The Third Pokéwars! Awards Show



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 [Marvin's dressing room]

 Famifax:
 I gots a big wheel rollin' in my heart.

 Marvin the Magician:
 I really don't know what that's supposed to mean.

 Famifax:
 It means an awardy show is gonna start.

 Marvin:
 ...put on some clothes.  We're seeing more than should be seen.

 Xerox:
 I'll say!

 [hallway, PW! characters' dressing room wing]

 Ted Brotlov:
 Today I'll be the perfect member of Team Rocket.

 Andy Renev:
 Today I'll show the WORLD that Magneton is strong.

 Ted:
 But -- hey, Electrode's good, don't go and knock it.

 Andy:
 I'm surprised that more don't think that I am right-and-you-are-wrong...

 Both:
 But hey, it's evening in the 'Wars!

 [Jason's dressing room]

 Jason Bard:
 It's such a great night, I just gotta say it!
 I feel so good it makes me shout out loud!
 Does this go with that song?  Should I play it?

 Mimic (as Jason):
 Oh, you'll do great!  You should be proud!
 Now get on out there and wow that crowd!

 Jason:
 Thanks!

 Both:
 On this evening in the 'Wars!

 [bedroom, Fenix' house]

 Fenix:
 Oh me oh my. Award show day is dawning.
 Oh what a joy it starts and I'm not dead.
 I guess I'll stay at home and just resume my yawning.
 Why get my sleep out there instead of in my bed?

 [in the wings]

 Marvin:
 Heya Andrew!

 Andrew O'Reilly:
 Heya Marv!

 Marvin:
 My jokes alright?

 Andrew:
 Don't take this too hard, but --

 Marvin:
 Great! The show's about to start, it's to the stage I go.

 Rob:
 Who knew we'd get this done today? [turns on tv]

 AGNP Chat:
 PW's dead, it's had it's day.

 Andrew:
 But through the clouds a hopeful ray...

 Rob:
 What's the chat room know?

 Marcia:
 [walks in] Oh that's great. Hors d'oeurves are cold. What tales of
 nothing will unfold?

 Everyone:
 Here, on, this, same, old...

 Rob:
 This same old --

 Everyone - Evening in the 'Wars!

 ---

 [The Pokewars! Pavilion's Auditorium]

 Marvin the magician, dressed in a golden tuxedo, silver bowtie,
 crystalline blue top hat, and brown pennyloafers, steps out onto the
 stage of the Pokewars! Pavilion, a rather nondescript auditorium
 somewhere between Pokewars! non-continuity and reality, where Pokewars!
 characters and their authors share the same time and space. Many
 Pokewars! authors and characters are seated in the audience. Others are
 backstage, preparing for their presentations.

 Marvin walks over to the podium on the center of the stage, shooting
 streamers and cards out of his sleeves on his way there, a big grin
 plastered on his face. He taps the microphone on the podium a few times,
 then he speaks into it, "Hello, everyone! My name is Marvin the
 Magnificent, and I will be your host this very special evening." Marvin
 waits for applause, but when the only thing he hears coming from the
 crowd is a single cough, he tries to incite crowd response a different
 way - using his lame sense of humor, "So, uh, I hear this Award show's
 been delayed two years now. It seemed more like six years to me!"

 The crowd remains silent.

 "Because of the time... jump... that... oh, nevermind." Marvin
 sweatdrops, then tries another joke, "Two years sure is a long time to
 delay an Awards show, don't you think? I've heard of fashionably late,
 but this is ridiculous!" When the audience fails to respond to Marvin's
 remark this time, he taps the microphone twice, leans into it, and
 repeats, "...ridiculous."

 Solon, a drunk tough guy from the Saffron City Dojo who's sitting in the
 Pavilion's only balcony, shouts, "Present 'n awar's presenter a'ready,
 ya clown! *Hic*!" Matey, a pirate seated next to Solon for no apparent
 reason, adds, "I agree with the drunkard - on with the show." Solon
 turns to Matey, raises his fists, and asks in a gruff voice, "Who're ya
 callin' *hic* a drunk tard? Them's sounds like them's fight'n words..."
 Matey thinks fast and says, "I didn't call anyone a drunk tard. Honest!"
 Solon eyes the first mate suspiciously, then shrugs and slumps down in
 his seat, "Huh, I musta been 'earin' th'ngs."

 "Wow, I've never been heckled at an Awards show. Hmm, better add that to
 my list after the show." Marvin comments out loud, then says, "Our first
 presenter's a young girl from a Mareep farm on Route 32 in Johto. Here
 to present the Best Newcomer Award is a newcomer herself. She started
 her Pokemon Journey less than a year ago - please welcome Sarah the
 Shepherdess!"

 ---

 A sixteen-year-old blonde girl wearing a white shirt, long beige skirt,
 and leather sandals timidly approaches the podium holding a wooden crook
 as Marvin leaves it, looking down at the stage instead of at the
 audience as she walks. She's followed by a scared Flaaffy, who's body
 languages matches that of the Trainer she's following. Sarah opens her
 mouth over the microphone and she's about to speak, but when she glances
 up at the crowd, she's speechless. Her gaze immediately shoots back
 downward and it remains in that position for a while. Noticing that her
 Trainer has frozen up, the Flaaffy nudges Sarah, startling her back to
 her senses. Without looking up this time, the shy shepherdess says,
 "M-m-my... n-name's S-S-Sarah..."

 Since this is all that Sarah is able to say, some members of the
 audience start talking amongst themselves about her. Hearing this
 commotion, Luthor the megalomanical Slowpoke releases himself from
 Sarah's Lure Ball. He materializes on the podium, right in front of his
 Trainer. After five seconds of staring at the audience, his eyes grow
 wide and he looks back at Sarah, "Supergirl, I do not know how you've
 brought us here, but I commend you on a job well done! It's too bad my
 other minions aren't as helpful. I have been trying to reach the Nexus
 of Worlds for a great many years! Now all I have to do is convince these
 fools that I am their rightful emperor and I shall rule most of the, if
 not the entire, Multiverse! Bwa... ha... ha..."

 Right in the middle of his slow yet manical laugh, Sarah recalls Luthor
 into his Lure Ball. She sweatdrops and talks into the microphone with a
 clearly nervous voice, "S-sorry 'bout th-that... Uh, I-I... I'm a
 newcomer... to Trainin'... uh, Pokemon... so, so, I know h-how hard...
 hard it... It's hard to... uh, come b-brand new... uhm, to anythin',
 but... 'specially a, uh, p-place... a n-new place... er, comin' to a...
 a place wh-where you're n-new... It's, uh, hard to... to be good... at,
 uhm, doin' stuff... that old folks... er, those that've, b-been there...
 at the place... f-for a while are g-good at... doin'."

 Sarah swallows back the saliva gathering in her mouth. She's terribly
 nervous since she's improvising everything she's saying because she
 doesn't want to use the teleprompter provided by the Pokewars! Pavilion
 since she doesn't like technology at all. She tries to remember all the
 nominees for the Best Newcomer category, "So, uh... the n-n-nominees
 are... er, LordLocke... uhm, Caleb... Z-Z-Zenigame... Z-Z-Zephyr... New,
 NewHaights... Ch-ch-chet 'Tech' Weaver... uhm, and... uh..." Her eyes
 wander over to a little note she attached to the wooden staff she's
 holding, "...Lewis! And... and the w-winner is..."

 "Barbie!" Sarah exclaims.

 Newton Haights immediately stands up in the audience and comments,
 "Barbie wasn't one of the nominees."

 LordLocke stands up next and shouts, "I demand a recount!"

 "...n-no, B-Barbie's not the w-winner... B-Barbie's my Flaaffy..." Sarah
 leans down and puts her hand on her Flaaffy's head, "Where'd you put
 that envelope I gave you earlier for safekeeping, Barbie?"

 The Flaaffy uses one of her little arms to point to her mouth.

 Sarah's hazel eyes open wide and she gasps, "You didn't EAT it, did
 you?! You're a sheep Pokemon, not a goat Pokemon!"

 Barbie shakes her head.

 "Oh, that's just where you're keepin' it?  Whew!" Sarah looks down at
 Barbie's arms, "I guess it would pretty hard for you to hold an envelope
 with your tiny claws. Anyway, open up wide so I can tell these people
 who won the Best Newcomer Award!"

 Sarah's Flaaffy opens her mouth wide and says, "Aaaaaaa!" Sarah reaches
 in, pulls a small envelope out of Barbie's mouth, and stands up straight
 again. Looking down the whole time, she opens the envelope up, removes
 the card stored within, then she says, "And... the w-winner is -
 LordLocke!" Sarah procures the Pokewars! Award for Best Newcomer from
 the podium and hands it to LordLocke when he climbs up onto the stage.
 Sarah curtsies, still not looking up, and she and her Flaaffy go
 backstage.

 LordLocke speaks into the microphone on the podium, "I'm honored - thank
 you all. I didn't prepare a speech, but I'd like to thank all the
 characters who helped me get up here - Tip, Tup, Solon, Mara, and
 especially Gads. I'd also like to thank NewHaights, whose character
 interacted with Gads and Mara for a very long time. He's great and he
 deserves this Award too."

 Hearing this, Newton Haights stands and says, "Cool. Does that mean I
 can borrow the Award every few weekends or something?"

 LordLocke clutches his Best Newcomer Award tight, "No! It's mine! All
 mine!" He heads off stage and takes his seat again.

 ---

 A blue-haired dark-eyed woman dressed in a flashy low-cut blue evening
 gown and white sandals strolls across the stage, leans over the podium,
 and grabs the podium's microphone with one recently-manicured hand. She
 declares, "Hi, tonight's host was supposed to come out to introduce me,
 but I don't need some middle-aged dork with no fashion sense to say my
 name for me. I'm Marcia, a nurse's assistant in the Violet City Pokemon
 Center. You might think that's a thankless job with no room for
 advancement for people who aren't part of the 'Nurse Joy' clan, and if
 you do, you're right, but I like it. Not only do I get to heal all sorts
 of Pokemon, physically and mentally, I help make people happy. It's
 really a step up from my last job."

 Matey feels safe from his post up in the balcony, so he makes a snide
 remark to the drunken fighter next to him, "And what job was that? Five
 dollar ho? She sure is dressed for the part." Solon squints his eyes,
 "Ye'h, all *hic* two of 'em are!"

 Even though Matey and Solon spoke quietly, Marcia's keen sense of
 hearing allowed her to hear their remarks. She narrows her eyes, pulls a
 Pokeball out of her dress, and drops it on the stage. A Crobat emerges.
 Marcia raises one index finger, slowly slides one long blue fingernail
 across her own neck, and points up at the balcony. "Bat," Marcia's
 Crobat flies up to the balcony where Solon and Matey are seated and
 starts to Attack them with his Wings, slapping them on behalf of his
 Trainer.

 As Marcia's Crobat mercilessly beats the hecklers, Marcia continues her
 presentation, "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, my
 current job's much better than my last job and I've come to believe that
 what life's all about is constantly improving one's self. Tonight I'm
 here to present the Pokewars! Award for Most Improved Writer. The
 nominees are... oh crap, I forgot to memorize the nominee's names. I'll
 just read from the teleprompter." Marcia looks up at the telemprompter
 and reads, "'That was an amazingly hilarious joke, Marv'? You actually
 expected me to say that? Just skip ahead to the nominees."

 Marcia crosses her arms, waits for the teleprompter to list out the
 nominees, and then reads, "The nominees are Areku, Meeko, Dan,
 Hedgehogey, Shimarisu, Zenigame, NewHaights, Karnivax, Mushboom, Yoda,
 Dryad, Zephyr, and JoE. Geeze, haven't you Pokewars! people ever heard
 of primaries?" She reaches into her low-cut dress, pulls out a small
 envelope, opens it up, takes out the piece of paper within, and
 announces, "The winner is Yoda." Marcia pulls out the Pokewars! Award
 for Most Improved Writer. Yoda walks onto the stage, takes his Award
 from Marcia, and walks back to his seat. When Marcia and her Crobat head
 off the stage, Matey's out cold and Solon's angrily demanding a rematch
 at the Saffron Dojo.

 Marvin steps back into the spotlight around the podium for a moment and
 says, "Here to present the Award for Best Rivalry is someone even meaner
 than the last presenter - my very own rival, Diva the Smoochum from
 Goldenrod's 'Fire and Ice' show!"

 ---

 A Magcargo crawls onto the stage and slowly works his way towards the
 podium on center stage. An angry little Smoochum riding on his back
 slaps the side of his Rock hard shell repeatedly and hops up and down on
 his back in hopes of getting him to speed up until he finally arrives at
 the podium. There, the Smoochum pulls an envelope off of his shell,
 leaps onto the podium, and speaks directly into the microphone, "Hi,
 all, I'm Diva, Pokemon Superstar! I can't believe they gave Marvin this
 hosting gig over me. I'm much more qualified, much more dignified, and
 most importantly, much more pleasant!"

 In response to Diva's last comment, the Magcargo below her asks,
 "Caaaaarg?!"

 "IT'S TRUE! DON'T MAKE ME BEAT THE TRUTH INTO YOU!" Diva glares at 
 her Magcargo, then turns her attention back to the audience, "A rival's a
 mean dork who's trying to achieve the same or similar goal you are and
 is just a plain pain in your butt. You tend to get into fights with your
 rival, whether they be Pokemon battles, fist fights, or slanderfests.
 Your rival tends to get his stupid Dittos to help him with his magic
 tricks, making you and your retarded Magcargo look bad in comparison!
 Your rival's an idiot who's always smiling, and who one-upped you once 
 again to become host of one of the big-" The Smoochum's tirade is cut 
 short when Marvin covers her mouth with one hand while he restrains her 
 tiny flailing body with the other.

 Marvin reads off the teleprompter, "The nominees for Best Rivalry are:
 Randy and his brother, Candi and Sarah Jane, Smasher and Lasher, Shard
 and Kyle Richter, Insanellama and his brother and Monk-Chan vs. Gads's
 pain killers..."

 Just then, Diva bites Marvin's hand, causing her rival to let go and
 grasp his own hand in pain. The Smoochum snarls into the microphone, "It
 wasn't insulting enough that you're the host of this show, you also want
 to present the only Award I was asked to present?! Well, guess what -
 it's not gonna happen!" She bites open the envelope in her hand with her
 teeth, pulls out a small card, and says, "The winners of Best Rivalry
 are Shard and Kyle Richter. THIS SUCKS! I wanted to win the award!"

 Marvin's furrows his brow, "...but you weren't even nominated."

 "You just had to rub it in, didn't you?!" Diva narrows her eyes, pulls
 out the Pokewars! Award for Best Rivalry, and glances around, "Why
 hasn't Kyle or Shard come up? Are they outside the Pavilion fighting to
 see who gets to take the award home?"

 "No," Karnivax says from his seat in the front row, looking down at a
 laptop on his lap. He puts his laptop aside and stands up. As he walks
 up to the stage he explains, "Shard's been dead for years, but only just
 recently left to the great beyond. Kyle, the character I wrote for, was
 brutally mauled to death by the wrist-blades of a cybernetically
 enhanced dinosaur then his corpse was scorched right down to the bones
 by a Fire Blast attack. Seeing as how Shard's author's gone, I'll just
 take that award, thank you."

 Both Marvin and Diva have their mouths wide open. The moment Karnivax
 pulls the Best Rivalry Award from Diva's hands, she manages to snap out
 of her shocked state and asks, "...how can you talk about Kyle's
 terrible death so coldly? I'm an Ice Pokemon - I know cold when I see
 it."

 "Eh, Kyle Richter was just holding me back." Karnivax shrugs and speaks
 into the microphone on the podium, "Snapdragon's the wave of the future!
 Just check out http://velox.waha1.com/ and you'll agree." He heads back
 down to his seat.

 As Diva's Magcargo slowly carries her offstage, Marvin remains in shock.
 Xerox the purple Ditto oozes onto the stage and sighs. She Transforms
 into Marvin, then reads Marvin's lines off the teleprompter, "Hey,
 folks, did you ever hear the one about the Gym Leader, the Pokemon
 Trainer, and the twelve inch Wooper?" At that moment, Xerox pauses to
 read ahead, then shudders and decides to ad-lib, "If you have not, then
 consider yourself fortunate. Presenting the Award for Best Couple is
 Splash." Xerox grabs one of Marvin's arms and drags him backstage,
 passing a blonde teenager who's headed onto the stage.

 ---

 "Hi!" Splash waves as he walks towards the podium, then drools slightly
 as he gazes out at an audience filled with Murasakis.

 "I'm here to present the best couple award... But I already know who
 that is. In fact, who ELSE could it be besides Murasaki and me? So,
 there's no need to bother reading the nominations, just hand me and
 Murasaki our prize."

 "God," Hito thought as she peaked out from behind the curtain. "How can
 someone who looks just like Forest be so stupid?"

 "Where's my prize?" Splash asks, looking around. "Aren't you going to
 give it to me?"

 "That's it," Hito says as she runs onto the stage and snatches the
 envelope containing the winner from Splash.

 "Murasaki!" Splash cries and embraces Hito.

 Hito ignores him, choosing instead to read the nominations for best
 couple. "First up we have "Robert and Rilli!"

 "Yay!" The audience cheers.

 "Seth and Aerie!"

 "Yay!" The audience cheers.

 "Nicky and Kelly!"

 "Yay!" The audience cheers.

 "Murasaki and Kiniro!"

 "No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Splash cries out in a rage. "I'm Murasaki's
 significant other! Not that stupid Kiniro! Right, Murasaki?"

 "Uh ... right..." Hito humors Splash before continuing to read the
 nominations.

 "Randy and Lisa!"

 "Yay!" The audience cheers.

 "Simon Trent and Laura Dark!"

 "Yay!" The audience cheers.

 "Billy and Ri!"

 "Yay!" The audience cheers.

 "And the winner is..." Hito opens the envelope, "Robert and Rilli!"

 Mithril-rama, also known as Rilli, is sitting in the audience wearing a
 black evening dress, eagerly awaiting Robert's presentation. She stands
 and approaches the stage. After Hito hands her the Best Couple Award,
 she says, "I wasn't aware that Robert and I were being spied on and all
 of our intimate moments were being scrutinized by a bunch of people
 online - but I'm glad you voyeuristic perverts think we're the best
 couple anyhow. Thanks!" She heads back to her seat with and awaits the
 host to return, but he doesn't...

 Solon, still drunk and missing his fellow heckler, Matey, who's still
 out cold from Marcia's Crobat's Wing Attack, shouts, "HEY! Whar's th'
 beef? Er, I *hic* mean whar's th' host?"

 [Meanwhile, in Marvin's dressing room]

 "Maybe I shoulds slap him with my Ekans?"

 "That is simply inappropriate and rude."

 "WHAT? I like, totally thinks it'll work!" Famifax tells her sister. She
 is Transformed into Britney Spearow dressed in skimpy tan clothing and a
 purple Ekans is on her neck.

 Xerox, still disguised as Marvin, peeks out into the hallway and sees
 Jason Bard, who's waiting by a light switch for his cue. Xerox calls out
 in Marvin's voice, "You're up!"

 ---

 [On the stage of the Pokewars! Pavilion]

 The lights dim for a minute. Colored lights on stage reveal the figures
 of a man and four pokemon holding instruments. A deep bass beat starts
 up and the five of them begin to wind for a song. A Chansey waddles on
 stage, almost tripping over himself, frantically giving the cutoff
 signal. The music stops abruptly. The man and the Chansey converse for a
 minute. Then, the man steps away from his microphone and up to the
 podium.

 Jason Bard: Heh, sorry about that folks. Seems when I got the call to be
 a part of the awards program, it wasn't for the music part. In my
 opinion, you're really missing out. (random laughter) But, you've got
 Aerosmith instead so I guess you're not too worse off.

 The last three words drowned out by cheering. Aerosmith raise their
 glasses from the snack table.

 Jason: Anyway, I'm Jason Bard. (mild cheering) And this is my pokémon
 band. (cheering) And I am here to present...what is it again?

 DJ the Chansey: WE are here to present the awards for the Best Duo/Trio
 in the PW! (applause)

 Jason: And it's not gonna be an easy choice neither. The number one
 group has to hold true to many qualities.

 Wolfgang the Machamp: They will have to be talented and skilled in what
 they do, even if it's buggering up.

 Rivet the Charmeleon: These guys'll have ta bounce off each other,
 bringing out each's best traits and abilities, and possibly even their
 worst ones.

 Ella the Jynx: They'll have ta be funny, too. Cause that's what
 everybody loves, right?

 Miami the Marowak: And these dudes'll have to know how to par-tay!!
 (cheers from the male-college age portion of the crowd)

 DJ: And last, but not least, they have to make really interesting
 stories. The nominees are Marvin 'n the Ditto Sisters - Nicky, Kelly,
 and Ivysore - Sarah Jane, Cuddles, and Spunky - Murasaki, Kiniro, and
 Sneakers - Lewis, Mike, and Bridget -
 Gads, Mara, and Andrew - Trent/Simon and Simon/Laura - Simon and Trent -
 Smasher, Ema, and Morgan - and Felix and Kirsty.

 Jason: So, without further ado, the winner of the Best Duo or Trio Award
 is... (opens envelope) Marvin and the Ditto Sisters!

 [Marvin's dressing room]

 Marvin immediately snaps out of his dazed state and smiles, "I win?! We
 won?! WE WON! WE WON!" He grabs Famifax's hand with one hand and Xerox's
 hand with the other and races down the wings onto the stage.

 [The Pokewars! Pavilion's Auditorium]

 When Marvin arrives on center stage and bows towards the audience, Xerox
 and Famifax are forced to as well since he's holding onto them. Many
 members of the audience applaud as Marvin grabs his Award and he
 exclaims, "Thank you! Thank you very much!", even though the the
 majority of the applause was issued by young men who caught a glimpse of
 Famifax's cleavage when she bowed. Marvin says, "I couldn't have won
 this Award if it weren't for the Pokemon I think of as family - the
 Ditto Sisters, Xerox and Famifax!" He kisses the Marvin look-alike on
 one cheek and the Britney Spearow duplicate on the other.

 "Like, can I dance NOW, Marvy?" Famifax asks Marvin, making a puppy
 Growlithe face, "I'm so happy I jus' gotsta boogy down!"

 Both Marvins reply together in the same tone of voice, "Oh, all right."
 The Marvins head to opposite sides of the stage.

 For the next five minutes, Famifax does her best impression of Britney
 Spearow, dancing around the stage playing with the Ekans resting on her
 neck. She gyrates around and wiggles just about every part of her body
 as she sings her rendition of Britney Spearow's song, "I'm a Slave 4
 Silph." Throughout the performance, members of the audience applaud the
 Ditto's great impression, until she finishes and heads backstage with
 Xerox.

 Marvin steps up to the podium, his face covered with sweatdrops, "That
 was very... nice, Famifax. Isn't she talented, folks?"

 A winged man cloaked in darkness sitting towards the back of the
 audience mutters, "Heh, 'talented' indeed."

 Marvin stares off into the crowd for a moment, Famifax's song and dance
 still on his mind, then says, "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to talk now. Duos
 and Trios sometimes lead to the formation of Teams, groups of
 individuals gathered to achieve a common goal. Here to present the Award
 for Best Team is a member of PW's own Bomb Ball Bashers - please welcome
 Andrew O'Reilly!"

 Andrew O'Reilly walks onto the stage and clears his throat as Marvin
 heads off to the side of the stage again.

 ---

 Andrew: Eh, heh, hrrm...yeah.  Teams.  This might possibly be the most
 important award presented tonight. Because, if you think about it, the
 entire body of authors and characters, both present and absent tonight,
 is a team in itself, united in the common goal that is an interactive
 fanfic. But I digress. I, myself, happen to be a part of an excellent
 team --

 Andy Renev: YEAH DREW!

 Enimuram sighs in embarrassment.

 Andrew: ...uh, thanks, Andy... an excellent team, and although it is not
 a nominee --

 Andy: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 Enimuram: Andy, will you SHUT it?

 Andrew:  --uh, quite frankly, heh, it's a team that I couldn't be more
 proud to be in.

 Andy: GO BASHERS, GO BASHERS, GO - GO - GO BASHERS!

 Andrew scowls at Andy, then looks at the audience again.

 Andrew: Yes, that's right...

 Andrew rips off his shirt, revealing a shirt with an OPIUM logo.

 Andrew: [crazed] I'VE BEEN AN OPIATE ALL ALONG!  ALL THOSE PW! STORIES
 ABOUT ME HANGING WITH GADS WERE LIES!  I'VE BEEN SPYING ON YOU
 MAG-LOVING FANATICS FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS, AND NOW I'VE GOT ALL I NEED
 TO SHUT YOU DOWN FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHA...

 The faint sound of "wigglyyyyy..." approaches from the back of the
 audience...

 Andrew: "HAHAHAHAHAhuh?"

 "...yyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYY" *SPLAT*

 The force of the Wigglytuff knocks Andrew to the ground, and the goo
 sticks him to the floor. Newton Haights comes on stage holding a
 Wigglytuff Launcher and stands behind the podium.  He holsters his
 Launcher.

 Newton Haights: Aah, I knew I was gonna need this eventually.
 Uh...we're definitely gonna need a janitor for that...eerg. Anyway, the
 nominees for Best Team are Anti Team Rocket, the
 formerly-known-as-the-Mt. Moon Crew, Team Rocket, Pokemon Detective
 Agency (PODA), The Pokemon Resistance, and The Pokémon Pack. And the
 winner is -- Anti Team Rocket! Anti Team Rocket? Are there any ATR
 members left in the PW!?"

 Once again, Yoda silently walks onto the stage, claims the Best Team
 Award, and walks back to his seat without saying anything. Newton
 Haights shrugs, steps over Andrew's goo-covered body, and heads back to
 his seat in silence as well. Quite a few crewmembers of the Barely
 Floating Piece of Crap, except Matey, who's still unconscious, and
 Captain Hole, who's backstage practicing for his upcoming presentation,
 pile onto the stage. Some use brooms to sweep the stage and others heft
 Andrew into their arms. After they clean up the mess, all of the pirates
 leave the stage, leaving Marvin alone on it once again.

 Marvin steps behind the podium and lectures, "Why are all you authors so
 violent with your characters? I don't know what's worse - subjecting
 your own character to death at the hands of a dinosaur or blasting your
 own character with a Wigglytuff Launcher! I shudder to think what
 horrible fate my author's thinking up for me at this very moment..."

 [Backstage, Rob's dressing room]

 "Hmm, should I give Marvin a girlfriend?" Rob ponders for a moment, then
 says, "Nahhh." He stands up, "I'd better go out there to make sure
 everything's running smoothly."

 [Back on the stage]

 Marvin literally shudders, then announces, "Here to present the Award
 for Best Event is a duo that showed up at every single PW! event of 2001
 - all two of them - Travis Backwater and Becky Thornbird!" He heads
 backstage, passing the two child presenters on the way.

 ---

 As Rob heads to the front row to watch the awards show, a purple haired
 teenager and an eleven year old blackbelt take the stage. Becky's
 dressed in a tasteful blue evening gown, though she looks uncomfortable
 in it, and Travis is dressed in a black tuxedo.

 Becky, in a hurry to get this over with so that she can resume her
 normal costume, arrives at the podium well ahead of Travis, who's taking
 his time as is his way. Becky glances over to the telepompter and sees
 that Travis has the first line. Looking back for her traveling
 companion, Becky sighs in disgust, Travis has stopped mid-stride and is
 striking up a conversation with one of the two pretty Trophy girls, who
 are actually the Ditto Sisters in disguise. Becky stomps over to where
 he is, grabs Travis by the arm and drags him to the podium, stamping her
 foot imperiously as Travis gives her a long suffering look, their antics
 drawing a few giggles from those assembled in the audience.

 Travis turns his attention to the teleprompter and begins to read his
 lines. "In the world of PokeWars! nothing brings the community of
 creators together faster or better than a good Event."

 "A good Event can be anything." Becky takes up, relieved at being able
 to carry on. "Whether it be for Comedy, or Drama, Suspense, or earth
 altering occurrences, an Event brings interaction above and beyond what
 normally occurs."

 "There have been many Events in the history of PokeWars!, but the
 academy has chosen six Events that drew special merit...."

 "Were we in any of them?" Becky interrupts.

 "No, we have only been in three, if you include this one we're in right
 now, and they were all, especially this one, too recent to be
 considered." Travis answers the girl.

 "Oh." Becky replies sounding disappointed. "I like Events." She stated
 before Travis could go on. "I wish more eventful stuff would happen to
 us."

 "'Be careful what you wish for.'" Travis quotes. Before he can complete
 the axiom, though, a red light suddenly appears from Becky's hip. "'You
 just may get it.'" Travis finishes as the red light coalesces into
 Mystery, Becky's Weezing.

 "Mystery, what do you think you're doing?" Becky cries, embarrassed by
 the Weezing crashing the awards show. Pulling the pokeball off of her
 hidden belt that the pokemon had just released itself from, Becky points
 it at Mystery and orders, "Return!"

 But Mystery has other plans in mind. It dodges the red return beam and
 cries in a much more feminine voice than others of her kind, "Weezing!
 Weez Zing!"

 "The nominees for Best Pokemon Event are..." Travis goes on, unperturbed
 by the sudden appearance of the pokemon and Becky's increasingly angry
 attempts to recall it. As the normally obedient pokemon begins circling
 the podium and the two presenters, Travis continues, "Counter Earth."

 As a screen shows a brief highlight of the story he's named, Mystery
 puffs up and blows dark smoke out of her body. The audience all cover
 their faces in anticipation of the horrid smell, then gasp in surprise.
 Instead of the stench of a Smog attack, the black smoke dissipates
 inches away from the Weezing's body and the smell of fresh baked
 cinnamon buns fills the Pavilion.

 "The Pokemon League Games" Travis goes on right on cue, as again Mystery
 puffs up her body and, still dodging Becky's frantic attempts to recall
 her, sends out another black cloud which dissipates this time into the
 smell of apple pie. People begin to applaud, though whether it's due to
 the highlights showing on the screen or the odd performance of the
 Weezing is unsure.

 "Big P Pokemon Race" Travis announces as Mystery sends the smell of
 pineapple.

 "Pokemon Island:" Is announced accompanied by a scent of roses.

 "Pokéstock '99.' Is greeted with the smell of a baking cake.

 "And The P1 Events" Travis completes the list. The smell Mystery puts
 out this time is unidentifiable, but as soon as the scent wafts over the
 audience, pokemon begin releasing themselves throughout the Pavilion.
 "Sweet Scent!" one of the pokemon professors in attendance cries out.
 "That Weezing is using Sweet Scent!"

 Looking inordanantly pleased with herself, Mystery finally stops long
 enough for Becky to recall her. As people in the audience also recall
 their own pokemon, Travis states drolly, "Well that certainly was
 eventful." Drawing chuckles and groans for the pun.

 Becky, looking frazzled and out of sorts,  shoots him a withering stare.
 But before she can hit him with a scathing retort, one of the trophy
 girls walks out on stage and hands her an envelope. Becky looks off
 stage and sees Rob, the director of the awards show, frantically
 motioning her to continue. Reading the instructions off the telepormpt,
 Becky tears open the envelope and states "And the winner in the Best
 Event category is The Pokemon League Games! So, who takes home the
 award? Everyone who participated in that event?"

 Lance the Dragon Master leaps onto the stage, "I'll claim the Award -
 not because I'm the Pokemon League Champion, but for Sirius, who's my
 son somehow even though he's only a few years younger than me. Isn't PW!
 continuity, or should I say non-continuity, great? Sirius coordinated
 the Pokemon Leage Games, so he deserves the Award, but since he's not
 here, I'll keep it for him at the NC Azure Heights in case he ever comes
 back to the Pokewars!" Lance grabs the Best Event Award from Becky and
 leaps back into his seat.

 [Backstage, Adam "Smasher" Samson and Keaton are standing next to each
 other]

 Smasher:  All right!  I'm up!  Best Fight is mine, all mine!

 Keaton:  Would be better if you were actually winning it... and why
 aren't you dressed formally?

 Smasher:  Back off, furball!  This IS my formal wear.  Now, if you'll
 excuse me I have an award to present.

 [Smasher gets on his skateboard and rides on stage]

 Travis and Becky leave the stage as a young man wearing a Marowak helmet
 skateboards onto the stage before Marvin can come out to present him and
 performs extreme skateboard moves as the crowd "ooo"s and "aaa"s. Just
 backstage, Marvin frowns as he hears the noises, wishing he could get
 similar reactions with his jokes and magic shows.

 ---

 [Meanwhile, in the Green Room]

 "Heya Demieo.  Lookin' cheerful fer a change."  Captain Alexander Samuel
 Steven Hole is reclining in one of the chairs in the Green Room as
 Demieo shuffles in, still clad in his old pirate outfit.  For a moment,
 the writer-turned-award-show-stagehand's eyes are considerably larger
 than normal, but he quickly regains his rather-impassive resolve.

 "Um... heya Captain."  Demieo's expression sours a bit.  "What are you
 doing here, sir? The audience members aren't supposed to be backstage
 during the show."

 "I'm here presentin' some award. Funniest Character', me thinks... o'
 somethin' like that. Since so many of me old crew seems to be here
 helpin' out with the show, or sittin' out in the audience, I guess I can
 also make my other announcement, too."

 "Other... announcement?"  Demieo's expression goes from mildly
 disinterested to extremely wary.

 "Well, I came to announce that me old ship won't sail no more.  The
 Barely Floating Piece of Crap has seen it's last voyage."  Captain Hole
 solemnly looks at the floor.

 "Oh."  Demieo's face lights up like a Christmas tree.  "So... sad.
 Well, you're on a little later, so get ready.  And remember, funniest
 character, so don't be too down out there."

 "I'll remember that, mate.  Give the best o' luck to the rest of me
 crew."

 "Ok, Captain."  With that, Demieo goes out to spread the good news among
 the other crew members.  The Barely Floating Piece of Crap would terror
 the seas, and their lives, no more!

 ---

 [Back on the stage, Smasher stops at the podium and lays his board on
 top of it.]

 Rob: Give it up for Adam "Smasher" Samson, everyone! He's here to
 present Best Fight.

 [The audience applauds for quite some time]

 Smasher:  You know, it's only fitting that someone as extreme as myself
 to present the award for Best Fight, (Although it'd be more fitting for
 me to WIN the award...) 'cause I so know what extreme is!  The Best
 Fight has just gotta be an extreme one, or it's nothin'!  It's gotta be
 big!  It's gotta be explosive!  It's gotta be a classic, knock-down,
 drag out battle!  You can't just take 'im down in one hit, baby!  You
 gotta feel the tension!  You gotta feel the pain!  You gotta feel the
 righteousness of victory and the agony of defeat!  It's gotta be
 spectacular!

 [Smasher holds up the envelope]

 Smasher:  In my hand is the battle that comes as close as we can to
 embodying all of these things.  But before we can learn who wins, you
 gotta know who it ground into the dirt!  And the nominees are Sirius vs
 Saber (Bumrush and Betrayal) - Rumble on the water field, Mike vs. Gads
 - Caleb and that crazy guy, that ex S whatever - Sarah Jane vs. Lance
 (or more specifically, Cuddles vs the Dragonite) - Fight between Team
 Rocket, Saffron Gym/Dojo, and the Resistance - Shard Vs. Misty (She
 Blinded Me With Psyduck!) - Vorge Vs. Everyone, Dreadite vs Trent,
 Panopticon and Proteus Vs. Doppler and Silly Putty, Tiki versus his
 brain, and Usage of Game Enhancers..."

 [Smasher opens the envelope]

 Smasher:  And the winner is... Sarah Jane vs. Lance!

 Lance leaps onstage to claim the Award, but when just about everyone who
 enjoyed the battle "boos" him since he was clearly neither the winner
 nor the author of the amazing duel, he quickly leaps back off in the
 same manner, cloaking himself with his cape. Continue, Sarah Jane's
 author's writing companion, heads onstage, claims the Award for her, and
 says, "Time Lady couldn't be here since she's mourning the death of
 Chuck Jones, but I'll give this award to her next time I see her!" He
 then heads back to his seat.

 Smasher waves one last time at the audience then skateboards backstage
 into Chet Tech Weaver's dressing room, where almost all of his author's
 characters are gathered.

 [Chet "Tech" Weaver, dressed as his self-titled character, adjusts his
 gloves.]

 Chet:  I can't believe I'm putting this on again.  Seems like I
 abandoned this character years ago.

 [Chet looks around and sees that Smasher, Kitsu, Keaton, Lynkeru, and
 Yolei are all present and accounted for, yet something seems to be
 missing.]

 Chet:  Hey, where's Valerie?

 Smasher: Who?

 Chet: My female sidekick from the Poke-X-mon series.  She's supposed to
 be here by now.

 Lynkeru:  Oh, yeah.  Some guy named Roachman called and said they're
 going to be a little late bringing her over.

 Chet: "Roachman?"  Who's... Aw, no... He shouldn't be coming here!  It
 could cause a riot!

 Yolei:  I don't think you have time to worry about a riot, bossman.
 You're going to be on soon!

 Chet:  What?  Dang it!  Where are they?

 Voice: Over here!

 [Chet looks over to see, hidden in shadow, a humanoid roach in a hunched
 stance, a lady with a flower on her head and insect wings, and a little
 girl.]

 Chet: You brought them over, too?  This is a disaster!

 Roachman:  Chill out, dude.  We brought the dame over from cold storage.

 Chet: Excellent.  Where is she?

 [A large stasis pod slides out from the shadows.]

 Chet:  Dammit, you were supposed to unfreeze her, THEN send her over!

 FlowerLady: See?  I told you.

 Roachman:  Whatever.  At least she's here, right?

 [Chet opens the pod and a heavy mist billows out.  He helps a very limp
 and semi-conscious Valerie out of the pod.]

 Chet:  Well, I guess she's presentable...

 Valerie: [weakly]  where... am I...?

 Chet: We're at the PW! Awards, and it's almost time for us to present
 the award for Most Dramatic Post.  Your lines are written on cue cards,
 so you don't have to worry too much about not knowing what they are.
 Are you up to it?

 Valerie:  I... I guess... but last I remember we were in a forest or
 something...

 Chet:  Yeah, I kinda... stopped writing for us...  C'mon, let's go!  You
 three, get out of here!

 Valerie: Wait!  What?

 [Chet drags Valerie to the green room, followed by Adam "Smasher"
 Samson.]

 Little Girl:  You look familiar...

 Yolei:  Who, me?

 [In the Green Room]

 Valerie:  So you stopped writing for me, and put me in a stasis pod?
 Why not just let me go?

 Chet:  Because I thought I might need you later.

 Valerie:  But you stopped writing for Smasher.  Why not put him in
 stasis?

 Chet:  That's different!  Smasher was past, we were future! When the
 split timeline thing was dumped,  Smasher needed to age before I could
 bring him into current continuity!

 Smasher:  Not necessarily, but I appreciate it anyway.

 Chet:  You're not helping.  And why are you still here?

 Smasher:  'Cause this is more interesting than anything else I could do
 at this hour.

 [Back in Chet "Tech" Weaver's dressing room]

 Lynkeru: C'mon, Yolei, we need to get on stage.

 Yolei:  Are you sure you wanna wear that Arabian outfit?

 Lynkeru:  This fits my character, and it's no worse than the outfit
 you're "wearing."

 Yolei:  Well, I, er... Let's just go.

 ---

 [On the Pokewars! Pavilion's stage]

 Marvin: And now, presenting the Award for Funniest Writer -  Lynkeru and
 Yolei Hernandez!

 [Yolei and Lynkeru walk on stage as Marvin leaves.]

 Lynkeru: What...?

 Yolei:  So, Lynkeru, here we are to present the Award for Funniest
 Write....

 Lynkeru:  Timing!

 Yolei:  Lynkeru... You're not supposed to say that yet....

 Lynkeru:  Oops.  Can we start that over?

 Yolei:  No... What the heck happened?

 Lynkeru:  That announcement just distracted me.  It kinda sounded like
 we were being introduced as sisters, and we're not.

 Yolei:  Or like we're married now that I think about it...

 Lynkeru: ...

 Yolei: ...  Which we're not...

 Lynkeru: ...

 Yolei: ...

 Lynkeru: ....

 Yolei:... Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 Lynkeru: ...

 Yolei:  I mean, homosexuals marrying each other, not me being married to
 you...

 Lynkeru: ...

 Yolei: ... Not that it would be a bad thing....

 Lynkeru: ...

 Yolei:  ...  Not that I would actually...

 Lynkeru:  We get it already!  Just read the nominees...

 Yolei:  And the nominees for Funniest Writer are Raven, RobfromVoid,
 Bandraptor, and Shard Fields.

 Lynkeru: And the winner is...

 Yolei:  ... If I WERE gay, which I'm NOT, being married to you wouldn't
 seem like a bad idea, but I'm not gay so ...

 Lynkeru:  Just shut up!  I get it! ... And the winner is... Rob!

 [Rob heads onto the stage and receives the Award for Funniest Writer
 from Lynkeru]

 Rob: [looks up at the blaring spotlight pointed straight at him] Uhm...
 I think that if I said any joke whatsoever in this circumstance, it
 would just end up disappointing everyone, so I'll just say thanks and
 present the next presenter. Please welcome Captain Alexander Samuel
 Steven Hole, who's here to present Funniest Character!

 ---

 Captain Alexander Samuel Steven Hole comes strolling in with grand
 style.  His dingy pirate outfit has been traded for a sequined
 old-styled captain's jacket, with a rhinestone-laden red vest
 underneath.  Sitting upon the Captain's head is his large hat, but even
 it's dingy yellow feather has been replaced with a brand-new Zapdos
 plume (How the Captain got THAT, the world may never know).  
 Accompanying his entrance is a new-age, upbeat version of "A Pirate's Life
 For Me."  Quite the pleasing spectacle.  All in all, for once, Captain A.S.S. 
 Hole made a good initial impression.

 Too bad it wouldn't last.  As soon as he reaches the podium, the host
 offers him a microphone.  Holding out his hand, Captain Hole shakes his
 head, then reaches into his coat.  "No thanks.  I brought me own." And
 with that, he produces The Biggest Damn Megaphone You Ever Did See(TM).
 Taking a deep breath, Captain Hole prepares to go into his speech.

 "HELLO, ALL YOU HAPPY PEOPLE!"

 The front rows of the audience become "Earbleed section" due to the
 extremely-loud noise of Captain Hole YELLING into his massive megaphone.
 Those who are in the nosebleed seats in the back suddenly don't feel so
 bad about where they're sitting.

 "I'VE COME TODAY TO PRESENT TH' AWARD FOR FUNNIEST CHARACTER!  HOW ABOUT
 THAT, MATE?  BUT FIRST, AN ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ME CREW, WHO'S WORKIN' THE
 SHOW AN' SITTIN' IN DA AUDIENCE TODAY!"

 Off stage, Demieo smiles.  His greatest dream is about to come true in
 5... 4... 3... 2...

 Captain Hole's voice sinks, making his Megaphone-enhanced voice only
 slightly loud.  "Me ship, The Barely Floating Piece of Crap, sank
 recently off the coast of Olivine.  'twas a sad day, surely, for all ye
 seafairing voyagers in the audience."

 There's some scoffing among the former crew, but for the most part, it's
 quiet.

 "But not all hope is lost.  I managed to collect the insurance money and
 buy meself a new ship!  So, me former crewmen, ye once again have
 employment!  The S.S. Rock Bottom sets sail in one week's time!"

 [Just offstage]

 Demieo just stands there, gaping.  A new ship?  No... NO!  This had to
 end!  Turning around, Demieo looks around for the nearest crew member.
 Although he never really talked to anybody while on the ship, prefering
 to keep to himself, the other crewmen would rally around him for this
 purpose.  After a moment, he finds Jones over by the controls for the
 music cues.

 "Jones!  Come here!"  The small, rotund man waddles over to Demieo.

 "Yes, Demieo?"

 "I need you to go out into the audience and find the members of the crew
 out there.  Tell them that we're going to do a slightly revised 'Captain
 Remover Beta.'  Tell them to execute when the lights go out."

 "Aye Demieo!  We shall not let Captain torment the high seas, or us,
 again!"

 [Back on the stage]

 "NOW, ONTO TH' AWARD!"  Captain Hole's voice rises back into the
 eardrum-destroying range.  THIS AWARD IS FOR A CHARACTER WHO'S A REAL
 'CHARACTER'- ONE WHO'S CONTINUED TO AMUSE AND ENTERTAIN US, AND IT
 DOESN' MATTER IF THEY LIKE IT OR NOT.  YA HEAR THAT, YA GOOFY SLOWPOKE
 WANNA-BE VILLIAN- NOBODY TAKES YA SERIOUSLY!"

 "How DARE you!  I'll destroy you where you stand, you misbegotten sea
 rat!"  In the audience, Luthor waves one paw in righteous fury.

 "YA WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TO TRY, YA NITWIT, AND YA WOULDN'T BE THE
 FIRST TO FAIL!"

 "We'll see about that..."  Luthor quickly (for a Slowpoke) begins to
 think of a clever scheme.

 "ANYWAY, THEY MIGHT NOT BE POLITICALLY CORRECT, THEY MIGHT NOT BE
 CHARACTERS OF HIGH MORAL FIBER, BUT THEN AGAIN, WHO'D WANT 'EM THAT
 WAY?"  Most of the audience roars in approval, despite the bleeding
 ears.  "THEY MAKE US LAUGH, AN' THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.  AND SO, THE
 NOMINEES ARE..."

 "MARVIN, THE MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MAGICIAN THAT EVER EXISTED!"

 "LUTHOR, THE POKEMON SUPERVILLIAN THAT IS NEITHER SUPER NOR MUCH OF A
 VILLIAN"

 "SHARD FIELDS, WHO'S JUST... WEIRD!"

 Marvin slouches down from his vantage point on the side of the stage,
 the "praise" coming from Captain Hole making him feel more then a little
 embarrassed.  Luthor, however, is oddly silent.  Perhaps it's because
 he's concentrating more on a small object he's just tossed onto the
 stage.

 "ARR, A MOTLEY CREW, I SUPPOSE!  ANYWAYS, THE WINNER IS- OH LOOK, A BAG
 OF DUBLOONS!"

 With that, the lights go out.  In the darkness, the sounds of a large
 number of weapons either being fired or thrown are heard.  After that,
 silence reigns for a few moments.  One can even hear the sound of a
 Slowpoke giggling like a madman.  Offstage, tentatively, Jones slowly
 eases back on the lights.

 "BAH, THEY'RE FAKES!"  Captain Hole stands back up, biting down a
 dubloon.  Grumbling, he took the bag of coins and threw it offstage.
 Behind him, several bulletholes, harpoons, and burn marks 'decorate' the
 set.  There's even a Wigglytuff stuck in the floorboards, legs flailing
 in midair.

 "AS I WAS SAYING, THE WINNER IS..."

 *BOOM!*

 Offstage, a large explosion occurs, in the general area where Captain
 Hole threw the bag of fake coins.  Somewhere in the audience, a Slowpoke
 cursed his ill fortune.  In the offstage area where the coins had been
 thrown, Demieo cursed his, as well.  That is, between the groans of
 pain.

 "AHEM!  AS I WAS SAYING YET AGAIN, THE WINNER IS... LUTHOR!"

 Captain Hole removes the Award for Funniest Character from behind the
 podium, and Luthor concentrates. The Slowpoke, angry that he won an
 Award implying that his actions are humorous, uses his telekinetic
 powers to raise the Award out of Captain Hole's hands. He's about to
 hurl the blunt object onto the back of his head, in hopes of knocking
 him out cold, when Captain Hole grins, "Arrr, I see ya got it, me bucko!
 I'll be takin' me leave, then!" Captain Hole turns around and heads
 backstage just in time to avoid getting hit by the Award, which falls
 into the first row, right into Rob's hands.

 Walking backstage, Captain Hole passes by a singed, weeping Demieo.
 "Now, now, I know yer happy about the new ship, but you might wanna
 clean up that mess on stage before the next presentation.  Nice special
 effects, Demieo, too bad everybody missed them when the lights went
 out.  Ye sure ain't good at this job.  Bet it'll be a relief when ye get
 back on the high seas wit me, eh?  Well, see ya later, me boyo."

 For a moment, Demieo just watches dumbstruck as Captain Hole walks
 past.  Then, he begins crying anew as he grabs some brooms.  "It just
 isn't fair.  It's just not FAIR!  What have I done that's so WRONG that
 I deserve this fate!  I'm just a poet!  Why ME?"  Of course, Demieo's
 not alone.  It's the fate of everyone who finds employment under...

 Captain Alexander Samuel Steven Hole.

 ---

 [Kitsu and Keaton race onto the stage, not waiting for Marvin to
 introduce them since they're in a hurry to finish presenting so they can
 search the audience for gypsies]

 Kitsu - Ahem, hello, I am Kitsu and this is my brother, Keaton. Are
 there any gyp-

 Keaton- SHHH! [he nudges Kitsu then whispers to her] If you ask if
 there's gypsies here, the gypsy who turned us into were-Pokemon might
 leave.

 Kitsu- Nevermind. Keaton and I are here to present the award for
 Funniest Post or Thread. The nominees are Bumrush and Betrayal, the
 Cinnabar Halloween Beach Party, *ASH* vs.... some guy named 'Sirius',
 Rebellion Pokémon, Sabrina the Teenage *Censored*, Has Luthor Met His
 Match?, POKE WARS!!!!, GEODUDOO., and Misty's Wrath.

 Keaton- And the winner is [opens the envelope he's holding] *ASH* vs....
 some guy named 'Sirius'

 Lance- [leaps onto the stage] I'm so proud of my son! I'll make sure
 that if Sirius returns...

 Keaton: Yeah, whatever. Kitsu, give him the award and let's snap into
 action.

 Kitsu: [hands Lance Sirius' Award for Best Post or Thread]
 Congratulations! Bye!

 Kitsu and Keaton incospicuously head offstage to search for gypsies in
 the audience.

 ---

 Just then, a wave of light sweeps through the venue, devouring all
 matter in its path and sending the souls it liberated on a bus ride to
 heaven - and hell, simultaneously.  All the divine and infernal wonders
 of eternity rushed by in a minute, before the bus's conductor discoveres
 these new passengers have no ticket and boots them off, leaving them and
 the auditorium as they had just been, except for a figure who has walked
 up to the podium.

 "...and *that* is power of NC," Mimic finishes, putting the cork back in
 the klein bottle.  "Can do anything want, no worry affect reality.  Is
 of course no use develop real plot - unless become continuity, as can if
 authors wish - but can provide distractions from normal story, for good
 or bad.  Can also invoke things no supposed exist in Pokemon world."

 A certain red-clad chibi, recognizable to only a small portion of the
 attendees, skids onstage through a wormhole just long enough to shower
 the audience with candy before jumping back home.

 Mimic sweatdrops.  "...like said."  He casts a glance at the
 disappearing wormhole.  "(He becoming like annoying brother, and Mimic
 no mean Doppler.)  Is partly for that reason so few do NC - though that
 may be good thing: too much NC mean not enough story.  Among those *did*
 NC in 1999, including  Pokegeddon, Revelation Lugia, Triforce Saga, and
 Say What?, the best is Revelation Lugia."

 "Hey, that's yet another event that my wonderful, talented son
 coordinated!" Lance the Pokemon Master proudly exclaims, leaping back
 onto the stage. He grabs the Best NC Post or Thread Award from behind
 the podium, hugs it close, and says, "... I'll put it in Azure Heights,
 wait for Sirius to return, yadda yadda yadda..." He leaps back into his
 seat, Mimic and members of the audience eyeing him, wondering if he's
 really claiming the Awards for his son or if he's just taking them to
 decorate his room on the Indigo Plateau.

 When Marvin's next line pops up on the teleprompter, Mimic Transforms
 into the host and reads it for him, "Now, presenting Most Dramatic Post
 or Thread are Chet 'Tech' Weaver and Valerie." Mimic heads backstage to
 chat with the Ditto Sisters for a while.

 ---

 [On stage, Chet leads Valerie up to the podium.  Valerie looks quite
 woozy.]

 [At the podium, Chet covers the microphone for a moment.]

 Chet:  You okay?

 Valerie: Yeah, I'm just a little dizzy...

 Chet:  Good.  Just read from the cards and you'll be fine.  [Uncovers
 mic]  Wow, Valerie!  It seems like such a long time since we were last
 in action!

 Valerie:  That's right, Chet...  In fact... you could... you could say
 it's been a Dramatically long time... I'm feeling a little nauseous...

 Chet:  You're doing fine.... Yeah!  Almost as dramatic as...

 [Valerie suddenly slumps over the podium, motionless]

 Chet: As dramatic as... as... [Check Valerie]  Uh, let's just get to the
 nominees. The nominees are First Comes Marriage, the once-current PODA
 one, Here's the Deal, You Must Steal/Shot Heard 'Round the World, Other
 Vigils, Black Flamed Pheonix - the Problem With Prejudice, Omega - "The
 one where Torrasque dies.", Leaves of Depression, and Broken Promises.

 [Valerie is standing shakily now as Chet hands her the envelope]

 Valerie:  And the winner is...  I can't get this open...  So dizzy...

 Chet:  Here, I'll do it...  [Opens envelope]  And the winner is Here's
 the Deal, You Must Steal/Shot Heard 'Round the World...

 Marcia: [comes on stage] Wow, I can't believe I won an Award! I'd like
 to thank...

 Continue: [stands] You? Those posts were about Sarah Jane. Time Lady
 won!

 [Chet, noticing the spotlight's bothering Valerie and figuring it might
 take a while for Marcia and Continue to work out their difference of
 opinion, takes Valerie back to his dressing room and fusses over her as
 the rest of his characters, except Kitsu and Keaton who have left, mill
 about.  The shadowy trio from earlier is still there.]

 [In Chet "Tech" Weaver's dressing room]

 Chet:  You okay?  You need anything?

 Valerie:  No... I'm fine...  You're not going to put me back in that
 pod, are you?

 Chet:  Not just yet, no...

 Girl: I swear, I've seen you someplace before...

 Yolei:  I don't think we've met before.  Should I be able to remember
 you or something?

 Chet:  What are you three still doing here?

 Roachman:  Just chillin'.

 Chet:  Can you "chill" somewhere else?  Like in another building?
 Having you guys here is like sitting on a powder keg!

 Roachman:  Okay, fine, geez.  We're going, we're going.  You want us to
 take the pod, too?

 Chet:  YES!  Now get out of here!

 [Roachman drags the pod off as the shadowy trio leaves.]

 [Back on the stage]

 Marcia: [grabs the Award for Best Dramatic Post or Thread from the
 podium] I'm sorry, Continue but if Time Lady and her characters aren't
 here, then I think it's fair that I take this Award home myself. I may
 not be proud of what I did in those posts, but had I not done what I
 did, Sarah Jane wouldn't have gotten ticked off and the Threads wouldn't
 have been dramatic at all! [she struts offstage before anyone can
 complain any further]

 ---

 "Hi," Hito, knowing she's next, heads onstage without being announced.
 She smiles and waves at the audience as she walks onto the stage to the
 sound of the crowd cheering.

 "Hey, who is she?" One voice shouts from the crowd.

 "Yeah, who?" Others begin to murmur, "Didn't she already present,
 whoever she is?"

 "Heh... heh..." Hito continues to smile and wave, her actions belying
 her thoughts... Which would be "What a bunch of jerks."

 Once she gets to the podium, the crowed quiets down to listen to her
 speak.  "Hello. I'm Hito Shakaku, Pokemon Pacifist. I'm here today to
 present the award for "Best Post Or Thread." There's some great nominees
 in this category, but for some strange reason, I don't appear in any of
 these threads... So, in lieu of my participation in this category, I
 hope you all voted for the thread my friend Sarah Jane appears in...
 ...What?... She appears in more than one thread!?... What's you point?"

 "Hey!" Another member of the audience shouts from his seat in the front
 row, "She's acting out of character! The Hito I know tries to hide her
 emotions and stuff!"

 God! Hito thought as the crowd began to whisper wildly among themselves.
 Why did Watashi Wa, of all the rotten people, have to be here? And in the 
 front row?

 "Anyway," Hito continued, ignoring the murmuring from the audience, "I'm
 here to present the 'Best Post Or Thread.' And the nominees are...
 Cinnabar Halloween Beach Party"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "First Comes Marriage"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "Here's the deal, you must steal/Shot Heard 'round the world"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "The First Black Flamed Phoenix thread"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "Dittos of Our Lives"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "Big P! Pokemon Race: And They're Off!"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "Sabrina the Teenage *Censored*"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "Bumrush and Betrayal"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "Leaves of Depression"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 "Broken Promises"

 "Oooohhhhh" croons the audience.

 How did I know they were going to say that for the last one? Hito thinks
 to herself. Opening the envelope that contains the winning thread, she
 continues. "And the winner is... Here's The Deal, You Must Steal/Shot
 Heard 'Round The World!"

 Hearing Hito's announcement in her dressing room, Marcia drops the cold
 hors d'oeurve she's considering eating and races to the stage, where she
 says, "Once again, since Time Lady and her characters aren't here, I'll
 take that. I can't believe I get to take home another Award for the same
 exact thread!"

 "You can't!" Hito retorts and pulls the Award away from Marcia when she
 tries to snatch it, "That post was  Sarah Jane's! You were just a
 supporting character and besides you already stole the last award, so
 this one's going to her! Continue, catch!" Hito throws the Award out
 into the audience and Continue catches it, "Continue will give it to
 her."

 Marcia narrows her eyes and heads backstage as Hito joins Continue in
 the audience and Marvin heads onto the stage and says, "Next up is Best
 Fanart, presented by Robert!"

 ---

 Robert walks onto the stage as Marvin leaves and he immediately locates
 Mithril-rama in the audience. He kisses his hand, points at her, and
 whispers, "I love you." After some males in the audience roll their
 eyes, Robert steps up to the podium and says, "I'm here to present the
 Award for Best Fanart. Now, in my opinion, the best artist in the world
 is my girlfriend Rilli, so I hope she wins! The nominees are Yuri,
 Shimarisu, RobfromVoid, Jason Heavensrun, Maria Rocket, Thatguyty,
 SPAWN, and Karnivax. Aww, she's not on the list of nominees and neither
 am I. Unless Rob's supposed to be me, but I'm from Lavender Town, not
 from Void. Is that some strange little one-Ponyta town in Johto?"

 Mithril-rama sweatdrops and talks into her Pokegear, "Just present the
 award, Robert!"

 "Oh yeah..." Robert opens the envelope he was handed before coming out,
 "The winner is Maria! Accepting this award on behalf of Maria is Mimic."

 Mimic walks out from backstage Transformed into Maria's character,
 Maria, and accepts the Best Fanart Award from Robert on her behalf.
 Mimic says, "Mimic miss Maria..."

 Robert pats Mimic on the back, "There, there..." Robert and Mimic head
 backstage.

 ---

 Marvin steps onto the stage and tells the crowd, "And now, to present
 the award for Best Pokemon Sidekick...umm..." He glances backstage,
 "(psst, is it Dee or Doppler?)"

 "(I'm in a good mood right now.  I'd rather not change it.)"

 Marvin continues, "(Right.)  Dee!" The show's host then heads backstage
 once more.

 A dejected unown, former unquestioned leader of his gang, looks up in
 sudden hope and awe.  Just a minor role, and they want him to present?

 Dee the ditto steps on Dee the unown as he walks onto the stage. "Thank
 you, thank you."

 Then he notices that absolutely no one has applauded his entrance.

 "Save your applause 'til the end," he remarks, sarcasm trickling through
 his voice.  "It is not always the heroes who steal the show.  A
 well-placed remark, a spectacular performance, and the secondary cast
 can become as important as the main...for a time.  Indeed, this world
 was founded on the importance of the pokemon sidekicks, aiding their
 trainers through all kinds of struggles - unfortunately, too many did
 not come willingly.  But that's a battle for another time, and that
 fails to mention the pokemon who report to no trainer.  The nominees are
 Drake, Monk-chan, Ivysore, Xerox the Traitor, Rachel, Cuddles and
 Spunky, Rubix, Espio, Dan's Clefairy, Trent's Sandslash, Banshee,
 Windows the Porygon, Snicker, Sarah Jane's Pteryx, and Omelette.  Enough
 babbling: this year's Best Pokemon Sidekick is..."

 Two hitmonlees spring up from either side, leaping into Side Kicks that
 Dee easily ducks.

 "...not that."

 Dee's assailants quickly recover and attack again, this time crashing
 into each other.

 "One guess who sent you two."  Dee shook his head and sighed.  "The
 Resistance is futile.  *Any*way..."  He opened the envelope.  "The award
 goes to..."

 Karnivax, who's been using his laptop and ignoring the Awards Show ever
 since he took the Best Rivalry Award, looks up to see Rob standing
 before him with his arms crossed, blocking his view of the show.
 Karnivax waits to hear which name Dee calls out, hoping that Espio the
 dead Charizard will win over Sarah Jane's Nidoran.  When he hears
 nothing and sees that everyone around him except Rob is frozen, he asks,
 "What's the hold up?"

 Rob shrugs, "This is just gratuitous suspense added solely to mess with
 your mind."

 Karnivax frowns, "Wasn't waiting two years to find out if Espio won bad
 enough?"

 "I suppose..." Rob thinks about it, "All right, I'll resume the show."
 He snaps his fingers.

 Dee continues, "...the winner is Espio."

 Karnivax eyes Rob suspiciously, "...you're not going to make him say
 'just kidding, it's the Nidoran twins', are you?" When Rob rolls his
 eyes and shakes his head, Karnivax reluctantly rejoices then heads onto
 the stage, claims the Best Pokemon Sidekick Award from Dee for Espio,
 and says, "Had I only known Espio was so beloved, I might not have
 killed him off, but I guess now we'll never know. Thanks, everyone who
 read my stories, and now I must leave PW! again. Color doesn't theorize
 itself, after all." This cryptic message said, Karnivax grabs his
 laptop, nods to the crowd, and leaves the auditorium.

 Marvin heads back onto the stage looking worried, "Karnivax killed his
 Charizard too? It seems to me he's killed more beloved characters than
 I've killed jokes!"

 "No way!" and variations of that phrase are shouted out by many audience
 members.

 Marvin sighs, "Well, at least I elicited some kind of crowd response for
 once! Here to present the Award for Best Pokemon Character is Aerie!" He
 heads just offstage.

 ---

 A dagger flies out of nowhere, embedding itself in the podium's top.  It
 vibrates from its landing for a few seconds as the spotlights focuses on
 it, then grows into Marcia's daughter.  "Hi everyone!"

 "Got any recipies for candied jigglypuff?" a heckler yells.

 Aerie smirks.  "Actually, yes - but we're not talking that kind of
 'best'.  We're talking the kind who've proven themselves.  To be the
 best, a pokemon can't merely be some trainer's lackey, content to obey
 someone else's will without question.  But neither can it be a wild
 couch pokemon, lazing away in some undeveloped lands and never doing
 anything with itself.  Maybe it entertains, maybe it fights for what it
 believes in, maybe it just lives life like most of us...but it is an
 individual, not merely an extension of someone or something beyond it."

 "And *then* you eat it," the heckler continues, drawing a few blank
 stares.

 Aerie shrugs.  "Such is the way of life and death.  They say carnivorous
 pokemon have a rule: never talk to your prey, since it's harder to kill
 someone you know."  She shrugs, tossing the envelope with the award
 winner's name in the air.  "Never stopped mommy."  Just as the envelope
 speeds back down, she slices it open with one hand, morphing it back
 from a blade to pluck out the paper inside in one smooth motion, not
 interfering with the envelope's descent to the stage. "The nominees are
 Luthor, Sneakers, Silly Putty, Cinder Wingend, Blizzard, my daddy, uncle
 Mimic, and Samuraichu. And the winner of Best Pokemon is... Luthor?
 WHAT? I can't believe daddy and uncle Mimic didn't win!"

 Luthor the arrogant Slowpoke shouts from his seat, "Believe it, foolish
 child! Luthor is not just the Best Pokemon in the 'Pokewars!' Universe,
 but the Best BEING ever created!"

 Aerie scowls, "Is that so?! Then here's your Award!" She pulls the Best
 Pokemon Award out from under the podium and hurls it at Luthor the
 Slowpoke with all her force!

 Luthor decides to slow the Award with his mind, but three seconds after
 it's thrown, it hits Luthor's head, knocking him out two seconds before
 he actually attempts to slow it down.

 "... that was a very nice presentation, Aerie. Please don't hurt me!"
 Marvin pats Aerie on her head as she skips backstage, then he addresses
 the crowd, "Up next is the Award for Best Villain. What?! Why are you
 people awarding villains? Haven't enough characters and Pokemon been
 murdered already? Anyway, I'm here to host, not to judge, so here to
 present Best Villain is PK Ball, the animate Pokeball! ... uh, did I
 read that right?"

 ---

 "Yes you did - now buzz off!" PK Ball the Pokeball floats over to the
 stage's podium.

 Marvin raises an eyebrow at the once-inanimate object, too fascinated by
 it to leave.

 PK Ball says, "I'm here to present Best Villain. This'll be easy since
 I'm obviously the Best Villain ever. Now, as a formality, I'll read the
 list of nominees. The nominees are Dreadite, Minax, Luthor, Shard
 Fields, Trent, Doppler, Buckwheat, and Nurip Eideid. Hey, wait a minute,
 there must be a mistake here - I'm not on the nominees list!"

 "I did some research before the show..." Marvin comments, "You weren't
 even animate when the nominees were selected."

 "THAT DOESN'T MATTER!" PK snarls, "I've been the Best Villain ever since
 I was built! Now to see who I must destroy to claim my award." PK pops
 open his upper and lower and bites the envelope on the podium, tearing
 it open. He reads the card within, "Minax! Minax, wrongfully declared
 the Best Villain by the voters, shall soon face my wrath!"

 Marcia comes back onto the stage and walks up to the podium, confused.
 She takes the Best Villain Award and tells the audience, "You people
 think Minax was a better villain than Doppler? Haven't you people read
 about all the horrible things he's done?! He's STILL doing horrible
 things! Oh well, I'll just take the Award anyway since I like gold."

 PK Ball asks Marcia, "Are you Minax?"

 "No, I'm Marcia." Marcia replies.

 PK stares out into the audience and yells, "I shall destroy you, Minax,
 wherever you are!"

 As PK Ball heads out into the audience to hunt for Minax, Marcia leaves
 backstage and Marvin announces, "And now, here to present the Best 
 Hero Award is Gads Trisan!" He heads to the side of the stage.

 ---

 "We're on, M-C.  Let's get out there!"

 Gads Trisan, dressed in a black tux and with his normally-unkempt white
 hair nearly combed, walks over to center stage.  Closely behind him
 trails Monk-chan, the Mankey, grabbing at its bow tie, looking very
 uncomfortable wearing it and the matching top hat.  As the pair arrive,
 Gads looks out at the large crowd, and the Dojo member suddenly feels
 more than a little self-conscious.  Nervously, he runs his hand quickly
 through his hair, ruining a good hour of combing as the hair returned to
 its natural state.

 'Keep it together...'  Gads mutters to himself as he begins to dig
 through his trouser pockets for something.  After a moment, he pulls out
 a flute, a small third-place trophy, a large wooden mallet, and a Super
 Rod (the fishing pole, you sickos) before finding what he's looking for-
 a small stack of note cards.  Nearby, Marvin's taking notes.

 Scanning the cards quickly, Gads then moves behind the podium, scans the
 audience nervously one more time, his mankey-tail quickly moving from
 side to side.  After a moment, he begins his speech.

 "Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm Gads Trisan.  I've know been out of
 touch for a while, and some of the faces in front of me are new, but
 hopefully, I'll get a chance to meet you all shortly.  Now, what is a
 Hero?  Is it someone who does great deeds of justice and kindness..."
 Gads' voice slowly begins to crawl with uncertainty. "...or is it simply
 someone who takes a little effort to improve the conditions of others?
 To me, a hero... is... is..."  Gads stops reciting the speech.  Looking
 out at the audience, he recognizes a few faces from the past- those who
 he fought alongside with, those he fought to protect, and some he even
 fought against.

 After a moment, Gads grabs onto his stack of note cards, smiles weakly,
 then rips the pile in half and tosses them over his shoulder.  Once
 again looking at the audience, Gads begins to speak again.

 "A hero is someone who takes the time and effort to make a difference
 for the better.  Not all heroes are noble.  Nor are they all perfect-
 god forbid, I've had my bad moments.  But those aren't what makes a
 hero.  A hero's worth is in their actions, their persecution, and in
 their resolve to do his or her best to make things better for those they
 care about."  Gads pauses a moment to think.  "I guess what I'm really
 trying to say is that, as long as the purpose is true, the methods just,
 and the effort put forth, just about anyone can be a hero.  It doesn't
 matter if it's helping a sick Pokemon, uniting two warring clans, or
 just helping a little girl get her Meowth out of a tree- you're all
 heroes, and thus you're all winners, no matter who takes home the award
 tonight."

 "Man... man..."  Monk-chan wipes a tear from its eye.  So beautiful...

 "Anywho, I guess I'm here to present a award for those heroes who've
 gone above and beyond the call of duty.  These heroes have not only done
 what it takes to be a hero, but have done far, far more, often risking
 life, limb, Pokemon, or honor to protect what they hold dear.  These
 people are truly the leading figures of the forces of good in our
 world.  The nominees are... Seth, Tenchi, Robert, Kyle, Icy, Mush B.
 Oom, Simon, Samuraichu and Gads Tris... er, me!"  Gads rubs the back of
 his head, sweating a little.  'Boy, I'm sure gonna feel like a heel if I
 win this.  I mean, who presents an award to himself...' He pulls out an
 envelope, tears it open, and reads the card within, "The winner is
 Simon!"

 "Hahahahahahaha!" A ghostly laugh is heard throughout the auditorium,
 followed by the comment, "You're right about that risking life part."
 The ghost of Simon floats over to the stage, frowns when his ghostly
 hands phase right through the Best Hero Award that Gads has pulled out
 for him, then shrugs, "Eh, just have Yoda deliver it to the Celadon City
 Gym, my favorite haunt nowadays since they can't kick me out 'cuz the
 girls' feet go right through me when they actually see me and try to.
 Hahahahaha!" Simon disappears.

 For the third time during the Awards Show, Yoda gets up from his seat
 without saying anything. He claims the Best Hero Award on behalf of
 Simon and sits down again.

 Marvin goes back to center stage as Gads and his Mankey head offstage,
 and says, "Here to present Best Character is Drake the talking
 Dragonite! I wonder if he lives by the sea..."

 ---

 The applause and murmurs fade away as the previous presenter walks off
 the right side of the stage.  Behind the curtain on the left side of the
 stage, voices can be heard.  One of them is loud enough to make out what
 is being said.

 "What do you mean you're sure I didn't win?"  Another voice calmly
 speaks, as if explaining something.  This is followed by a barely
 audible "Oh." which leaves only about a second of silence before the
 voice once again bursts with a tone of outrage "I wasn't even
 nominated?! Hey, just because I was considered a sidekick at the time
 doesn't mean I shouldn't have been nominated!"

 One of the other voices sounds insistent and there is a barely audible
 response of "Okay, okay, just let me get changed."

 Marvin starts juggling the remaining two Pokewars! Awards to entertain
 the audience as they wait for Drake to show up. It doesn't work. People
 in the crowd start murmuring...

 From his place in the balcony, Solon shouts, "If I wan'ed t' see lame
 idjits, I'd'a gone t'... t' the Saffron City Gym..." He then passes out,
 joining Matey on the balcony floor.

 A moment later a Dragonite wearing what appears to be a tuxedo walks out
 on stage and steps up to the podium. After Marvin places the two Awards
 he was juggling under the podium and leaves, Drake says,  "Good
 evening.  My name is Drake and I'm here to present the award for Best
 Character.  At the time this edition of the PW awards was voted on there
 was a very diverse lot of characters running around, and the nominations
 for this category were a good cross-section of that.  These included an
 obvious parody of the most famous corporate criminal to date, a winged
 bishounen, a sociopathic pokemon killer, a bounty hunter, and a host of
 trainers that ranged from the almost ordinary to the, uh..."  Drake
 paused in looking over the list, his face bearing an expression like he
 had just taken a bite of something truly awful, "The, uh...".  The
 Dragonite looked over to where he had come on stage.  "Do we have to
 remember that part of the PW?"

 Someone opened up the curtain just enough to stick out an arm to wave
 the Dragon pokemon on again.  After an obligatory "Ugh." and shudder, he
 continued.  "Completing the list are a few pokemon, all of them
 trailblazers.  This is an important balance, since none of us would be
 here today without any pokemon around.  And the nominees are Gil Bates,
 Dreadite, Kyle Richter, Minax, Sarah Jane, Robert, Mimic, Shard Fields,
 Rilli, Luthor, Trent, Felix, Steve Fugues, Damian Fox, Tiki, and Aerie.
 And the winner is... ugh, Minax."

 Marcia walks back onto the stage and after claiming her Award tells the
 audience, "You people are sick, you know that? You gave Minax an Award
 for being the Best overall Character!? I mean, I can understand Best
 Villain if the voters were all sentimental freaks who cried during
 'Bambi', but Best Character? Minax? Even I disliked Minax so much that I
 had to abandon that persona for love of my Pokemon! You're all demented
 weirdos!"

 The audience members pause for a moment, then applaud Marcia's rant as
 she storms off the stage followed by Drake, especially those who like
 Marcia no matter what she does.

 Rob blinks twice and comments, "Marcia's views are not endorsed by me.
 In fact, I'm glad so many people thought Minax was a good character.
 Thank you, all who voted for her!"

 Marvin heads back to the podium to present the final presenter for the
 Third Pokewars! Awards Show. He exclaims, "And finally, here to present
 Best Writer is Trent Retwin!" The host takes one step to the side,
 leaving the podium open for Trent, but he doesn't head backstage since
 he wants to be present for the presentation of the final award.

 ---

 (Trent steps out. Nobody applauds)

 Trent- Oh? What the hell is this all the sudden?

 (Someone shouts "Pikachu killer!")

 Trent- So it's all about that, huh? You're all as guilty as I am!

 (Someone shouts "No we're not!")

 Trent- Maybe not but... the thought's crossed all of your minds!

 (No reaction)

 Trent- Yeah, yeah, you think about that! Now then... the PokeWars have
 always... wait a minute, what the *bleep* is this? PokeWars? And why the
 *bleep* was I just censored?

 Marvin- Rob, the Awards Show director, disapproves of gratuitous
 profanity, so he's censoring you. And the Pokewars! is an on-going
 interactive fanfiction about Pokemon found at the newsgroup
 alt.games.nintendo.pokemon where various authors create characters and
 write about their adventures. I just found out about this tonight
 myself.

 Trent- How gay is that?! A bunch of nerds throwing themselves into their
 little fantasy worlds so maybe then they could have friends! You know
 what you all need? You all need to get laid! Tear yourselves away from
 computers, take a step outside, look around! It's the real world,
 *bleep*ers!

 Marvin- Uh, Trent - YOU were created by a nerd and written in a fantasy
 world.

 Trent- You mean... my whole life has been a lie?

 Marvin - 'Fraid so.

 Trent- No! NO! You're the liar! LIAR!!

 (Trent gets out his sword, but he is rushed by large members of
 security. His sword is taken away and he is beaten onstage. Ashura,
 Trent's Sandslash, approaches the stage)

 Ashura- Sandslash. Sand slash. Slash. Slash slash sand slash Sand
 Slashslash. Sandslash slash... ack, okay, I will say it in English. This
 will be a little rough on the throat. The nominees for Best Writer
 are... Spawn, RobfromVoid, LordLocke, Dreadite, Adrian Tymes...

 (Ashura coughs for a second)

 Ashura- Sandslash... ah, right, English... ack... Karnivax, Jeff Hauser,
 Shimarisu, Shard Fields... ack... argh... slash.... Icy, Maria, Time
 Lady and... ack hack... syke6888 L... argh. Sandslash slash.

 (Ashura leaves the stage to get some throat medicine. Trent is forced
 against the podium by security as they search him and take all of his
 concealed weapons, which include guns, explosives, knifes, toothbrushes,
 and other dangerous objects. Taking advantage of the situation, he gets
 his head as close to the microphone as possible)

 Trent- And the... ah! The winner is... *bleep*. Who IS the winner?
 Where's the envelope HEY! You touch me there again and I'll feed you
 your eyeballs!

 (Backstage, Ashura is taking a few mints. The host walks up to him)

 Marvin- Where's the envelope?

 Ashura- Slash.

 Marvin- You dunno? Crew members of the S. S. Rock Bottom, help us find
 the envelope!

 (The crew members search the building. Other writers and presenters are
 harrassed over its whereabouts. With Trent a distant second priority, he
 is left unguarded. Trent takes a trigger from one of his many unchecked
 pockets as Ashura walks back onstage. Trent takes the microphone)

 Trent- May I have your attention please? My partner Ashura and I have
 planted explosives in several strategic locations within this
 auditorium!

 (Everyone gasps)

 Trent- Now, we're going to make a few demands. First of all, I want a
 promise that I won't be arrested when this is all cleared.

 Marvin - Can that be granted?

 Head of Security- We stick to our word.

 Trent- Second, I want a legal pardon. Third, I want my own private
 island. Fourth, my partner wants marijuana legalized. Fifth, I want the
 judges to overturn this awards show and give them all to me!

 Head of Security- Okay, we won't arrest you. We'll talk to the governor
 about that pardon and the island, and the weed.

 Marvin - You might get all that, but you can't take the Awards! Why do
 you want them?

 Trent- I... because... okay, promise not to laugh?

 Marvin - ...okay.

 Trent- I've never won an award before. In my life.

 Marvin- Didn't you win Funniest Character in the past?

 Trent- Yeah but... argh... okay, look, they're not for me. They're for
 my boss. That one guy that wrote this scene. What's-his-face.

 Jose Solano- This man does not represent me.

 Marvin - Okay, your other demands have been met, but you can't take the
 Awards!

 Trent- Yes! That's more like it! And the winner is...

 Dreadite- (leaps out of the back of the crowd and flies onto the stage,
 making a surprise comeback to the Pokewars!) Retwin, detonate the
 explosives.

 Trent- What? Did I say you could talk?!

 Dreadite- C'mon. Do it.

 Trent- Why? I got my demands.

 Dreadite- I dare you to.

 Trent- I'll do it, you know!

 Dreadite- Then quit stalling.

 Trent- Er... ah... nope!

 Dreadite- Yes. Do it. Do it!

 Trent- Alright, there are no explosives! I made it all up! IT WAS ALL A
 SCAM!

 Dreadite- I knew it. You don't have the brainpower to pull something
 like this off.

 (Security rushes onstage and beat Trent and Ashura. The host takes the
 envelope)

 Trent- THIS ISN'T OVER, MARVIN! I'LL GET YOU! I'LL GET YOU IN YOUR
 SLEEP! I'LL GET YOUR CHILDREN! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME!!

 Marvin- Oh boy, I get to present an Award, after all! My patience has
 paid off! I may have bombed throughout the entire show, but this makes
 up for it completely! And the winner is... (opens the envelope and reads
 the card inside) What an interesting turn of events - it's a tie! The
 winners of the Best Writer Award ARE Maria and Rob!

 Rob - [heads onto the stage and takes the Award] I wish Maria would come
 back to the Pokewars! - she was a wonderful writer. Thanks for coming,
 everyone!

 Marvin - Hey, wait, the show's over? I was hoping to end it with an
 amazing magic show!

 Rob - Well, *I* wasn't. This Awards Show is long enough as it is!

 Marvin - Okay, Rob - you're the author! But can I at least tell one more
 of my patented jo-

 [The Awards show fades to black, then a small circle opens up to show
 Rob's face.]

 Rob - Oh, and to all who won an award I say - Congraturation! A WINNER
 IS YOU!

 [The circle closes over Rob's face and the words "THE END" appear out of
 nowhere.]

 ---

 Credits:

 Third Pokewars! Awards Show Director - Rob
 Host Segments - Rob
 Opening Song - Newton Haights
 Best Newcomer Presentation - Rob
 Most Improved Writer Presentation - Rob
 Best Rivalry Presentation - Rob
 Best Couple Presentation - Nick
 Best Duo or Trio Award Presentation - Marco262
 Best Team Presentation - Newton Haights
 Best Event Presentation - Worry
 Best Fight Presentation - Chet "Tech" Weaver
 Funniest Writer Presentation - Chet "Tech" Weaver
 Funniest Character Presentation - LordLocke
 Funniest Post or Thread Presentation - Rob
 Best NC Post or Thread Presentation - Adrian Tymes
 Most Dramatic Post or Thread Presentation - Chet "Tech" Weaver
 Best Post or Thread Presentation - Nick
 Best Fanart Presentation - Rob
 Best Pokemon Sidekick Presentation - Adrian Tymes
 Best Pokemon - Presentation Adrian Tymes
 Best Villain Presentation - Rob
 Best Hero Presentation - LordLocke
 Best Character Presentation - Continue
 Best Writer Presentation - Jose Solano