before I shove a @#*ing pineapple up
your scaly @#*!  [long period of silence] Oookay. Annnnnd.. the winner for Best
Rivalry is.... Simon and Car'tos! If you want to know what the losers were,
that's too @#*ing bad. [crumples up and tosses away contents of envelope] I'm
outta here.  @#*, @#*ing awards shows. *I* never win anything...


Below are the results of the Second Pokewars! Awards:

Best Character - Maria

Best Writer - Roberto

Best Hero - Icy

Best Villan - Dreadite

Funniest Character - Shard

Best Thread - Cinnabar Beach Party

Best NC Thread - Future's End

Best Event - The Pokemon Auction

Best Team - Team Rocket

Funniest Thread - Bed go up, Bed go down

Best Fights - Rocket Rumble + Inside the Complex

Best Post - Revelations

Best Newcomer - Karnivax

Best Rivalry - Simon and Car'tos

Best Couple - Robert and Rilli

Best Villain Duo - Alice and Alysia

Best Fan Art - Maria

Best Pokémon Character - Icy the Pikachu

Best Trained Pokémon - Sarah Jane's Nidoran, Cuddles and Spunky